- Gender and Relationships
How to deal with conflicts in our relationships
Conflicts and relationships
A friend of mine,a few years ago said that he only made true friends after an initial quarrel or a conflict with them.It didn't make sense to me then,but now I have come to realize that conflicts and relationships are definitely interconnected.A conflict can act as an x-ray to expose our character and personality.How ever how we deal with it will determine how enjoyable our relationships will turn out. May be there a few things we can learn from nature!
Why conflict occurs
Trust me,there will be days of conflict in any relationship.The big question is how to deal with it.If we respond by totally giving in,without making our feelings known we are setting ourselves up for a pattern of abuse and domination.
We have to remember that conflict brings out our emotional self without the civility.It exposes our true feelings in a given situation.There is no way a couple can live together without having misunderstandings.If your spouse is always the nice and dotting husband ,saying sweet things ,buying cards and flowers as long as he gets h1s way,but becomes angry when he doesn't,then conflict will be inevitable.
If a conflict occurs it usually because of emotional imbalance.There are usually emotional triggers to set it off.Sometimes it is due to house chores like dish washing or house cleaning.or even dealing with the kids.Anyone of these activities can lead to misunderstanding or disagreements because each person will have their own approach or point of view.
It is the inability to truthfully share differences of opinion that leads to conflict.Because there is much emotional baggage attached to each difference of opinion,every difference is taken as personal attack.
Conflict, resolutions and books
learn from conflicts
We have to learn from conflict for our relationships to grow.My friend John whom I mentioned earlier found that it was much more difficult for him to have deeper relationships with those who always reacted to conflict by becoming defensive and blaming everybody but themselves.You see with such people it is difficult to build trust because of their lack of humility.
On the other hand when dealing with people who are willing to accept that maybe they could have handled things differently,it opens up room for growth.It requires humility for you or anybody close to you to be able to say,I was wrong.This is an admission of our humanity and can become a foundation for growth.
This is one the lessons we learn from conflict.It helps to distinguish between who are more likely to be arrogant and unwilling to admit any wrong doing and those who are much more humble and willing to admit there is room for improvement in their conduct.
This kind of knowledge will better prepare us for what to expect in our relationships.Humility or Arrogance?Trust or No trust?
Conflict and Injustice
One of the reasons why conflict occurs is injustice.When you feel you have not been treated fairly or you feel you have been treated unjustly,you will find yourself emotionally charged up. When this occurs the next step that follows will be conflict, unless steps are taken to resolve the situation.
These steps usually involve both parties acknowledging the roles they have played in perpetuating the unjust situation.When one party refuses to accept the wrong steps they have taken and the other is unwilling to overlook such a position,conflict is not usually resolved.
If such a situation arises the best first step towards resolution is to take a time out.This means both parties might have to stay apart for sometime to give themselves to discharge or diffuse the emotional tension that has built up as a result of the conflicting situation.