I have a stag party to go on in a few weeks and one of the activities involved is going to a Lap Dancing club.
Many of the guys partners are very unhappy or uneasy about this.
Can anyone shed any light on this? My partner is absolutely fine with it- In fact she wants to come along!
What are your thoughts?
No matter how much someone says they're not jealous, it is my belief and experience that they are. We're possessive creatures, and rightly so, when involved in relationships or marriage. Even something so supposedly detached and "innocent" like a stag party could end up being the insertion of a third influence into your relationship. Better to steer clear of it.
cant help it,... must comment,.... "insertion"/???? ha!,.... howard stearn would be sooooo proud!
Dirty minded, are ya? Stearn fan, I take it?
howard doesnt offend me in the moral sense,.... he does get on my nerves,... i'm not a huge fan,... but his life story was great,... sorta like liking the larry flint story without being a fan of the mag
I agree, at one time I would have tried to be oh so open minded and the un jealous creature, Oh BS to hell with that, I will have a certain amount of jealousy if I give a rats @ss, If I don't in realty it means I have moved on.. then you know I really don't care and am maybe even playing around myself or something. Then BE worried, when I'm NOT jealous.
If my husband wanted to go to one of these clubs for a stag party I wouldn't object, I would think of it as sort of a male bonding ritual. I, myself would have no interest whatsoever in attending. I don't think of myself as the jealous type, but I wouldn't want to see my husband making visits to places like that part of his regular routine. If he felt the need to frequent that type of club I would feel he was not getting what he needed at home and that would make me feel bad.
I'm just asking...
How is having nearly-naked female body parts inches from a man's face a "male bonding ritual"?
I was thinking of the stag parties for male relatives that I was aware of. The guys would get giddy just talking about it, slapping each other on the backs, planning to go together, how they would convince the women in their life it was harmless - stuff like that - these being guys who don't normally "hang out" together. Maybe it only bonded these particular guys...
I knew a young couple who wanted to do such things together. She couldn't wait.
But something happened and she got jealous. They divorced shortly after.
Why would you knowingly put your marriage in peril?
I was wondering the same thing. As a married man I would not go in deference to my better half.
Why put that weight on a relationship?
Hey Earnest. It's something how we think alike in several things.
I would never put myself in a place to hurt my husband..which would also end up hurting me.
You sound like a nice man with good morals and standards.
Thank you Deborah.
I think it is easy if we love someone to avoid doing potentially hurtful things in a relationship.
I think it would be a demoralizing experience to pay someone to be sexual in any way with strangers as well.
I also believe the girls who do this sort of work are likely to hate it.
I wish they could find a more dignified way to earn a living.
Never been to a buck party, I don't believe they serve any useful purpose.
Just a little friendly advise from a lap dance connoisseur Ernest.Don't get a lap dance from a"Weighty"dancer...It's wrong on so many levels dude....and if she lap dances for to long your"Lap" will fall asleep.
Would you feel okay accompanying her on a girl's night out where she'll visit one of those bars where a man is going to be all over her, trying to turn her on? If you are okay with that, then I guess you guys have a very unusual kind of relationship. Nothing bad, but just unusual. If you are not okay with it, then I'd say draw the line there, even if she seems to be cool with the whole thing.
It would bother me. I don't think it's good to introduce something like that to a marriage. I think it can lead to cheating. Sorry to be the party pooper here.
I personally would not appreciate if my boyfriend went to a lap dancing club. It makes me feel unappreciated and like "old news". But that's just me.
I am fine with it. As long as he wouldn't mind me getting lap dances from her too! I dont get the big deal, if you would cheat with the dancer you would cheat with any attractive girl and couldn't be trusted. If she doesn't trust you that's a whole mother issue.
I have never understood why women get jealous. It's simply entertainment. And, the truth is, if that type of woman was who their significant other wanted to be with; that's where they would be. I definitely wouldn't want to accompany my husband and watch it (your partner sounds cool), but I wouldn't have any problem with knowing it was going on at a stag party.
Oh no he di'nt! I take care of my parnters so there's no desire to look elsewhere to fulfill their fantasies.
it seems to me that some men get a kick out of this sort of thing and others dont,.... no different than some liking brusles sprouts while others do not,... so with that in mind, perhaps we should realy make an attempt to KNOW who we are in a relationship with,.... if he liked these sorts of things before he met the woman of his dreams, chances are, he will continue to like them,... and if his woman has a problem with that,... then perhaps the problem is hers.
i dont have a real problem with men that enjoy that sort of thing, my first husband enjoyed the daylights out of it, and i never minded the "extreemly usefull" mood that he returned home in,...
that said, men that like this sort of thing often objectify women, and focus a great deal on the external or shallow phisical aspects of women,... something that can be very hard to live up to from the girlfriend/wifes perspective,.... unless she is EXTREEMLY secure in her own skin and in the relationship,.. its gona cause friction.
good luck my friend,.... if you wana go,.... go,... but i gota say,... i never wanted to with my first husband,.... only because i'm sure that my totaly uncontrollable sadistic laughter would have killed the vibe of the evening,... i'm just sayin
Absolutely not acceptable !!
If he wants to go,fine. I just don't want to know about what goes on. I rather him say, "The guys and I are going out for a few drinks for Joe's bachelor party". Lie to me, seriously, on this one. If it is one time and he is sitting on the couch watching The History Channel for the other 364 days a year.... Who cares? Those girls aren't sleeping with anyone and if he is going to cheat then, he is going to cheat at the gym or in the corner closet on the 5th floor at work next Tuesday. I see both sides of the issue, but I feel that I don't want to be the 'unhappy girl' about it and he has to stay home. That hasn't worked out well for me in the past.
Years back I went to the states on a business trip for a few months and every night we were taken out by someone different from the companies that we were working with, invariably they took us to a "tittie" bar to watch the girls, the first two or three nights were fine but after that we found ourselves waving at the girls to get out of the way of the TV!!!
Quite frankly most of the girls who work in these places are not the best looking or the best educated, I don't find them a turn on at all.....
There are a number of such places near to where I live now and my wife finds it very funny to watch the women dancing! Most of them look bored and tired, can't dance very well and their bodies have seen better (pre-children) days!
We go in because they are more entertaining in a people watching sense than the other "regular" bars!!
I would personally be uneasy if my husband wanted to go to something like that. He and I have both talked about it, and simply being around strippers and other such women doesn't bother me (several are among my friends, and he used to work security in a strip club). What would concern me is if he really wanted to leave home for this kind of entertainment, and I wouldn't be able to help but wonder what he was looking for that he couldn't find at home. It didn't bother me when his friends "kidnapped" him to make the rounds of all the bars and strip joints the night before he moved several thousand miles to be with me, he didn't even know where they were taking him and wasn't impressed by the entertainments...and obviously still got on his plane the next day, and now we're married and have a daughter.
I agree that if he's going to cheat, it will be anywhere -- people who will, will, and trying to prevent anything from happening could even help push someone away who may have been teetering a bit. My husband and I have a very clear understanding that infidelity is the one thing neither of us will tolerate, and aside from that we trust each other. Out of respect for him, I keep my actions above reproach and will not even allow close male family friends in the house if he is not home. I value that he has the same respect for me, and should he choose to violate that respect simply for a night on the town with his friends then it would likely do some damage.
His good friends understand this, as do mine, and neither would ask either of us to step outside of that. He and I have both been cheated on, we know how it feels, and we know how even the suspicion can hurt the one we love the most. It may seem old-fashioned (for the record, I'm 25, it's not like I was raised in the days when hand-holding in public was scandalous) but it works for us, and I believe is a key factor in long-term success in our marriage.
For someone who isn't sure -- maybe a sit-down talk with your significant other is in order. She may seem alright with it, but I do tend to wonder if she wants to come along to make sure your attention is on her for the evening. It could be that she also doesn't want to be "the unhappy girl at home" and wants to see you have fun with your friends, and so is hiding true feelings. It could also be that she doesn't care, but bear in mind that if it doesn't bother her then she also will expect that her own pursuit of similar entertainments away from you won't bother you. Everyone is different, and for some there's no problem...but if there is any doubt, err on the side of what you want to last.
Thanks all for your thoughts on this. It does seem to be very much a 'marmite' (love it or hate it) topic.
My partner see's it as a business transaction and I have a great relationship I have no plans on jeopardising- hence me having told her where we will be going.
I think bachelor/ stag parties do need to be not taken too seriously
I also have no issues what my partner gets up to when I'm not with her- I beleive we are both honest with each each.
Look no woman wants her guy to do this. If we lived in an ideal world, then strip clubs would not exist. But they do and men are sexual creatures by nature. I much rather him go get a lap dance then start having an affair! And trust me that is what he will do if you start to tell him what he can't and cannot do. These girls are not sleeping with them and you want to hear the funniest part? Most strippers are lesbians! That's right so they have no interest in your man or his penis, just his cash. I say if he wants to be stupid and go blow his hard earned money with the boys every once in awhile so some girl who probably rather be anywhere else can grind up on him for a few minutes then fine. Same goes for Playboys and porn. Let him have fun with the magazines and watch his dirty movies. As long as its all in moderation this is a great tool for him to get out all the sexual aggression men need to get out. Yes, you should be enough for him and I know you want to be but honey it will never be enough. Just let them do their thing and as long as they are busy getting lap dances and looking at Playboys they will not be cheating on you.
SOoo many cool posts on this thread I don't know where to start L-O-L.and I really mean that!I love the way the intellectuals actually take lap dancing seriously and discuss it from a moral point of view!
Brenda!A"naked"female putting her"Parts"near a guys Face is NOT a lap dance,it's a transaction where the money hasn't changed hands yet.She has to grind her Butt on his Lap,hence we have a"Lap Dance".What your referring to would be a"Face"dance...which is also part of an"Innocent Bachelor party"...that's an oxymoron if I ever heard one!...or somebodies not doing their Job right!
I guess its kool if your partner is kool with it. I would not protest if my husband wanted to go to a strip club with his friends. We have gone together in a group setting years ago and it was very entertaining watching him struggle to hold onto his money - he is very frugile. I can see why a guy would want to see something different from time to time - they are visual creatures, that is just the way it is. This does not mean that I am in agreement with the double-standard that women have to tolerate, but what can one do? Sometimes it is best to console than to control.
My theory still holds true, have a ball, as long as he is coming home each night to our bed
bed bunks of course
Back in the day I would say it's totally harmless. Nowadays, I can relate to the suspicion women seem to have towards the stripper phenomenon. When I was in college (mid-90's), it was simple: you paid twenty bucks, the dancer took her top off and sat in your lap while she played with her boobs in order to excite you. After it was done, you gave her another ten or twenty depending on how much you enjoyed it. Last time I was at a strip club was about eight years ago and it was a massive departure from what I had previously experienced. It was intolerably expensive and felt much less innocent, almost like I was with a hooker (not that I really know what that's like). So, if you are hosting a stag party, it's good to do some research and see if the club has ever had problems with the law in regard to prostitution, drug-dealing, etc.
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