ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Friendship

Eight Significant Factors of Having Good Friends

Updated on February 8, 2017
Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok shares inspiration and discusses methods of improving life, learned from his studies of social behavior and personal experience.

The influence of good friends can be life changing.
The influence of good friends can be life changing. | Source

1. Friends Worthy of a Lifetime Friendship

Do you spend time with people who you consider your friends but you always feel a lack of something? Maybe you are feeling that they are on a different wavelength. Better yet, you know that your interests and capabilities are totally different than theirs.

Nevertheless, you spend time with them anyway. After all, they are good people and you care for them. In addition, you think that they care for you too.

However, the reality is that you are too much more intelligent than they are. Somehow you befriended them anyway.

The fact of the matter is that you have much more meaningful interests and desires. You think of things and you understand things much better than they do. And the few times that you try to explain anything to them about something important, you find the effort totally in vein.

Maybe it's time to sit yourself down and give some thought to your life. Think about the people you have been letting into your life. Are they actually offering value in return, or are you just throwing time away getting together all the time?

What about those few friends who you once had that really mattered? The friends who had the same vision as you had about the world. The friends you remember that you were able to talk with about extremely interesting and fulfilling topics.

What happened to those people? Maybe they were friends you had in college, but you didn't stay in touch. Maybe they were acquaintances you had in a prior employment, and you let them go when you left.

You may never have built those acquaintances into friendships. However, now that you think about it, those are the kinds of people that would have made a difference in your life.

Try to find them and make a connection again. Life is short. It's never too late. They may feel the same as you.

2. True Friends Will Always Steer You Right

I have learned many positive things from friends who steered me in the right direction with difficult decisions. I didn't always have all the answers, and good friends were always there to teach me something new that helped improve some aspect of my life.

You can tell when you have a true friend who wants to be helpful. Some friends just tell you what you want to hear so they'll be liked. Those are not true friends. They are just thinking of themselves and don't care about your success. They are more afraid that they will lose you as a friend for telling you something that you don't want to hear. Is that what you want?

As we get older we make more mature and well-rounded, carefully considered, decisions. Sometimes we even need to reconsider friendships that we come to realize are not genuine.

I've moved on from friends who I noticed were continually making their lives worse. We're not getting any younger. Why stay friends with those who are going in the wrong direction? I want positive influence.

Do your friends positively influence you? (Answer yes if at least one).

See results

3. Good Friends Will Always Lift Your Spirits

If you find yourself struggling to be happy when you’re with a friend who produces negative energy, ask yourself why you feel the need to spend time with that person. You may realize that they are holding you back.

Life's too short to spend it with people who don’t inspire you. You’ll feel better when you include relationships that lift your spirits and give you reasons to be your best.

4. True Friendships are Worth Nurturing

Sometimes we don’t always give any thought to how others are treating us. Some people have toxic behaviors. It might be best to move on from these people. However, we need to reflect on the positive attitudes of those who are genuinely good friends. Are they really toxic or are they just functioning on a different level?

Good friendships are worth nurturing. As time goes by, and we get older, we begin to realize what a genuine friend is and how they affect us.

Think twice when you are disappointed in someone. Consider the good qualities he or she has and compare that to what you really want in a friendship relationship.

5. A Helpful Friend Will Give Constructive Criticism

... Rather than just tell you what you want to hear.

Some people are confused about what makes a good friend. I have noticed that some people I know seek friends who are not interested in their success. They couldn’t care less. All they care about is being liked.

Have you ever asked a friend for advice and the answer they gave you is one that your they knew you wanted to hear? I really don’t consider that helpful when I'm looking for constructive criticism.

A real friend would be willing to take chances upsetting one with the answer if it means guiding them in a more positive direction.

Sometimes we don’t want to hear what is the best thing for us. However, if we want to be successful with any particular endeavor then we need that kind of strong guidance. I call that Tough Love.

Good friends will give advice that might be considered "tough love."
Good friends will give advice that might be considered "tough love." | Source

People become successful by accepting constructive criticism, but some people don't like to accept useful guidance when it goes against their way of thinking.

Here's an example:

This is from a situation I once experienced while trying to help a friend make the right decision.

This friend asked me what she should do about being confronted with two conflicting paths to take in her life. One thing was the right one for her, and she knew it. The other was something that would eventually cause trouble and pain, but it was something she really wanted.

She was torn between the two decisions. She knew that the second thing was wrong, but it was tempting.

I realized that she understood the outcome of both choices and that she already had the answer, so I told her to do what she felt was right.

Her desire for the tempting choice was causing her stress. She put a lot of effort into asking all sorts of people for their opinion. She told me that three other friends told her to go with the tempting choice since it was so enticing.

I had to explain to her that they probably are not true friends since they were just telling her what she wanted to hear. On the other hand, they may have found it intriguing if only they had the opportunity. Those types of friends would not care if it were a bad thing to do. I wouldn't be surprised that if her "friends" had to make the decision for themselves, they would select the better and safer path to follow.

I continued to explain to her that she might have been seeking friends who sided with her, despite the fact that it was not in her best interest.

One may not like the answers, but true friends will guide their friends in a positive way by providing constructive criticism. It may not be what they want to hear, and it may even hurt at times. This tough love works for those who truly seek the truth.

6. Friends Who Respect You Will Seek Your Advice

Most people who seek advice from friends really want to improve their lives. They just want to know the answers that will guide them with whatever it is that they are having a problem with.

People with destructive tendencies usually never look for methods of improvement. When they seek advice they are really just looking for someone to confirm their behavior.

When we are the one offering helpful advice, it may be frustrating when a friend who has destructive tendencies doesn't listen. There are some who are simply not worth fighting for, so we also need to know when to back away from trying to help.

It’s nice to be able to help a friend, but some people don’t accept help. They take it as criticism and refuse to recognize the valuable options that are being presented to them.

Some people are aware of their flaws and want to find solutions. These are people who want to listen and want to learn. They want to be successful. When one of these types of friends asks me for advice, I love to help. They truly want help and they make good use of it. I can see that they appreciate my help.

7. Good Friends Will Appreciate Your Values

It’s best to know in your heart what you want in life, how you want your future to be, and how you want to treat people and be treated. Conduct your affairs with these thoughts in mind.

For example, I like to let people know that they can trust when I say something is going to happen, it does. Once I make a commitment to do something or to meet someone somewhere, I don’t let anything get in the way. I only make promises when I know I can keep them, and I expect to be treated the same way.

Some people think I’m too rigid when someone else wants me to change plans. But if those changes negatively affect other people, I feel I’m doing the right thing.

8. The Influence of Friends Can Be Life-Changing

I have found that I learn a thing or two when a friend comes to me for advice and I think of a solution for them. Some of my greatest achievments came from ideas invisioned by helping others. It works both ways. Those who are influential in someone's life are good to keep around.

If you are fortunate enough to have a few friends who are not afraid to be honest with you, then consider them worthy of a lifetime friendship.

If you feel comfortable giving valued constructive criticism, then you will be helping your friends too. Those who appreciate where you're coming from will value your friendship.

We are all in this life together and our success or failure is largely related to our interactions with the people in our lives. Choose your friends wisely and value the influential ones. As the saying goes, “It’s all about who you know.”

Who had the most positive influence on your life?

See results

© 2012 Glenn Stok


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 7 months ago from Long Island, NY

      Hi Laura, it's good hearing from you. Hope your book is selling well and that you are doing well too. I sold the domain for my company since I retired. I have a new domain listing my articles: . I'll try emailing to your old email if that is still active so we can communicate. This is only for comments.

    • profile image

      Laura (Moskowitz) Robichek 7 months ago

      Hi Glenn,

      It's Laura from the old LI walking group! I will always remember you for how wonderful you were in helping me get my book ( published!

      I looked you up because I attended a sustainability event here in California, where I'm living, and was surprised to see that is now the domain of a company. (Hope you got paid for it!) So, I looked you up and came upon this very well written article, and a great picture of you. You look terrific!

      I'm living here with my husband Mark, who, thank goodness, is a wonderful person and excellent companion.

      Hope all is well with you (looks like it is!). Say hi to whoever used to know me who you still know.


    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 3 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Thanks Linda. I appreciate your comment. I can't sit by idly when I see a friend doing something that is destroying their life. I can't do anything about it when they choose not to listen. But at least I make them aware of what they are doing, and the rest is up to them.

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 3 years ago from Central Virginia

      After your delightful visit to my hub on the Estate Sale, I had to visit your profile. This hub called to me immediately and I had to read it first. Friendship is so important to me and I have been blessed in my life to have several friendships that are rich in honesty and loyalty. They are real treasures and have often been the catalyst for my making a decision different from my original plan. The test of real friendship comes in those difficult times when a friend has the courage to be honest, even when it hurts. If the relationship is not damaged as a result, it is surely worth keeping. I loved this hub Glenn. It reminded me of all the reasons I have invested in my good friends and let some others fall by the wayside. You're a great writer!

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

      PaoloJpm - Well said. True friends are definitely hard to find. They develop over time. And, sometimes, those who we think are friends turn out to have their own agenda. So when you have a special friend, nurture the relationship. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • PaoloJpm profile image

      John Paolo B.Magdaluyo 4 years ago from Philippine

      Great hub you have here! Friends are specials, and, in this world, they are limited. You just can't buy one in store, specially those who are true, not to us but to themselves and of course to us then.

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

      vespawoolf - I can't say it any better than you just did. I consider those friends who are willing to correct me to be really true friends. The others just don't care. My friends know that I like to be alerted if they feel I am doing something that needs improvement. Like you said, we need to be open-minded to listen to the advice.

      When it's the other way around, I discovered that I need to ask people if they want help before I try to give advice. It's unfortunate that many times they are looking for a "yes" person, as Susan (sholland10) just explained in her comment prior to yours.

      Thanks for stopping by, I'm glad you enjoyed this hub.

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Sholland10 - thanks, Sue, for your comments. Unfortunately my friend I used as an example in this hub did not take my advice. But that seems to be a common thing that I think I figured out. And I wrote about it in another hub entitled Why People Don't Listen to Advice, which goes into more detail on that issue.

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      I agree that true friends have a lot to do with our success in life. And true friends are willing to correct us when we're heading toward a wrong path, even if it hurts us to hear it. But we also have to be open-minded enough to listen to a friend who has our best interests at heart. Although I've experienced toxic relationships, I'm happy to count with some true friends such as these. I really enjoyed this Hub. Thanks!

    • sholland10 profile image

      Susan Holland 4 years ago from Southwest Missouri

      Glenn, it is so true that some people only say what we want to hear. I would much rather hear the truth to save me from a bad choice or decision.

      We should choose friends who are willing to go through thick and thin with us. It is not always easy to say something that might come across as harsh or unpleasant, but a true friend will figure out a way to help rather than be a "yes" person.

      I hope your friend took your advice and not the ones who "sided" with her without thinking of the consequences.

      Friendships are rare. We have many acquaintances, but only a few friends we can depend on and who can depend on us.

      A great hub with a great message.

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 5 years ago from Long Island, NY

      Thanks, Nell, for stopping by. Isn't it the truth? -- that a beneficial friend is that who tells us the truth.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Yes I totally agree with you about the real friend telling you the truth and not what you want to hear, my best friend was amazing, and insulting! lol! how many dresses did I throw back in the cupboard because she kindly informed me that I looked like a bag of spuds! seriously great points, nell

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 5 years ago from Long Island, NY

      I wish to thank everyone who read this hub for your wonderful comments. Each of you have said meaningful and insightful things and I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I actually tried a different writing style with this hub, which I have recently been studying -- and "CrisSp" had noticed, thank you for that comment. Also thank you everyone for all the up votes. I'm glad you all appreciated what I had to say here.

    • avallee profile image

      avallee 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Very good hub. Very good points of view that can be used to examine self and identify positive vs. negative friends.

    • Rosalinem profile image

      Rosalinem 5 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

      Very true, great hub. Some friends are even better than siblings and can stick with someone through difficulties and pain and be so good to celebrate with one's fortunes.

    • profile image

      Loren Edlin 5 years ago

      Glenn, it is a great article you wrote. I must say there is much more to being a true friend. It is good to listen to each other and help out if needed but you need to have respect for each other equally. There are no one way streets in any relationship. Listening to each other and sharing each other's stories is good too. I have experienced people complaining about how bad their problems are when they don't know how others live too. I feel it is important to be unselfish in a relationship and hear each other out before judging. There are many ways to know how true you are to your friends. My vote is up to your article.

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 5 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      "Some friends just tell you what you want to hear so that they'll be liked. Those are not true friends." -- this is so agreeable.

      Nice article. I like the simplicity of the writing style, which is easy to read and comprehend. Voted up and sharing.