How do you tell a relative that they are over-weight without upsetting them?

Jump to Last Post 1-10 of 10 discussions (20 posts)
  1. Lady_E profile image63
    Lady_Eposted 9 years ago

    How do you tell a relative that they are over-weight without upsetting them?

    or is it best to just keep quiet and hope for the best?

  2. krillco profile image87
    krillcoposted 9 years ago

    ....and you think that they do not know that they are overweight? really?

    1. Lady_E profile image63
      Lady_Eposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Some people are in denial and need  that little Nudge. There is no need for Sarcasm!! besides I do not have a relative that is over-weight. Sometimes people post questions so they can write an article about it.

  3. HeatherH104 profile image80
    HeatherH104posted 9 years ago

    Better not to say a word, love them as they are. You can't make choices for other people, they have to live their own life and make their own choices, including how they eat. If you live with them or close to them see if they would want to take walks, ride bikes, or do something active with you. Emphasis that you've wanted to do this and need the company. Never mention or even imply you are trying to help them. I've noticed a change in weight comes from motivation within and nothing others say (most especially negative) will cause a person to change.

    1. Lady_E profile image63
      Lady_Eposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Heather.

  4. Levertis Steele profile image80
    Levertis Steeleposted 9 years ago

    I believe that the relative already knows. I understand concern for a loved one's health, but most people do not like for anyone to tell them something they already know, especially something so sensitive. Ask the relative to go walking with you several times a week, or ask him/her to be your support partner at a gym. Pay for one year of membership for both of you. I did this for a relative who was overweight. You can also cook healthful meals and invite the relative over. Always eat and drink healthful things in her/his presence. Buy the person a very attractive outfit that is one size too small, and throw away the receipt. This may help him/her to think about shedding a few pounds to wear it.

    Get involved in that person's life and create more healthful routines to enjoy together and with others. Plan a walk-a-thon together, and involve many others. You could invite church members or other groups. Each participant could donate $5.00 to be used for a charity or scholarship fund. Volunteer together a few hours a week in the community to perform active deeds. Go bike riding with both of your families. Just think, in the process of helping an overweight relative, you would be helping many others, the community, and yourself. I wish you and your relative happy wellness!

    1. Lady_E profile image63
      Lady_Eposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. That's beautiful and so helpful.

  5. mintinfo profile image65
    mintinfoposted 9 years ago

    My eldest son is over weight and while he is well aware that everyone judges him by his weight he has resolved to deal with it on his own terms. Many people who are overweight already know that they are, you don't have to tell them. We are the ones who cannot accept that person for who they are or have become according to our ideals.

    Possible solution. Since that person already knows that they are overweight try to find out how much they accept themself the way they are now. That could be by gauging the sincerity of their happiness while talking to them. If they are perfectly happy with the way they are then there is nothing you can do to change them.

    1. Lady_E profile image63
      Lady_Eposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. That's helped me see things from a different perspective.

  6. Diana Grant profile image90
    Diana Grantposted 9 years ago

    Why would you actually WANT to tell a relative they are fat? What makes you think they are not fully aware of the fact?  You need to question your own motives.

    I've always been overweight, and I can tell you I always find it offensive when people point it out.  I am what I am, and people should accept me as I am.

    If I want to discuss my weight with anyone, which I do from time to time, and for various reasons, then the subject should be raised by me, and not by them. 

    When I was about 17, my Uncle made some fat remark, and I was so incensed that I retaliated by pointing out that his ears stuck out. I know it was equally rude, but I wanted to show him that he didn't have a right to be offensive just because he was older than me. He was very shocked, so I think the message struck home.

    The only exception I would make is in parts of the world, like Africa, where fat women are considered beautiful, and the word mafuta, meaning fat, or fatty, is used as a compliment.

    Having said that, I would add that I don't mind discussing diet and exercise, just not in a judgmental way. And I don't mind a bit of genuine humor, so really, it depends to some extent on how I perceive the person's comment.  Any hint of being critical or judgmental, and I'm off!

    1. Lady_E profile image63
      Lady_Eposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Diana, Sometimes, if I want to write an article about a sensitive subject, I post a question, so that the article is useful to people because most comment from experience. I have many Hubs like that. Don't take it personally & thanks for commenti

  7. BuffaloGal1960 profile image67
    BuffaloGal1960posted 9 years ago

    I think a more productive way of letting someone know you are concerned about their health would be to research and write an article on how to overcome food addiction, how to recognize health problems that cause weight gain, such as hypothyroidism or taking steroids for example.

    I think I'd focus on that, rather than a specific person. In doing that, you may help many.

    It's between a person and their doctor really, not relatives.

    Many people die each year from being overweight.  Find out the statistics.  Then focus on helping everyone who battles weight issues and not a person.

    I hope that helps you.  Good luck with your hub.

    1. Lady_E profile image63
      Lady_Eposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much.

  8. NornsMercy profile image60
    NornsMercyposted 9 years ago

    I was worried for my mother because her being overweight added onto the health problems she already had. Also, she wasn't "curvy, sassy and proud" like lots of people are...she hated it everyday and it killed me to see her so down on herself. Her being overweight didn't come from a place of pride and love for came from a dark part of herself that thought she just wasn't good enough to try for herself.

    Instead of telling her something she already knew, I asked her to workout and eat healthy with me. It wasn't because I pitied her... I actually NEEDED and WANTED her to experience health with me. She gained a healthy lifestyle for life and feels better about herself, and I got a workout/fitness partner...and a healthy mother out of it! smile

    1. Diana Grant profile image90
      Diana Grantposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, that's a totally acceptable way to go about it

    2. Lady_E profile image63
      Lady_Eposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Very positive way. Thanks.

  9. lburmaster profile image76
    lburmasterposted 9 years ago

    You worry about upsetting them? Everything is blunt in our family and if you get upset, we tell you to go to your room and set yourself out before coming back. Even if it's dad when he's sick. My husband knows to leave me with my books and we tell him to play his video games when he's upset. If they can't handle themselves, they aren't worth being around, even if they are family. Being upset bothers the rest of the family which is rude, and they need to handle themselves. And yes, we are crudely blunt.

    1. Lady_E profile image63
      Lady_Eposted 9 years agoin reply to this


  10. fpherj48 profile image62
    fpherj48posted 9 years ago

    Hello, Lady E.....You don't.  I have never met an overweight person in my life who is UNAWARE that they are, in fact, overweight.   They can see their image in any mirror.....know what sizes they must wear.....feel the struggle & hear the grunt when they bend over...and realize the difference in their bodies and those of other more slim and trim individuals.
    If the person is your child or spouse, I suppose you have some control and can assist by the foods you buy and prepare and activities you encourage.   Other than this, it doesn't seem like a good idea to approach the subject.  EVEN IF "they" bring it up....I feel you should resist the urge to become too vocal.  No matter what you say or HOW you say it......what the sensitive "overweight" person will hear is....."You're Fat.".......Follow me?

    1. Lady_E profile image63
      Lady_Eposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks your name looks so familiar. Bubblews? Anyway, thanks again.

Closed to reply

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)