Why do married men still seek friendship with other women?

1. 63

   Jynzlyposted 9 years ago

   Why do married men still seek friendship with other women?
   
   I have an account in Tagged and I emphasized there that I am married and that I am not going to accept add request for friendship. I explained too that the only reason I keep the account is because it has some sentimental value to me because that is where my husband and I found each other. But lots of married men are still sending me message and ask for friendship. When I asked if they know I am married most answered that they too are married and that they just want friendship.

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2. 72

   Aime Fposted 9 years ago

   Because women are people and still make good friends to married men.
   
   I'm not sure what Tagged is so I suppose if it's a site known for people looking for romantic connections and labelling them "friendships" then I can see how that would be inappropriate. But I have made several new male friends since I've been with my husband and I don't understand why that would be a problem. I'd be pretty peeved if my husband expected me to never form a relationship with another male just because I'm married to him.

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      Link10103posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Tagged is basically a lesser known version of Myspace. I dont think its geared toward romantic relationships especially, but it has them in mind.

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   2. 63

      Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Tagged is a site where flirting begins. To make friends with opposite sex who are familiar with both spouses is okay but to meet strangers whose objective is to flirt despite being married already is something else.

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      Aime Fposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Ah, I see. That is sketchy then. I would delete the account. The other poster's suggestion about printing out what you want to save is good.

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3. 63

   deecoleworldposted 9 years ago

   Because they want to keep their options open for that just in case moment? Just kidding! I would hope that some men actually do see women as something other than sexual objects/ mothers. Perhaps they are the mature ones that don't think with just there smaller heads. Even so, in my heart I really don't believe that 100% (not even 50%) There is always a hidden motive, especially when online. I won't trust them, they are not just seeking friendship.... be weary!!!

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   1. 63

      Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You are perfectly right. That's why I ignore them. They don't need friendship, they have some vacuum within them that needs to be filled in by flirting with other women who might respond to them.

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   2. 63

      deecoleworldposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Yes!! Sadly that's true!!! Its good that you ignore them, they are just trouble!!!

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   favoredposted 9 years ago

   Although it is a place you met your husband, is he still active on that site? Why are you responding to those requests?  I'm not familiar with Tagged, but if you can delete or ignore those requests it would be beneficial to your marriage in the long run.   
   
   I would make the suggestion to my clients, to print out your courtship posts with your husband, put them in a memory book and close your accounts.  You've begun a new journey and the road ahead of you is the one you should seek.

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   1. 63

      Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That's a very sound suggestion. It's not that I am bothered by men's request...I ignore all of them though. My husband also has an active account in Tagged for the same rason.

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5. 59

   Maria Antoniaposted 9 years ago

   Jynzly I think that is a complicated question with more than one answer.  Perhaps there is a percentage of men that are looking for just friendship with a kindred spirit, but I agree with deecolworld in that it's probably a small percentage.  Broken, unfulfilled people who haven't healed past hurt and disappointment in relationships from childhood and adulthood are constantly searching for that next shiny new object, men and women, to distract them from dealing with fixing what needs healing in their heart.  There are probably a half dozen other reasons to consider.  To be sure I don't think that you are doing anything to warrant the unwanted attention and this is not your issue, fault, problem it is theirs.

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   1. 63

      Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I like so much on how you see the situation in its perspective. Yes, it's not my issue and all I do is just ignore them. I was just curious because I had been warning my husband not to do the same. He too keeps his account in Tagged for the same reas

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6. 62

   freecampingaussieposted 9 years ago

   I would get my details off there ,copy paste  messages and put them elsewhere & close the account. Time answering these people is still time away from your husband or if he at work still time talking to them and having temptation put in your way .

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   1. 63

      Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I like the straightforwardness of your comment. Very true but I had learned to ignore them and they don't bother me at all. I was just wondering why these people are seeking for things that may destroy them in the long run.

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7. 47

   Ericdierkerposted 9 years ago

   I always wonder on this notion. One of my best friends is my eldest sister. Clearly I just value our friendship and she mine. Another good friend is my client/good friend's wife - she is so competent I just am amazed and learn much from her. I would say my two adult daughters are awesome friends. I have great female friends here on HP. In my Christian community I have many female friends. Women are different than men and add a wonderful insight and understanding to my life.
   
   As far as Tagged goes -- you ain't got one good reason to be there anymore. If you did you would have mentioned it. Make a scrapbook of the stuff with you husband and say goodbye.

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   1. 63

      Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I am not talking about best friends who are familiar to us personally. I am talking about married men who are searching for stranger women to make friends with and possibly flirt with. Thanks for the answer.

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8. 70

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   Not every married man has ulterior motives. Some people actually believe men and women can be (friends) based upon common interests. However if one is truly concerned they always have the option to not befriend a person.
   Lastly any issues arriving from "married men" could just as easily occur from "single men". There are lots of men who pursue married women. Although Tagged is a "social networking" site and not an online dating site you stated you met your own husband on it . Anyplace people meet is open to dating or friendship options.
   Ultimately nothing happens unless (both people) agree to it.

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   1. 63

      Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You have a point. Not every man has ulterior motives...and that some men believe men and women can be friends regardless of status...my experience is different though, most men, wanted to befriend me in Tagged show motives other than mere friendship.

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9. 64

   Globetrekkermelposted 9 years ago

   I believe men( and women both) have natural instincts to be attracted to someone else inspite of the fact that either or both parties are married.Even with the instigation of monogamous marriage in past history and culture,monogamy in a marriage had always been violated to some degree.Some cultures,practice polygamy .Look at Henry V111. He had several wives, some of the bible characters had several wives-Solomon had hundred of wives,David had a few,Abraham and Jacob have 2.These days, long term marriages is more of a rarity than a common occurrence.Divorces and separation between husbands and wives are dime a dozen these days.I think, we should take a harder look on the reality and viability of monogamy in marriage.I'd say good luck on that one because, let's face it, marriage no matter how solid it is , has its own trials.It is inevitable that sometimes the last option is to look somewhere else and that includes being tagged in TAGGED.LOL!

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   1. 63

      Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      A painful reality...very straightforward answer. Thanks Globe. My heart would break if my husband does it, am more  traditional in marriage principles.

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   2. 64

      Globetrekkermelposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Being  open and not being attached to anything( that includes relationships) is a radical view but eventually will save you from heartaches.Nothing like being prepared with a "DISASTER KIT" lol! .You will handle the catastrophe  like a pro.LOL!

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   3. 63

      Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      It's very natural for me to be so attached in relationships, my children and husband most specifically. I had been so hurt but I get over them eventually. I experience both the sweetness and the bitterness...I dare and get over those helpless cases..

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   4. 64

      Globetrekkermelposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Ay naku Jynz, we all have been hurt.I have lost and I have cried but  thank goodness,I have learned my lesson well. I have learned to let go and even learned to love and bless all the unpleasant circumstances in my life.That's very liberating.

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10. 56

    NuJazzposted 9 years ago

    Your story could have many answers:  Some may think because you're on the site that you want the attention.  Some may be troubled souls because they seek to share a bed with someone other than their spouse. I think that you should keep your husband for sentimental value and ditch the site.

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    1. 63

       Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       In Tagged I post photos of my husband and me from the beginning till our marriage. There is a value system that I am trying to convey especially concerning sincerity of motives and honesty in relationships.

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11. 68

    Hezekiahposted 9 years ago

    Being married for some men puts a mental restriction on them. They get scared and want to prove to themselves that they still have IT with other women just in case.

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    1. 63

       Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Which means, they are not sure of their own worth as a person...they need to prove to themselves that they are lovable.

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12. 62

    YoungWifeposted 9 years ago

    I think that the reason a man would seek friendship with a woman varies from person to person. I have been married to a man, I've known since I was 13, for four years. Granted, majority of his friends are male and he didn't really begin having female friends until he joined the military. For my husband, they train together, work together and see each other almost every day. They build a tight bond and though this would be odd and even alarming in some situations, in this one it is completely normal and doesn't worry me in the least.
    I do think that sometimes when a marriage is in a rut or the couple if fighting all of the time, a man might seek to feel appreciated or even seek a stoke to his ego. The majority of my friends are male, I don't cheat on my husband with any of them and most of them have girlfriends ( most of who find me a threat strictly because I am a woman)  but as I mentioned before, the reasons could be different depending on where they are in life and how they feel about themselves.
    There are those few who prove to be disloyal, but women can be that way too. I think it is mostly an emotional gratification,  if a female friend can make them feel better about themselves then they will seek to better the friendship, (again doesn't necessarily mean they are looking to cheat or be disloyal to their wives) they just want to be appreciated and to enjoy pleasant company.
    I had a friend who went out to dinner with a young woman when he was married, he didn't sleep with her but he did if for the reason I explained. He told me, "I wanted to remember what it was like to have dinner with someone who wasn't yelling at me and telling me how much they hated me." Its understandable that he'd look for comfort from a familiar and kind person, to try to make him feel better about himself...if only for one evening.

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    1. 63

       Jynzlyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Each person has a vacuum within that one needs to fill in and each has his/her own way to fill it in. I would still prefer integrity.

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