Do It Yourself Women Is That What Men Really Want
We've Come A Long Way
Women have come along way from the, “Barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen,” to the professional DIY “I can do anything you can do better.” But is that what men really want? Do we sometimes make others feel insignificant in our quest to be stronger and independent?
In today’s society women have grown to be accepted in that which was once a mans profession, including everything from doctors, electricians, plumbers, carpenters, heavy equipment operators, truck drivers etc. We’ve taken on the DIY projects from fixing faucets, unplugging toilets, to building dog houses. But have the men of this day and age truly kept up with accepting our change, or do they secretly wish we would go back to how it used to be.
Women are often the bread winners today, along with the still proclaimed duties of a full time mom, sometimes part time dad, housekeeper, taxi service, psychologist (not literally but you know what I mean), teacher (home school/homework), landscaper, painter, plumber, chef, chief bottle washer, and the list goes on. Some of these which are learned through necessity rather than choice. Is that what we really want though, or do we sometimes wish we could go back to being the stay at home mom, devoted wife days. Not that some of us don’t do that now, (which is a full time plus a lot of overtime job) but would it make our lives easier?
Has taking away, “The man of the house” made some of them feel threatened or unnecessary and how do they handle that and how do we deal with it?
No one ever wants to feel unnecessary, like they are not contributing enough, or everything they do can be done better by their significant other or anyone else for that matter. People want to feel needed, like they have a purpose in life it doesn’t matter what sex they are, how old they are, or anything else for that matter. It’s part of the whole psychological id and ego thing and it makes us feel useful and complete.
So where do you draw the line? A few months ago a friend of mine, (who I used to work with) came over to see if he could help me with a leak and the hot water heater. I had already fixed the leak and done a little research on the water heater, pulled the cover off and was honestly just a little leery of the whole hot water- electric situation hoping confirmation would help. When we were done with a couple of adjustments with a screw driver, I grabbed my drill and began to put the cover back on. He looked at me and said, “Can’t you just step back and let a man do his job?” Ouch, I popped off with, “I can do it, I took it off myself.” It was a threat to me, (I didn’t say it was right) and I took it as demeaning like I was not capable, when that was not what he meant at all.
You see everyone that knows me even a little bit, knows that I am an extremely independent woman who hates to ask for help. Now that being said I will add stubborn, (ok control freak) that is often perceived as threatening. When I thought about that day later and what was said I felt like crap. When I sat back and realized that he is a country boy at heart, and just wanted to give me a break, I wanted to crawl under a rock. Yes, he could have said it differently, but that wasn’t the point.
I apologized the next day letting him know I didn’t mean to be rude, I just took it the wrong way. He totally understood (I think) and stated, “I didn’t think anything of it. I just didn’t think you needed my help. Your just like that and don’t want to depend on anyone else” Dang now I really felt like crap because the truth often hurts. You see it wasn’t the not being dependent on anyone that bothered me as much as the making others feel insignificant when doing so.
Sometimes when we struggle as a woman to become more independent or exceed in our career it becomes a competition to others and ourselves. It really doesn’t matter if it’s another man or woman we are conceived as a threat. That being said when most people feel threatened they jump into the common defense mode as “Fight or Flight”. We want the victory, to be know as number one, or the best at something, to have the title of the new position at work that everyone else wanted, often forgetting or disregarding those we leave wounded along the way We all do it whether it’s who is the best cook, who did the best remodeling job, whose in better shape, etc. Look at all the reality shows it’s what there made up of, competition and who is better at what.
It's Not Whether You Win or Lose It's How You Play the Game
In this economy how you play the game for some, really doesn’t matter. Its’ about survival for themselves and their family, which at times I completely understand. The problem is we tend to push our morals and concern for others aside in striving for the ultimate goal.
What many don’t realize is while doing so we teach others that this is acceptable and rationale behavior, for ourselves and everyone else. Our children start believing that winning is the only possible outcome at whatever the cost. They begin to demonstrate that in school and the rest of their lives often leaving a path of destruction along the way. Men often begin to feel insignificant due to their contribution or lack there of in the home. This is especially true if they have lost their job and feel incompetent at other household tasks due to our lack of explanation or of time. This often leads to the point of having to choose between feeling unproductive, not needed, like a failure, or almost a burden, and lose their self worth, or to seek that lack of fulfillment and completion somewhere else. Listen I'm not making excuses for anyone I'm just stating that it happens way to much in this economy leaving others destitute and sometimes remorseful.
My point is this, sometimes in life we need to step back and let others feel wanted and needed even though we sometimes realize that completing the task ourselves would be easier. We need to let them feel significant, and have a purpose. Whether it’s your child at the first attempt to mow the yard, fixing a leaky pipe, or cooking dinner, etc. Giving them the time and opportunity will not only teach them something new you won't have to do next time, it will help them later in life. It will make them feel like they’ve accomplished something, that feeling of a job well done. Of course a few little compliments can't hurt either.
When it comes to men and what they truly want, I don’t think anyone would not want to have someone at home, dinner ready and on the table, kids taken care of, laundry done, house cleaned, etc. etc. Come on it’s the reason some people who have money have housekeepers, nannies, chefs, etc., because it makes our lives that much easier. But in reality we often share those duties with significant others
I can’t help but think of the Cosby show, and how every time something needed to be fixed Bill was always up for the challenge, much to the despairof the rest of the family knowing they would have to pay double to fix what he attempted. He always convinced them though to let him try. Then when someone came to finish what he had tried diligently to complete there was always the “I was going to do that, they just didn’t give me enough time.” But the point is they always let him try.
So the next time you feel the need to say, “I’d rather do it myself” whether at home or work, stop and think for a minute. What would it mean for someone else fulfill the job. How much better would it be for them to hear, “Great job”, rather than your personal satisfaction of, “There that’s done.” Sometimes we wait to long and before you know it there’s no one left that wants do it for us.
Remember sometimes when striving for that independence or being number one we often teach and hurt the ones we love and cherish the most, in ways we never imagined. So take a look at who is on the sidelines, still playing for your team. All to often all they want is a chance to prove themselves worthy and feel that sense of accomplishment. So give them a shot and whether you win or lose, you'll be glad how you chose to play the game.
Have an incredible day by making someone else’s a little better