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Homosexuality: Condescension does Not Equal Tolerance

Updated on August 13, 2017
Since I decided to go tolerance zero on mediocrity, I'm gonna come out like the totally un-mediocre f*ckwit that I am. Pssssst: When I say "come out", don't read double entendres, I came out so long ago that this here is just what it is.
Since I decided to go tolerance zero on mediocrity, I'm gonna come out like the totally un-mediocre f*ckwit that I am. Pssssst: When I say "come out", don't read double entendres, I came out so long ago that this here is just what it is.

Wouldn't you know, 8 out of 10 times I read a defense of gay rights written by straight folks I feel like puking? I always cross my fingers when I start reading, hoping this won't be another descent into condescension. It usually is. How can it not, when one doesn't have a clue what the heck they're talking about. And, more to the point, how can it not, when one writes from a position where they think they are so grand for just writing about the topic.

Every time someone (gay or straight, for that matter, but it's usually a straight person) says I should be accepted for what I am, because I don't do any harm to anybody, and I abide the law (and pay my taxes, too, in case you're wondering!), and I respect others, and what I do in the bedroom is my business, and that kind of retarded discourse, I think, could you ever be more insultingly condescending?

Let Me Tell You All About It

First of all: Law abiding (or paying taxes) isn't for gay people, it's for people, full stop.

Second: Not harming or bothering others is not for gay people, it's for people, full stop.

Third: The bedroom statement.... shesh, that's so obvious that I don't know if I should bother. Do I really have to spell this one out? Oh, never mind, here we go! We can all be obvious! It's not for gay people but for people, full stop.

Fourth, and fundamental (it's all about the Fs here): I appreciate that you're trying to be tolerant, and well meaning too, but every time you make a statement that gays should be accepted because they are, basically, regular folks leading a regular life, you are idiotically perpetuating the myth that this isn't so.

Think about it: If you feel like you need to make the point, then it's because all the crap you're writing about isn't so. If you truly and really believed it, you wouldn't type over 1K to prove your point.

There's a fifth and a hundredth, but let me cut it short. This is already going to be too long to swallow, as the great Pam Grundy would say. Whenever I read the kind of statements I illustrated above, what comes to mind is that I'm facing condescension, not tolerance.

Oh, here goes the fifth, just because it's apropos: Any person, homosexual OR not, that thinks they need to tolerate me are so f*cking out of their mind that I want to simply laugh and laugh.

Dig It, Baby


I'm not going to go the mediocre path of trying to e---du---cate the audience on homosexuality, and whether it is born or bred, or if it's the devil's work (Hey ya'll religious zealots, how do you do!) or the bee's knees or karma is like a boomerang, or whatever. I'm certainly not going to say that, indeed, I'm a regular woman leading a rather regular life, with family and neighbors and DUH! We're all that way, and every time someone uses that as an argument I want to slap them. If it's a gay person, then a bitch slap suits.

You know why? You should have figured it out by now, but because I count on some C (and below) students reading this, I'll spell it out: Because I don't give a flying duck what you think, or what you know, or what you think you know. You don't know jack, as far as I can tell, and what you know least of all is how to really be tolerant, or you wouldn't blabber the nonsense you do.

Next time you're thinking to be grand and tolerant, run up this check list first:

1. What are you going to compare homosexuals to? A particular social group? A specific case of discrimination? The next door neighbor?

2. How are you going to justify that we deserve a place on earth?

3. How many homosexual people you know and love?

4. How are you going to respond to comments full of fire and brimstone?

If, as you where reading this check list, you were trying to think up the answers, please, I beg of thee, don't write to defend gay rights!

And if by now you're wondering why you shouldn't write anything to defend gay rights if you were considering your answers above, then double please, REFRAIN from writing about gay rights.

All right, you still don't have a clue, so I'm going spell it out: Just the questions are already discriminatory and fundamentally condescending, never you mind whatever answers you come up with.

Tolerance is a very nifty word in the dictionary, but, honestly, think up if you're being tolerant or condescending. I appreciate the first, and absolutely despise the second. And, more to the point, I don't need it.

Seriously (a Parenthesis). Or: A Serious Parenthesis


Intolerance is a problem, and a very serious one, in certain parts of the third world (like the USA, for example), where gay bashing and hate crimes against gay people are still committed daily, or where being gay can throw you in jail or, ultimately, can have you sentenced to death. In that regard, I appreciate that there are folks ready to speak out and step up to the plate, to position themselves against the status quo, sometimes at the risk of their own personal safety.

I'm not really trying to diminish the fact that some people would save me from harm, should I find myself in harm's way for the simple and unique reason of being gay. I am trying to say, 8 out of 10 times non gay folks open their mouth to supposedly defend me, they are unwittingly diminishing me as an individual.

Another very important issue around tolerance doesn't lay in tolerance per se, but on leading by example. I'm a successful business executive, fully out at work, and still climbing the corporate ladder. I'd like for young gay kids to know this is possible, I'd like them to know I never compromised or sold out or traded off, and that I definitely never hid.

I would very much like to never have to read again about young gays committing suicide because they couldn't stand the oppression any longer. They ended up that way because they never thought, and couldn't know, that life could be any different than daily bashings and abuse. I would like to have been there to tell them what they didn't and couldn't know and drove them to death. I would tell them that for all the fear they felt, it was a trillion times less than the fear those abusing them felt, and that just that knowledge ought to pull them through.

For all, or in spite of, my attitude through this article, I care very much about gay rights, or more precisely, right, in singular form and without the idiotic "gay" in front (and make a note of this because it's an Elena. original), to just live the frigging life I choose to live, no excuses, no explanations, no defense needed, thank you very much. Fade to friggin' blue.


1. If you quote the bible, I won't approve your comment.
2. If you try to educate me, I won't approve your comment.
3. If you formulate an opinion, even if it's a retarded one, I will approve your comment. Dig that, dude!

Let's see if these warnings help support the extended opinion that ho-mo-sex-u-eeeels are socially unadjusted individuals that simply haven't found god yet. (Feck me, were I to find god, I'd sell it and retire!)

Note this: As I recall, I've only read one straight hubber that I totally respect when she speaks of homosexuality, kerryg. She isn't condescending at all, she is really and trully tolerant, plus knows her stuff and checks her language around this topic. I dedicate this hub to her.

Edit: It's been brought to my attention that there's another hubber that shares kerrys' wonderfulness: Shadesbreath. Sorry to have missed you in the first go, Shades.

© 2010 Elena.


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    • jlpark profile image


      4 years ago from New Zealand

      Hope you don't mind me answering - re Faerie. It's like the N word - if you part of the group it is usually used towards, it's different to when it is used by someone not of that group.

      I don't mind it - being a gay woman though - unless I knew them I wouldn't use it towards them. It's like the word queer - it used to be a slur and still can be if used by the wrong people.

      The ladies at yr work probably are not aware you were using it affectionately - and if they don't know you are bi they may think you are being nasty. It's a positive really, she's trying to stick up for us!

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Hi, quick question, how inappropriate is the word faerie? I'm a bisexuality male and some women at work don't like that I said the word in reference "I just made those faeries' day" speaking affectionately about some of our regulars in the pharmacy

    • Paraglider profile image

      Dave McClure 

      5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

      Hey - I enjoyed that :)

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I just want to tell you that I am beginner to weolbg and absolutely enjoyed this web page. More than likely I’m going to bookmark your blog post . You amazingly come with awesome articles. Appreciate it for sharing with us your blog.

    • jlpark profile image


      5 years ago from New Zealand

      Elena - thank you for this hub. As a gay woman, even I was educated. I may have be inadvertently doing the thing our straight allies can sometimes do on occasion!

      I think at times it is difficult to explain 'chickens to a chicken' - we are human, so it's difficult to explain our humanity to someone who is also a human yet doesn't see us as a way. Man it's even difficult to describe here.

      My view on life is that if I can make someone else's journey through coming out as LGBT easier, then it's all been worth it. Yet in sticking up for ourselves, we often give the haters more ammunition.

      I really like this hub. You have a new follower. Thank you

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      well, first of all today it appears the truth is hate speach. Telling a sodomite what he does is wrong and that if he does not stop he will not burn in hell is not hateful in the same way as telling a person not to jump of a cliff because he might die is not hatefull. If you believe otherwise then go jump off a cliff. Also no one have a problem with what they do in their own houses, is about what they do on the streets. Things like gay parades for instance should stop. Just like I cannot go in my boxers in the street just to show I am proud to be streight they should not be allowed to do something more worse.

    • Buffoon profile image


      6 years ago

      Yo dude, I just posted a piece inspired on yours here. Inspiried on some other crap that I read too. And when I say "crap", I don't mean this AT ALL :D

      Anyway, I won't link here, because every time I link anything I get a kick in the butt, but you can go check it out from my profile if you have the time. And the inclination.

      Thanks bunches for the inspiration duds!

    • profile image

      Burn in hell bitch 

      6 years ago

      You gay perverts ought to be burnt at the stake. Hope you burn in hell like the devil bitch you are.

    • profile image

      Rebecca Mawell 

      6 years ago

      1. Eight out of ten executives I know seem to grant themselves a special dispensation to establish rules for human behavior. 2. What do you hope to accomplish by screeching at the choir?

    • Rainbow Pride profile image

      Rainbow Pride 

      8 years ago

      If I was religious, I'd throw a big hearty "AMEN, SISTER" out there, but I'm not so I'm just gonna thank you for saying what we've all been thinking! You rock and you just gained a new follower and some damn well-deserved respect from me and my girlfriend/fiance!

    • terced ojos profile image

      terced ojos 

      8 years ago from


      LOL....I'm sorry I couldn't resist.

      I'm a Christian guy right but I'm also human. There's spiritual stuff but I'll spare you cuz you won't approve my post.

      On a personal level; as I look around the world I live in I gotta tell you. There's a whole lot more evil a person could be doing other than having sex with their same gender.

      You don't really want tolerance you want acceptance. Tolerance is something people do begrudgingly; acceptance is what people do when they understand.

      I don't get homosexuality. I may never understand. I do accept you as a human being and my love for you has nothing to do with the other consenting adult you sleep with.

      jesus loves you...

      sorry had to get it in

      please don't wack my post



    • Linda MS Enos profile image

      Linda Mi Suk Enos 

      8 years ago from Beautiful Manoa Valley

      Wow! There sure is a lot of steam, fire and brimstone I agree with Shadesbreath it was pugnacious yet fun. Thank you! It gave me one of the best adrenaline rushes -I hadn't felt in years and it was free and somewhat healthy! I may not agree with everyone's opinion in life, you may not agree with mine, I see your point but I have many of my own experiences in life that leads me to be where I am today. I always try see through the eyes of compassion and a bit of humor. To me all people as people until they prove themselves otherwise whatever they wish to transform themselves into becoming is strictly their choice. I too am passionate and very protective when it comes to taking care of children. I fear and feel there are cracks in the system and flaws in thinking but it exist everywhere. Peace be with you.

    • Shadesbreath profile image


      8 years ago from California

      Pugnacious yet fun.

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 

      8 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      mi amiga, you've been flirting with controversy with some of your latest hubs and i'm liking the feisty you!

      And oh, the above is my comment as far as this hub is concerned. You see I mostly keep my mouth shut when I don't know where to place my bets. Discretion is the better part of valor they say :D

    • Tulai profile image


      8 years ago from France

      Great Hub; love the way you write, and what you write about! This week I've read a good number of articles and posts where some hetero supporters of LGBTI justified the latter's social and legal rights, parallel to those of serial killers and other hard core criminals. Oh yes, unfortunately.

      This is a truly refreshing hub. Big thumbs up:-)

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 

      8 years ago from San Francisco

      Good stuff. I hate condescension too, but at least it's not intolerance (something there is unfortunately too much of). Maybe one day people will just treat each other as people.

      And I agree with your praise of kerryg.

    • cheaptrick profile image


      8 years ago from the bridge of sighs

      What about Reverse Discrimination!My business partner is a Screaming Queen!He says I'm"Unrefined and Coarse"and nicknamed me Cave Man because I'm an ex Marine!He calls me that even around our employees!I'd Like to Beat His Ass but he's to much of a Lady so i Can't!We've been best friends since before we could walk so I never had the chance to do any Gay[btw I Hate that word]Bashing,though if he insults the way I dress one more time I may Start Very Soon!

      Pretty Cool that you laid this out.He feels the same way.


    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 

      8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      In the immortal words of Barney the Purple Dinosaur "I love you, You love me, we're a happy family.." Are Barney comments/songs allowed? Shoot. Wrong hub.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Your categorization of amerika as a third world country is perfectly true. It's becoming more apparent every day.

      I'm not sure how profoundly impacted by kapitalist globalization spain has been. Being successful in the "business" world is not necessarily something to be particularly proud of. All "success" in for-profit business comes at the expense of the deprivation and exploitation of someone, somewhere at some level.

      There is no way to Peace. Peace is the Way.


    • ethel smith profile image

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      USA third world lol

      You go girl

    • Sufidreamer profile image


      8 years ago from Sparti, Greece

      Great Hub, Elena - I will try harder to avoid slipping into condescension, although I am usually a condescending English bastard at the best of times :D

      Like Hawkesdream said, it is a total non-issue to me.

      Besides, I have lots of gay friends, you know...:dodgecyberslapsmiley: :D

    • kerryg profile image


      8 years ago from USA

      Wow, Elena, I'm speechless! Seriously, that's one of the best compliments I've received in years. ♥

      A big, hearty AMEN to your hub, as well.

    • Hawkesdream profile image


      8 years ago from Cornwall

      Brilliant, Good for you. I have no opinion one way or the other. I either like a person or I don't and you Elena, I like and am glad to know.

    • parrster profile image

      Richard Parr 

      8 years ago from Australia

      Most everyone has the opportunity to decide in life what they will think, say, do and tolerate, whether it be right or wrong -- But nobody should expect everyone else to agree with them.

      Likewise, they alone will bare the consequences of those decisions, for good or bad -- That's life.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      A good Hub, Elena. People are people. You either like their personality and attitude or you don't. Nothing else should matter.

    • VioletSun profile image


      8 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Feline Prophet captured my thoughts about commenting, LOL! I hope I don't get banned for being condescending or mediocre,or worse, hehe. I experience condescension because I am hearing impaired on occasions,its demeaning!

      You rock, I just like reading your articles!

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 

      8 years ago

      I'm almost scared to comment...what if I'm inadvertently all the things you despise...worse, what if I write something totally mediocre? :D

      Having said that, condescension is prevalent everywhere - there's always someone feeling superior for whatever reason. We just have to live with it - or we can rant! :)

    • OpinionDuck profile image


      8 years ago

      Homosexuals on an individual basis, but not as a group, because I don't I don't agree with validating homosexuality.

      Marriage is not meant to include homosexuality, unions yes.

      I don't have to tolerate anything I don't agree with, and that includes homosexuality.

      I can overlook or tolerate someone if I like them as a person. For example, I don't like smoking or breathin someone else's smoke, but I would tolerate it from a friend but not a stranger.

      There is a reason why there is a saying, don't talk about Religion or Politics, because their is very low tolerance on these subjects, so why should Sexual Orientation have a higher tolerance?

      Accept or reject my comment, it is your hub.

    • msorensson profile image


      8 years ago

      Very well put, Elena. I have friends from all over. If you ask me what their sexual orientation is, I would not be able to tell you right away. I will have to think.

      It has never been important to me, against my strictly religious upbringing.

    • Springboard profile image


      8 years ago from Wisconsin

      I like to keep it simple. I simply do not accept homosexuality and I do not elect officials who support homosexuality. If I ever own a company I will not support gay rights, nor will I have policies offering them. If laws are put into place that force me to not have the right to oppose gay rights, I will do my due dilligence to change the law.

      But that's my right. As a citizen. And as you mentioned on all the points above, this as well applies to people, full stop.

      It really is a simple thing.

      That said, I will not do anything to outrightly infringe on your lifestyle. Things are what they are.

      That's pretty simple too. ;)

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 

      8 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      You know what, Elena? I don't care about your sexuality in the least, I just like the way you write.

    • thevoice profile image


      8 years ago from carthage ill

      great hub god bless thanks


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