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Hello Ladies! What You Should Know About Men Who Marry Mail Order Brides

Updated on December 27, 2015

The Men Who Do This

Typically, men seeking wives from developing/Third World countries have a lot of issues which prevent them from finding a partner in their own backyard. As these folks have very little insight into their own behaviour, they will usually blame their continual lack of success with the ladies on anything and everything under the Sun except their own inadequacies. Unaware of their (often numerous) shortcomings, they imagine the problem lies with the ladies, and so see finding an internet bride as a logical next step, the perfect solution to their romantic woes rather than trying to figure out why they have failed to attract a romantic partner on equal terms.

None of these men will admit to themselves, or to anyone else for that matter, that what they are really doing is taking advantage of young and desperate foreign women from poor countries whose lot in life seems to be to provide for their ageing parents. These men will delude themselves into thinking that a beautiful young woman, of the kind that would never give them the time of day back home, will be genuinely truly-deeply-madly in love with them within minutes of meeting them if not at first sight. Seriously, folks, what are the chances of that? If you’re thinking zero, you’re on the right track. No matter how poor, pressured or disadvantaged, no young woman in her right mind dreams of a passionate romance with an old bald fat pensioner whose language, culture and personal habits she not only does not understand but will find increasingly hard to tolerate should she be desperate enough to go through with it.

To put it simply, there is nothing in this that will lead to long-term happiness for anyone. Read on to find out why.


Ladies, This Is What You’ll Be Getting

Your foreign husband will be:

  • old
  • out of shape, and
  • generally unattractive in very many ways

In addition to a multitude of undesirable physical characteristics, the old dude will have:

  • an unpleasant slash explosive temperament
  • an authoritarian approach to marriage: the dude’s in charge and that’s that
  • no idea how to treat a woman hence the mail order thing in the first place
  • very little ability to provide psychological/emotional support to his foreign bride whom he transported into his own country without a thought for her well-being as this is and always will be totally about him and his needs
  • mental issues about which he’s likely to keep quiet until you’re married and,
  • some of which will require medication slash hospitalization and,
  • all of which will be scary and/or unpleasant to deal with.

In most cases, the old dude will have told lies about his financial situation and you will find that he:

  • does not own his house/flat or any other real estate whatever
  • most likely lives in a small council flat somewhere hideous
  • never sets foot out of the suburb because he doesn’t have a car or a license to drive one
  • has debts
  • has a very fixed income such as old age/slash disability pension which isn’t enough for two therefore he counts every penny, and
  • is none too generous with them.

Socially, you’re very likely to be isolated as your husband:

  • is retired/chronically ill and as such has no collective of colleagues or a work place where you could socialize
  • has little inclination to take you out anywhere so you’ll always be home together
  • has no friends, or
  • alternately has friends but you will find them objectionable or too old to have anything in common with and,
  • has family who live in the area but — for reasons you will, despite your lack of knowledge of the language/culture, inevitably grasp as time goes on — prefer to steer clear, leaving you alone with the crackpot most of the time.

Is There An Upside?

Sure there is. It’s not all doom and gloom. There are places you are likely to visit with your husband, on the odd occasion or quite frequently, depending on your husband’s ‘true colours’ that are bound to emerge once your marriage has settled into its groove.

Outings you will most definitely undertake are to:

  • the local pub where he’ll show you off to a bunch of losers during the weekly darts competition
  • the local chemist where he gets his prescriptions and most of his footwear
  • the local beer brewing shop where he gets his kit and his dose of intellectual stimulation
  • the local supermarket where you’ll push the trolley and he’ll be in charge of what goes into it
  • the local shopping centre every now and again where you’ll get some clothes which you may or may not like but he will because it’s the end of the season and they’re on special, and
  • the local pub, once again, for your anniversary dinner which will coincide with the weekly darts competition.

So this is it, ladies. Your foreign husband in a nutshell. Feel free to add to this in any way you see fit, in the comments.


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    • profile image

      robin dorgan 

      2 years ago

      The disillusion illusion

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      sandrawelch,what you say is not uncommon in Asia prior to gen B, some family don't like having girls and if they do have girls, the parents might not love them. This is a result of a series of chain reaction.

      Just like in the west, prior to 1980s there were similar unfairness towards women, in Asia, although it is usually not as bad as the west. (e.g. their women don't get paid less for doing the same job, because they are women. Some western country by law state after marriage a wife is the husband' property, that didn't happen in Asia, but socially they still felt after marriage the wife is now a member of the husband's family rather then the one she origin from. In some western countries back then, women get throw in Catholic run private prison for life, for been unwed mother, not even getting a trial, in Asia, you at most get a bunch of desperate house wives, gossiping about you, behind your back.)

      But the "socially they still felt after marriage the wife is now a member of the husband's family rather then the one she origin from" become a very big deal, for a lot of Asian parents back then. There is one western stereotype about Asia that is 100% correct, they are very big on family value and honor your parents. So, under this sort of circumstances, some parents might felt "What is the point of loving a child, who someday, is not even going to honor us and right after marriage, is not going to be a part of our family anymore, she probably won't even keep her madam name and take her husband's last name and her children for sure won't take my last name." For some parents, they would felt as if raising a girl is as if, raising one of those children, whom after growing up, won't even call their mother or take care of them when they are sick and only come back to visit you, because, they hope to get your house after you die. So, girls not been loved by their parents, were in fact an issue, in that sort of society. If Asia, was like how some western countries were back in the day where it was by law saying "a wife is the husband's property after marriage." this issue of parents not loving their daughter, would be even worse, there would be parents who think even raising their daughter is a waste of money and probably want to sell them to orphanage.

      The type of situation you are talking about continue to decrease after WW2, because just like in the west, social view about men and women, change. In the west, it was a bit harder, because the culture value about women's role, influence the law and law makers use the law to maintain those ideals. I don't know about all of Asia, but I know, East Asia, at least, the law maker, don't use law to enforce these culture values. In some, it is in fact unconstitutional, due to lines such as "All citizens must be equals within the law, disregards to circumstances."

      Today, all of those old school values about gender role, are very much dead. And just like in the west, in Asia the modern idea about gender role in marriage, is a partnership between two people in a romantic relationship. As a result, for girls not to be loved by their parents, are no longer an issue today. However, this result in another interesting social trend. Because, Asia is still a society very big on family value and with the old school gender role dead. Most Asian women today, don't take after their husband's last name and keep their last name after marriage. This is a trend that began amount Gen B, in all my year living in Asia, I've never seen any Gen B, X, Y women whom, adopted their husband's last name after marriage, with the exception western women, who married Asian men. (Even in pre Gen B era, women usually only hyphen their madam name with their husband's last name, out of respect to their birth parents.) And amount Gen X and Gen Y, if you adopt your husband's last name after marriage, people would think you are weird.

      A lot of Gen B parents, whom only have a daughter as an only child, say "after you got married, at least your first born, must follow your last name, rather then your husband's" Sometime, it can cause problem later in the marriage, between the daughter and her husband, due to a male ego thing.

      Things get even more interesting amount Asian gen X and gen Y parents Despite, their children are mostly still children or teenagers, some are now saying to their daughter, saying "you are not allow to take after your husband's last name after marriage" there are even parents saying "If you take your husband's last name after marriage, I will not speak to you.", they tolerate the idea for their daughters children not taking after their last name, after marriage, but they are not Ok, with their daughter giving up their madam name after marriage.

      In fact, I've once seen this couple, in Asia, in their 40s, his wife is Canadian, the husband is from Taiwan. Since she was a little girl, his dad told her "He would not allow her to take her husband's last name after marriage. At most, he tolerate hyphen, but that is as far as he is willing to go." her mother is from the west, so, she don't have a problem with their daughter taking her husband's last name after marriage and the mother herself took the husband's last name after marriage, like all western women do. But the dad say to her daughter "I didn't force your mother to take my last name, she volunteer for it. And her family is ok with it. But I am not ok with you taking your husband's last name after marriage. So it is different." Then the daughter dated a Canadian guy, her BF is ok with her keeping her madam name after marriage, but her BF's parents are very conservative and is not Ok with it, they are not even Ok with hyphen. So, she went to ask her dad, whether it is alright for her to take her BF's last name after marriage. She said, she never seen her father so angry, at her, in her entire life. In the end, he only agree to it, after the girl's mother speak to him. But she said, her father didn't even come to her wedding and since then, always give her a cold shoulder. Her dad said he felt very disappointed at her that after he took care of her, raise her, she would take after another's last name, it is as if, she no longer acknowledge what he did for her, as her dad. I mean, just base on this story, we can understand, why some parents during the older days, where gender role value disadvantage women in marriage, some parents might not even love their daughters to begin with.

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      Living in South Carolina, I met a lot of military families. Some of the men were married to women, from Vietnam. One woman had married her husband through an arranged marriage business. She brought her sister into the group. Sipping coffee on my back porch I learned things about them. They had been raised on a government supplied piece of land. Their father farmed the plot, and their mother was a wash woman. There were 9 siblings in all. Of the nine, only two were girls. From delivery, the girls were seen as a burden. Fed after the family and the animals, if any thing was left. The men were the back bone of the family, working hard, honest labor. The women worked twice as hard, often helping with the crops or animals, and still maintaining the home. The first sister, while walking to the market was stopped by a marriage broker. She agreed to the terms, and a week later a man came to her home, escorted by the broker. Doy told me about the first time she saw him. He was so much taller than the men in her village. He had muscles. Well fed, well groomed and very white teeth. Doy could not look him in the eye, she kept her head bowed. Her father wanted nothing to do with it. He had promised her to another family, not as a bride, but a servant. This American, visited six times over a year. Never left alone with Doy, and she rarely spoke to him. He would later learn the reason that the mother and daughters did not sit at the table with the men to eat. Doy had given up her meal, so that her suitor could eat. He arranged a visitor visa for her and her sister, to come to America. Her father insisted that a brother accompany them. They refused to return with their brother. Both ended up marrying military men. Sound men. Good men. There were plenty of changes though. The woman ate at the table. They were included in decisions. They were spoken with rather than to. I once asked, Doy if she missed home. She smiled, "No. There was nothing there to miss. This is home. I am loved, and I love. I did not get that at there."

      Today, both ladies are Grandmothers. Still beautiful, very independent and happy to be American citizens. Not every mail order bride's story is happy. But, this story turned out beautiful.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      I would imagine this is true in most instances.

      Generally guys that are reduced to going the mail order bride route are losers in their own country that could not attract beautiful women.

      By going to some disadvantage country and dangling a few hundred dollars in the air women run to them like moths to a flame.

      However we should not pretend that all the "mail order brides" are in it for "love" either. They look at these short fat balding men as (their ticket) out of hell. Most don't plan on staying with that man forever. They'll do whatever is needed to become a legal citizen and then find a new man.

      In some instances it's been reported where some of the women had been prostitutes in their home country or eventually got all of their family moved into their "husband's house". There are nightmare stories on both sides of the issue. The mail order bride business is a very risky gamble.

      Essentially it's a mutual trade between two consenting adults.

      The men are looking for a beautiful sexy docile servant and the women are looking for an escape from their impoverished country.

      We can't pretend these women go with these men because they're physically attracted to them. Even in the U.S. we have "gold diggers".

      At age 86 Hugh Hefner the founder of Playboy Magazine married a 26 year old former centerfold. No one can convince me that if he were not a multi-millionaire famous person this 26 year old woman would have married him!

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      PS: For some reason most men don't understand (including Asian men), is that most western girls who lived in East Asia (mostly, talking about 1st world Asian countries) think Asian men treat women better then western men. Nobody knows why, even Asian men say "This is very weird and surprising thing to hear." the idea that Asian men don't treat women worse then western men, is something anybody who been to Asia would see, but to say Asian men treat women better then the west, even Asian are say "WTF?"

    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I think I may have found a gentle reminder of why I am single, and why I plan to stay single.


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