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Domestic Violence Continues even after Leaving and How to move on for Good

Updated on October 15, 2014

Domestic Abuse - Can you ever escape it...

Domestic Violence or Domestic Abuse, no matter what form it comes in, Physical abuse emotional abuse or Verbal Abuse is not acceptable, and you deserve better! Domestic Violence is all around us, and happens in many houses, no matter what time of year, although during Christmas and New Year incidents of Domestic violence reported increase at this time of year. there is no excuse, for domestic Violence. no matter what time of year, or excuse. What excuse will it be this time, "sorry...I won't do it again" It should never happen. No matter what time of year it is either. But it does, many women are hurt time and time again. People ask "Why do you stay" and you really cannot explain it unless you have lived it. You actually believe you are better staying there, they have controlled your life for so long, it is impossible to be able to think of leaving them. ,

I know I have been there and even when I left my abusive partner he still wanted to control and dictate how my life was going to go. But I did indeed eventually escape his abusive grips and move on finding a wonderful protective and caring man.

Realizing now just how awful that time in my life was.


Surely We should be safe from Domestic abuse..... - in our Own Home

Speak out about Domestic Violence

domestic abuse - help
domestic abuse - help

Domestic Violence & Having the Strength to leave an Abusive partner

No excuses this time

I know, I have been there. But something changes, I don't know what but from somewhere within, one day you just decide.

I am not going to put up with this any longer.

But how do you go about that, they have manipulated and controlled you for years, telling you what to do, who you can see, talk to and you know they are not going to let you go that easy.

You need to become strong, stronger than you have probably been in your whole life, and your abuser is going to hate it, and they will retaliate with every trick they can think of.

You need to know that, you need to mentally prepare yourself knowing it is going to make him/her madder than they have ever been before, that is why you need to pull in support from others, research your options, to get away, there is more to life than broken ribs, blackened eyes, and the deep dark depression of living with the emotional abuse.

Many people ask..."How can I leave an abusive partner?", and many ask "how can't you just leave" looking back, if it had just been a case of leaving, and it ending, fantastic, but we know that is not going to happen, but was I ready for the abuse to become worse, but I was going to end up controlling my own life.

1 in 3 women will experience some form of domestic abuse in their lifetime,

and 1 women per week is killed by their partner or ex-partner.

Control

As you try to remember the feelings of happiness and love you once both shared, you sit breaking your heart once again, because your partner has once again battered and bruised you, belittled you and made you feel so unworthy of their love, never mind anyone else's.

The realization that you dream of a blissful relationship is actually on self destruct course, you can't make it better,the bottom line is you are living with domestic abuse, and now you know for the sake of yourself and you child/children you need to leave, you may be worried about money, where will you live, but if I had known at the time the help and advice available to me, then I would not have suffered in silence for so long.

You think you have nowhere to turn because they have turned you against everyone, they have been slowly feeding into your mind, "what are you doing with them... they are just using you." They have a fall out with one of your family members and make it difficult for you to see them. Sound familiar. they tell you what to wear, where you can go, if your lucky that they let you go anywhere on your own.

You ask yourself - Where did it all go wrong? and I can guarantee you will be asking yourself "What did I do wrong?"

I still ask myself these questions even after 10 years of being separated, from my abuser. You would think the abuse would stop, wouldn't you? It should, but there are circumstances where it continues.

When there are children involved you will always have a connection to that person whether you want to or not. As I have found out.

Only recently after suffering another incident, I was referred by the police to their Domestic Abuse Unit, I was a bit confused as I had a new partner, recently married yet, I was suffering Domestic Abuse? How could this be?

So it led me to write this to maybe help other people (men and woman) who are in a similar position.

I can see this as an ongoing piece of work and what I write here is MY experiences, the help I have sought and the support I have received that has helped me to become stronger, and more able to stand up to my Abuser.

Domestic Abuse Support - Help from Womans Aid

Money, housing and the Law

I left my partner when I was 6 months pregnant. I had made up my mind that I could not bring a child into a violent relationship. Although I had left a few times before I always returned to promises of change, nothing did, it soon reverted to the abuse again.

I will forever be indebted to all the staff at www.womensaid.org for giving me a place to stay, as I was led to believe I had nowhere to go, as I had been repeatedly told, that I could never make it on my own, as I was stupid, that I needed him, I was nothing without him, for the first time I had a place to stay, no-one not even my mum knew the location of the refuge, it gave me time to breathe and make the best choices for myself and my unborn child.

They gave me not only the emotional support, but advice about money, the Law and housing.

At the time it was the violence that stood out to me however as the time went on and I was able to reflect, it was all the other small things that actually done the most harm.

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.

Knowing I had a child to protect pushed me to make that break, and I contacted www.womensaid.org

Women's Aid has over 30 years of experience working with women and children living with domestic abuse. Over the years they have provided women with help, support and information, and is aimed at empowering them to make informed choices and find appropriate routes to safety.

Violence against women: the numbers

Studies done by the British Crime Survey and similar surveys show that:

Nearly one in three women have experienced domestic violence

Nearly one in four women have experienced some form of sexual assault

39 per cent of women say that the fear of crime impacts on their quality of life

Nearly one in ten women say they have been stalked

40 per cent of victims of serious sexual assault tell nobody

Domestic violence

Domestic violence can include physical abuse, sexual assault and verbal threats.

It can also include more subtle attacks such as:

Constant breaking of trust

Isolation

Psychological games

Harassment

It can affect partners in all types of relationships.

These lists are not exhaustive.

If you've been physically or mentally harmed by a relative or someone you're in a relationship with, remember that you are not to blame. Many victims of domestic violence believe that they have created or caused the problems that led to the violence but this isn't the case. The only person to blame is the one who is committing the violent acts.

If you feel confident enough, you should call the police. They take crimes like this very seriously and will be able to act quickly. If you don't want to call the police, talk to a friend or family member that you can trust about your feelings. The worst thing you can do is stay quiet and allow it to continue.

And all that is only easy if you can...but you MUST

How do you leave a Violent Partner - Where do you Get the Courage

Two woman's stories and how they got their courage

anger management
anger management

Does Domestic Violence and Abuse ever stop

I don't live with him anymore

So I have my baby, and my ex-partner was there, as I did believe, against all my families wishes that although we had a violent relationship, surely he would change now?

Eh...no...it took him exactly 6 days after her birth for the bully to re-appear.

Over the years his continued behavior was to say the least strange, he even appeared in the National Newspaper, I will always remember being at work and opening the National newspaper at page 19...I was hyperventilating trying to tell my boss what was wrong. Attacking and biting his boss, in a pub argument.

So I had been proved right he was a violent bully? that had serious Anger Management issues, well my friends and family knew that, but his mother could not see past her loving and adorable son, even though he had attacked his own father, after he had had a heart attack.

I had stopped contact from time to time because of his erratic behavior and through a very good lawyer set some rules and boundaries.

He was not allowed to come down my driveway or into my house (so people could see him at pick ups/drop offs)

So contact would resume when he was in agreement, to the terms. Putting in boundaries, hoping he would adhere to them, not so much protection for my daughter, but protection for myself.

I thought I was doing the right thing. Many woman would have denied him contact and let the case go to court, I really did not want that and tried desperately to keep contact going for the sake of my daughter who had a right to know her father. (He knew this and would use this against me too.)

Over the years there have been many incidents that have arisen that even I do not want to share, but believe you me they are just terrible, and I usually found out through a third party what he had been up to later on, I have my house alarmed straight to the police, and the police have all relevant details to hand in case a call comes in, placing myself and my daughter on the Vulnerable Persons List.

To give you an idea of some of the Crazy things he done was, he got married on my birthday to his now EX wife (who may I add I am very good friends with now.)

How did she find out it was my birthday , well when my daughter told her on her wedding day, and he denied all knowledge of it, my birthday is 3 days away from his?...but on the night of their wedding day instead of enjoying a lovely romantic night, he beat up his best man.

I have had the police at my door to "check on the welfare of my child" I have had Social Workers visit, I have had the Tax man at my door, I have had stories that are unbelievable told about me, I have had threats on my life, I have been warned he will take my daughter abroad and not return her.

He threatened to "plant" drugs in my house the first chance he got.

If I talk to him on the phone, he will call the police and say I have been threatening and abusive, to him.

I get sick when I think he may come to the house, and its only me in, he claims I am a bad parent, amongst stories he has told people is that I have "held HIM DOWN and burned his torso with cigarettes" I was about 7 stone, he was around 15 stone in weight?

And the ultimate was when I met my now husband, they (his mother and him) found it appropriate to tell me that my daughter had made an allegation against him...well my world as I knew it was swept from under my feet.

Through thorough investigation by authorities the "incident" that took place had actually been a game that kids play when they walk up your legs and flip over backwards!

The verdict was Vindictive! (Honestly that's what the Social Work and Police department said. I had to inform my workplace which was so humiliating. Although I had worked with my then colleagues, for many years and they were aware of my "trouble" with my ex.)

Now I have NEVER been in trouble with the law, not even a speeding ticket, I have worked hard and studied hard, I personally think they (his family) would have loved it if I was on drugs and lived in a to floor flat, and they could have said "I told you so"

And I suffer this abuse from my childs father who I have not lived with for 10 years...?

Buy at AllPosters.com

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Extreme Domestic Violence

....Cold Blooded Murder....

Now you may feel I am being just a bit dramatic here with the picture.

Am I? A recent story in the headlines was indeed about the very same behaviours... in the beginning.

Raoul Moat was finally tracked down after a week long manhunt, after he shot his ex-girlfriend and new partner

Moat was just released from serving 18 months after assaulting a relative, on his release she told him she was seeing a police officer. moat also gunned down a police officer.

She later said

"'I said this because I was frightened. I have not been seeing a police officer." (source Daily Record)

So he still held that fear over her?...

that's what friends are for
that's what friends are for

How can you help your friend who is in an Abusive Relationship

....Be there

How can you help someone you know is suffering?

Simple answer - Be there no matter what. No judgment, no lectures....listen and support

You know that their partner is manipulating, and you need to rise above that, if it was not for my best friend who was always there even if I had not spoken to her in 3 months, she did not take offense, if my partner had said something about her, she never mentioned it to me.

My motto is now if in doubt SHOUT... and ask for help. Here is a great Video to Watch and helps you and your friend make a Safety Plan,

WATCH HERE NOW

She was just there, this is my best friend of nearly 20 years, and I am lucky to have such a lady in my life.

I really don't know the ending to my story yet...

Songs about Domestic Violence

Rhianna and Eminem sung "love the way you lie", highlights how the cycle continues in an abusive relationship and Tracy Chapman sung "behind the walls" highlights what goes on behind closed doors- these song are very moving

An Update now 13 years sinc e leaving the abusive Partner

It saddens me to write this, but I have now been contacted by my abusive exs latest VICTIM. Who was badly beaten and has had to stand up in court and tell her story.

This is now 13 years along and I believe the first time the police have managed to actually take him to court. As there was enough evidence outwith the victims statement.

I actually cannot believe it, he is still aggressive and obviously very violent. His stories are incredulous, and I believe the local police have had enough and wanting to see him get what he deserves, as now they are asking for back ground reports.

I hope he gets time to think about what he has done, but I don't think that will solve his problems, He needs intensive therapy, or he will still go on meeting another woman and I will be contacted once again, with the same story.

Please leave a comment to show your support to the many women or men who continue to suffer in silence and still living in fear.

Your Thoughts on Domestic Abuse - ....

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    • ainezk profile image

      ainezk 

      4 years ago

      Some helpful hints can be found in Domestic Violence Guide

    • greenspirit profile image

      poppy mercer 

      5 years ago from London

      Been there too in my thirties. You think it only happens to other people You think it's too embarrasing to tell anyone. You are sure there must be a 'reason'. I was lucky and escaped, but to be truthful, even now, raised voices and aggresive behaviour sets me in fight and flight mode pretty quick. The good side is I learnt a lot about myself and the world. I learnt that alongside the vile people, there are angels. I learnt that if you really believe, you can change the world. I learnt that you can survive and start again.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      5 years ago

      I recently published a book titled HER DEMISE. It is a heartrending tale of love in a violent relationship. There are two main characters, the abused and the abuser. Sariah, the abused, chooses to stay with her abuser. I think many women who are abused can relate to her. I do not agree with domestic violence, I just think that sometimes, women stay, and I wanted others to understand why so that they might show more support and try to help these women. I also thought those who are abused might see themselves and hear those excuses given by the abuser and decide maybe things won't change, and they need to try and get help and/or get out.

      Her Demise is available at barnesandnoble.com and amazon.com

    • profile image

      miaponzo 

      6 years ago

      I used to be a victim.. and I escaped from it.. it's tough, and sometimes you want to kill them before they kill you.. but you can get away and be "almost" normal again.. but you're right that it follows you and it is so hard to take it out. Blessed!

    • LisaAuch1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Lisa Auch 

      6 years ago from Scotland

      @Dressage Husband: I do belive the"system" isbetter now, much better now and certainly more child friendly too! Thanks Steven

    • Dressage Husband profile image

      Stephen J Parkin 

      6 years ago from Pine Grove, Nova Scotia, Canada

      Any abuse is a form of bullying and this originates from an act on the perpetrator, usually when they were a child for which no corrective action was taken. The Police and courts should believe every complainant, as there is no point in them making up a story and being dragged through the humiliation of the trial.

      This was the situation for every rape victim not so long ago, surely we have moved to more reasonable and responsible times than when every arguement was settled by who was the fastest draw?

    • imy-fraser profile image

      imy-fraser 

      6 years ago

      I appreciate your Lens very much, i can relate so well.

      I have experienced violent, physical and verbal abuse by my then parter of 4 years when i was still a teen. It took me to have a child ( whom i love very much) with this person to finally open my eyes, and determine how our life was going to be, and escape from his grip. I have now since met the most sweetest and caring man who i tend to spend the rest of my life with. It's been over two years and I'm still haunted by what i went through, but as they say "time heals everything" . I thankyou so much for sharing.

    • mariaamoroso profile image

      irenemaria 

      6 years ago from Sweden

      My inner ears are still bruized from sharp words.

    • profile image

      Ruthi 

      6 years ago

      If I were to win the lottery I would open a facility for those who have suffered the demons of domestic violence in hopes that many more would find the aid they need to make the decision to leave and to move on for good.

      Back today to submit your lens for the latest Squidoo Quest: $1 and a Daydream and to leave you with my blessings and a bit o' sunshine.

    • Dmarieinspires profile image

      Dana Marie 

      6 years ago from St. Peters, MO

      I can relate so well with your lens. I too deal with an ex husband that thrives on things of the same nature. My heart goes out to you your situation is a little worse than my own. We are in a custody battle (we have been divorced since 2004) have joint custody, he is remarried to our old neighbor, I have finally found a good man and we are a family and my ex would rather I remain miserable for the rest of my life. In the past I always gave him what he wanted within "reason" to avoid a battle. Today I am ready and equipped, I would prefer to have my day in court and put an end to the insantiy. Our kids are older and are figuring it all out and my heart breaks for them. I have faith God will make all the wrongs...right. Peace.

      Thanks for sharing you story and giving others encouragement to make it through to the other side.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      6 years ago

      Returning to bless...may many find help and hope here....

    • JJNW profile image

      JJNW 

      6 years ago from USA

      Dearest Lisa,

      Thank you for being brave and courageous in sharing your story. I am currently in need of such information...and you have touched my heart.

      Your page is making a difference.

      *** SquidAngel Blessings *** to you for helping me, and many more.

      JJNW

    • TrinaSonnenberg profile image

      Trina Sonenberg 

      6 years ago from Nucla, Colorado

      You don't have to be a victim. You can get out. If you're strong enough to take it, you're strong enough to stop it. Been there, done that.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      6 years ago

      Excellent lens! A prominent problem in every home. Really informative, enjoyed the stories and useful tips.leaving you a "Blessing" and a big thank you for addressing this problem.

    • profile image

      Godsgraciousgift 

      6 years ago

      I agree, This is a great lens.

    • darciefrench lm profile image

      darciefrench lm 

      6 years ago

      This is a great lens on domestic abuse, thank-you for sharing. Many blessings to you, 'that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger' :)

    • profile image

      CPDInteractive 

      6 years ago

      Wow!

      I like your lens, very useful and inspiring. thank you.

    • WhiteOak50 profile image

      WhiteOak50 

      6 years ago

      As I was sitting here reading this page, every hair on my arm stood up. I too wrote a page about my abusive life, but after a while deleted it. I wrote it because it was a healing process, I deleted it because every time I personally went back to the page I relived it. Healing from abuse is turning out to be a life long healing process for me-but it is also a healing process I am learning a great deal from and for that I am thankful (if that makes sense). Leaving you with a *Blessing* and a huge thank you for writing about this topic-it is something that will help others.

    • profile image

      gherishjhoven 

      7 years ago

      Violence is never ending if each wont act against on it. Your lens hits the point. Great Day!

    • brendayoungerman profile image

      brendayoungerman 

      7 years ago

      Very powerful lens....the first step is the hardest...and you took it. Now all you need to do is breathe in...and breathe out!

      I just featured your lens on mine!

    • LisaAuch1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Lisa Auch 

      7 years ago from Scotland

      @anonymous: I want to tell you yes, finding the inner strength to build your confindence up is the key! It is, 10 years it has taken me, and finally, the court has ordered no contact with me or my daughter, this has been very expensive, nearly costing out home. keep diaries of everything, they were my saviour. Diaries wil not lie after 10 years, and they cant keep up with their lies. It is hard dont get me wrong, but when our children are threatened we take action, you have inspired me to write about the court case now, and the lowest levels they will stoop to. It is a journey, surround yourself with people that will encourage support you and help re-build your confindence, that they have taken from you.

      I also belive in karma, and it came like a train to him never get anygry or try to get even, the best way is to stop all communicaton, do not give him anything, I wish you luck and hope you come back to this page and tell me how you are doing

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      7 years ago

      Oh my dear Lisa, this is extraordinary. You hit the nail on the head again and again, God bless you for being able to tell your story that others may find the courage to get out too, we all wait too long. I love that you encourage building up inner strength through music that is meaningful, you are so right, it is amazing what music can do for us. Plenty of kleenex needed to get through this and I just took my time....thank you.

      Squidoo must thing this is pretty special too, my security work is "standout".

    • profile image

      Ruthi 

      7 years ago

      You are not being overly dramatic at all. I am ever so glad your decision moment came clear to you. Mine did, too.

    • profile image

      JeromeWilkins 

      7 years ago

      Domestic violence has always disgusted me. Most men who commit such shameful acts would not dare fight another man.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      7 years ago

      I've been out of my 6th DV relationship. He has my babies against court order. . . I do the right thing and wait patiently for the courts to do their job. . .This will get solved and we will be onto the next thing he is up to. I live in fear that he is gonna get hammered drunk and hurt or kill my youngest son. That was his excuse when he beat my then 3 year old and now 8 year old, and blamed it on me, that I did it while I was sleep walking. It took me three years to figure out it was him. My abuse hadn't started completely yet, and I was blind. He never gets caught, and I can never prove it. I hate, hate, hate this. Will it ever be over?

    • mariaamoroso profile image

      irenemaria 

      7 years ago from Sweden

      The pain is terrible. Abuse does not always show as bruizes.....

    • nightbear lm profile image

      nightbear lm 

      7 years ago

      This was a little difficult for me, I too was in an abusive marriage and it has been 25 years since I have seen him and it is still disturbing and upsetting. I was able to empathize with everything you said and it bothered me on a deep level. But I am happily married for 24 years and live life fully now secure in the fact that I found love and no longer feel frightened. thank you and I am happy you are free too.

    • LouisaDembul profile image

      LouisaDembul 

      7 years ago

      Appreciate your sharing your life. Hopefully information like this will help other people who are suffering domestic abuse. Good you mention that abuse does not have to be physical. Stay strong!

    • CrossCreations profile image

      Carolan Ross 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Your story is an inspiration for all, Lisa, especially to those still trying to come up with the courage to get OUT and leave their abuser. Domestic abuse of ALL kinds is critically in need of attention and support for victims. May you thrive in your new strength now that this ugly chapter of life is behind you. Angel blessings! :-)

    • Gloriousconfusion profile image

      Diana Grant 

      7 years ago from United Kingdom

      So sorry to hear about the awful time you've had because your ex-partner just can't let go.

      I have had dealings with Womens Aid in my professional capacity, and also supporting them as a feminist - I remember when they first started, about thirty years ago, and I have visited one of their local refuges. Well done for telling your story like it is - Rauf Moat is a good example of what can happen when the behaviour of a disturbed person or psychopath gets out of hand.

      Lensrolled to my lenses: Cohabiting: Your Rights on Separation, English Divorce Procedure,Forced Marriage - Poem and Comment, and Property Rights for Cohabitees.

      Thanks for your first-hand information.

    • profile image

      CofCJenny LM 

      7 years ago

      Great lens to bring awareness to a terrible situation.

    • ayngel boshemia profile image

      Ayngel Overson 

      7 years ago from Crestone, Co

      Red flags are so important but so easy to miss. Great job! Lensrolled to my "Sister, Survivor" lens, the positive manual for abuse survivors

    • profile image

      GrowWear 

      7 years ago

      Every woman owes it to herself to be hyper alert in the beginnings of a relationship. Let him go if he's in any way questionable. Truly not worth what your life could become.

    • LisaAuch1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Lisa Auch 

      7 years ago from Scotland

      @anonymous: You truly are a wonderful lady! and I thankyou very much.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      7 years ago

      Hi again :) I just had to come back here after reading the forum and thank you for publishing my earlier comment. I didn't know if it would publish, as when I finished it, the system didn't show a note or anything. I also want to thank you for your comments on the forum.

      I didn't reply earlier of all the things that have happened to me through my childhood and marriage, but I wanted to again try to answer your lens 'header' question: Domestic Abuse - Can you ever escape it... YES. Yes you can escape it, and I'm so proud and happy that you've made this lens to help other women try to escape it.

      Abuse in it's many forms is a very touchy subject with me, probably from being a victim, and definately because I hate with a seething passion seeing anyone else experience it .

      Yes, you can excape the abuse, but I believe one never can forget it, so in a way that experience will always be there. I'm so happy that you were able to trust and love another afterwards! I've tried in the 24 years since my divorce to do the same, but I'm afraid that the past has changed me too much, as I am still unable to trust and open myself for love.

    • kateloving profile image

      Kate Loving Shenk 

      7 years ago from Lancaster PA

      Glad you made a lens about this. We ask every woman who comes to our hospital whether they are safe (from abuse) or not. If you don't ask, they won't tell. One step at a time, I always say.

    • daoine lm profile image

      daoine lm 

      8 years ago

      Thanks for this very relevant and important lens. Another book you might like to feature is Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft.

    • LisaAuch1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Lisa Auch 

      8 years ago from Scotland

      @rootadesigns lm: nope but I am away to check it out.

    • rootadesigns lm profile image

      rootadesigns lm 

      8 years ago

      Have you heard the new Eminem Rhianna song?

    • Othercatt profile image

      Othercatt 

      8 years ago

      We have many things in common. My first husband beat me for 6 years. The only reason I had the courage to finally leave him is because he punched me while I was holding our 11 month old daughter. He got served divorce papers and a restraining order on his way out of jail.

      I then got married to a man I had known for 10 years. We had never argued and he had never even raised his voice to me. During our first argument, when I was 5 months pregnant, he beat me so severely I had to be hospitalized. Because of his attack, my youngest son was born early and almost died. Our local WAVI shelter gave me a place to stay and I was able to divorce him while he served his 18 months in prison.

      It took me three years to be able to trust another man. I'm now married to the sweetest man and I'm confident he'll never hit me.

      I wish you luck with your new husband. I know it's hard but don't let your ex ruin it for you. Thank you for having the courage to write this lens.

    • aka-rms profile image

      Robin S 

      8 years ago from USA

      Thanks for sharing!

    • Draconius LM profile image

      Draconius LM 

      8 years ago

      very good lens I can relate to what you are talking about

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      8 years ago

      Oh sweetie, I know what you've went thru, because I'm also a victim of abuse, and came from a family where my father beat my mother. Just the thought that a man is abusing his woman brings my blood to a boil. I called the cops on a neighbor and went there to help the woman. The man turned on me. I'm only 5' 1" tall, but from my past life I've vowed to never put up with that crap again. I told him he'd better knock me out as we're standing nose to nose, because if he didn't I was going to kill him. He stood down after what seemed like 5 minutes of staring at each other nose to nose.

      I was fortunate to leave my husband with a 3 year old son and move out of state. I've never denied them from having a relationship. But you know what? after 25 years the 'ex' has proven to our son that he's worthless, by only contacting him 'maybe' 5 times.

      Stay strong. Learn about and be comfortable with guns. Make friendships with strong women. Surround yourself with strong independant women who will nurture you into being one yourself.

    • VarietyWriter2 profile image

      VarietyWriter2 

      8 years ago

      Blessed by a SquidAngel :)

    • capriliz lm profile image

      capriliz lm 

      8 years ago

      It is hard enough to break away from an abusive relationship. But, to recover from the emotional, physical, and spiritual abuse takes a very long time.

      You are one of the lucky ones that escaped. No one knows the terror of being with this type of monster until you have been there. People don't understand why you walk around for years after you "break" away, and still constantly look over your shoulder, or check your doors 3 times before bed.

      I am glad you escaped and found some relief. The organization that helped you sounds amazing. In my area, we have "Women in Transition".

      You are indeed one of the lucky ones.

    • profile image

      alliemae 

      8 years ago

      very good. I think this is an issue that is far more common than the general public realizes. job well done.

    • LisaAuch1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Lisa Auch 

      8 years ago from Scotland

      @anonymous: Hi jaqueline, and thankyou - I had a huge accident 4 years ago and he again took advantage of the situation, (that's ANOTHER lens) we are in court soon, so we shall see where it ends, he always threatened going to court, now I have done it I FEEL Great and wish I HAD done it in the beginning. My husband now is the most amazing guy EVER and has stuck with me through it, taught me to love and respect myself, its been a tough process, and yes the CHANGE comes from ME. I think I will continue this lens and add to it, as it really has been good to reflect and see where I have come from and I am going to. The rollercoaster of the emotional ride.

    • profile image

      anonymous 

      8 years ago

      Lensrolled to Healing from Abuse. I agree with theraggededge, you have to change your own mindset and heal your own heart. We get in the unconscious habit of seeing ourselves as a victim and attract a variety of victimizing people and conditions.

      I pray that you and your daughter are safe and the wounds can now heal.

    • LisaAuch1 profile imageAUTHOR

      Lisa Auch 

      8 years ago from Scotland

      @norma-holt: Thankyou x

    • norma-holt profile image

      norma-holt 

      8 years ago

      Your pain bubbles through the words you have written. How do you get over this? My advice is move, cut all ties and start a new life with new friends. Your relatives will stick behind you if they love you. *-*Blessed*-* and featured on Sprinkled with Stardust and on Neighbour Bullying

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