Do you think this is the right place to look for advice?

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   sofsposted 14 years ago

   Reading through some ( I say some) of the threads from a therapeutic point of view I think the person looking for solutions ( to personal problems) may end up getting more confused than when they started - your take

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      Stevennix2001posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      well first of all, you have to remember some of us, like me for instance, don't have the luxury of having a special person we can trust to go to in situations of hardships.  therefore, any advice whether it be good or bad can be good for someone to at least know what other options there are out there.  you don't necessarily have to follow or listen to any of it, as your free to do what you want.  however, sometimes it's good to have people at least LISTEN to what your going through, as that can help a lot.  believe me, i know in real life for me, there's NOBODY that i know of that i can turn to for a problem, so i do sometimes seek advice here.  sure, i know i leave myself open to a lot of ridicule and slander.  however, it does feel good that SOMEBODY listened.  whether they gave me bad advice or not, but just knowing i got it out of my system can be very theuruptic in itself. then again, you can always just write down your thoughts in a diary or journal and avoid this whole issue.......

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      Marisa Wrightposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It always surprises me when people find their way to the HubPages forums just to ask for advice on personal matters.
      
      This isn't an agony aunt column!
      
      As far as other Hubbers are concerned, I don't see posting on here as any different from asking your friends in the real world for their opinions.

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      rebekahELLEposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think sometimes that very well could happen. the thing with giving advice on personal issues here is that we're only hearing one side of the situation, there are too many variables that make it difficult but on the other side, I'm sure some have found some helpful advice here.

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2. 71

   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   Hey Sofs,
   
   I know, I get annoyed whenever someone says "if you want advice don't post to a forum".
   
   Personally, any advice, good or bad, each has some value from some perspective.

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3. 67

   Joy56posted 14 years ago

   Hi Cagsil just came in here to try to upload a picture
   
   here goes
   [img]cutequote1.jpgimageby findstuff22[/img]
   
   what am i doing wrong...

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   1. 71

      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I am not sure how you got the picture or where it came from.
      
      
      Edit: But, Hi.

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4. 71

   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   Is this picture you wanted?
   
   

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   1. 77

      sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My point is if a person really needs help, I am not too sure that they actually get real help,  may be Stevennix  we listen, yes with empathy.  I am just saying there are so many suggestion from people who are themselves  hurting to be of any use. It neither has the balance nor the objective assessment that the person in a emotional turmoil may need.  Does the posting serve its purpose?

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         Stevennix2001posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         as i said before, some of us in real life don't have the luxury of having close friends or family that we know that LISTEN to us.  and sometimes just knowing that someone does, is enough to make someone feel better.  besides, going off your logic, it seems your also suggesting that people SHOULDN'T publish hubs based off their past troubled lives then if that's the case.  after all, isn't that also kind of the same thing.  well except the part where they can make money too.  however, i guess when money is a factor, it's a different story, huh? 
         
         personally, i always thought people published hubs on here about their past troubles just to unload a heavy burden off their chests, as they have a lot of pent up emotions inside that they need to let out.  it's the same thing in forums.  sometimes just saying how you feel about something that happened to you, can sometimes make you feel better.  especially if there's someone that knows what you're going through.  however, even if you don't find someone that knows your pain, then it always feels good to at least talk about it openly. 
         
         trust me, you don't want to bottle up emotions inside, as i've done that almost my whole life.  as my father used to say, emotions are the weak minded in men.  that any man that open with his emotions is a weakling.  these were exactly how my father raised me, and he used to often call me weak. thus, as i grew up, i tried to show little to no emotions at all.  not even smiling or laughing, as i didn't want to be weak.  needless to say, this caused me to have a lot of pent up anger issues later on, but that's another story.  the point is, if you keep things bottled up inside you, then it will eat you up inside and destroy you.  sometimes, we don't know who else to turn to in real life for problems.  however in forums, all im saying is that for the person it might be very thereupetic that just admitting their problems, is like a huge burden off their shoulders.  that's all i was saying.  they don't have to follow any advice, but it feels good not to keep things bottled up inside.  trust me, i know this better than anyone probably here.

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            sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Noo no you got me all wrong Stevennix, I  am not saying no hub on your story that's your choice nor am i saying don't cry all over the place. My only concern was the person in trouble is already in an emotional state and subjective opinions may harm the person even more.
            I  work with people who have emotional problems and I fully understand what you say. Just  raising my concern for the person already hurting.
            I am sorry If i sounded harsh that was not my intention.

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               Stevennix2001posted 14 years agoin reply to this

               no, i didn't think you sounded harsh at all.  im sorry if i made it seem that way though.  i do apologize about that.  i was just bit confused by exactly what you were getting at, exactly.  however, after reading your last post, i can now see completely where you're coming from on this angle.  As your right, the person giving the advice may not have the person's best interest at heart, so they may intentionally give them bad advice.  that's kind of why there's only a few hubbers on hubpages i do listen to for advice while ignoring everyone else, but i won't say who they are, since i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  that's just me.  however, i know not all hubbers are like me, who will only listen to certain hubbers that comment in a forum they open up.  therefore, you might be right about that....

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                  sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  That's what I am getting at, You are mature enough to take the right advice and ignore the rest, but I was wondering if everyone is like You. I am happy that I did not offend you. I don't want to be the cause of a chip in the block
                  

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   logic,commonsenseposted 14 years ago

   What would you do if I sang out of tune...............?

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      sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Cry with you perhaps!!!

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         logic,commonsenseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I'm gonna cry 96 tears, I'm gonna cry cry cry now, 96..........

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            sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            there is a flood here!!!

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               sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               hey I don't find stevennix comment here !! Some snipping happened

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6. 71

   Cagsilposted 14 years ago

   Hey Sofs,
   
   You're not suppose to respond to SPAM posters. You are suppose to report them. I have reported your post to the SPAMMER's post, so HubPages can delete the links. I did make clear it wasn't you who SPAMMED the forum, but only responded to a SPAMMER's post.
   
   By you responding to the SPAMMER's post, you have keep their links alive.
   
   Just to let you know.

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      sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Oh thanx  Cagsil this is getting trickier by the minute, where do you find this info, is it on the FAQ section, have I missed it. .. Good I know this  now... some learning every day!!

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7. 83

   Rafiniposted 14 years ago

   I agree with Stevennix - this may not be the right place, but sometimes its the best or only place.
   
   I also have posted and discussed many of my issues here.  My thoughts are...I'm not alone, there has to be someone else who can relate - even if only a little.  If by my posting my issues it can help someone else, I'm all for it. 
   
   So far, with all the advice giving I've seen, I haven't seen anything I would consider bad advice.  The only thing I'd say I have seen is where someone might say something like:  "Do this; or Make sure you don't do that"  Advice isn't about telling people what or what not to do, it's about providing an alternate opinion on what could be done.
   
   There are many hubbers who write hubs based on advice giving - you know, similar to an Ann Landers newspaper column, or a self-help article.  So, what's the difference in posting a forum discussion?
   
   There are a lot of wonderful and caring people here on Hubpages who are willing to share their knowledge about life.  That's one of the reasons people write - so why not embrace the sense of community and learn something along the way?

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      sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It's not about embracing the community, I have great regards for the community, if you hared read the thread with stevennix  I had mentioned that People who are themselves hurting may give subjective comments which may not be wholesome for the person seeking it. I have never used the term bad advise. Good and bad is judgemental and I dont want to get into it. My only concern as I have stated above is the best interest of the Person asking for help!!!

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         Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I read every post before posting my reply.  I feel it is embracing the sense of community (it takes a community to raise a child - type thing).  Since many people write to convey messages geared toward understanding humanity and human relations, why not jump in and learn something?  That's my feeling about it.
         
         Good and bad may be judgmental, but in regards to advice...there is such a thing as good advice versus bad advice, imho, and it's up to each person whether or not any advice given is good or bad and whether or not it suits them.  (I did say, I hadn't seen anything I would consider to be bad advice.  It isn't about whether or not You used the term, it was an opinion from me to answer the OP.
         
         One last thing...the best interest of the person asking for advice - that's up to the person asking for advice.  I have seen many hubbers post a reply stating this is a public forum and they may not want to air their issues here, or stating they might want to consider professional help since we here are not professionals (mostly).  I know I was warned.  I chose to continue because I'm not looking for professional help, I'm usually looking for a better understanding of something.

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   akirchnerposted 14 years ago

   I think this is a poor place for people in trouble to come to - honest opinion.  There are people on here who are just cruel and obnoxious in their replies and I wonder if they ever think about what if?  What if the person needed someone and they said the wrong thing? I think people who post up 'cries for help' should be dealt with kindly and with 'kid gloves'.  I think they should have a tag on their post that lets someone in charge contact them and help them get help! I seriously would not want to be responsible for being the last JERK who posted up something before someone ended their life or just did something stupid and I think that is a possibility.  The world is a mess right now and there are some people out there REALLY hurting and we should have a care - that is just my old lady opinion but I think people that post up personal stuff on here that seems like a cry for help - guess what - it probably is!

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      sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      akirchner You have hit the nail right on the head.  I honestly feel that  there should be something set up here for such people, and some responsible people handling it. But I am not sure if HP is meant for such things.

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      Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You're right.  What we generally do is post a reply informing the OP that this is a public forum and may not be the best place for them to seek help.  It all depends on what the issues are.  Plus, there are some regular hubbers who create a new ID to seek advice from their friends.  I personally don't, but I've heard some do.  I think if they know the risks then it's up to them whether or not they want to continue.

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   mega1posted 14 years ago

   I think when people come to the forums to ask advice they are probably going to go with their own gut feelings in the end and all our advice is wasted, really.  But they need human interaction that they're not able to get from people closer to them for some reason, so we do serve some purpose by communicating with them.
   
   Or on rare occasions some people just want to wallow in their misery - endlessly - with some company from the forums.  And these people are pitiful and sometimes annoying.  I'm astonished at the complexity and variety of the problems that are presented to us.  Sometimes I'm embarrassed for them that they will reveal such personal stuff.
   
   But I'm not all that receptive to listening to people I don't know and never will know, usually people who have just signed on to HP, who've never even posted in the forums before, and will often leave and never be heard from again.  I certainly don't care much about them, and that's just the truth I must tell.  If they knew that HP people really, basically, have plenty to do dealing with their own friends' problems and their own dramas, maybe they'd think twice about unloading here.  (this doesn't apply to hubbers who have been conversing in the forums for a long time and ask for our prayers or share a problem, they qualify as friends and I usually feel I know them well enough to give a little advice, if I've been reading their hubs and posts)
   
   and that does sound harsh, but that's how I feel.

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      Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think it sounds harsh...well, maybe the pitiful part, , but other than that I think I agree with you.   Someone who joined just to ask advice is someone I don't trust and am unwilling to post a reply.  In fact, there was one not too long ago, a new hubber, (can't remember her name) but she was willing to listen to our problems and help us through them.  Are we divorced and need help?  Drove me crazy thinking about it!  I'm not discussing anything with someone I don't know!!

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      sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Mega1 I have all my life worked with people who have had emotional issues and  I listen to them all the time. I know how much they hurt and they would hurt more if people who really  don't care write a bunch of advice that might not be very helpful.  Actually some personal stuff that I have been reading in the threads, and in the questions section ,  I think  make them so vulnerable to the attacks of  some cruel beast that hangs out on the web just for the sake of some fun. ( I read a couple of answers asking these people to get in touch with them on email)
      I was pondering awhile before staring this thread .

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         Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I don't agree with you.  You may be right for some, but not for all.
         
         Speaking as one with emotional issues, I know upon reading advice whether or not it suits me and whether or not I think it'll work for me.  When it comes to the forums, I think a fair warning suits the purpose of attempting to protect the poster from less helpful replies.

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