Another Gay Dating Website Comment.

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   brimancandyposted 11 years ago

   I have mentioned in other posts, that I am a member of a few dating websites, and, I have been getting a lot of replies lately from several men, unfortunately, my chances of meeting those guys are zero. I don't understand why someone who lives in Spokane Washington would request a meeting with someone like me who lives in Michigan. However, I once almost drove to Texas to meet up with someone I had actually met before, then decided it was too much of a risk.
   
   Funny story, I have a friend who has actually had several men come to meet him from other places, including one as far away as Poland! I mean, you have to be pretty desperate to fly to another country to meet a stranger, and then when the guy arrived, they didn't like each other. But, seeing how he came so far, my friend and I showed him around the area, and he at least had a nice time before he left.
   
   I do enjoy chatting with guys from other states, and some are very nice looking. But, you should even bother. Found two guys who live about 40 miles from me. One is playing the maybe, maybe not game, and the other didn't respond at all. The rest are 60 miles away and over, a lot from the east side of Michigan and Chicago. But, why someone in Chicago would be looking for a date in Michigan, is beyond me, considering the large gay community they have...I would love that!
   
   I'm certainly flattered by the attention. But, sometimes it makes me feel even more lonely then I already am. Living in the middle of nowhere doesn't help.

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      Cardisaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Brimancandy, sometimes people can feel quite attracted to, or even obsessed with someone they talk to online, so I don't think it's strange wanting to meet someone from so far away. If I had the money to travel I would have come to the States a long time ago just to meet a love interest. So don't rule it out, you may just find your soul mate that way.

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         brimancandyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks Cardisa. I have thought of that. If I had more money, and the ability to do a lot of traveling, I would be tempted. I have a friend who travels the country with a camper. He meets lots of people, and found a partner in Lake Tahoe. He's real cute though, and a sweetheart.
         
         I actually wanted to date him myself, but we both already had partners. But, we were both tempted, to make a go of it. Just didn't happen.

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            Cardisaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Sometimes I wish I ware a gay man, then I would meet all these cuties. Trust me, gay men are so sexy...please don't laugh at me but I do get jealous sometimes.

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      Hollie Thomasposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Brimancandy, maybe it's because they cannot be open about their sexuality in the region where they live. There is still so much prejudice, unfortunately. Perhaps some of the men are even in relationships with women, because that is what their friends and family expect. There could be all kinds of reasons.

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         brimancandyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for the comment. Most gay dating sites require a membership, and the only people who will see you profile are other members, and there are a ton of men in the closet on these sites. You can usually tell who they are, they will have no photo, and only a few words to describe themselves, and it usually something sexual...either that or they are trolls.
         
         I only respond to guys who have a face photo in their profile, and at least say something about themselves. Some just have a photo, and that's it. I don't respond to those either...unless they are very hot. Then you open up the chat with them to ask those questions that are important to you. It's not that much different than a straight dating site, only the straight ones tend to be less x-rated.

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            Hollie Thomasposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            To be honest, I've never actually used a dating site. I'd had it with men after the breakdown of my last relationship (ten years ago lol) But my son is gay and I support him fully, but he has told me about gay friends of his that are in relationships with women because that's what their family expects. And, apparently, his friends will go off in search of potential partners who live out of the area. Reducing the risk of being caught. It's possible that anyone posting a picture of themselves doesn't worry to much about being caught because anyone seeing it is also using the website in question. They're both exposed to blackmail so to speak. I dunno, it still shocks me that in this day and age people cannot be open about their sexuality because of some deluded hypocryts.

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            1. 77

               brimancandyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               I know many former married men. They were very afraid of what would happen to them if someone thought they were gay. Their fear is justified, but the chances of anything serious happening to you as a result of being outed are fairly slim. If that person were to lose a good paying job, don't just walk away, turn around and sue the pants off that company.
               
               If someone is afraid of being blackmailed, they must have a position of power, otherwise what's the big deal. If someone said that to me, I would say go ahead. What does that person expect to accomplish? I do know people that have been stupid enough to do that, and the company fired both of parties. Nothing to gain in that situation.

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                  Hollie Thomasposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  I think having to live a lie must be far more stressful than coming out, but there again I'm not gay. I'm pretty sure that if I were my parents would have eventually come around. It must be tough for people in that situation, when their parents, employers, friends are completely homophobic.
                  
                  My son is very open about his sexuality, as he should be (I'm very proud of him!) But sometimes he judges other's situations to that of his own. He'll sometimes say, "He's a coward, he just needs to spill the beans" I have to remind him, that he was never in danger of losing me. Some people are in danger of losing the people they love when they are honest. That must be a really difficult situation.

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                  1. 77

                     brimancandyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                     It does take a lot of courage, and, coming out does not go well for everyone. In my case, I was kinda outed at work, so I really didn't have to tell anyone. My family was the tough one, but when I told them, they treated me like it was yesterday. I'm living with my mom right now, and she still treats me like her little boy, even though I'm 47!! LOL!! Hope your son has a good life, and glad that you support him.

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                        Hollie Thomasposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                        She's no doubt proud of you and probably knew in her heart of hearts. I hope you have a good and happy life too.

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                           brimancandyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                           Thanks. You as well.

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      A Driveby Quipperposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Is this a gay site? If not, TMI.

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         MelissaBarrettposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         Explore»Gender and Relationships»Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender»Discussions
         
         I would qualify his post as a GLBT Discussion. So yeah... not TMI.

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            A Driveby Quipperposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Excuse me, I didn't realize the purpose was flaunt perversion.

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               MelissaBarrettposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               If you don't like reading about what gay people do then maybe you shouldn't visit forums talking about what gay people do.  Are you a masochist or do you just like trolling?

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                  Cardisaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  Is the TMI about referring to 'too much information'? I really suck at text and computer communication.

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                     MelissaBarrettposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                     yep

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         brimancandyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         It's not a gay site. but this is a gay topic forum. And, if you look at the topic, there are hundreds of gay discussions. If you don't want to read it, then I suggest any time you see the word "Gay" don't read the topic.

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            A Driveby Quipperposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Good advice. For the record, I don't want you to feel lonely.

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               brimancandyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Thanks. My loneliness will only be temporary, as soon a spring and summer arrives, I'll be back to my yippy skippy self in no time!

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                  A Driveby Quipperposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  I like the hope. It makes me think how my moods used to be more affected by the weather. I am not saying that I am completely cured of foul weather doldrums, but I found alleviation for the condition. I grew a little garden and I didn't have a sprinkler system. Whenever it rained I was glad.
                  
                  I have a confession to make. I just want you to be happy! Pursue happiness . . . it is your God given right. At least that's what it says in the constitution.

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   tussinposted 11 years ago

   I thought other posts you said you already had a long-term partner?

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   1. 77

      brimancandyposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I do have a long term partner. 20+ years. But, our relationship has been fairly open. Now that we are no longer living together, I do get lonely.
      
      One thing that people need to know about these websites, is that you can't go  into it expecting every guy to want to meet you. In all the years I have been doing them. I maybe have met 5 or 6 guys, and only 2 of them were actually worth the effort. And, a majority of the time, it is just nice to have someone there to talk to, and flatter you.
      
      Those who meet lots of guys are just lucky, and most likely not looking for a commitment. When I am looking at a dating website, I am not looking for love. I have also made many local friends through just chatting. But, I have also had guys try to pick me up on Facebook, so it's not a big deal.
      
      But, it can be annoying too. Like guys who send you the How big is your (fill in the blank) comments, without saying hello first. Guys who are nude in their photos is another turn off. I'm actually quite picky.

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