How many second chances should you give?

1. 86

   WryLiltposted 14 years ago

   How many second chances should you give? What if the person and situation changes?

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      rebekahELLEposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      didn't Maya Angelou say, 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.' ?
      
      sometimes we don't want to, but I think it's true. I guess it would really depend on what the situation is.

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      1. 62

         Lisa HWposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I like that Maya Angelou saying. 
         
         The way I see it, if a person changes it means he's not the same person you thought he was in the first place - so does someone want "someone new", when he was attracted to the "old, other" person?
         
         Besides, I don't think people change.   
         
         People should have more of a core to them than to be defined by their situation, so a changed situation wouldn't cut it for me either.
         
         So, for me, if it were a small thing, I'd completely overlook it.  People mess up.  If it were a big, awful, thing, no second chances, I don't think.

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   2. 73

      dashingscorpioposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      There is only ONE second chance!
      Anything beyond that are 3rd, 4th, 5th and so on chances.
      The real question is why would you keep putting up with something you don't like?  There is no nobility in being someone's fool.
      
      At some point you'll lose love and respect not only from yourself but also from the person you keep giving chances to.
      Many people that fall into a trap of giving and giving wind up feeling used and resentful at some point.
      However in reality it's (their) own doing!
      
      Life is short  and in order to make the most of your journey you have to learn when to "cut bait" and move on.

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      IntimatEvolutionposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      As many chances as you are willing to give.  I guess....., that is a tough one.

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      1. 81

         camloposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         ... depending on how much time you're prepared to waste.

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2. 61

   Ohmaposted 14 years ago

   While I am sure that people can change and do change often I am not convinced that a cheater will wake up one day and decide to change.
   Cheaters cheat because they feel they are missing something in the current relationship. If being caught is the catalyst for bringing about change it is not likely that the change will last.

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3. 60

   humagaiaposted 14 years ago

   I am afraid that you can only give one second chance to any one person. After that you are into third and fourth chances. By the time you get to these you are showing yourself to be desperate. Either get over the perceived indiscretion without comment or get rid. You can go on to someone else that you CAN give another second chance to, if you so wish.
   My actual comment would normally be, to a question that relates to indiscretions etc., 'Do you own the person you are talking about?'. If you answer yes then I am not surprised that you need to give a second chance. If you answer no, then no second chance scenario should come into your mind.
   Change your attitude to partnerships and you may find that you do not dwell on such situations or need to ask the question

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      camloposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you absolutely!

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4. 65

   Ivorwenposted 14 years ago

   I think it depends on the what the 'second chance' is over.  We all have personal standards of what is acceptable and what is not.  Things that are acceptable in one couple's relationship may not be in mine, and vise-versa.

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5. 72

   Kangaroo_Jaseposted 14 years ago

   Wry,
   
   Without a context of further explanation, as I will not assume a situation you may currently be in for deciding on making a choice, I may only suggest a second chance is just that, one more opportunity only.

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6. 65

   Ben Evansposted 14 years ago

   I don't believe that you give a second chance.............Once bitten twice shy.
   
   Unfortunately when someone strays. they are likely to stray again.
   
   I think second chances prolong the agony.  People don't change.

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7. 0

   ralwusposted 14 years ago

   depends on who it is. my child, grandchild? 90x9 mebbe, a sexual predator? none.

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   1. 63

      Dale Mazurekposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I absolutely agree.  It really does depend what the second chance is for.
      
      I know I wouldnt be willing to throw away 22 years of marriage if I found out my wife made a mistake that she was truly sorry for.  Now if she continued making the mistake that would be different.
      
      It really does all depend on who is getting the second chances.
      
      Dale

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8. 76

   Shadesbreathposted 14 years ago

   I think if you translate "Second Chance," which is a very dry and unemotional term, into "Forgiveness" then the conversation moves towards something more human.  From there, the level of contrition being shown by the offender matters.  If that person is wracked by guilt and misery, then you can decide if they value the relationship and to what degree.  Then, from there, you'll have to ask yourself what is wrong with the relationship that would precipitate feelings in one person to do whatever they did, to be "weakened" to the point to let something untoward happened.  It's very easy for the victim in certain circumstances to forget that it takes two to Tango.  This does not excuse bad behavior on the part of the offender.  However, if the relationship is to be saved (a.k.a. the bad person won't do "it" again), then you have to figure out what is wrong.  People who care about each other, trully and deeply care, don't hurt each other unless something happened first--something that is usually far more complex than the bad thing that happened. 
   
   That said, if that doesn't sound like the scenario, then maybe that person is just an a-hole, and you can move on.  If they keep doing it, either the real problem isn't resolved or he/she is just a horrible person.

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9. 60

   si newsposted 14 years ago

   Until you cant stand it anymore, Its Human nature

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10. 74

    LeanManposted 14 years ago

    Anyone can make a mistake, forgive the first time, but NO second chances from me! You forgive the same thing too often and they will repeat it over and over..

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11. 70

    Sweetsusiegposted 14 years ago

    Your question is a bit vague.  I would consider what the second chance is for, if its forgetting an important date such as birthday or anniversary, we have to remember that we are humans, and as such are prone to forgetting things, even important things.  So yes, a second chance is deserved for something such as this.
    
    If you are referring to something a bit more life altering, such as a cheating spouse, there is a lot more to consider.  People cheat for various reasons, but ultimately it is for self satisfaction. 
    
    You speak of changes, is the person changing for you or for them?  If it is for you, then the change will only last as long as they are happy with you, and what you do for them.  So now you have to ask yourself, are you willing to change to suit their basic needs?
    
    There really is no yes or no answers to a question such as this, it is something that only you can determine.

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12. 61

    readytoescapeposted 14 years ago

    Not unlike, “You never get another chance at a first impression”,
    
    I think "a second chance only happens once".

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13. 59

    Misfitmom423posted 14 years ago

    I think it depends on the person, and of course you. It's all up to you. But I think personally that if you break up with someone because that person was a jerk/ass/whatever, then NO

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    1. 62

       Lisa HWposted 14 years agoin reply to this

           Once a J.A., always a J.A.    It's better to figure out that sooner, rather than later - again.     

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