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7 Factors To Consider Before Getting Together After Break Up

Updated on November 27, 2016

Break up is a phrasal verb none of us who are in relationship want to experience it. These two words tend to disintegrate the bonding that was somehow strong. They split up the elements to the extent the elements become befuddled not knowing where to run to or hide.

In many instances, it is very hard to accept the news the relationship is over. No one wants to believe it will ever happen unless a person has the intention of faking his/her love for another for the purpose of sex. For the many of us who are genuine, break ups suck and they suck a lot.

Now you are an ex, single with no strings attached. After some time of thinking and thinking you find you are missing your ex very much. Each passing day, you miss your ex a great deal. You love her so much. You swear you can never profess your love for another apart from your ex. What now? You want her back into your life. You avow you will do anything to get the relationship back on its foot.

Before you take that part of contacting your ex, there are factors you need to consider. These considerations will enable you know whether it’s alright to try to get your ex to give the relationship another chance or not.

Here were go:

a) Reason For Break Up

For every break there is a reason. There is no break up that happens without a cause. If you want to try to get your ex back consider carefully the reason why your ex ended the relationship. Do not rush immediately after break up begging and pleading to your ex to give the relationship another chance. If you do so you will find out she has stuck with her justification so she doesn’t want you in her life anymore, or after a short period of time of coming together you’ve broken up again.

You will find some lovers get back together, break up, get back together, break up and the cycle repeats itself for many years. This is toxic, and at the end of the day you will end up becoming more of enemies than the enemies you hate. Also, this cycle will affect the lovers negatively both psychologically, physically and spiritually.

In order to avoid another break up, scrutinize the relationship by finding out why your ex ended the relationship. When you know the reason, then you will be in a better position to know whether it’s okay to chase your ex or not to bother at all.

If your ex left you for another man, seriously you wouldn’t want to pursue her. If, on the other hand, the distance was what made your ex to call quits then it will be okay to give another try. It is wise to take considerable time to know why your ex ended the relationship and to analyze the reason you found both on the positive and negative side of it. Don’t look at one side of it only.


b) Length Of relationship

How long have you been together? The longer the duration of time the more bonded the lovers will become. If you have been in a relationship for one year, you will have bonded a lot psychologically than if you have been in a relationship for one month.

If you don’t know your ex very well then you two aren’t really fused together. If you have been in a relationship with your ex for a very long time you will get to know her likes and dislikes, her moods, her body language, what she thinks and so on.

The longer the relationship the more emotionally bonded you two are. You have known each other’s weaknesses, how to tolerate each other, when not to go overboard and so on. In short, you know pretty well about your partner. If she doesn’t know a lot about you, she is not emotionally bounded. If she is not emotionally bounded, it’s hard to get her back into your life.


c) How the relationship ended

Some relationships end on a good note, however hurting it is. Others end on a negative note. If the relationship ended with abusive language, fighting, yelling and other negative reactions resulting from a breakup then it’s an issue to consider.

If the breakup was not followed with drama (lots of them), then there is likelihood of getting back together. However, if drama was manifested whereby any of you or both of you reacted in a dramatic manner then the possibility of getting together is bleak.

d) A new lover on the corner

If your ex is seeing a new man, it’s very hard to get her back into your life. She broke up with you and within seconds she is in a relationship with another man. This tells you where she is now in her relationship she is satisfied (or not but pretending it’s the case).

If before the breakup the ex was seeing another man, the likelihood of getting her back is very bleak. Unless you spend your time crossing your fingers the relationship turns out sour, you shouldn’t be hoping it turns out to be the case. You might wait longer than you expected. In any case why bother to get her back when she left you for another man? Don’t you think when she returns to your life she may treat you like trash or do the same thing when she finds another man? You have to think judiciously about this one.

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e) Toxic relationship

Was the relationship toxic? Were there a lot of fights between the two of you? Was yelling, throwing words against each other part and parcel of the relationship? If so, then the likelihood of getting back is depressing.

No one wants to return to a toxic relationship as much as he/she loves his/her ex. It is exhausting, tiring a person both mentally and physically.

If misunderstandings, arguments, yelling, shouting, fighting, complaining formed the bulk of the relationship; returning to the relationship will create more of it whose effects will turn out to be adverse. Better accept the relationship is over, change your behavior if you were the one on the wrong side of the relationship so that when you get a new partner you don’t turn out to become venomous.

It’s possible to get back with your ex if you have made changes in your life. When she sees the changes in your life, there is the possibility she might accept you back in her life.

f) Compatibility

In order for a relationship to survive the two lovers must be compatible. In reality no two couples are well-suited. No two couples share everything. Every individual is unique with unique interests and dislikes, and behavior. However, the percentage of well-matched should be higher. This means you share most of the things, not a few.

If you find out you don’t like everything about your partner, then there is no way the relationship will endure through thick and thin. A good scenario will help in enforcing the point about compatibility. Consider a cat and a dog. These two animals have their likes and dislikes, and their behaviors are different (unique). It’s impossible for these two animals to ever come together and say hey how about we become longtime lovers. A cat likes independence which is different from the dog. A cat is playful when it wants and not when forced. A dog is playful all the time. There will always be conflicts if these two animals decide to settle together. They have so much uncommon is hard for them to be common together.

Don’t force the return of the relationship when you two people don’t share a lot of things.

g) Wants and Needs

Many people have different expectations when it comes to relationships. The major aim of relationships is for companionship. Secondly, it is followed by procreation. However, nowadays the true meaning of relationship or coming together of two people who have fallen in love is misinterpreted and misunderstood.

You will find the reasons that bring people together are quite causes of breakups. Some of the reasons are: to have children, because so and so is married or has married, I want to get married without knowing why, I am facing financial difficulties and he/she is financially stable, I am getting older, I want to get married early or want to marry early, for sexual satisfaction (which some confuse as indication of love) etc.

It is heartbreaking when you thought your partner really loved you but found out she had different needs and wants. For example, if your girlfriend fell in love with you for the simple reason she wants a child, then that is not falling in love. What’s more is once she gives birth to the child, your work is done. Even if you will get married, you will only be an asset to her, not the object of her love because what she wanted she has.

Does Your Ex Want You Back? 8 Signs To Look For

Breakups suck. They are painful. They are hurting. Despite this, since you are not married it’s a good time to analyze the above factors and the relationship as a whole. You should do a lot of probing after taking some time of not contacting your ex. If you feel after analyzing the relationship it’s good to want to try to get your ex back into your life, then consider whether you will feel satisfied living with him/her for the rest of your life. It is better the break up happened because it showed you two people were never meant to be together. Sometimes two people can get together and enjoy their marriage life while for others it will cause rifts in their marriage life. Think critically, choose wisely. Marriage is an establishment. You shouldn’t consider it lightly.


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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 4 months ago

      "What now? You want her back into your life. You avow you will do anything to get the relationship back on its foot."

      I would say there are a couple of questions to ask yourself first.

      1. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

      2. Are you both still the (same) people?

      3. Can you imagine them holding your hand while you bury your parents?

      With regard to the first question it's important to keep things in perspective.

      In order for you ex to be "the one" they would have see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa).

      It's important not to "romanticize" the past by looking back through "rose tinted glasses". No one who is "in love" or "happy" ends a relationship!

      The next question essentially is asking what has "changed" about you or them that would make getting back together "different" this time around?

      If there hasn't been any (major changes) whatever led to the breakup is likely rear it's ugly head down the road again. It's like seeing the same movie over!

      The last question is about having a "reality check". Was your ex really the person you imagined you would build a life with, buy a house together, have children with, bury each other's parents, and grow old with? OR is this just "Ms. Right Now" or "Mr. Right Now".

      Truth be told if you're under the age of 30 most of your relationships were designed to be temporary whether you were aware of it at the time or not. When it comes love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a "homerun" their first, second, or third time up at bat. If this weren't true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!

      The reality is most of us initially pursued relationships before we had figured out who (we) are let alone know what it is we want or need in a mate for life. It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      With each failed relationship we learn something about ourselves and out list of "must have" traits evolves as we age and gain wisdom.

      Your "ideal mate" at age 17 may not be what you want at age 25, 35, or beyond. Being "cute" and "funny" just won't cut it.

      Before anyone attempts to get back with an ex they need to know what their true motivation is. Are you just having a hard time meeting someone new you click with? Are you being lazy by going after the "low hanging fruit", Feeling sentimental? Think it's "romantic" to breakup and makeup? Realize you blew the best thing in your life?

      Keep in mind if your or mate has to change your (core beings) in order to make a relationship "work" there's a good chance you're wrong for one another. The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

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