ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Dads Visitation & Access Rights

Updated on May 18, 2013

Living On The Outside Looking In

In today's society, nearly half of children are being born to single mothers. Combine this with the high rate of divorce and a parent (usually the father) ends up on the outside looking in, wondering what is happening with his children. His access to them is limited and controlled, either by the court, or by the mother. For this reason, access rights need to be defined clearly to avoid later issues arising as to whether a certain day, weekend, or holiday belongs to one parent or the other.

From The Dads House National Moderator:
Due to "unannounced" changes to Squidoo page designs, the Dads House Manual has been moved to http://www.DadsHouseEdCtr.org.

Discussion Guidelines

Unfortunately, for many parents, their lawyers are unaware of the type of visitation that is needed by the by the non-residential parent if he/she is to remain a moral force in the child's life. Many lawyers are writing unenforceable clauses such as "at such times that are mutually agreeable to both parties" in decrees.

Others are advising their clients that the most any judge will agree to is two weekends a month and two weeks in the summer. Thus, many non-residential parents are agreeing to decrees containing visitation rights which almost guarantee that they will become a weekend entertainer. The children suffer because they lose the opportunity for a meaningful relationship with their non-residential parents, and because many non-residential parents, after experiencing the frustration of being an "entertainer", drop out of their children's lives completely.

Specific and adequate visitation must be spelled out in a decree to provide for future stability in the parent-child relationship. Most caring parents agree verbally at the time of divorce not to poison their child against the other or to restrict access. At the time, this is truly meant by both sides and the need to clarify in writing this intent is not foreseen. As time goes on, people change, new spouses enter the picture, and good intentions are forgotten or rationalized away due to some real or imagined hurt.

If this possibility is understood by both parents at the outset, neither one should object to spelling out visitation. At this stage, the custodial parent should not feel threatened by putting in writing his/her intentions to give the non-custodial parent some sense of security.

Appropriate Behavior

In all matters concerning any separation of parents, both parents must constantly examine their actions to assure that the needs and interests of the child are addressed first. It is very easy to feel that one's child will really be much better off if the other parent would just disappear from the sight, and that with proper coaching, the child will realize the validity of all this. Where two caring parents are involved, this is a very dangerous mind-set. Besides being wrong, it has the potential of justifying actions which are detrimental to the mental health of the child.

Children suffer greatly from any divorce. Recent studies indicate that those whose parents work together to minimize all forms of tension, visitation is an excellent vehicle to build or decrease tension, since both parents must come together to arrange for details of pick-up and delivery and both parents will experience the normal fears that the other one is somehow "turning the child away from me".

The Custodial parent must understand that the child still wants and needs the other parent. The child did not ask for a divorce from either parent or request a divorce from the child. The custodial parent must, as a duty to the child make reasonable effort to see that visitation is scheduled and takes place with minimum tension.

If this means that the custodial parent must be inconvenienced from time to time, it must be seen to be as much a part of the responsibilities of a parent as adjusting a schedule to accommodate a PTA meeting. Most problems of divorced non-residential parents which occur after the divorce can be traced back to a lack of understanding on the part of the parent having primary custody of this very basic concept.

Similarly, the non-custodial parent must understand that if the non-custodial parent is to work with the custodial parent to lessen tension, the non-custodial parent must give no indication of trying to win the child's affection away from the custodial parent. The non-custodial parent must be responsive to the custodial parent's needs. Just as the non-custodial parent demands for flexibility in arranging the details and logistics of visitation, The non-custodial parent must also grant such flexibility.

There are times when it is appropriate from the standpoint of the child's needs to reschedule visitation or to be inconvenienced by an alteration of time or location for pick-up or delivery. Many times the reason a non-custodial parent is denied visitation is because of an appearance of trying to turn the child away from the custodial parent or was inflexible in dealing with a minor request in rescheduling visitation.

There is a spiral of human emotion which must be constantly addressed. One parent does something, the next retaliates, ad infinitum. Only if both parents remain flexible, overlook real or imagined hurts without retaliation and continue to discuss differences, can tension be lessened and the best interest of the child served.

Visitation Schedule

It is important that to maintain adequate contact with the child, a separated parent must see the child at least once a week and spend some long period of time during the year living with the child in a more or less natural environment. The following are minimal guidelines for adequate visitation:

  1. ____(a) on weekends from 6 p.m. on the first, third and fifth Friday of each month until 6 p.m. on the following Sunday (or, at the non-custodial parent's election made before the rendition of the original or modification order), ____(b) from the time the child's school day ends, if any, on the first, third and fifth Fridays of each month until 6 p.m. on the following Sunday; and
  2. ____(a) on Wednesdays of each week during the regular school term from 6 p.m. until 8 p.m., (or at the non-custodial parent's election made before the rendition of the original or modification order), ____(b) from the time the child's school day ends, if any, until 8 p.m. on Wednesdays of each week during the regular school term.
  3. If a weekend period of possession of the non-custodial parent coincides with a school holiday during the regular school term, or with a federal, state, or local holiday during the summer months in which school is not in session, the weekend shall extend until 6 p.m. on a Monday holiday or school holiday or shall begin at 6 p.m. Thursday for a Friday holiday or school holiday.
  4. Half the summer vacation. Summer vacation is normally twelve weeks long. Four to six weeks during the summer provides time for the child and the non-custodial parent to get to know each other.
  5. Alternating holidays including Christmas vacation, Easter or Spring vacation, Thanksgiving, Father's Day, Mother's Day, Labor Day, Halloween, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, etc.
  6. Other special religious holidays, birthdays, etc., as appropriate.

Some custodial parents may complain that this schedule is excessive. However, when given a choice between custody or being a non-custodial parent with these visitation rights, they tend to accept the later. After all, the non-custodial parent gives up parental rights, the right to influence any major decisions in the child's life and even with this type of visitation schedule does not see the child as often as the custodial parent.

Unfortunately, many lawyers representing the custodial parent, advised their clients that they should not agree to extended visitation as this would be giving away something which a judge would not award to a non-residential parent on their own. This is not in keeping with interviews of judges, who assure that most judges will allow the above visitation schedule for a caring non-residential parent who can show a history of involvement in the child's life and who is clearly not using extended visitation as a club to extract concessions from the the other parent.

Rights Of Non-Custodial Parent

During periods of visitation, the non-custodial parent has the duty to provide food, clothing, shelter, etc., and the right to consent to emergency medical treatment only if there is an immediate danger to the health of the child. Other rights can be written into the decree at this time. Unfortunately, most lawyers overlook this. But, judges have indicated a desire to grant a caring parent those additional rights which has demonstrated the parent can be expected to carry out in a responsible manner.

Transportation Consideration

Most "standard" visitation agreements stipulate that the custodial parent "surrender" the child to the non-custodial parent and that the latter "return" the child to the custodial parent. This normally means that the non-custodial parent is responsible for all transportation.

While this may be a perfectly acceptable situation in cases where both parents live in proximity, situations exist where the custodial parent moves out of town and the non-custodial parent can no longer afford to exercise his/her visitation.

The "best interest" of the child of two caring, but divorced parents, is usually served by encouraging both parents to live in close proximity so that the child can have relatively free and easy access to them. There are good and valid reasons for a custodial parent to move (e.g., nearness to family, job, cost of living). The courts have ruled that the custodial parent cannot be prohibited from exercising this freedom of choice.

However, the wording of a visitation document should encourage the custodial parent to make a good faith effort to remain where the child can be close to both parents. This is best accomplished by providing for a sharing in transportation responsibility.

There have also been a number of cases where the custodial parent has refused to allow relatives or friends of the non-custodial parent, who were in position to provide transportation from one city to another, to pick-up or deliver the children. This has the potential of forcing the non-custodial parent to pay for an unnecessary round trip fare.

If a 50/50 split in transportation cannot be agreed upon at the onset, the following wording be considered:

As long as the custodial parent's residence is at ________ or within ten miles of such address, the custodial parent shall surrender the child to the non-custodial parent, or a representative agent, at such residence at the beginning of the period of visitation, and the non-custodial parent, or a representative agent, shall return the child at the end of the visitation to such residence.

If the custodial parent moves more than ten miles in such a direction as to increase the distance between the custodial parent's residence and the residence of the non-custodial parent, the custodial parent, or a representative agent, shall surrender the child at the residence of the non-custodial parent at the beginning of the period of visitation, or as soon thereafter as regularly scheduled commercial transportation is available, and the non-custodial parent, or a representative agent, shall return the child at the end of the period of visitation or as soon thereafter as regularly scheduled commercial transportation is available at the residence of the custodial parent".

Consideration should also be given to include in the original decree that a substitute visitation schedule to automatically take place if the residence of the custodial and non-custodial parents are more than 100 to 200 miles apart.

With the rapidly evolving rate of change in electronics and communication, there are now alternate ways to keep in contact with your children when they live far away. Generally the courts will order regular telephone contact between the children and the separated parent. Think about taking it a step further.

Using the High Speed Internet, along with a web camera for continued and frequent contact over long distances.

Sample Local Access Orders - Parents Living Less Than 100-Miles Apart

STANDARD VISITATION ORDER
IT IS FURTHER ORDERED, ADJUDGED AND DECREED that the custodial parent(s) and the non-custodial parent(s) shall be bound by the following terms and provisions, and the non-custodial parent(s) shall have possession of the child(ren) as follows:

  • a)

    Definitions. In this section:

    (1)

    "School" means the primary or secondary school in which the child is enrolled, or, if the child is not enrolled in a primary or secondary school, the public school district in which the child primarily resides.

    (2)

    "Standard Order" or "standard possession order" Means an order that provides a parent named as a non-custodial parent with rights of possession of a child in accordance with the terms and conditions provided in this section.

    (3)

    "Child(ren)" applies to all children the subjects of this cause of action under the age of 18, and not otherwise emancipated.

    (b)

    Mutual Agreement or Specific Terms for Possession. It is ordered that the parties may have possession of the child at any and all times mutually agreed to in advance by the parties and failing mutual agreement, shall have possession of the child under the specified terms herein set out in this standard order.

    (c)

    Parents Who Reside 100 Miles Or Less Apart. Except as otherwise explicitly provided, if the non-custodial parent resides 100 Miles or less from the primary residence of the child, the non-custodial parent shall have possession of the child as follows, according to the election made as indicated by an "X" or "/":

    (1)

    ____ (a) on weekends from 6 p.m. on the first, third and fifth Friday of each month until 6 p.m. on the following Sunday (or, at the non-custodial parent's election made before the rendition of the original or modification order), ____ (b) from the time the child's school day ends, if any, on the first, third, and fifth Fridays of each month until 6 p.m. on the following Sunday; and

    (2)

    (a) on Wednesdays of each week during the regular school term from 6 p.m. until 8 p.m., (or at the non-custodial parent's election made before the rendition of the original or modification order), ____ (b) from the time the child's school day ends, if any, until 8 p.m. on Wednesdays of each week during the regular school term.

    (d)

    Weekend Possession Extended by Holiday. Except as otherwise explicitly provided, if a weekend period of possession of the non-custodial parent coincides with a school holiday during the regular School term, or with a federal, state, or local holiday during the summer months in which school is not in session, the weekend shall extend until 6 p.m. on a Monday holiday or school holiday or shall begin at 6 p.m. Thursday for a Friday holiday or school holiday, as applicable.

    (e)

    Vacations and Holidays. The following provisions govern possession of the child for vacations and for certain specific holidays and supersede any conflicting weekend or Wednesday periods of possession provided by subsections (c) and (d) of this section. The non-custodial parent and custodial parent shall have rights of possession of the child as follows:

    (1)

    the non-custodial parent shall have possession of the child in even-numbered years from 6 p.m. on the last school day before the Christmas school vacation begins until noon on December 26th, and the custodial parent shall have possession for the same period in odd-numbered years;

    (2)

    the non-custodial parent shall have possession of the child in odd-numbered years from noon on December 26th until 6 p.m. on the day before school resumes, and the custodial parent shall have possession for the same period in even-numbered years;

    (3)

    the non-custodial parent shall have possession of the child in odd-numbered years from 6 p.m. on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving until 6 p.m. on the following Sunday, and the custodial parent shall have possession for the same period in even numbered years;

    (4)

    the non-custodial parent shall have possession of the child in even-numbered years from 6 p.m. on the last school day before the school's spring vacation begins until 6 p.m. on the day before school resumes, and the custodial parent shall have possession for the same period in odd-numbered years;

    (5)

    if the non-custodial parent:

    (A)

    gives the custodial parent written notice by May 1 of each year specifying an extended period or periods of summer possession, the non-custodial parent shall have possession of the child for 30 days between June 1 and August 31, to be exercised in no more than Two separate periods of at least seven consecutive days each; or

    (B)

    does not give the Custodial parent written notice by May 1 of each year specifying an extended period or periods of summer possession, the non-custodial parent shall have possession of the child for 30 consecutive days at 6 p.m. on July 1 and ending on July 31;

    (6)

    if the custodial parent gives the non-custodial parent written notice by May 15 of each year or gives the non-custodial parent 14 days' written notice on or after May 16 of each year, the custodial parent shall have possession of the child on any one weekend from Friday at 6 p.m. to 6 p.m. on the following Sunday during any one period of possession by the non-custodial parent under subdivision (5) of this subsection, provided that the custodial parent picks up the child from the non-custodial parent and returns the child to that same place;

    (7)

    if the custodial parent gives the non-custodial parent written notice by May 15 of each year or gives the non-custodial parent 14 days' written notice on or after May 16 of each year, the custodial parent may designate one weekend between June 1 and August 31, during which an otherwise scheduled weekend period of possession by the non-custodial parent will not take place, provided that the weekend so designated does not interfere with the non-custodial parent's period or periods of extended summer possession or with Father's Day if the non-custodial parent is the father of the child;

    (8)

    the parent not in possession of the child on the child's birthday shall have possession of the child from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. on that day, provided that the parent not in possession picks up the child from the child's residence and returns the child to that same place.

    (9)

    if the father shall have possession of the child on Father's Day from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., provided that, if he is not in possession of the child, he picks up the child from the child's residence and returns the child to that same place; and

    (10)

    if the mother shall have possession of the child on Mother's Day from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., provided that, if she is not in possession of the child, she picks up the child from the child's residence and returns the child to that same place.

Sample Long Distance Access Orders - Parents Living More Than 100-Miles Apart

Some of the highest rates of Denial of Court Ordered Parental Access or Visitation Rights take place when it involves long distance visitation, especially across state lines.

There is no comparable federal office to enforce access rights as there is for child support, thus the states have no financial incentive to enforce “cross state line orders” granting a parent access rights to his/her children. In worse a case scenario, in states like Missouri, after six months of the separated parent having no contact with the children, a stepparent can adopt the children without notice given the separated parent. As such, in addition to the following, a Long Distance Order should include established penalties for violations.

The custodial parent should provide at least $5000 or $15,000 for International Cases, in a Cash or Secured Certified Bond to the court. If a violation of the access orders takes place, the bond forfeits to the non-custodial parent. It can than be used to pay for an attorney.

You should also request that the state of residency of the non-custodial parent retain jurisdiction over the case, as long as the non-custodial parent remains there.

In addition, both parents shall provide the child(ren):

  • Computer Access;
  • High Speed Internet Service;
  • A Webcam, or better, a Firewire web cam; and
  • An electronic tablet, which can be used to help with school homework, or just to draw on. As an example, while the child is practicing writing their letters on their tablet, you can be writing examples of the right way to be doing it on yours, with both images showing up onscreen. The same applies to doing math problems.

  • Unibrain Fire-i Webcam Firewire Digital Camera

    Superior VGA picture quality and lightweight. Several cameras can be daisy-chained and viewed simultaneously on a PC. Fire-i Software allows the user to monitor one or multiple cameras locally or remotely.
    Amazon Price: $101.24 (as of 09/20/2012)

    (f)

    Parents Who Reside Over 100 Miles. Except as otherwise explicitly provided, if the non-custodial parent resides more than 100 miles from the residence of the child, the non-custodial parent shall have the right to possession of the child as follows:

    (1)

    either regular weekend possession beginning on the first, third and fifth Friday as provided under the terms of subsection (c) (l) of this section, or not more than one weekend per month of the non-custodial parent's choice beginning at 6 p.m. on the day school recesses for the weekend and ending at 6 p.m. on the day before school resumes after the weekend, provided that the non-custodial parent gives the custodial parent seven days written notice or telephonic notice preceding a designated weekend, and provided that the non-custodial parent elects an option for this possession either before the rendition of the original or modification order or by written notice given to the custodial parent within 90 days after the parties begin to reside more than 100 miles apart, as applicable, and provided that such weekend possessions do not conflict with subsections (e)(l)-(3) and (e)(8)-(10) of this section;

    (2)

    the terms of Subsection (e)(l)-(3) and (e)(8)-(10) of this section are applicable when the non-custodial parent resides more than 100 miles from the residence of the child;

    (3)

    every Spring school vacation from 6 p.m. on the day school recesses until 6 p.m. on the day before school resumes after that vacation;

    (4)

    if the non-custodial parent:

    (A)

    gives the Custodial parent written notice by May 1, of each year specifying an extended period or periods of summer possession, the non-custodial parent shall have possession of the child for 42 days between June 1 and August 31, to be extended in no more than two separate periods of at least seven consecutive days each; or

    (B)

    does not give the custodial parent written notice by May 1 of each year specifying an extended period or periods of summer possession, the non-custodial parent shall have possession of the child for 42 consecutive days beginning at 6 p.m. on June 15 and ending at 6 p.m. on July 27;

    (5)

    if the custodial parent gives the non-custodial parent written notice by May 15 of each year or gives the non-custodial parent 14 days notice on or after May 16 of each year, the custodial parent shall have possession of the child on any one weekend from Friday at 6 p.m. to 6 p.m. on the following Sunday during any one period of possession by the non-custodial parent under subdivision (4) of this subsection, provided that if a period of possession by the non-custodial parent exceeds 30 days, the custodial parent may have possession of the child under the terms of this subdivision on any two nonconsecutive weekends during that time period, and further provided that the custodial parent picks up the child from the non-custodial parent and returns the child to the same place; and

    (6)

    if the custodial parent gives the non-custodial parent written notice by May 15 of each year or gives the non-custodial parent 30 days' written notice on or after May 16 of each year, the custodial parent may designate 21 days between June 1 and August 31, to be exercised in no more than two separate periods of at least seven consecutive days each, during which the non-custodial parent shall not have possession of the child, provided that the period or periods so designated do not interfere with the non-custodial parent's period or periods of extended summer possession or with Father's Day if the non-custodial parent is the father of the child.

General Terms & Conditions

(g)

Except as otherwise explicitly provided, terms and conditions of possession of a child that apply irrespective of the distance between the residence of a parent and the child are as follows:

(1)

the custodial parent shall surrender the child to the non-custodial parent at the beginning of each period of the non-custodial parent's possession at the residence of the custodial parent;

(2)

the non-custodial parent is hereby ordered, as indicated by an "X" or "/", to:
____(a) surrender the child to the custodial parent at the end of each period of possession at the residence of the non-custodial parent; or
____(b) return the child to the residence of the custodial parent at the end of each period of possession;

(3)

each parent shall return with the child the personal effects that the child brought at the beginning of the period of possession;

(4)

either parent may designate any competent adult to pick up and return the child, as applicable; a parent or a designated competent adult shall be present when the child is picked up or returned;

(5)

a parent shall give notice to the person in possession of the child on each occasion that the parent will be unable to exercise that parent's right of possession for any specified period; repeated failure of a parent to give notice of an inability to exercise non-custodial rights may be considered as a factor in a modification of those non-custodial rights;

(6)

written notice shall be deemed to have been timely made if received or postmarked before or at the time that notice is due; and

(7)

if a parent*s time of possession of a child ends at the time school resumes and for any reason the child is not or will not be returned to school, the parent in possession of the child shall immediately notify the school and the other parent that the child will not be or has not been returned to school.

(h)

Where parents under this decree reside in different areas and the child(ren) must travel between parents by public transportation, the custodial parent is ordered to deliver the child(ren) at the beginning of each period of possession herein awarded to the non-custodial parent, to the appropriate transportation terminal in the custodial parent's city of residence. Further, the custodial parent is ordered to pick up the child(ren) at the termination of each period of possession herein granted to the non-custodial parent, at the appropriate transportation terminal in the custodial parent's city of residence. The non-custodial parent is hereby ordered to pick up the child(ren) at the appropriate transportation terminal in the non-custodial parent's city of residence. Further, the non-custodial parent is ordered to deliver the child(ren) at the end of each period of possession herein awarded to the non-custodial parent, to the appropriate transportation terminal in the non-custodial parent's city of residence.

Grandparent Rights

There are many reasons for taking this action. The most common reason usually involves the death of of their adult child, the parent of the grandchildren. If the parents were separated at the time of the death, the surviving parent may disrupt the access of the grandparents.

Click here for Grandparents Rights Group for help in determining your state laws in this regard.

Check with the Clerk of the Court for Pro Se Forms in the County of Jurisdiction for filing for these rights before considering the hiring of an attorney.

WHO MAY BRING THE SUIT
If it finds that it is in the best interest of the child to do so, the court may grant reasonable access rights to either the maternal or paternal grandparents of the child whose parent-child relationship has been terminated or who has been adopted. Such relief shall not be granted unless one of the child's legal parents at the time the relief is requested is the child's natural parent.

WHEN SUIT MAY BE BROUGHT
Many states have laws regarding grandparents rights. Grandparents may request an order for access to a grandchild during a suit affecting the parent-child relationship. Grandparents may also request an order for access to a grandchild after entry of judgment in a suit affecting the parent-child relationship to which the grandparents were not parties.

WHAT RELIEF MAY BE SOUGHT
In this area, we advise reviewing what the law in your state says regarding grandparents visitation or access. The attorneys in the organization can make suggestions, after reviewing what your law states.

VENUE
If the grandparents are intervening in a divorce action joined with a suit affecting the parent-child relationship, venue will be provided by law for the divorce. If the action is an original suit affecting the parent-child relationship and the grandparents are filing a petition for further remedy, venue is where the child resides. If, however, the child's residence has changed since the last adjudication, the petitioners may wish to seek a transfer to the county of the child's present residence.

PLEADINGS
If the grandparents are bringing an original suit or petition for further remedy, the pleadings should be in accordance with the requirements of your state's statutes for a suit affecting the parent-child relationship.

GROUNDS ON WHICH RELIEF MAY BE GRANTED
Grandparents, like others seeking conservatorship of, possession of, or access to a child, must show that the order they request would be in the best interest of the child.

WHAT GRANDPARENTS SHOULD DO:
Hire their own lawyer to establish grandparent rights. It's not usually very wise for the mom or dad's lawyer to also act as grandma or grandpa's lawyer. It is best to establish grandparent rights at the time of a divorce - not later. File a petition for grandparent rights while the divorce or paternity case is still active.

JOIN A GRANDPARENTS RIGHTS GROUP: (link)
Keep track of all the times you see your grandchildren in a journal and write down all things you did with your grandchildren. Take lots of "happy"pictures showing what a good time you and the grandchildren have when you get together. Remember you may be the only port that protects your grandchildren from the legal storms brewed up by their parents. Create an atmosphere of peace and fun during your visits with the grandchildren. Don't talk about the mom and dad's problems unless the grandchildren specifically ask you about them.

WHAT GRANDPARENTS SHOULD NOT DO:
Don't take sides between two warring parents in front of your grandchildren. Support your child in private. Never say bad things about either of your grandchildren's parents - this can be psychologically harmful to your grandchildren. Don't sit on your rights as grandparents. Get into court and get your rights established. This is not interring in your children's lives but is protecting the needs of your grandchildren to have a relationship with you. Lots of research has shown that grandparents are very important in lives of children going through divorce or child custody battles.

A BRIEF LOOK AT THE LAW
All fifty states of have laws allowing for grandparent visitation. These laws vary from state to state, but the vast majority of states allow grandparent's to have visitation rights following divorce or the death of one parent. Many states also allow grandparents visitation rights in situations where the parents where never married. Some states allow grandparents to have visitation rights following a stepparent adoption. Almost no states allow grandparents visitation in cases where both natural parents are still married or living together unless the natural parents approve 2the visitation.

In order for grandparents to have legally enforceable rights, they must get a court order establishing a grandparent visitation schedule. This order is often made in a divorce decree at the time of the natural parents' divorce. However, grandparent visitation schedules can be established after a divorce has been finalized.

Usually, grandparents must file a petition to establish their rights. This petition will normally say that it is in the best interests of the minor children to have visitation with the grandparents. If the petition is contested all the way to a hearing in front of the court, the grandparents will have to prove that it is in their grandchildren's best interests to have a separate visitation schedule with them. Generally, grandparent's will have to show that they have a warm, loving and nurturing relationship with their grandchildren - or it will have to be shown how the objecting parent has interfered with the establishment of such a relationship. Here are some questions you will need to answer:

  1. How often did you see the child?
  2. Under what circumstances did you see the child?
  3. What activities did you do together?
  4. Did you visit alone with the children or only when parents were present?
  5. Did you ever babysit?
  6. Did you read stories together?
  7. Did you take walks together?
  8. Did you go shopping together?
  9. Did the child ever spend the night at your house - when?
  10. What is your grandchild's birth date?
  11. What is your grandchild's favorite story? Game?
  12. Do you know your grandchild's medical history?
  13. Why do you believe visitation was stopped?
  14. Is there disagreement between you and parent as to the child's raising?
  15. What is your goal?
  16. How often do you want visitation?

Toxic Divorce: A Workbook for Alienated Parents
Toxic Divorce: A Workbook for Alienated Parents

Kathleen M. Reay, Ph.D., D.A.A.E.T.S., R.C.C., a Diplomate of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress is an experienced licensed psychotherapist, researcher, public speaker, and litigation-related consultant to parents, attorneys and the courts as an expert on parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome.

 

Please Sign Guest Book

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Stacy 24 months ago

      ODOGWUMALAIKA@GMAIL.COM IS REAL!!! BEWARE OF OTHERS!!

      Spell Casters be like Deep Wells, they keep demanding and at the end nothing usually works.

      It continued like that with many spell casters until I met odogwumalaika@gmail.com. I hoped

      within me that he was gonna be my last trial, i was skeptical though. I gave this last shot with

      him and for real Dr Malaika is Real Oh my God! He made everything happen, he brought back

      my husband and made me recover all that I have lost. He went as far as blessing me further

      with money and here we are living peacefully. All da HATERS now Envy us. Thanks to Dr Malaika

      and for real he is a life saver. His email is odogwumalaika@gmail.com. mobile: +2347065448120

    • profile image

      Rose 2 years ago

      THE GREAT POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT BRING BACK MY EX HUSBAND.

      I just want to say appreciate you Prof Dumga for all you have done for me. He is back now. That very powerful spell caster STOP THE DIVORCE – and get my ex husband back.

      I am Rose Hanks, from USA. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went for a business summit November last year in Africa. I meant a man who's name is PROF DUMGA he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one's gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony because the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to USA, my husband called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mother and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn't believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my Husband name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better.in case you are in any situation you can contact Prof Dumga at his email dumgaspells@live.com

      Thank you for all your help Professor

    • profile image

      Vicky 2 years ago

      I had a serious quarrel with my husband due to my parent because my parent never liked him to be my husband, but i love him so much that i will rather die to let him go off me, that was how i met this great man of voodoo online, he told me that everything will be fine that he can do a spell that will make my parent love him and allow me to marry him without any quarrel thoroughly it came to pass my mum and dad love him most than before we are now happy married family,please help me in thanking him for his help, here is the email esangopriest@gmail.com

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      My wife and I were recently married we live in Indiana. And my ex whom I have joint custody with refuses to allow my wife to obsurve my parenting time while I'm on the road as a truck driver. My lawyer states that a live in parent or stepparent my have the time. Is this true can anyone help. Please.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Note that I had heart attack yesterday, so I may not be of much use right now. All my knowledge is found in this manual, but he should also join the Dads House Group for his state and post the problem there. You could also do it for him.

      https://hubpages.com/relationships/FathersRightsIn

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: ***She has used every excuse she can to keep them, including but not limited to "That's not a good day they have homework." ???????

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I live in Tennessee. A friend is having trouble with his ex wife over their children, of course. I have a question as to if something is by law wrong. He has always been there for his children even after the divorce. He would have them 3 days one week and 4 the next one. My friend has two boys who worship him. In the parenting plan he gets every other weekend from the time they are out of school until that Sunday at 6p. They rotate holidays and each have their own as well, then they will rotate weeks drink the summer. In his agreement it also states that he should have reasonable and liberal parenting time during the week upon 24 hours notice, provided that the boys do not have scheduled plans elsewhere. So the question is this. When texting his ex today to see about getting the boys tomorrow(Tuesday) after school he got a flat no. So then he asked about Wed, and got an "Ive got plans". ANd a no on Thursday...because it is his weekend. He can't get her to agree with anything except every other weekend which is just not enough time. His boys cry (8 and 9 yrs) EVERY time he is taking them back. Help?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      ON the VA benefits, who ever told you that your ex doesn't have to give you a percentage of that is very wrong. I am a disabled vet and I work a fulltime job. My ex wife gets 20% of my bi weekly paycheck, i am responcible to maintain health care, and she also gets 20% of my disability check. my understanding is that recently supreme courts ruling was that any VA compensation paid to a veteran is done so to compensate for lost income to to their disability, and can be used for child support. And even if he is pending the approvale on it, you can get 20% of the back pay check as well. If he retired, there are some tricks to it that I don't know enough about to give advise on, but i do know that your still intitled to child support.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am a single mother and yes I used to be married. I got my divorce about 5 years ago. Visitation, childsupport and etc. was set back then. I am really tired and sickened to read about Dead beat fathers and hungry gold digger mothers. You know in my opinion the most important factor should be the child well being. Then as far as deciding on visitation and financial support they should make it mandatory for both parents to attend classes and spend time together with their child regardless if they divorced or not. Sometimes i think parents need to learn to be friends again and learn what their priorities should be which lies with their child and not with the financial obligation or visitation or other etc. A lot of times people used to love each other and I don't understand how suddenly people hate each other and use all means nessessary to make the other person miserable. In my case i got a notification that my child support is stopping next week because my exhusband got discharged medically from the miltiary and my son is not entitle to get anything from his VA benefits or etc. So long story short I was shocked because a part of the funds sponsored my son after school care and karate classes which I am not able to afford by myself. Now you tell me how am I supposed to feel as a mother who suddenly gets tbe boot on the financial help and also a boot on the visitation for my son because the father claims he has no gas money, but he is living rent free (cable, internet and electric included) in a warrior transition apartment complex which he only received because I tried to help him and sign 2 months of custody over to him for the summer so he can qualify for the benefit. His new girlfriend lives there with her kids. He drives a brand new truck which the program pays for his Truck as well. Yes I said it is not always about money but how am I suppose to tell my son that I can't afford his extra activities and why his dad don't want to see him anymore? Its the kids who suffer please think about it and consider the kids thoughts and pains. It doesn't benefit you or your child to make each other lifes miserable. I speak from experience and even after being divorced for sooo many years I feel like he is still trying to make my life miserable for no reason. I say no reason because he was caught with adultery several times while I was pregnant. I just want my son to live a normal life and have both loving parents there for him to support and love him. Why is that too much to ask for and for the step moms out there or girlfriends instigating the father or the mothers out there. Just remember what ever he or she does to their child they will do eventually one day to you as well. you better keep your nose out of their business.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      thx for that nice lens

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      This more of a question than a comment. I am a single mom who has never been married. When I told my ex that I was not going to have an abortion, he instantly started hating me vehemently. My ex denied my kid initially, then dodged the process servers for child support and missed three paternity tests. He finally took the test because in my state when you miss the third test, they automatically garnish your wages. Anyway, when he got the results my child was 16 months old and he had never seen him at all. He wrote me a rude e-mail and asked to see our kid. Long story short, I initially was bringing our kid to see him every other week, but he knows how to push my buttons and there would always be rude comments toward me. One time, when it was time to leave, he said I couldn't go, stood behind my car and called the police saying that I was kidnapping our child. Of course, the cops told him that he did not have custody or the right to keep me there. After that, I didn't take him to see the father again until I get a call from his lawyer. Because the lawyer seemed reasonable, I decided to try again without making him go to court, but while trying to set up a time, he wrote a series of condescending e-mails to me, which made me think that I should just make him go to court, so that I can at least get a break from the drama while he gets the legal system involved. Honestly, I'm feeling like a doormat for making concessions for him willingly because he shows no appreciation or even acknowledgement that I could hold a grudge about all of the mean things he said about our child and me and keep him away, but I didn't. Until know because I don't want the drama associated with communicating with him. I'm writing on here because I know that most moms would say that I was doing the right thing - only because moms know the stress of dealing with a kid alone and then having the extra stress of a rude man. I want a man's perspective. Also, I am afraid to leave him alone with my kid because I know that he never wanted him to be alive. Here's the question part: Do you think that he really wants to be part of his kid's life now? If so, why is it so hard for him to stop being condescending and just focus on our child and not focus on belittling me? Do you think I should just suck it up and take the verbal/written insults? On one hand, I think my kid should know the dad, but on the other hand, I think that a child seeing the mom being belittled by a father can't be helpful. From a man's perspective, will he ever stop being mad that I had a child? You don't know me, so just be honest.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Don't talk to any attorney until he has at least written a Chronological Statement. Click on the link at the top for the full manual to learn everything he needs to know, including how to hire an attorney.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I am a friend to a father who is having a terrible time with the mothers of his children. I have assisted him with contacting a lawyer and starting on a process to help dissolve the conflict with the mother of his youngest. And now the mother of his eldest is attempting to take full custody. I greatly appreciate this website and it's contents. This will help us to hopefully settle some of the issues that he is having.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Was he ever married to her? If not, he had no legal rights to the child from the onset, which is the law in all countries, except Germany, until a court rules otherwise. You were very luck to have been given the child as normally the child would only go to her relatives, or into foster care. I have a father in CT dealing with that right now.

      The mistake was in not filing for custody, and child support, the moment you got the child. He left himself wide open to this happening by not taking the time to research this earlier and just making assumptions. The mother always had sole custody and control, and she can still file for retroactive child support on him.

      So, now where do you go? Did you have an attorney at this hearing? How much prep work was done for it? Did he write a Chronological Statement before all this began?

      These are the things he much learn and start doing. All this is covered in the Dads House Manual. He needs to study it and follow what it says, most especially in keep a Daily Journal of all his activities, as false allegations are the best way to prevent him from getting custody. Also join the state group for Dads House.

      https://hubpages.com/relationships/FathersRightsIn

      Finally, PAY IT FORWARD. There are far to man young men who are shacking up and do not know how limiting this is to their rights. We cannot afford to advertise, so we much rely on people like you to get the word out.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I'm the Grandmother of a 22 month old grandson. Right after he turned 1, his mother had a car accident and was charged with DWI, he and another child under 14 yrs old were in the vehicle, where she was charged with child endangerment. While she was hospitlized, I as the grandmother went to the hospital, at which time my son was called, as he was out of state with his job, and CPS of Louisiana released the child into my care until the father could return home. The mother was arrested when released from the hospital, and went to another city to live with her family and to go into an alcohol and drug abuse clinic. I cared for the baby for 9 months, not hearing from the mother, my son worked and spent every free moment he had with the child, evenings after work, weekends, holidays. We also placed the child with a licensed sitter twice a week so he could interact with other children. . The court only charged her with the DWI, no charges for child endangerment and gave her probation. She then hires an attorney, after not seeing this child for 9 months, giving no support, ie..money, clothing, diapers, etc. They have a court date, the day of court she is arrested for improper telephone communications, breaking her probation. Allowed her to bond out and go to court at which time the judge grants her primary custody of the child with my son having visitation every other weekend. She has a long history of drug and alcohol abuse, and smelled of alcohol the first weekend my son picked the child up. CPS has a current case open on her, but of course she cleans her act up and acts like the perfect mother when she knows they are coming. I am afraid of her having another accident and either injuring the child or worse. She has other children from a previous relationship and I am very concerned for all of their wellbeing.She screams and yells at them, hits walls with her fist, and I'm almost certain has not stopped with the drugs or alcohol. I am worried sick over this baby being subjected to such behavior.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Is there anything I can do legally ahead if time that would not allow other people, other than the biological parents, to be called "mom" or "dad"? I'm working on filing with the courts in Florida and wondered if there is any verbiage I can add to the time sharing plan regarding this.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Sorry, I have been sick and I misread what you said the first time. Only if that is in the court orders.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I wanted to give you an update on my situation. On June 14, 2012 I requested a binding love spell be cast on my boyfriend. His eyes roamed to any woman that passed us and it made me feel horrible. I am happy to report that a 2days after I requested the spell he proposed to me. We have been married for months now, we are expecting our first child in jennary. 2012 and he no longer has eyes for any other woman. I was greatly impressed with the fast results and the personal attention I was shown during the casting and beyond. Dr. Okoja you are really powerful ....i will advice you guys to contact him if you need any help.. voodoafricapower@yahoo.com

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Hi, my partner is allowed custody of his children wednesdays overnight and Sat afternoon until monday morning. During this time if the children are in the care of anyone ither than the non -custodian parent is he legally obliged to provide the custodian parent with contact names and numbers of who the child is with?

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      Hi Shiva at hinduspelltemple@yahoo.com

      I Sarah have great pleasure in telling you Andy came up and asked me to give it another go! He said the only thing he asks of me is to take it slow and not just be all of a sudden like loves young dream. I told him that was grand by me as I will prob take a while to trust him in terms of him wanting to be there and not running of again and that I knew that would come with time. I asked him what was different now to when we finished he said he didnât really know but that he was probably just more comfy with the whole serious thing. He was even joking about the boys at work telling him they wanted "a day out" (wedding) something he would never have joked about before. Itâs kind of weird I thought I would have been more hyper but I think probably because of all the worry etc its feels just like a relief! Words canât express my thanks to you for all your help and not to mention patience with me I know it hasn't sank in yet but I am so happy and it will only get better as me and Andy get to know each other again.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Regardless of the swim meets, the court orders must be obeyed. Why cannot you take the child to the meets. As for the mother scheduling anything, if it is unrelated to the team, than that is inappropriate. Tell her that parenting always takes priority and if this is that important, than joint physical custody would be better for the child so that you have more time during the week. Depending on circumstances, you could even go for Bird Nest Custody.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      My son is in competitive swimming and the swim meets fall on my weekends which means I don't get to see him much (at the swim meets he is swimming, with his coach and friends). My ex also plans swimming event on my weekends. How do I get her to stop doing this. If I say something to her she says I am not thinking of my son or his swimming career. It isn't right that I don't get to spend time with my son. I feel she is trying to put distance between him and I. I also love that he loves swimming but fear he may also burn out. What to do???

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 4 years ago

      @Betterman13: That depends on the state.

      https://hubpages.com/relationships/MarriedGirlfrie

      In Missouri, if she were to divorce you, than you would have no rights to the child, if the child is not yours.

      http://dadshouseedctr.org/PaternityFraudsSilentVic...

      First, you need to determine if the child is yours.

      https://hubpages.com/health/PrenatalPaternityTesti

      If the child is not yours, but you live in a state where you are the presumptive father, than you are okay as long as the child lives there. However, if within the next 19 years, you were to move to a state like Missouri, than all bet are off, and worse, she could than file for retroactive child support on him for the whole time period you raised the child.

      This is a legal issue which has no case law to address it, if you live in a state where you are not the presumptive father, than you could file for adoption. However, if you do live in such a state, can you still file to adoption to address potential future problems in the event you move from the state.

      This might make for an interesting survey of State Supreme Court Judges on how they would address this issue.

    • profile image

      Betterman13 4 years ago

      My wife had a one night stand due to alcohol. We have worked things out and are not going to divorce. She is pregnant now and even though she did this once with another person there is a chance that the other guy is the father. I am going to all of her appointments with her,supporting her financially, and I believe that it is my child.

      I am a more stable person than the guy,have a good job, and want to be the child's father no matter if it is biological or not. I am going to sign the birth certificate and paternity papers. We are not wanting to get a paternity test. mutual friend said that he is going to file for a paternity test. What can I do as the husband and our growing baby inside my wife to prevent anything from happening. We don't want him involved in our life or the baby's life. It would be awkward for a drinking,unstable person, to have visitation with a child that I am going to love with all of my heart and take care of, teach moral values, take to church, and share the joys of being a parent with my wife. We are in WV and like I said he is a terrible person and don't want any kind of contact

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 4 years ago

      @anonymous: That depends much on when he became a father, and whether he had any choice in the matter. Males do not reach full maturity until age 30, forcing one against his choice to be a father before than can play on a mind that is not fully ready for it. Often, they must grow into the idea, even in cases where they think it was their choice. They are still essentially children until age 30. Christ was not mature enough to leave home until age 30. He may come around late, but late is still preferable to never at all. However, making him feel shame for it does not help the circumstance, and can force him into depression, thus pushing him away.

      https://hubpages.com/family/children-of-separated-

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Zero, if he takes the time to learn his rights, and how to address them. However, most sit on their hands, with their head firmly shoved up between their gluteus maximus & gluteus medius muscles, thinking there is nothing that can be done, so it is not worth trying.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 4 years ago

      @anonymous: The problem that arises is how do you tell? A father can be fighting for years to see his children, while the children, and anyone else within earshot, are told he is not even trying. In a 1988 HHS study, 60% of divorced fathers had to file to enforce their court ordered access rights within six months of the order, costing them $1000 each time in legal fees.Most give up trying after a few years, as they cannot afford the growing legal fees. It was not until 2008 before the first custodial parent was even jailed for contempt of court for denial of access rights.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: It's def a shame for fathers that want to be in a child's life and can't but there's def so called father's out there that DO NOT deserve to be in their child's life. What really is annoying is for so called father to not be in a child's life and then decide after so many years that they have that right to pop in and say hey I'm your dad. It's confusing and not right to the child to be put through all that and all it does is flip their world upside down and makes them question everything else.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Absolutely AGREE! Good for the dads there from day 1.. And remain there. The ones that are not. Do not deserve the same rights as the mothers who have never faltered for their kids and remain the anchor in their lives. Showing them unconditional love, and that they are loved.. always.. They need one person , consistently there period. If the other is a fly by night, he / she shouldn't receive the same level of parenting rights. PERIOD.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: Right there with you, Joshua. It sucks. Maybe one day the legal system will realize the harm they've imposed on children with their unequal treatment of fathers, but for now they continue following guidelines that must have seemed appropriate in the 1950s.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: You're right about that!

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      interesting lens

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      @anonymous: I totally agree, this article doesn't talk about so called fathers, that sound and look like they care but in reality do nothing for there children. I have no issues with my ex-husband visiting out child, but when he takes him for a day and then calls in the middle of that day and tells me: "Oh, he is tired and wants to go home". He could never take care of him full day, forget a weekend!! At the same time the teary eyes, and trembling lip when talking about how much he loves his kid.

    • profile image

      anonymous 4 years ago

      I was a single mom, my two oldest daughters dad was in the picture, a good dad. When we divorce and setup visitation and support we did what was best for our girls. I got out and got a job to help support them. We both gave 100% to our girls. My youngest daughter had what is know as a "deadbeat dad" He sent 1 support check and stopped payment on it before I could cash it. He stayed out of her life for 16 years and the day she turn 18, he wanted to play dad. When we went to court to set support I took less than half of what I could have received, because he had another child that I felt deserved to be supported just as my daughter did. If these mother would get off their lazy butts and do their part and stop whining about the father of their children not paying them, they would be able to take care of their children. I worked 2 jobs and put myself and all of my 3 girls through college. Women stop wasting your time fight "dead beat dads" and do something to improve your life and your children s life's. For the "dead beat dads" get off your ass and help with your children, because of the few bad ones the world punishes the good dads who love and take care of their children. Moms don't deny your children their fathers, they deserve to have both a mother and father. No matter how much you hate him, you choice to have children with him. So learn to share your children. Just because you stop loving him it doesn't mean your children have to. Thank you all you dads who stand up for your rights to see your children and for your part in taking care of them. Hopefully some day the world will realize that fathers love their children as much as mothers do and that they deserve the same rights.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 5 years ago

      @anonymous: It is meant for the caring ones. However, many a male i forced into parenthood when they are not ready for it. Males do not even reach full maturity until age 30, so that have to grow into the idea. Further, depression in males are at an all time high, with boys as young as 5 committing suicide. A father who is drifting in and out may have a need to be screened for depression to see if something else is happening there that can be treated.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      What you left out was to explain that these rights apply if you actually love and show up for your child. For noncustodial parents who feel like floating in and out of their child's lives as they feel like doing, they shouldn't have any right to further alienate their children and teach them not to depend on anyone. In those cases, every time that happens it's the custodial parent who is left to pick up the pieces. So this is wonderful info for all the caring, loving non-custodial parents who understand what parenting children is, but that distinction needs to be made.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      what are the top 7 items of fathers rights that can be violated by a custodial parent?

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      ok past mistakes the only mistake i made was marrying an unfaithful woman other than that i did absolutely everything for this woman worked two jobs bc she wanted to be a stay at home mother didn't drink didn't do drugs was a good faithful husband and she decides that she wants to go out and cheat and shack up with my so called good friend takes the kids and everything i worked 7 years for and basically I have very limmited to almost no rights to my children how is that equal rights thing workin out for the other millions of men in the same predicament just curious this whole thing makes me angry beyond belief bc of the complete disregaurd of any kind of morality in this god forsaken country.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 5 years ago

      @anonymous: That is why I developed this manual. so that men do not make the same mistakes, and how to correct some of the ones they made in the past to got them into the spot they are in now.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      OK just one question i don't know if anyone has heard of an equal rights movement for women key word equal so how did equal become superior rights and us as fathers have to just settle for what we get is out society so screwd up that they can't see through a womans garbage my wife started drinking which lead into smoking weed which lead to cheating and god knows with how many people i herd from her best friend a few. she gets the kids and all the rights and all i get is this sorry joke above that's telling me basically that she can do what ever she wants and get away with it and the courts will do nothing thanks for that bit of useless information telling me if she wanted to be a good kind custodial parent she can but if she dosnt she dosnt have to be either when are our fathers going to stand up and have a fathers rights movement to stop these evil women just curious????

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 5 years ago

      @anonymous: You can reduce the cost of hiring an attorney through preparation and taking the time to interview attorneys. A less experienced (Cheaper) attorney willing to take payments, but employs an experience paralegal can be as effective as an more experienced and expensive one, The paralegal is the real backbone of any case. Often when an attorney dies or retires, their paralegals will go to work for a young, new attorney to guide and help them gain experience.

      http://dadshouseedctr.org/Manual

      As for seeing the children, use this method that I recommend for unmarried fathers with no access rights. Start at #4.

      https://hubpages.com/family/single-fathers-rights-...

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Thanks for sharing this info. My wife and I separated 10 months ago and she will not let me see my 2 year old daughter, just because I don't want to reconcile. She knows I don't have the money to pay for an attorney and she uses that against me. she has blocked my number so that I can't contact her and has moved out of her house and will not give me her new address. its tearing me up inside that I can't see her. I will try what I have learned here and hope I get to see my daughter, Ellianna, very soon. Thanks again!

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 5 years ago

      @anonymous: Aside from are are far more cases involving fathers, whereas women will read gender neutral articles, men don't, if we can get them to read the material at all. Usually they are being pushed by a woman to read it, thus the ay to is designed. Men are far more defeatist in their attitude.

      Just as I would ask a man, do you have court ordered access rights that can be enforced? If you do, than there is something you can be doing.

      https://hubpages.com/relationships/DenyingFathersA...

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      It's not just fathers, it's mothers too in some cases. I let my childrens fathers parents have custody of my three children for the reason that I could not provide for them financially....now its utterly impossible to see them for the one time I get them a month and especially summer vacation. When you work around their schedules for the sake of the kids so there's no drama and they still wont let you see the kids is ridiculous. Its not fair to the kids and the AGO doesn't help. Its wrong that they push so hard for the money but not for the visitation of the parents when that too is needed for the children to grow up healthy.

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 5 years ago

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Wow great info :) im a separated mother of two and on my kids dads access days he tells me that if i don't do what he wants, such as drop kids off and pick them up etc, he will take me to court and force me to pay him money for food and other necessitys when they are with him. I didn't realise that i didn't have to supply everything for him that our kids need, ive been packing clothes, tooth brushes and even shampoo for the lasy year, cos hes told me that i have to supply it all or he wont have kids, so ive done everything hes asked so our kids don't miss out cos they love their dad. It is helpful to no your rights as a mother too, and to no that i have been doing more than i needed to.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Fathers have no rights when it comes to seeing their children. Mothers play stupid games knowing the courts are weak and will do nothing but warn them about doing it again. So, fathers are left to deal with all the garbage the ex has to deal out just to see his kids. I have been in and out of court rooms for over two years and nothing has changed. Just an evil person with an axe to grind. My kids are the ones suffering here. All the courts care about is money . I hope I get a second chance when they are adults, right now, things look really dim.

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Great information!

    • profile image

      drkathleenreay 5 years ago

      Thanks for sharing such great info on your lens.

      Dr. Kathleen M Reay, Author of Toxic Divorce: A Workbook for Alienated Parents

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. Iâve joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your great post. Also, Iâve shared your website in my social networks!Leopard UGG Boots, Cheap Leopard UGGS. Buy Leopard Animal Leopard Print UGGS For Women, Get UP To 50% Off And Free Shipping, Shop Today.

    • profile image

      gherishjhoven 5 years ago

      Thank you so much for sharing this lens. I really learned a lot from this, having a family require you to consider several things.

    • profile image

      ThomasNKlotz 6 years ago

      Men who are interested in learning about their rights as a dad are encouraged to seek legal counsel with a family law attorney in.

      Family Attorney Chicago

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      when cps steps in because a mother has abused or neglected a child the father should be cosidered over anyone as to having custody even if he needs help with parenting classes or whatever the state should help him and not take the kids for government money...Janet Cross..

    • profile image
      Author

      George McCasland 6 years ago

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Kindof makes you wonder... what if you had held out longer and waited for your perfect match?

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      excellent work. will show light to many

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Nice work. I recommend everyone spend some time in Huffintington Post Divorce section. It is a liberal feminist on line newspaper but the Divorce comment section needs conservative points of view.

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      Just looking for answers for a Dad.