Do you think that men and women view sex in the same way?
I think men and women do in some respects,but not absolutely all.
Females tend to enjoy the 'whole orchestra' experience,while males are happy with the beat of any drum
so long as it beats.
By the way I read Qwarks post 2 or 3 times, very titalating (?) ya know what I mean. good writing actually.
If that was on the flap of a book ,I'd wanna buy it
I wish that were true.
I asked mine if we could sometimes have quickies and he was hurt by that. You know, sometime I like a quick symphony!
You should! It doesn't really make sense to censor sex as it actually is when it's literally the reason I am here today.
tmi ..
J/k hey Im curious though ,how much research and or how does one go about getting credited for this title...
Sorry this post was sposed to follow after the sexologists post.That would make you a sex doctor!
Hi, Dawn. Thanks for answering. I'm not trying to be "Devil's Advocate" or anything. Based on my own exposure to studies (I didn't conduct the child development ones. Studies I've conducted were in the medical applications/scientific applications fields, industries, and involved products/tests/procedures, as opposed to human beings and psychology, etc. Even with that, though, we ran into fudged data, questionable conclusions, and improper methods with more than one thing.), I use what's available as a result of them, or use some findings if I have no reason to question who did the study and how), I've seen that I'm not entirely comfortable (not just with child development but with many studies in general) that a lot of studies "cover" enough of the "non-studied" segment of any population to always warrant confidence in any conclusions.
I have more faith in information gained through actual research/observation. I guess your example of new awareness associated with orgasms is an example. An example of the kind of information I place complete trust in might be something like the observation of a part of the brain responding to one thing or another and observed on a brain scan.
An example of a questioned study might be the Terman Studies, in which x number of gifted kids were followed from grammar school through adulthood; and the conclusion was that gifted children were often more well adjusted and happy in adult life than anyone had previously believed. Then, however, people came out and questioned how the studies were performed; and conclusions came under fire. So anyway, I'm always interested in studies used in any field. I pretty much question a whole lot of ideas from any field (not particularly because I don't believe them - only because I'm someone who kind of questions most stuff presented in most fields.
I only asked for purposes of "legitimate" discussion here, and because, like a lot of people, I don't know anything about being a sexologist or about that particular field.
I see from your answers about "changes" in the field that it looks as if those changes are primarily a matter of adding new information on top of information previously understood and accepted. That gives me more confidence that something like complete u-turns in beliefs from one time period to another. One of the more well known "u-turns" in medicine is that when my sister was having her first baby over 30 years ago, women were told they shouldn't gain more than 15 lbs at the most. My sister gained 11. By the time she and I both had sons a few years later, word was that women should gain around 20 lbs (plus or minus). Eight/ten years after that, all the women I knew was gaining - like - 50/60 lbs (!!!), and that was generally accepted as OK. The last I heard word was that any weight gain is kind of OK, as long as the woman loses it afterward (not including some complications in pregnancy, of course).
I will admit to some skepticism (or at least caution) about a lot of fields (including sexology - and that's why your presence/thread here seemed like a good opportunity for me to actually learn more than I now do about that whole field). (I don't happen to know any sexologists, the way I know tons of engineers and business people. )
I'm willing to admit I know nothing about being a sexologist, or the field (and that there's a whole world of fields I know nothing about as well). What talk of sexology makes me wonder, though, is where its role is in what would seem to me (again someone who admits knowing nothing about the field) between the role of family/marriage therapist (in general) and the role of physician (for matters like ED or too little testosterone in women).
I mean... (and please forgive me, because wouldn't go as far as to say I'm "skeptical" about the need for sexologists; instead I know this is "just me" and just the way I think, and the fact that I may just be ignorant)... It seems to me that if, say a couple has trouble with intimacy, that's either the result of a problem outside the bedroom that gets brought into the bedroom; or else it's the result of a medical problem one partner and/or both has. I guess there's a part of me that thinks problems with intimacy won't destroy a marriage if the relationship (outside the bedroom) is what a healthy, whole, one. Maybe, too, I think if the relationship is otherwise whole and healthy, the two people might be less likely to want to share what does or doesn't go on between them with anyone (even a professional) other than each other. If they don't feel that their intimate life is something so special between them they're willing to share it with anyone outside the marriage, might not that, in itself, indicate that there's something bigger that's a problem in their marriage? (I feel like I have to keep apologizing for my "seemingly skeptical" questions here; but, believe me, the world is full of people in different fields that I'd be questioning if I had the chance. It's not at all my intent to be "borderline confrontational" at all. It's just that I like not being clueless when I suspect I may be clueless about one thing or another. )
This, I guess, gets back to the original question of this thread; but one thing I think (and, again, I know I may be completely ignorant or just some kind of anomalous person) is that women and men do view sex differently. Personally, I can't imagine all the toys in the world being able to help a marriage that's in trouble outside the bedroom, and I do have trouble understanding how, if the relationship is what it ought to be, there would be anything other than medical issues that would cause intimacy problems if that relationship were right. And maybe this gets to a little more of the crux of my concern with the field, but I'm wondering if things may be skewed in favor of male sexuality and men in that field? I can't say (again, from a woman's point-of-view) that I'd want to hold my marriage together if the guy was only staying faithful because of a great selection of toys.
Other than the education thing I worked on, I can't say I had a whole lot of passion for a lot of the other stuff I've worked on. One thing I do have some passion about, though, is women's issues (and maybe that's where I'm coming from, with all this interest in your field). I won't hijack your thread (any further) by bringing up all the women's issues I have in mind (and that I think too few people and fields seem to have in mind). I hope, though, you understand that one of my passions is women's issues - and, oops - it's apparently showing in my posts here.
I guess my question about the field of sexology (and the latest approaches it uses) is whether it may be "a separate little world" of people studying it, and people who have problems AND are willing to see a professional who specializes in it; but a "world" that doesn't always factor in the people who won't participate in studies, believe their intimate life (for good or ill) is between only them and their partner, and who ("hang-ups" or not) wouldn't even be able to consider seeing someone for outside help (other than a family therapist and/or physician).
In other words, is that "little separate world" (that includes clients, of course) a world where sex is more important to some people than it is to others? (For example, men?) I guess I'm wondering if your field overlooks women, who are often known for seeing intimacy as somewhat less critical than a lot of men do. AND, is there an overall aim of the field to get women to change their attitudes toward sex and see it more the way men do?
My generation (end-of-the-Baby-Boomers generation) and others that have followed it were raised hearing, "Gone are the days when men were the ones who enjoyed sex, and women just tolerated it. Women are sexual beings too!" (and that part was true). How that seemed to have been interpreted, though, was that women are supposed to behave every bit the same as men, when it comes to sex. A talented and notorious-for-her-black-leather-and-whips kind of costumes singer once said something like, "I'm comfortable with my sexuality, so that's why I'm comfortable with what I wear". Most of the women I know (from my generation, the one just after it, and a few women in their 20's) think, "That's not female sexuality. That's male sexuality, or at least it's female sexuality according to someone's idea of what female sexuality ought to be." Yes, women have their sexuality and are "sexual beings" and enjoy sex; but most of the women I know agree with me that the fact that women don't always want to act like men when it comes to sexuality is that their sexuality shouldn't be a "bad copy" of male sexuality. Most of the women I know (all of them, I think) feel as if they don't have the male biological hard-wiring and instinct to "spread their seed" (since they don't have a lot of "seeds" to spread around anyway ); and that for decades, now, our society has been telling the women (the ones who aren't big fans of promiscuity, or the black leather look in women) to "get over their hang-ups and acknowledge their sexuality." Like so many other women I know, I don't like that it so often seems as if "the world" is telling me that what is perfectly normal and right for someone of my own sex, with regard to views/attitudes about it, is something that needs to be "fixed" because men think it ought to be fixed, or because women who aren't quite as "entrenched" in their own female sexuality (as far as being more reticent/reserved/selective etc. goes), don't even realize that women who are exist.
I know that someone in your profession certainly doesn't need me to "point out" to them that female sexuality is very different from male sexuality. My thing is that I feel like my generation and those after it have, in a lot of ways, been sold a "bill-a-goods" when it comes to female sexuality; because the message women have now been given for years has so often been, "Hey, you gotta get over your hang-ups and start acting like a lot of men do, because you're 'a sexual being too'". I don't mind the "sexual being" part. What I've always minded is the fact that women's sexuality should be acknowledged as "its own thing" and not treated as something that needs to "improved" in order to make it more like the "ideal" and "healthy" male version of sexuality. As it so often is these days, it's as if women who don't put on the leather stuff and show cleavage everywhere they go have "hang-ups" because they wear non-revealing clothes, don't think girls and women ought to be acting like Tom cats, and aren't comfortable saying too much about their own intimate "doings" with anyone other than their partner.
So, I know you don't need me to add this answer to your thread; but, boy, yes, I do very much think women and men view sex very differently in a lot of ways. Then again, though, I know men (and some young ones at that) who have the same concerns about the messages being sent to young (and not-so-young) women over the last few decades.
So, again, I don't think you "owe" me any answer here, by any means; and I don't even expect you to take the time to read all this; but I suppose I'm hoping that professionals in your field aren't trying to "fix" women's "attitudes" when they're apparent "attitudes" may not, in fact, be a "hang-up", but may instead by a manifestation of their own female sexuality. (I'm not saying a lot of the "weirdness" people once had about sex in past generations ought to be brought back, by any means. It's just that it seems to me, and a lot of women I know, that there was some throwing out of the baby with the bathwater when it came to what a healthy attitude toward sex is for women (which sometimes is, and sometimes isn't, different from men).
I don't really expect you to take the time to answer all this "third-degree-seeming" stuff (although I think other people on here may have similar "wonderings" about your field). I suppose I was thinking that by bringing up these issues here, I may be offering "fuel" for possible future Hubs that would address the questions/concerns of women (or of all those other "clueless" people ).
So,the answers no, right ?
"Do you think that men and women view sex in the same way?"
I just received this email warning. I think it clarifies the issue wonderfully...
** start of email **
Male Date-Drug
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.
Many females use a date-drug on the market called 'Beer '.
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large kegs.
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.
A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers , men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking Beer , men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship'. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as'marriage'.
Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females..
If you fall victim to this 'Beer ' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.
For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.
Please forward this warning to every male you know and to all females that can relate to it.
** end of email **
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