Closing That Door
- "What if we get married?"
This was supposed to be one of the most important questions ever asked to me. I should have felt ecstatic to hear it. Instead, a gloomy cloud hovered over my head. My whole life flashed before my eyes as in moments before death occurs. Not the reaction I expected to have when presented with 'the' question.
Matt was sitting in front of his computer. He was staring blankly at the screen when he said those words. Standing in his office's doorway, passport in hand, I should have run out of the apartment without saying a word. Instead I hugged him and told him I had to attend the job interview in Barcelona. We could talk about this when I come back. He did not speak, move, or even looked at me. I knew we would never talk about it. He did not really want to marry me. I knew it then and I know it now. But marrying him may have been the only thing that would have kept me from running away from the life of misery I was living next to him.
Lied to and cheated on for the past few months, I really had had enough. The day I found out he had somebody else, my love for him quickly metamorphosed into disgust and hate. He would pay for doing this to me; seven years ago he had promised me he would never cheat on me. The truth is he was always lying through his teeth. I planned my revenge and started my masterful performance. I played him like a yo-yo, loving him one day and ignoring him the day after. Going through his lover's emails and phone messages I learned that he used to run over to her when I ignored him and back to me when I played the good girl. The game went on for too long, I got tired of it and realized it was hurting me more than him. I also realized he loved neither me nor her. He cheated on his fiancée when he met me, he cheated on me with this other woman and he cheated on her with me. The odds that he would cheat again were pretty high. He loved himself and all he wanted was some female company, not caring much who the lady in question was or who he was hurting along the way. Having found out that revenge is a dangerous path, on a moment of clarity, I decided it was time for me to regain my freedom and happiness. For this I had to leave Dublin, his apartment and his life.
Matt finally found some decency left in him, stood up and walked me to the apartment front door. I opened it, anxious to close it behind me. He stood next to me and looked into my eyes.
- "Do you want me to drive you to the airport?" - An apology would have sufficed.
- "No, it's fine. I am taking the airport shuttle" - It wasn't time for more awkward moments; let's just finish this and move on.
- "Shall I walk you to the bus stop"
So I left, just like that.