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Non-Physical Abuse is Still Considered Abuse

Updated on May 7, 2017

Signs of an Abusive Spouse

Many women that are abused by their spouses stay in that relationship, because they don't want to feel like they have failed the relationship. But the truth is the relationship has failed because it takes two; the abuser and the one that is accepting the abuse. Women stay in a violent relationship for a few reasons which are: loyalty, embarrassment, children, love, fear, low self-esteem, pride, lack of knowledge about leaving.

An abuser often times are under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or just plain cruel anger. The abuser refuses to accept responsibility for his abusive behavior. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse, it is also, excessive arguing, verbal harassment, unwanted sexual advances, and verbal attacks on the victims self-esteem. Often times, women that are victims of domestic violence are ashamed that she's stayed in a toxic relationship.

Children are also affected in homes where there is domestic violence; the children in the home may feel; angry, afraid, tense, or confused. The victim of spousal abuse may feel: emotionally drained, frightened, psychological shock, hysterical, depressed, isolated, and worthless.

The abuser tends to under-estimate the pain he has inflicted on the victim and others in the household. Children witnessing violence in the home are more likely to have: depression, increased anxiety, aggressive behavior, and lack of self-esteem.

Signs of an Abusive Spouse
Signs of an Abusive Spouse

Signs You Are in an Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence -- is when an abused person is living with a spouse or someone you use to live with, had a child with, someone you are dating, or someone you are engaged to. Domestic violence comes in different types from an abuser:

  • Stalking her in certain ways.
  • Controlling behavior.
  • Forceful sex against her will.
  • Is a negative influence in their spouse's life.
  • Kicks, slaps, hits, or pushes you.
  • Tries to argue their partner down.
  • Threatens or blames you frequently.
  • Loses his cool easily and is extremely jealous.

My mother told me when I was a little girl to never let a man hit me or even play-fight. Wrestling or play-fighting are not acceptable in a relationship between man and woman, due to it being an excuse for the man to get away with hitting a woman. The only thing a guy should be doing to show his affection to the woman that he loves are hugs, kisses, holding her hand, kind words, all things romantic. Love looks past someone's faults. Love make you feel genuinely "safe."

♥ Love is an action, love is as love does. ♥

Domestic violence is against the law, and many times the women that are victims have to find a safe way out of the abusive environment along with her children. She may have to involve law enforcement, and then file for a 'restraining order' or 'protective order' against her abuser.

Sometimes after a violent episode the abuser may want to reconcile and began to feel remorseful. This is part of his behavior to 'win her back' and he apologies, may get her gifts, and his love for her may seem overly excessive. This reconcile phase is the abuser and the victim, convincing themselves that nothing is wrong with their relationship. Most abuse victims feel if they try to leave their lives and their children's lives may be in danger.

The abused women and children will need Christian counseling after living with an abuser. Going to counseling groups will help and prevent the victim from getting into another violent and toxic relationship, and tolerating it. You can legally take your children and move out of an abusive household for their safety and yours. In many toxic relationships of abuse, law enforcement may have to help the victim move on with their new and abuse-free lives.

Once you leave, use someone else's phone as your contact number. Also use a 'post office box' for your mailing address, especially if you were threatened in the abusive relationship.

Watch this video - A Rose is Still a Rose by Aretha Franklin and Lauryn Hill

© 2012 Brinafr3sh


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    • Brinafr3sh profile image

      Brinafr3sh 4 years ago from West Coast, United States

      Hi Ebonny, I think leaving is good idea to keep the children and the abused spouse out of harms way. The abuser may have to have a restraining order against him and attend counseling, for the best interest of himself and those around him.

    • Ebonny profile image

      Ebonny 5 years ago from UK

      Interesting hub - I think if more abused people truly acknowledged what a poor example they are showing their children, more would have the courage to up and leave. Voted up etc.

    • Brinafr3sh profile image

      Brinafr3sh 5 years ago from West Coast, United States

      Hi Maverick, at least you're accepting responsibility it's good for you. I'm sure your wife knows that you love her. Thanks for commenting.

    • Ely Maverick profile image

      Ely Maverick 5 years ago from The Beautiful Archipelago of the Philippines

      I haven't hit my wife with my bare hands, although hurting words were often blurted when times get rough, still my love for her and my family persevere.

    • Brinafr3sh profile image

      Brinafr3sh 5 years ago from West Coast, United States

      Hi 34thBomb, that's very true, emotional and psychological abuse is deep rooted abuse. I pray to God in heaven that victims of abuse find their way out of the claws of the predators, in Christ Jesus name, Amen. Thanks for commenting.

    • 34th Bomb Group profile image

      34th Bomb Group 5 years ago from Western New York State

      Been there... don't forget, as you mentioned, that psychological abuse is often far worse and almost always more difficult to escape. It leaves you scarred for life. Just because your partner doesn't hit you doesn't mean you're not being abused.

    • Brinafr3sh profile image

      Brinafr3sh 5 years ago from West Coast, United States

      Hi Gracie, leaving an abusive relationship has to be monitored by law enforcement. Thank you for the mediated communications website, that is useful for the readers here.

      Hi Lilian1, the same rules apply for men as well. Anyone who is abused should seek professional help, by any means necessary. Thanks for your comment.


    • lilian1 profile image

      lilian1 5 years ago from Hertfordshire England

      This is a very important and informative hub some women are abused but I have heard of men being abused by their partners too but are too embarressed to report it ..

    • GracieLake profile image

      GracieLake 5 years ago from Arizona

      Thanks for posting. This is important stuff, and I agree that keeping one's safe distance is so important. Leaving is the critical time when violence may occur. Have you heard of mediated communications like That helps the woman stay safe at a distance and you can still deal with divorce or custody matters by having them act as go-between.