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we were married 20 years and separated 8 months ago. The breakup was infidelity

  1. profile image45
    calheartposted 7 years ago

    we were married 20 years and separated 8 months ago.  The breakup was infidelity.  I still love...

    him and I'm confused because he said the girl does not mean anything. He said he wanted to divorce because the wounds were to deep and needed healing time.  I agreed.  He has not seen the kids due to a blow up  regarding the affair my kids are 14 and 18 and they were really hurt everyone said very hurtful things that made all 4 of us cry including him.  He walked out that day and up to now is set on continuing divorce and see what happens later situation.  He recently bought me a car, but when we talk on the phone its usually business and the few times we have seen each other he cried once aga

  2. magknetts profile image51
    magknettsposted 7 years ago

    If you could set aside the hurtful things that happened between you and your ex and if you could forget all the negative things to your past and if you are very ready to let go of each other then yes you could be friends with your ex.

  3. Austinstar profile image86
    Austinstarposted 7 years ago

    You are more than friends, you are family. Families are not perfect. Families are the ones that hurt us the most, but they are also the ones we know the best.
    Forgiveness for a family member is actually easier than forgiving a friend, so get to it. Being angry and unforgiving only hurts yourself.
    Things happen. Good things, Bad things. Deal with it and move forward.

  4. CarolineVABC profile image77
    CarolineVABCposted 6 years ago

    Infidelity happens to the best of marriages, especially the ones who have been married for ages.  Isn't it ironic, though? A person would think that after all these years, a marriage should be grounded, but something happens.  The "circle" gets smaller, and someone would want to venture out of the marriage. 

    I would say, it's probably time to rekindle your relationship.  Twenty years is a long time, and you probably just need to court each other again.  Go out to dinner just the two of you, a walk in the park or do some of your favorite things that you used to do together before you had a family.  I realize it is easier said than done, especially when you have so many responsibilities, but I think, it is worth a try to save your marriage. 

    Also, maybe, you guys just need some space, but not necessarily a divorce.  Try to see how things will work out without being together for a while.  Then talk again after a month or so.  If you guys still feel that there is still love left, I think you should reunite.  If not, and you're both set on having a divorce, then that's what you should do.  But, at least, it's worth trying to keep the marriage.  Even though your boys are older, it is still better to have both parents there for them; it is their foundation.  Anyhow, I hope this helps.  God bless you on whatever direction you make:-).