- Gender and Relationships
Are you still carrying the Emotional Baggage from your previous Relationship?
This from everyone who is questing am I over it? Have I truly moved on? If you want to know if you’re over the previous relationship this is for you! Sometimes it is easier to pretend that we are left unscarred then to admit that were still hung up on someone who has discarded you from there life faster than luggage at an airport. The question is how long can these feelings last? Well this is designed to help you point out what emotions you’re holding onto from the past and how we can learn to let go.
First before we can find out what is holding you back, I have to ask you a few questions. For every correct answer give yourself either 1- 5 points for every answer that doesn’t relate to your situation give yourself 0 points.
1. The reason you broke up with that person is because they cheated on you either emotionally or physically? ( Emotional cheating is offend referred to you as your ex openly flirting with someone else even when you are present or not. Getting another person’s number or email. Touchy feely with another person)
2. Do you have a child with this person?
3. Did this person physically abuse you or put you threw extreme emotional/mental abuse? (An example of emotional abuse is when that person uses your feelings against you to do as they want. Guilt trips or death threats made against themselves or you. An example of mental abuse is when you get constant put downs like someone saying you will never find anyone better than me or you suck in bed so bad that I’m the only person who would ever want you.)
4. Was it off and on for most of the relationship?
5. Did this person bring out a side of you that really wish never existed?
6. Even though you had some really bad times, the times that was good was the best times of your life?
7. You never loved anyone like you loved this person?
8. This person used you so bad that you secretly have a lot of angry feelings for this person?
9. This person was super controlling and made you isolated from all the people who had been in your life before them?
10. They never seemed to Trust you, always accusing you of cheating or lying, they acted aloof and uncaring at times, seemed to always have something to be angry with you about?
0-10- Lightly to None Effects
First off congrats! You’re not really holding onto this ex and have almost complete put them behind you. Every now and then memories from that relationship may arise and leave you feeling a little bummed out. Although at this point if you complete want to move on with your life if you haven’t already go back out into the dating world and date. Be mindful of what you went through, as you already are and let experience be your teacher and learn, learn, and learn.
10-20- Slight Effects
I like to call this the stage before freedom. What your feeling is healable but you should give self some more time. With that being said I’m not recommending you stay cooped inside! Go out there begin the dating process again but take it slow. Just remind yourself how cool and awesome you are with or without that person and don’t look backwards! Face forward! J
20-30- Moderate Effects
This is a tough stage. You ever heard the saying old habits die hard? Well it’s almost become a habit for your mind to relive that painful break up you experience. You maybe struggling with your telling yourself that you need to stop but just can’t. I wouldn’t recommend dating right now why you’re thinking? Because your still experience a lot of stress, changing emotions, and grief. With that being said if you are dating you may notice you have a lot of “shut down” behaviors. For example trust being number one you’re out there with the mindset not to trust anyone, give too much, or get to attached right now. That simply isn’t fair to the other person and you because it will end messy. Don’t overlook friends or family that are reaching out to you, in fact take as many invitations you get to go out and chat or have fun.
The pain for the past relationship is sever right now. Despite what people will encourage this is the worse time to be thinking about dating or be dating. I personally have seen many, many, people make this very avoidable mistake. You know rebounding usually never works out just because it maybe weeks, months, or years doesn’t mean you’re completely over it and should fly into the arms of someone else. Look at like this the way you feel right now is poison to any decent relationship because those feelings will creep to the surface and spread like wild fire. You have to teach yourself to let go. The memories will surface but they are just memories now take it as it is. Still secretly wanting to be with that person in anyway is unhealthy. You might be feeling “Shut down” behaviors which I describe as not being able to trust anyone, fear of being hurt, crying or long periods of sadness, not being able to let go of personal items that remind you of them, and not wanting to do anything fun because you don’t want to take a chance. DON’T TURN AWAY FROM FRIENDS OR FAMILY REACH OUT TO THEM. Even if just to talk or listen to them talk, you will feel better. Give yourself more time. Don’t rush yourself to get over the past instead accept it. The feelings the pain. Then remind yourself that you have more important things to do even if you don’t.
40-50- Extreme Effects
Right now you maybe reliving the relationship over in your head. You may even think that it isn’t over. You have developed a very unhealthy feeling I call the “Love/Hate”, which basically translate to you not being to accept one way other how you feel for this person. You have decided its safe to play it in the middle. In fact this is the most painful stage for anyone to go through. It’s not best to go through it alone either, if possible seek a professional. The pain can be too much to bear alone, but the most important thing to do is make a decision. You are not wrong for being in love with this person, you are not wrong for being angry with that person. Then after you accept this you have to let go of revenge, pain, hurting someone else or yourself is not the answer. The positive about this stage is that deep down (the place you don’t want to admit) you know you’re to hurt to date seriously. The bad thing is that most people have sex with no strings attached. Although those don’t end as well as they started. Most important you should know the pain is very fresh and you should take time to focus on you.
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