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Relationships: Communicating

Updated on March 28, 2018

Communication hasn't always been my strong point of focus in a relationship. It's always been a struggle to explain my opinion to my partner. To be open, honest, and opinionated with my partner always caused me some sort of anxiety. Primarily because I didn't want to sound stupid or wrong.

Communication is the primary exchange in any relationship. When a partnership starts to form, each party must communicate their wants, needs, and future perspectives. How hard can it be?

Actually, it can sometimes be harder than you think. And it has to do with the person that is being communicated to. It has to do with the person's personality and exchange.

Ideally, I would prefer someone who is open to ideas no matter how silly it may be. If the person is closed to certain ideas or opinions, the communicator will either start being defensive or closed off. Both communicators need to not only listen and observe, but they must be open to all opinions.

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with a tall, dark, and handsome Nigerian gentleman currently living in England. We communicate through text, voice, and video calls. What makes communication more difficult is the 5 hour time difference. But we continue to efficiently communicate.

We are two open individuals to each other's opinions. Sometimes we clash but also agree with each other's opinion. Most importantly, as partners who communicate, we listen and acknowledge each other's opinion and stance on a topic. And we take turns speaking to each other. There are no arguments and definitely no yelling because, by that point, communication is moot and unproductive. Like any relationship, we have disagreements but we do it in a civil manner and we don't take it personally. Our communication style is the best I've ever had with a person because he is always open to my opinion even if it's an opinion he disagrees on and I feel the same.

Two people can be lost in translation without the proper communication. Wars have started because communication has been scarce. When communicating with your partner, be open to their opinion and their answer even if you may not agree with their view. And if either party feels like communication between each other leads to volatile conflicts, maybe you should evaluate your communication style and consider changing it.

Communicate. Even when it's uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal is simply getting everything out.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 weeks ago

      When a partnership starts to form, each party must communicate their wants, needs, and future perspectives. – Very true!

      The problem is most people actually don’t want to “communicate”. Many people want their “soulmate” to instinctively know what it is they want and need. The old adage: “We complete each other’s sentences.” In some instances people actually “resent” having to bring up particular discussions.

      Several years ago there was a movie called “The Breakup” which starred Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaugh. In one scene she complains about him not washing the dishes. He tells her all she needs to do is ask. She replies with:

      “I don’t want to have to (ask) you to do the dishes. I want (you to want) to do them!” There are countless people who feel the same way. It's as if they hate the fact they have to ask for something they believe their mate should "instinctively" be doing or giving.

      Granted they can "ask" for what they want and most likely get it. However there remains a "bitter taste" in their mouth because they (feel) they should have never had to "ask" in the first place.

      People are oftentimes frustrated when they do ask their mate for something and don't get it. Communication isn't a ask and it shall be given proposition. It's merely one person expressing a thought or idea while another person listens and acknowledges they understood.

      There are two reasons why someone won't give what you ask

      1. They don't have it to give. (In other words it's not who they are.)

      2. They don't believe (you) are worth the effort to give it to.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      "I would prefer someone who is open to ideas no matter how silly it may be." That's completely up to (you).

      The goal is to find someone who (already is) the type of person you want for a mate. Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our mate selection process and "must haves list".

      Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

      We are always with who we (choose) to be with. If being with someone who is open to ideas was a "must have" for you that would be the only type of men (you) would enter into an exclusive relationship with.

      One thing is for certain if someone feels as though they can't really be them self in a relationship they will never truly be happy.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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