- Gender and Relationships
How I survived my parents divorce
This is how I experienced my parents divorce and lived to tell the tale
This is a very familiar topic that some children have to go trough and also not many find a way out of the entire drama filled violent mess that they are not responsible for. In my case I was not even able to influence my parents, it was nearly impossible to see them both talk even when I was in the room, just constant rage filled dialog that doesn't stop until I cried and asked them to stop.
Does this sound familiar, have some of you unwillingly been introduced into this monstrous destructive argument that no side was even willing to listen to you or your cries for help when mommy and daddy are fighting where you are completely helpless.
I share your pain.
Tears couldn't stop this from snowballing
I was 5 and lived my happy careless life next to my parents enjoying my freedom as a young boy just learning and exploring the world around me.
Unfortunately that didn't last for long, it didn't take much for my parents to start arguing over anything let alone serious issues. Part of this had to do that my mother was an unforgiving and sadistic, everything had to be her way and that my father was a non contributing zero of a parent and father that just didn't care. She tried to convince him that he needs to get serious and start thinking about the family, he got fired the next day and then all hell broke loose. He didn't even care of finding a new job or trying to provide in any other way or even help out with household chores to at least help his wife a little.
In conclusion he wanted to get laid and she needed someone to support her, what a match up don't you agree!
Because both of them were selfish and inconsiderate they slowly started neglecting me and my soon to be born younger sister. The divorce happened one year after she was born.
Did you share the same fate as I did?
Not long after the court decided that me and my little sister will stay with mom because our father was deemed as completely incompetent and untrustworthy to even take care for him self let alone two kids. This was not a pleasant thing for any of us, not only were we forced to appear in court and give our own testimony it was also very cruel to ask of child to choose what parent it likes better. HOW CAN YOU ASK SUCH A THING OF A KID!
Every child regardless of gender loves his parents because they are his guardians and savors and no one else can make that kind of sacrifice when you are just a kid. And now you are forced to choose, I was unable to do such a thing so the court decided for me based on the parents performance.
Me and my sister lived most of our lives spending our time alone in the flat waiting for mom to come home from work, 8 hours is a lot to a 2 year old kid and me as a 6 year old was also scared but I didn't want my sister to be frightened that our mother has left us alone and is never coming back. Not long after the divorce, things started to get ugly both for my sister and me, being that our mother was a completely sadistic monster, whenever we didn't behave exactly as she demanded it we would get brutally beaten up. I remember bloody backs and legs because she didn't care how hard or where she hit me, to her it was stress relief and she wouldn't stop until she is feeling better. This lasted for years and it didn't stop until my father being the always ready opportunist took that chance to get her to court for child abuse so that he can stop paying alimony to her. Court again, all that frustration again and just endless yelling and fighting, I mean when will that nonsense ever end. The court decided that I will live with dad, and my sister will live with mom and we will see eachother every other weekend.
No matter how hard things are, the worst thing you can do is give up
The trip to hell has just begun.
Once I moved to my dads place things didn't really went to the better but if you consider that the shouting and the violent arguing has stopped that was at least one plus in the entire endeavor. As soon as dad didn't have to pay any more more to anyone he just turned into this enormous slob and just pretty much didn't do anything. I remember just going to school every day which was 10 km from my house by foot, while all of the other children had a bus ticket and laughed and made fun of me every day. Rain, wind snow, raging heat it just didn't mater he didn't care what happened to me. As soon as I finished all of my schooling I decided to run away and start my own life because I was sure that my life would probably end in that village working for my dad while he is doing nothing.
I was completely aware once I leave I will be on my own, but I already was so what's the difference.
Freedom has a price
Here I am finally free and don't have to put up with any of that abuse I was faced with a different challenge once I was left to fend for myself.
I was 19 living alone in my uncles flat sharing the expenses with him until I was able to rent a flat of my own. I got my first job washing cars and carpets and as a bonus was chopping wood for some other people to get extra money. This lasted for 6 months and then I was able to find a job in a wood processing plant making little boxes and palettes. That was a good job and had easier hours than my previous job, but it didn't last long because the company was shut down after about a year. Right after that I was sent with all the employees to cut down wood with chainsaws in the rain and wind. Remember I am 19 and fending for myself surrounded by 40 + year old people not understanding what am I doing there.
I was browsing for something else to do because this was becoming unbearable, having to wake up every day at 5 am so that I can show up at work on time was beginning to really exhaust me and robbing me of my time spending it only working and sleeping. I was able to find a job in a
graphics company working in the printing department. That was a FUN job and I loved doing it, too bad it was closed down like anything else that closes down in this country after 6 months.
I used to make my own bread, and only eat potatoes for about a year
At what age did you start working to survive
A chance for education
After 6 years of not even talking with either parent I was able to convince them for a shot at college education.
Long story short it didn't last long and the sacrifice was too great. I took a risk to leave my flat and separate from my girlfriend, which from the start was an incredibly bad move. I lived for 2 years in a city I didn't even visit enough to know about it and went to school with promises of schooling and a brighter future. I lost my flat, I lost my job that I had a chance to come back in case college fails, my parents told me get a job and don't come back. I slept on streets and didn't eat much, the only reason why I didn't commit suicide is that I had good friends that knew what I was going trough and supported my every decision. They gave me money, I ate lunch at one and dinner at the other, I washed my clothes by hand until one of them found out yelled at me for not telling him, I was just ashamed to ask for more than they offered. After college failed, I went and served in the Serbian army.
Getting married was my way out of a horrible life, now me and my wife help each other
After all of this I survived
I got married
All that time that I was struggling not to struggle there was one person who listened to me and gave me words of comfort. During my time of working various jobs and not eating and sleeping on streets, she pretty much listened to my every word and tried to calm me down, telling me that my life was cruel but it wont last forever. I was playing a online game in which I was part of a guild where I met my wife. The game was Dofus an MMORPG in a anime style which I find most appealing. It all started when I asked one of my guild mates to borrow me in game currency so that I can buy something in the game and I will return it tomorrow. I returned the money and after that we became friends and 3 years later we got married. Mind you she lives in America and I am from Serbia, so you can imagine how much we love eachother and live a happy life together.
Did you survive?
Was it bad for you too
Did you go trough this pain as well?
That's about it, the most important thing that you can do is not give up, whatever you do waiting for someone else to help you next to two living parents is not going to happen. That is the absolute worst thing you can do, don't expect help from others, just do it yourself and trough your trials people you don't expect will notice you and eventually help you in your struggle. I had one of the people I lived with treat me as their own son, my friends parents gave me money without asking me to pay it back, friends shared clothes and shoes with me, so no matter how bad things are, you will not be alone on your way for salvation.
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Something I found useful
- Divorced Parents & Their Children: 5 Mistakes to Avoid
WebMD spoke with family and divorce expert M. Gary Neuman, who gives exes pointers on how to split up without emotionally destroying their kids.
- 9 Things Kids Of Divorced Parents Don't Want To Admit [EXPERT] | Ms. N. Meridian | YourTango
Your children may be suffering in silence.
- Parenting failure
The move will delight fathers’ rights campaigners who believe dads are penalised under the present system, which usually grants mothers custody.