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When men/women disappear when dating.

Updated on March 22, 2014

When someone disappears

If someone disappears suddenly when dating, you would

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When People Disappear

Relationship Wisdom and Advice

Dating is a marathon and not a sprint. Love, dating, and romance is not a science but an experience. The question is the lesson when you experience the dissappearing act.

In todays world we are caught up in instant messaging, showing up as “online now” on our facebook statuses, and consequently we find instant intense love attractive. But remember life is a marathon and not a sprint. Those who go the distance in love sign up for the marathon and not the sprint.

What is the sprint? Intense feelings of affection and intimacy where both parties know little of each other. A euphoric experience which usually includes sexual intimacy that allows for one's judgement to become clouded. Then, with great mystery, all of a sudden they disappear. No they didn't, they were never there in the first place.

The person you cared for is simply a figment of your imagination. The love and intense feelings were never real for one of the parties involved. There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with the other person.

In reality there are several reasons why the other person disappears.

Possible reasons:

Perhaps they were not single

Perhaps they decided to explore a relationship with someone else

Mental blocks (aka baggage) perhaps being in bliss makes them think something will go wrong

Smoke and mirrors (Abracadabra). Someone pretending to be something they are not.

Disingenuous interaction

Examiner article:The Real Reasons Men Disappear

We’ve all been there. A guy you’ve gone out with a few times, who seems totally into you, suddenly disappears completely.

A few common reasons this might be happening:

1. Work is just too important right now -

2. He’s dating a few other girls in his search for “the one” -

3. He’s just into the chase -

4. He put you in the friend zone –

5. He perceives that you’re more serious about the future relationship than he is –

6. His best friends are still on the prowl –

7. You said something that didn’t sit right with him –

and *Incidentally, it may have been YOU.

Dating with Dignity lists some of the reasons why the disappearing act occurs. While the reasons are targeted towards why men disappear when dating, but the reasons are universal When Someone You Are Dating Disappears

Why They Go 'POOF' by Kara Pendleton,

Sometimes in the dating world you meet someone and things seem to be great. They come on strong and fast and hard. They seem to be totally into you and lavish you with time and attention. They tell you how interested they are in you.

It creates such a nice warm feeling inside to have such positive attention and to get such validation. You find yourself wondering if maybe this relationship will be the one that will work out.

Just when you find yourself feeling secure and relaxed about how things are going, 'WHAM'. They go 'poof'. They disappear from your world. Suddenly they stop calling and don't return your contact. You mentally review your conversations and read your written contact with them. All it does is frustrate and confuse you more because there is nothing to indicate any problems.

So here is the list of things you can do to bounce back if you are a victim of a Houdini dater:

  1. Do not call of text the other person.

  2. After a period of time if the person attempts to contact you, do not respond or react to any phone calls or messages. Disrespect and disregard calls for the same.

  3. Do not allow this person in your life in any way/shape or form.

*If you need payback:

If you are capable to payback silently (without falling prey to that person again).......maybe you should do the equivalent of the scene in the movie:Two Can Play That Game where the woman breaks up with her boyfriend after discovering him at a lounge with another woman.

Agree to meet for dinner. Set the date and location yourself (preferably someplace you never frequent)

Tell him/her: “you felt trapped being with them and it was a great thing that he/she implemented a silence period because you met (Melissa or James) and without that break you might not have met someone so wonderful. Speaking of which...where did the time go. I have to go, I'm late. Give me a hug, it was great seeing you.”

(Ladies) Now if you want to take the dismissal to another level, follow your departure by reaching in your purse and plopping down cash. Your point is that you don't want him/don't want anything from him/don't need him. It is a full and complete dismissal.

(Gentleman) Catch the waiter and give him/her the money for the check early.

This will be your "forget" you send off because you will NEVER deal with that person again.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      I did. I voted your hub up and useful! :-)

    • realtalk247 profile image

      realtalk247 3 years ago

      True Dashing scorpio. Hope you liked the other parts of the article.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Revenge in such a case as this is immature. In the words of the theme song from the movie 'Frozen', "Let it go."

      In order for him or her to have been "the one" they would have had to see you as being "the one". Learn the lesson and move on.