Help! I need advice urgently!

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  1. Amieazing profile image58
    Amieazingposted 12 years ago

    Now don't worry. I'm not going to jump off a 12 story building or anything that dramatic!
    I'll try and make this as short as possible, although given everything that has happened. It probably wont be short.
    Basically. I've been seeing a guy since December. Everything started out peachy until he decided he didn't want anything serious. But he still wanted to see me?! Which, as we all know, means; He still wants to sleep with me. Which i was happy to go along with as there were no real feelings there and I hoped he would change his mind.

    I know this is going to be long. Stay with me....

    Anyway, my feelings grew, but his unfortunately did not.
    I spent nearly every other day with him and made the upmost effort to see him. So, for my 21st birthday my dad had arranged for me and 8 friends to go on holiday. Unfortunately a few of my friends had to drop out, so I invited chris "the guy"
    Bare in mind I had spent £1500 of my birthday money on this.
    And i also lent him money to come.
    We had fun, the kind of friends with advantages fun. Like a relationship, all the sex you want, but no cuddles.
    We get back from the holiday and i send him the dreaded message on facebook stating how i felt about him and wanted to take it further.

    Still with me?

    I then realised I didnt want him to read this message and seeing as i knew his passwords for everything I went onto his account and deleted the message, as I was on there I saw my name on a message sent from another girl. And I know I shouldnt have read it. But my god, I'm glad I did.
    The STRING of messages kinda went like this
    "I dont want to be with Amie, I want to be with you. Have you seen her?! SO not my type! I've never slept with her."

    These messages were sent on my ACTUAL birthday. Around half an hour before we slept together.
    As you can imagine, I was absolutely FUMING.

    My god I am the queen of essays.

    So we didnt speak for about a month. Bearing in mind he still owed me £150. Then out of the blue, I receive a message saying how much he missed me and that he was really sorry, he never meant to hurt me blahblahblah. So I actually gave him 3 chances to come to mine and sort everything out. On one occassion he got his sister to lie to me saying he couldnt come and that he was going to the cinema. Which he wasn't.....
    So, i've deleted every trace of him. Obviously I still want my money. I just don't know how to go about it.
    And believe me, this really is the short version.....
    He sounds like a saint compared to what he would have sounded like if i'd included everything.
    Have I done the right thing? And what is the best way to get him back? Id i was to stoop to his level.....

    1. Crisramas profile image58
      Crisramasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I'm a man and feel like you're just being played by your man. You should have discovered his personality before going into serious relationship. Man always want to taste you if you can be fooled by our sweet promises. Don't fall into these promises, be on the look out, survey his past relationships and assess yourself if he's worth your love. Learn from your mistake and next time you get another relationship, be  extra careful. Good luck.

    2. wifelv profile image59
      wifelvposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      He is out of cash and you the bank to give it to him...if it worked once why not twice?

  2. Chaotic Chica profile image60
    Chaotic Chicaposted 12 years ago

    This is going to be harsh~FORGET ABOUT THE MONEY!! Consider it a severance pay.  It is a small cost to pay to get that sleaze-ball out of your life! You want him back? Trust me, no matter how good the sexual chemistry, being treated with blatant disrespect is NEVER worth it.  There are other men out there who know how to please you.....take a break and find that guy instead.

    1. Amieazing profile image58
      Amieazingposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Noooo no no NO i do NOT want him back. I just want to get hot, then bump in to him, and let him know that HE will never get this.... Haha.
      And yes, I agree about the money. x

  3. IzzyM profile image87
    IzzyMposted 12 years ago

    1. You've done the right thing
    2. You don't want him back
    3. You want your money back. You talked in ££s so you must be in the UK. Take him to the small claims court with whatever proof you can come up with that you lent him the money in the first place. Witnesses etc.
    Sweetheart, its an expensive lesson but he's a rat, and a leopard doesn't change its spots (lot of animals being used here LOL). He won't change. He's tried to cheat once - he'll do it again. You're worth more than that.

  4. Diane Inside profile image75
    Diane Insideposted 12 years ago

    You want him back?  I say run as far away from him as possible! Never see him again. He is a cheater and only wants you for sex. As far as the money goes chalk it up to an expensive lesson to learn and move on. Don't go after him or the money just get as far away from him as possible! This is from a girl who knows. Sorry to be so blunt.

    1. Amieazing profile image58
      Amieazingposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      OK i must stress, when i said, "How do i get him back?"
      I meant in the revenge way....
      Not that I want him back. I'm not an idiot haha x

      1. IzzyM profile image87
        IzzyMposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        OK I understand now. Payback time girl. Small claims court. I think you only have to pay a nominal sum, something like £25 although it may have gone up a bit. Let the court decide. He'll be sweating though!

      2. the pink umbrella profile image71
        the pink umbrellaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        You probably wont get your money back, but i would definately punish him somehow.

        *Have 3 types of dirty magazines sent to him at his job or parents house.

        *have a few of your friends facebook him about the amazing time they had, so that this girl will see it.

        *if there is any way you can find out who this other girl is, and its possible to send her flowers...send them to her, but put your name on the card. Just so she thinks hes the dirty liar that he already is.

        What a slime ball. He obviously wanted to sleep with you both at the same time, and somehow she found out about you.

        Besides, any man that would accept money even in th form of paying for a trip, is a jerk. He should have been glad to go, but paid for himself.

        ooooo im so mad at this guy and wish i could exact revenge on him myself. If nothing else, keep the magazine thing in mind. lol

        1. tom hellert profile image60
          tom hellertposted 12 years agoin reply to this

          I have learned many things in this world hell hath no fury like that of a ruffled up pink umbrella- Lets face it if you have no need to see him again-Remind him about the 1500 pounds he owes you and tell him to bring it if he wants to see you make sure its cash-when he gives you the cash- haha tell him"now we are even-or if he does not come with the money take a picture with him and you together  and do what pink says and give him "hell".or super glue his ass to his car seat or his testacles to his leg... your choice

        2. ladyzenk7 profile image60
          ladyzenk7posted 12 years agoin reply to this

          lol I love the way you think!!! big_smile

  5. Amieazing profile image58
    Amieazingposted 12 years ago

    I feel so mean on his sisters though. They've done nothing but stick up for me through all this and I have had to delete every trace I have of them too. Because I don't want to hear about him. I suppose I've done the right thing for me.

  6. Diane Inside profile image75
    Diane Insideposted 12 years ago

    Oh Sorry misunderstood. The best way to get him back is to show no interest in him whatsoever. This will drive him nuts, trust me. Just don't give the satisfaction of giving him a second thought.

    1. Amieazing profile image58
      Amieazingposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I know that this works, I ignored him for a month and he came running back...... But I don't want him to come running back. Sick of his BS

  7. blondepoet profile image62
    blondepoetposted 12 years ago

    You know my honest opinion, I would forget about the money, forget about him, cut my losses. Keep on going with life, you sound like a terrific girl who deserves that special someone. By keeping ties open with him it will just cause you pain, and seem like you are chasing him.
    What a rat I am afraid to say....
    Love again will well within and that is without doubt.

  8. donotfear profile image84
    donotfearposted 12 years ago

    Cut your losses and move on, honey. I'm sorry this happened to you. He's very dishonest, no if's-and's-or but's about it.  Self centered and a liar, he is.  I am so, so sorry. I found a hub you may want to read. It is here:

    Erasing every trace of him is a good idea.

    It's very frustrating to find out you've been played like that. I'm glad you busted him before you got any deeper.  Good luck!

  9. JMPruitt profile image59
    JMPruittposted 12 years ago

    the fact is, you are not ever going to see that money. he is a loser that will wind up desperate and alone some day.

    move on, and focus on what you want in life. start planning your future and go for it.

    In time you can find a great guy. One thing though, don't do the friends with benefits thing again. It always ends the same way. You will get hurt.

    Also, take some time to deal with all the anger you feel towards him. if you bottle it up inside, you will subconiously take it out on the next guy, and you might ruin something wonderful. Take a little time to heal now and save a lot of heart ache later.

    1. Lisa HW profile image62
      Lisa HWposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who sees the real disadvantages of being "friends with advantages" or "friends with benefits".

      Amie, I think you ought to just decide the guy is "dead to you" and move on; and the next time someone says he doesn't want things to get serious, you be the one to define what "serious" is, and define it as meaning "no sleeping with" and "no loans beyond a few dollars".  I may be tempting to want to look really good, meet him, and imagine making him realize "you won't be getting any more of this" - but, you know what?  He already got "this" since December, and it's natural for young guys to want to move on to the next "this" when things get old and when there's no emotional involvement in the relationship.

      The guy that announces he doesn't want "anything serious" is pretty much telling you where you stand as far he's concerned.  It's one thing, even, when people go out for two or three months and both believe there's that "whole emotional thing" going on - only to discover things have died down emotionally.  It's another if someone announces, right up front, he isn't interested in "serious".  There's not really any advantage for a young woman in knowing the guy didn't see her and immediately think, "I like her.  I think she may be the person for me."  "I don't want to get serious," pretty much means he knows right from the beginning that you're "The One".  Why risk being the one who may discover you've changed how you see the relationship?  A true friend (or at least one with any sense) would care about you enough not to risk your being hurt by a "friends-with-advantages" thing gone wrong.  (The fact that you hoped he'd change he'd mind tells you that you went along with a relationship that wasn't what you wanted it to be.  You compromised.)

      So, my advice would be to decide to take charge of your own emotional (and financial) well-being in the future, and decide not to set yourself up for relationships with people who "don't want to get serious". When it comes to relationships, there's "serious" and there's "not at all serious".  There usually can't be "half-serious".   hmm  Decide you're not going to compromise in the future.  You don't have to.  Nobody has to.

      If it would make you feel better, take him to court if you want.  Otherwise, he isn't worth thinking about beyond that.  There's something very satisfying about "writing someone off as dead" and moving on.

  10. Kangaroo_Jase profile image78
    Kangaroo_Jaseposted 12 years ago

    I still amazes me that guys can still be out right Royal a**eholes to act like this. Being a single fella, does make it kinda hard for some of us good fellas. We do have in the back of our minds, when we are getting along with a girl that we do like and she feels the same, wondering, does she know I like her for her and not just because she is good in the sack.

    Guys like him, you can't discuss these types of relationships with. As they just string you along, and enjoy the sex when they get it, and nothing else.

    Me, I'd rather be alone and happy than involved with someone and very unhappy. Just me 2 cents.

  11. profile image0
    Precious Williamsposted 12 years ago

    I can add nothing better than what's already been said.  The money is really not important.  Your self respect is far more important.

    I'm going to sound like an old woman here, but I hope that you will hold on to what you have learnt from this experience.  Don't waste your time on people who say they're not interested and don't devalue the person you are by accepting that he doesn't want a relationship just sex.  You are worth far more than that.

    Move on, head held high and find someone who will treasure you. That's what you deserve.

  12. starme77 profile image78
    starme77posted 12 years ago

    Dump the dude - basically he sleeps around and most likley always will - your young - take pride in yourself - basically don't be an easy lay - (sorry if that sounds rude) I'm not calling you one ....I'm just saying not to be - there are tons of fish in the sea - and you - being a young and beautiful girl bear the power to be able to take your pick really - so don't take any bullshit - go out on dates - ask questions - get to know several different dudes and don't date dudes from bars - date them from like,,, country clubs and things .... really, I'm serious - but most of all remember sex .... well thats just a very small part of a relationship ... take care and, happy dating smile


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