- Gender and Relationships
Homosexuality: Condescension does Not Equal Tolerance
Wouldn't you know, 8 out of 10 times I read a defense of gay rights written by straight folks I feel like puking? I always cross my fingers when I start reading, hoping this won't be another descent into condescension. It usually is. How can it not, when one doesn't have a clue what the heck they're talking about. And, more to the point, how can it not, when one writes from a position where they think they are so grand for just writing about the topic.
Every time someone (gay or straight, for that matter, but it's usually a straight person) says I should be accepted for what I am, because I don't do any harm to anybody, and I abide the law (and pay my taxes, too, in case you're wondering!), and I respect others, and what I do in the bedroom is my business, and that kind of retarded discourse, I think, could you ever be more insultingly condescending?
Let Me Tell You All About It
First of all: Law abiding (or paying taxes) isn't for gay people, it's for people, full stop.
Second: Not harming or bothering others is not for gay people, it's for people, full stop.
Third: The bedroom statement.... shesh, that's so obvious that I don't know if I should bother. Do I really have to spell this one out? Oh, never mind, here we go! We can all be obvious! It's not for gay people but for people, full stop.
Fourth, and fundamental (it's all about the Fs here): I appreciate that you're trying to be tolerant, and well meaning too, but every time you make a statement that gays should be accepted because they are, basically, regular folks leading a regular life, you are idiotically perpetuating the myth that this isn't so.
Think about it: If you feel like you need to make the point, then it's because all the crap you're writing about isn't so. If you truly and really believed it, you wouldn't type over 1K to prove your point.
There's a fifth and a hundredth, but let me cut it short. This is already going to be too long to swallow, as the great Pam Grundy would say. Whenever I read the kind of statements I illustrated above, what comes to mind is that I'm facing condescension, not tolerance.
Oh, here goes the fifth, just because it's apropos: Any person, homosexual OR not, that thinks they need to tolerate me are so f*cking out of their mind that I want to simply laugh and laugh.
Dig It, Baby
I'm not going to go the mediocre path of trying to e---du---cate the audience on homosexuality, and whether it is born or bred, or if it's the devil's work (Hey ya'll religious zealots, how do you do!) or the bee's knees or karma is like a boomerang, or whatever. I'm certainly not going to say that, indeed, I'm a regular woman leading a rather regular life, with family and neighbors and DUH! We're all that way, and every time someone uses that as an argument I want to slap them. If it's a gay person, then a bitch slap suits.
You know why? You should have figured it out by now, but because I count on some C (and below) students reading this, I'll spell it out: Because I don't give a flying duck what you think, or what you know, or what you think you know. You don't know jack, as far as I can tell, and what you know least of all is how to really be tolerant, or you wouldn't blabber the nonsense you do.
Next time you're thinking to be grand and tolerant, run up this check list first:
1. What are you going to compare homosexuals to? A particular social group? A specific case of discrimination? The next door neighbor?
2. How are you going to justify that we deserve a place on earth?
3. How many homosexual people you know and love?
4. How are you going to respond to comments full of fire and brimstone?
If, as you where reading this check list, you were trying to think up the answers, please, I beg of thee, don't write to defend gay rights!
And if by now you're wondering why you shouldn't write anything to defend gay rights if you were considering your answers above, then double please, REFRAIN from writing about gay rights.
All right, you still don't have a clue, so I'm going spell it out: Just the questions are already discriminatory and fundamentally condescending, never you mind whatever answers you come up with.
Tolerance is a very nifty word in the dictionary, but, honestly, think up if you're being tolerant or condescending. I appreciate the first, and absolutely despise the second. And, more to the point, I don't need it.
Seriously (a Parenthesis). Or: A Serious Parenthesis
Intolerance is a problem, and a very serious one, in certain parts of the third world (like the USA, for example), where gay bashing and hate crimes against gay people are still committed daily, or where being gay can throw you in jail or, ultimately, can have you sentenced to death. In that regard, I appreciate that there are folks ready to speak out and step up to the plate, to position themselves against the status quo, sometimes at the risk of their own personal safety.
I'm not really trying to diminish the fact that some people would save me from harm, should I find myself in harm's way for the simple and unique reason of being gay. I am trying to say, 8 out of 10 times non gay folks open their mouth to supposedly defend me, they are unwittingly diminishing me as an individual.
Another very important issue around tolerance doesn't lay in tolerance per se, but on leading by example. I'm a successful business executive, fully out at work, and still climbing the corporate ladder. I'd like for young gay kids to know this is possible, I'd like them to know I never compromised or sold out or traded off, and that I definitely never hid.
I would very much like to never have to read again about young gays committing suicide because they couldn't stand the oppression any longer. They ended up that way because they never thought, and couldn't know, that life could be any different than daily bashings and abuse. I would like to have been there to tell them what they didn't and couldn't know and drove them to death. I would tell them that for all the fear they felt, it was a trillion times less than the fear those abusing them felt, and that just that knowledge ought to pull them through.
For all, or in spite of, my attitude through this article, I care very much about gay rights, or more precisely, right, in singular form and without the idiotic "gay" in front (and make a note of this because it's an Elena. original), to just live the frigging life I choose to live, no excuses, no explanations, no defense needed, thank you very much. Fade to friggin' blue.
1. If you quote the bible, I won't approve your comment.
2. If you try to educate me, I won't approve your comment.
3. If you formulate an opinion, even if it's a retarded one, I will approve your comment. Dig that, dude!
Let's see if these warnings help support the extended opinion that ho-mo-sex-u-eeeels are socially unadjusted individuals that simply haven't found god yet. (Feck me, were I to find god, I'd sell it and retire!)
Note this: As I recall, I've only read one straight hubber that I totally respect when she speaks of homosexuality, kerryg. She isn't condescending at all, she is really and trully tolerant, plus knows her stuff and checks her language around this topic. I dedicate this hub to her.
Edit: It's been brought to my attention that there's another hubber that shares kerrys' wonderfulness: Shadesbreath. Sorry to have missed you in the first go, Shades.
© 2010 Elena.