for GIRLS: Things NOT To Do After YOUR Nasty Break-Up
Introduction . . .
I promised all of my girl followers that after I had published my latest self-help, love hub for guys, "Things Not To Do After That Nasty Break-Up," that I would publish its counterpart, in all fairness, for our lady friends who have just been hit with a nasty break-up engineered by some low-life male jerk who has the nerve to call himself a man.
Like in the hub for guys, I start off, ladies, by telling you, "it's over," that five-year relationship with "the" guy you met in line at the music CD store in your favorite mall on that certain early fall afternoon in mid-September. The leaves were just turning their beautiful orange, red, and violent purple colors. You were in a good mood. You had just received your Master's Degree in Sociology and you "had the world by the tail."
Along with your devastating charm and naturally-great looks, you had the personality that those who knew you well could only describe you as "electric." You smiled a lot.
His name was, "Tony." He too was doing some under graduate work in the field of Ghetto Psychology to earn his Master's Degree in Metropolitan and Urban Sociology. You thought he was a dream on two athletically-built legs. He was dressed in his "Hard Rock Cafe" tee, khaki shorts and brown loafers with no socks. This turned you on instantly. And when he softly said, "Uhhh, 'cuse me," when you bumped into him, you were entranced. On the spot.
You stumbled with conversing with him because of his deep hazel eyes with long eyelashes. His "five o' clock" shadow and POLO cologne made you weak in your knees. Oh, this "Tony" guy didn't ask you out that day, but made a quick, funny joke about his "clumbsiness" of meeting gorgeous girls (meaning you), and you jumped at the chance of giving him your cell number. Looking back, you now wish you had just walked away.
NOW LOOK AT YOU . . .
So there you are . . .
sitting in the dark in your one-bedroom loft apartment in Boston. You are clutching a CD, "Tom Petty: The Essential," with the song "Free Falling," playing in a loop to remind you constantly how good you had it with "Tony." At certain moments, you join Tom in singing, " . . .she's a go---oood girl. Cra--zy 'bout Elvis . . ." Can you say, "Gullible"? That's correct, my shattered female friend. Gullible. A severely-hurting girl who has learned the hard way that most guys are really jerks, pains in the neck, wastes of time, who love to have their ego's stroked at the thought of using a pretty girl such as yourself.
Face it. "Tony" is history. You gave him the best five years of your life. You sacrificed your time, energy, and body for him. That's right. For "him." And never thought, in your deepest imagination, that he would stab you in the heart, laugh and leave you broken in a trillion pieces on the floor of your nearest Pizza Hut. And to make you feel even worse, he convinced you that it was "your fault," for him putting you through this "hades-of-a-night," with this nasty break-up that has bruised your soul. Punctured your heart. And made you feel like the shell of the vivacious girl you once were before you gave him your cell number in that stupid music CD store. You now swear by all things holy and decent that "this" store had a curse put on it by an evil witch whose lover was killed on purpose by the store owner's great, great grandfather. And you really believe you own demented reasoning. Girl, you are at the bottom and need my help.
TAKE A LOOK AT "TONY" TODAY
So here it is, just for YOU,
"Things NOT To Do AFTER Your Nasty Break-Up" . . .
- DO NOT stay cooped-up in your one-bedroom loft apartment in Boston. This is probably the worst thing you can do to recover from your "Judas Iscariot-type" of a break-up. Get out. Meet people. A few new people--GIRLS, not guys. You are far from ready to meet anymore new guys. Strike-up a conversation with someone you think will be your friend. Go out to eat. Have "a" glass of wine, not three bottles. Talk. And moderately-share how "Tony, The Creep-O," ruined your life.
- DO NOT make a mad dash for your favorite supermarket to load-up on cookie dough, chips, Rocky Road ice cream and other unhealthy foods that girls love to eat when they have been given the "shaft" by a non-caring, heartless jerk-of-a-man.
- DO NOT call his cell number constantly to see if he is home. Are you stupid? This only prolongs your emotional torture. You hold your cell phone in your hand so tightly, foolishly-thinking that "Tony" will call and say he has reconsidered, that you almost crush your 4G TRACFONE that still has 200 airtime minutes. Listen. "Tony" is NOT going to call. Okay? The sooner you put him out of your mind, the better. And calling his number to hear his voice on his answering machine will NOT help you in any way.
- DO NOT keep ANY of the things he gave you. Send them ALL to his address via UPS or FedEx. His pictures he signed "Good Luck, 'Janet," and the cheap dime store bracelet. And charge the bill to him. Hey, don't you pay for it thinking that this one nice gesture will change his mind. Girlie, girl, you are alone. All alone. Get used to it. You do not need his New York Yankees teddy bear signed by Derick Jeter. You really didn't like it in the first place when big spender "Tony" splurged and spent $5.50 on this stupid bear.
- DO NOT head to the bar where you and "Tony" frequented so many times as a couple. It's your turn, "Janet." Live a little. Drink some Johnny Walker. Cutty Sark. Maybe a few Miller Lite's for you are watching your pretty figure. But do not get wasted. Stop when you start "buzzing" and then dance with strange guys. And act tough like Joan Jett of the Black Hearts. Remember her? No male creep ever pushed her around. Pattern after Joan this one night and see if you do not feel more empowered in the morning.
- DO NOT make a fool of yourself when you are drinking. I mean do not get into a crying spree telling the wasted "barfly" on the stool near you all about "Tony," and how you loved him more than Quaker Oats, the cereal you ate when you were six. This "bar fly" doesn't know you. Or anything about Quaker Oats. Save your dignity. Just keep quiet. If "Tony" and his new chick does come into the bar, DO NOT stagger up to them and try to tell him off with your slurred speech. Just glare at them. No law against that. He and his new "victim," I mean, girlfriend, will soon grow uncomfortable at you glaring at them like a hungry Falcon, and leave.
- DO NOT wear any of the clothes you wore when you were with "Tony, the Jackass." Throw it all in the trash. Or dumpster behind your apartment building. Hey, you might meet a new guy there. Sorry, just thinking out loud. Buy a completely-new wardrobe out and out. And get a complete make-over. Go by his workplace and fill-out an application for work. No, you don't need a job, but allow him to look at the "new you," and foam at the mouth at what he threw away. Yes, this is cruel, but so was the deal he gave you.
- DO NOT answer your phone if "Tony" should call. Please tell me you have caller i.d. Let him keep calling until his finger is wore-down to a nub. Then answer him in an aloof tone of voice. "How ya' doing, Janet?" he says in desperation because his new girlfriend took up with her physical trainer and moved into a Motel 6 together. "Who is this?" is all you have to say. He will chuckle. And start allowing anger to seep into his voice. "Hey, I made a mistake in breaking-up with you, and I, uhhh, thought we, uhhh, could . . ." "Stop it right there, clod!" you snap with authority. "You had your chance. I'm the happiest I have ever been. Without YOU," then giggle and hang up. Don't you feel great?
- DO NOT walk in public with your head down as if you committed a crime. I realize what I am asking is tough, but believe me, I know about nasty break-ups. Hold your pretty head UP. Smile even though it kills you to do this. If "Tony" should see you in public acting all confident, sexy and powerful, he will feel so bad that he will become clinically-depressed which serves him right. Don't you agree?
- DO NOT be so hasty the next time a cute guy says hi to you. Remember this is how you met the vermin, "Tony," so keep a guard on your heart. Be polite if a new guy speaks to you. But be brief. Please do not linger hoping that he will ask you out. This is your time now. Do not throw away all the hard work you have done by following my "Things NOT To Do AFTER Your Nasty Break-Up."
And if this "Tony" character should be reading this, remember it was YOU who broke "Janet's" heart. Not she who broke yours.
Oh, that's right. Sorry, "Tony," you do NOT have a heart.
IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE
