If you had it to do over again would you wait until you were married or did you wait?
There seems to have been a growing trend in waiting these past few years and was just wondering if you didn't wait and had it to do over again would you wait until your wedding day, or did you wait and was it worth it?
Do think it's more difficult for men or women?
If you don't understand the question don't worry you'll figure it out later.
It is the feeling you get when the right one comes along. It does not really matter whether to wait or not as long as it is the right person you are going to be with.
I believe it's important to (know) whether or not one is sexually compatible with someone (before) they get married. If you don't know what you like or dislike then it's nearly impossible to make the right choice for yourself.
I need to (know) if there is the same level of love, attraction, respect, shared values, and sexual compatibility. A chair that is missing one leg is difficult to sit in. With a divorce rate of 50% it's not wise in my opinion to have too many (surprises) after saying, "I do".
That's why people should attend pre-marital counseling and actually think about what they are getting into, but as things generally are, all they really want to get into is the bed. These kinds of people don't want answers....they want orgasms.
Fornication may be as old as the hills, but a wise man and woman will wait to give themselves to the one who has proven themselves worthy with a marital commitment and ceremony.
But, most men and women are not moral agents, so they do whatever it takes to please themselves. Little wonder why 50% of college girls had or have an STD. Having said that - I am sure the guys are no different.
All this talk about sexual capatibility is silly. Virtually every man is sexually compatible with virtually every woman, but don't even get me started on heterophobic relationships and their obvious incompatibilities...because it doesn't stop them in the least.
Sexual compatibilty is silly? Do you believe everyone has the (same sex drive)? If someone wants sex 4 times a week and another is happy with 1 time a week over the course of a year thats 52 Vs 208 times! Some people like oral sex others don't...etc
So, if one party wants sex 4 times a week and the other party prefers sex once each week...then they must fornicate before marriage to figure this out? How does fornication serve a couple better than pre-marital counseling? P.M. sex has no advantages
If one is a virgin they have no idea what their sex drive is. You can't know whether you like something until you've experienced it. No matter how good "pre-marital counseling" is it's still hypothetical. What's right for one may be wrong for another
When I was a virgin, I knew my sex drive was hot and heavy. Even though I abstained for my first 24 years of life, no one had to tell me I would relish the love of a good woman. I mean, some things go without saying. Right is right and wrong is wrong
CJ, We are going to have to agree to disagree on this one! I still believe in individuality when selecting a spouse. Everyone has their own criteria. I don't believe all men & women are sexually compatible. You know what's right for (you). Great!
For me, it's not about when and waiting after marriage to do it. It's about doing it because both like to do it and, at the same time, being careful not to end up pregnant or get someone pregnant unplanned or out of preparation. In my observation, many gf-bf relationships end up in marriage because the girl got pregnant (this is usually the case in Philippines) and sometimes the girl ended up pregnant with a runaway father.
What about people who prefer to live together in a commited partnership without getting a legal document that could create trouble down the road, or people who cannot get married because they are of the same sex? I don't suppose they want to die virgins. I'm not trying to make fun of your question, I'm just trying to expand the context for it.
Good point I guess I should have phrased the question as to when you were in a committed, monogamous relationship. Thank you OK so now that is taken care of, how do you feel about ?
The State no longer knows what marriage is, therefore their stamp of approval means nothing to me. Besides, a piece of paper is only as good as the words of those signing it. Too many people are sufficiently lacking in character and honor these days.
Dear friend, in my mind it isn't the wedding day that matters, but that it is the right time. In other words, is there a deep feeling of being with the right person, for the right reason at the right time in your life? Those are the answers that matter and not whether you waited until you were married. If a female is not raised with respect, self worth and love, she will look for it wherever she feels she can find it. The same goes with the male, only in his case there is still the idea of 'he's got to be the hunter', so the more females he lays, the more man he is. But in his case too, if he is raised with respect, self worth and love, he will try to find the mate that is suitable for him.
Whether male or female, those that search for the right mate and never seem to get lucky are those poor souls who were raised without respect, self worth or love and no they do not wait till the wedding day, but even if they did, it wouldn't matter; they'd still have trouble.
I didn't wait and I'm glad I didn't because my partner definately did not. I love that I had experience before hand and am more strong in my sexuality because of it.
If I am not mistaken, isn't your "partner" old enough to be your father? And, how has fornication forged you into a better person and solidified your relationship? This guy is clever: You are old enough to screw, but not good enough to marry.
He is not old enough to be my father. Because I am more sure of and have a better view of myself.
CJ What difference does it make how old he is and why it makes her stronger. Women who are confident with who they are and what they want intimately are always going to be more self confident and therefore stronger.
Is that what women should be striving for these days - confidence and strength? Instead, women should strive to be virtuous, moral, and modest! How many women do you think gain strength and confidence by becoming a man's bed buddy, but not his bride?
I'm married, have confidence, and strength. Women should want all three combined. To be honest, I would much rather be happy alone than be a friend of yours if you are that critical. You never even asked if I was married, just judged.
Good for you Iburmaster! Women need to be strong, have morals, a spiritual well being, and have self confidence (which I never said came from a bed buddy) Modesty is for those who lack confidence in what they do Humility a great asset, not CJ's
No, I did not judge you Iburmaster, I just took you at your word. In our society, "partner" is used to denote someone that is not a spouse. You used the term "partner" to describe your significant other, but should have used "marital partner" instead
That might be in your view of society but not mine. I use the word to include my husband explaining that we are facing the world together. Marriage is like a partnership and journey in my eyes. Plus marital partner seems so weird to say.
As a male speaking on this subject, I think there is a very small percentage of Men who do wait. Losing their virginity is like an accomplishment, as for Women it is a sacred thing they tend to hold onto longer than Men. Also with the age of people waiting until they are older to marry, I find it almost impossible for both or either to have waited.
I did not wait until my wedding day. I waited until it felt right, until I was in a committed relationship and was in love. And found out that although I was compatible with him in many ways, I was not in that one particular way. Which is good, because if I had married him and then found that out, I would have been dealing with it the rest of my life. I've also played live-in girlfriend with three very long term relationships. You learn a LOT about someone when you live with them. More than you could ever know by just dating them until married and then moving in. I know I've married the right man for me, because we get along mentally, physically, and have similar household styles. If I had married my other long term boyfriends without finding out these things, I would have been very unhappy.
So, your husband's prize is getting a woman who has been around the block a few times - looking for love in all the wrong places? Great.
redheadnaturalist - your comment is great and makes sense.
@CJ Seriously your way of thinking of it as a prize won. is the biggest problem in society and nothing more than a way to feed your ego as if you had won a contest. Marriages without that compatibility results in cheating and disastrous results
at the risk of getting trolled by the morality police as others on this question thread have,....... my first husband was my first,... we didnt wait but then again we were young,..... we were married within 7 months of our first date,.. and no, i wasnt pregnant. some would award me a gold star for this,..... however,.....
after 14 years together and an 8 year old son,.... after a house half built, land, jobs,... countless family dinners,... and after offering him a free pass if he would just not break up our home and wreck our son,.......... my husband of 14 years left me for a pole dancer with fake tata's,... i cant make that up, its gospel..... and why????............. BECAUSE she had been around,.... and when she told him he was the best she did so with an aduquate pool of experience to compare him to,..... cant make that crazy crap up iether, its true.
so am i glad i waited????............. yea,.... believe it or not yea,.... the moral high ground is valuable realestate,........but......... am i glad his dumb arse left me and i got out, found myself and did some "comparison research" of my own???
oh hell yea!
Sorry that happened to you...it must have been painful. You brought up a very good point about people who have been around the block a few times tend to compare and contrast. I think the more times a person has slept around the more they keep looking
i must admit, you may be onto somthing with that, a society that is consumer driven does seem to have carried the concept right into the bed these days.
I believe virginity is to be given to the most important person in your life, the person you committed yourself to stay with forever in marriage. Your virginity is the most precious thing you have to give to your spouse. Once you lose it, nothing in the world can bring it back. Don't lose something so precious in a thoughtless way.I think,the majority of women can t enjoy IT outside of the bonds of marriage. the development of a fulfilling IT life needs the security and peace of the marriage bond. Premarital It usually takes place sneaking around in hidden places dealing with the fear of being caught, the fear of pregnancy and feelings of guilt. All these worrisome factors undermine pleasure in premarital IT, most especially for women.
If you date and you don't have IT you can forget about that relationship when you stop dating. But if you have IT with those you date and then break up, the nature of ITual involvement creates strong, often unpleasant memories for your whole life. Every relationship you break up where you had intimate relations is like a minidivorce. The psychological difficulties of these minidivorces does damage to your character. Later, when you are married and go to bed with your beloved spouse, these unpleasant memories will accompany you.
Two years ago,I got out from a long tiring distance relationship.It wasn t my fault.My Ex dumped me for an other guy.I was sad,frustrated and thought I could never get over it.As the time kept moving,my sadness turned to rage.I wanted to take revenge.I went to Hotel to do IT with one of those girls.As we were about,I couldn t do it because i was afraid and secondly there was nattering voice kept nagging me:get out of here,you dont belong to this places..you waited 31 years and now you are going to give it easily to this type of girls.so I quited .that s why I said above it s something precious.I don t mean any offence or anything..just want to enrich this subject.Sorry again.
pS: IT is the thing you don t want to mention in the clarification of you question:)
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