ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Five Ways to Become a Great Listener

Updated on April 3, 2011

The Power of Listening

Great leaders. Great parents. Great supervisors. Great team members. They are all great listeners.

Lots of people are great at hearing. Fewer people are great listeners. Listening is a skill, and skills can be learned. Learn great listening skills by focusing on a few key ideas.

This lens is all about listening. Why it's important. What it means to other people. How to get better at it. Use these tips to learn how to be a great listener.

Photo courtesy

Article: Listen more, Speak less - 5 Steps to Better Listening

As a coach and consultant, I spend lots of time listening to people describe their situation, their problem, their frustration, etc. My clients expect me to offer insights, knowledge, and perspectives to help them create better results either personally or professionally. In many respects, I am a "professional listener." From this experience, I have found that hearing is easy and listening is hard.

A quick review of some statistics about listening, compiled by the International Listening Association (, yields some insight into why listening is so hard:

  • Most of us are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful about 75% of the time we should be listening.
  • We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1000-3000 words per minute.
As hard as it is to listen effectively, it is still vitally important. Take a look at these additional statistics from the International Listening Association:

  • Immediately after we listen to someone, we only recall about 50% of what they said.
  • Long-term, we only remember 20% of what we hear.
  • More than 35 business studies indicate that listening is a top skill needed for success in business.
My first thought as I began this article was: "I'm about to communicate an idea that everyone has heard before." However, my experience as a "professional listener" tells me that the topic carries enough importance to justify the reminder. More importantly, I'll share five tips to help you improve your skill in this vital leadership competence.

1. Listen to understand, not to respond.

Effective listening goes beyond hearing someone's words. Effective listening creates an environment where the other person feels that you understand them.

This tip applies to attitude more than it does to behavior. Many people view dialogue like a tennis match where the two parties square off and hit the ball back-and-forth. In this approach to conversation, both parties are adversaries trying to "score the point."

To listen effectively, I suggest that you view dialogue more like a pitcher and catcher in a baseball game. The pitcher (speaker) throws the ball for the catcher (you) to receive it. The catcher only throws the ball back after he has it firmly in his grasp.

In other words, listen to receive the meaning. Once you understand, then you can respond.

2. Be quiet.

Being quiet gives you the opportunity to hear the words, the tone, and the meaning behind the words. It gives you the chance to observe the speaker's body language.

To help you remember this tip, I'll share two quick statements with you:

  • "When your mouth is open, your ears are closed."
  • "LISTEN and SILENT have the same letters."

3. Let them finish their thoughts.

In other words, don't interrupt the speaker. From the previous tip, this idea seems obvious. However, I have seen many arguments and misunderstandings that stemmed from interruptions. It's hard to remain silent. It's even harder to remain silent until someone has completely expressed their idea.

4. Maintain eye contact.

Effective listening means observing everything about the speaker's message. People communicate at least as much with their body language as they do with their words. Good listeners learn to "listen" with their eyes as well as with their ears.

If you choose to work on something else (answer e-mail, fill out paperwork, etc.) while someone is speaking to you, they will not "feel" that they were heard.

5. Ask questions to ensure that you understand.

Just because you heard the words and observed the body language, don't assume that you understand. If a particular point is unclear to you, ask a question to clarify it before you respond.

Even if you think you understand the message, make sure you do by clarifying it with the speaker. You might say something like:

  • "Just to be sure I understand you, let me repeat back to you what I thought you said..."
  • "I heard you say _____. Is that correct?"
  • "If I understand correctly, your concern is..."
When you clarify, remember to let them correct your understanding. You don't have to agree with their perspective. You do have to make sure that you understand it.

Good leaders are good listeners. Effective listening helps to resolve conflicts, build trust, inspire people, and strengthen teams. It often requires you to "bite your tongue," and, from my personal experience, I know that it can be hard work. I also know that the results are worth the effort.

Books on Listening

This is also an interactive list. I started the list with a few suggestions. What have you read to help you become a better listener.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES--show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill. Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Nego...

The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict
The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict

Like Arbingers international bestseller Leadership and Self-Deception, The Anatomy of Peace helps us see how we actually cause the problems we think are caused by other people. Were trapped by preconceived ideas and self-justifying reactions that keep us from seeing the world clearly and dealing with it effectively. As a result, our efforts to make things better all too often make them worse. Through an intriguing story of parents who are struggling with their children and with problems that hav...


Let me know what you think, what you would like to see, suggestions, etc.

Ideas? Suggestions? Feedback? Let me know what you think.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1000-3000 words per minute.

      Now that is a most interesting fact. I will remember and share this point.

      One must really work to stay focused on what is being said.

      Great sales people know this! BG


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)