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Flirt: When To Say Goodbye

Updated on April 12, 2010

For the Single People

We've all hit the dating scene at one time or another; whether that be the clubs, the church social, the gym, or even the supermarket. We've also all wasted our time on the wrong person. I always hear people describe dating as "the game" or "he/she's running game" on the other person. Yet these same people (yes, my single girlfriends, you know who you are) constantly act as if there aren't any rules. We get ouselves hurt over and over again because we don't set boundaries, we move WAY to fast, and we don't know when to just walk away.

First impressions really are key. If your love interest is trying to get in your pants or your wallet five minutes after they meet you, chances are good that's all they are after. If you have five dates with someone and they want to move in together, or if they still talk about their ex constantly, WALK AWAY! Women, if, within the first date or two little red flags start popping up everywhere in your head, think again. We women have excellent instincts if we'd just learn to use them. Men, if all she does is talk about herself and she sends her plate back to the kitchen twice, be warned. She's probably extremely high maintenance. Above all, when first meeting someone we should be open to the possibilities without commiting ourselves to anything.

So what is flirting and when should we use it? Don't worry, flirting is not "leading someone on" unless it's insincere. We should all be adult enough to be able to deal with disappointment and to learn how to let things go. I've listed the ten commandments for dating below...

1.) You don't owe anyone anything sexual, ever.

2.) Don't say things you don't mean.  On the flipside, mean what you say.

3.) Trust your instincts.

4.) No sex for the first two weeks, at least.  It'll make it better, I guarantee it.

5.) Listen to your friends and family. They can look at things from a more abstract view.

6.) Make sure you connect on more than a physical level. (Looks may fade, but stupidity is forever)

7.) Don't be a contradiction: Make it clear what you want from the beginning of the relationship WITHOUT RUSHING THINGS.

8.) Be honest without being an open book.  You can tell them you just got out of a bad relationship, but they don't need to know the details.

9.) Listen. Do they have the same values, background, things they want out of life?

10.) Don't be afraid to WALK AWAY.  There are other people that can make you happy.

For the Married People

  Monogamy comes from the Greek monos "μονός", meaning one or alone, also gamos "γάμος", which means union.  Obviously we all know that monogamy is the foundation of marriage, so where does flirting come in?  It's very human to want to "window shop."  For men that's often the latest copy of Hustler or the cute girl on facebook who actually listens to what they have to say.  For women, it's often romance novels or the latest doings of our favorite movie star in the tabloids.  We are constantly exploring our options and trying to make our relationships match up with a fantasy that someone else has created for us.  Most of us are guilty of online flirting at some point and that's not always a bad thing.  Flirting, in the abstract, makes us feel desirable and wanted, increasing our self esteem and bolstering our egos.  However, there is a point when you should WALK AWAY. 

  Anytime we flirt, we open ourselves up to the question, "what if..."?  If we aren't happy and secure in our marriage, this can be a dealbreaker.  Anytime you feel yourself getting drawn more and more into another individual's life over the web you are asking that same question and it's a slippery slope.  You also run the risk of the other individual getting fixated on you and mucking up their own lives.  If you've promised them things you won't deliver then you are at fault.  So keep it light and walk away if it starts getting serious.

  We also run the risk of hurting our loved ones.  By flirting with others of the opposite sex, we are sending them the signal that they are no longer enough for us.  This can cause unbelievable friction in a marriage or relationship and eventual seperation. 

So is flirting while you're in a relationship worth the risk?  I leave that for you to decide. 


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    • tHErEDpILL profile image

      Alem Belton 

      6 years ago from New York

      If you have five dates with someone and they want to move in together, or if they still talk about their ex constantly, WALK AWAY!

      YUP!! This means that you are a rebound and anywhere from two weeks to a month from now this person will begin feeling the effects of the hang over from overindulging in artificial ingredients (fake love).

      4.) No sex for the first two weeks, at least. It'll make it better, I guarantee it.

      I don't agree with this one. If you get it on the first night or after the first year, what's done is done. What remains after the first time is the first person. Now that the elephant in the room (sex) is out of the way you have a chance to see if there is something more there. If there is, THEN the sex will get better.

      -The A

    • northweststarr profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Washington State

      Ty nick! Hope you got something out of it as well!

    • nick071438 profile image


      7 years ago from City of Catbalogan, W, Samar, Philippines

      I really enjoyed reading this piece. I hope persons who are most in need of these insights can drop by and apply them for a happy and lasting relationships. Rated up!

    • northweststarr profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Washington State

      Great idea Traveler! Think I'll put making a list of dating red flags on my hub-to-do list. In the meantime, go with your gut. If your gut is terrible at things like that, before you get serious introduce her to a female relative you trust and make sure they get plenty of time to chat. Then, go with her(the relative's)suggestion.

    • Traveler29 profile image

      Joshua Hartzell 

      7 years ago from Indiana

      This is a great article. I wish I had read it earlier. Now if you could tell me an easy way of figuring out when the other person is lying or making things up just so I believe they are good or compatible that would fix the majority of my dating problems. ;)

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      8 years ago from Chicago

      This is an excellent article that offers sound advice. Well done!

    • northweststarr profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Washington State

      And Cheers to you Lady Jane! It's important to be frank without being completely open to your date. Censor the conversation to things that matter now to the relationship between yourself and your date and don't try to overexplain or analyze past relationships. It's really none of their business and has a tendency to make the other person feel uncomfortable.

    • ladyjane1 profile image


      8 years ago from Texas

      Wow I am so impressed with your advice very sound and oh so true. I think that sometimes woman who are single tend to want to get things out in the open and let their baggage show when people need to just get to know each other first, everyone has baggage as they will find out soon enough but not on the first date. I agree wholeheartedly with your advice, you are such a smart gal. Cheers.

    • northweststarr profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Washington State

      Thanx De Greek! I'm glad you enjoyed my hub!

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      Good advice AND original and correct Greek spelling. I am an instant fan, Child :-))

    • northweststarr profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Washington State

      Thanx for the comment Pamela99!

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      8 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Interesting hub.

    • northweststarr profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Washington State

      No problem agusfanani! Glad you were interested enough to check it out and for your friendship on redgage!

    • agusfanani profile image


      8 years ago from Indonesia

      Good tips for safe relationships. Thank you.

    • northweststarr profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Washington State

      I completely agree malnadstudios! Thanx for donating your wisdom! Great comment!

    • malnadstudios profile image


      8 years ago from Austin

      This is an interesting article few things I want to point out. 1) If you are seeking happiness from other person then it will be doomed always. It is like beggar begging other beggar for donation

      2) secondly getting into new relationship soon after a bad one is a horrible idea. This is called reactive life, if one person is not happy being alone then he/she cannot be happy with a partner. He/She is just trying to run away from yourself...!

    • northweststarr profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Washington State

      Glad you got something out of it Enlydia! It's not always easy to separate casual and romantic when it comes to the opposite sex.

    • Enlydia Listener profile image

      Enlydia Listener 

      8 years ago from trailer in the country

      I just realized you are new here...Welcome!

    • Enlydia Listener profile image

      Enlydia Listener 

      8 years ago from trailer in the country

      You addressed some very interesting aspects of relationships...when I was trying to understand things about my husband, I began writing an old (male)friend from HS...I didn't realize until my husband brought it to my attention that it was/may be considered an emotional relationship...I had to end it quickly. Yes, you can send the wrong message...and even may be receiving the wrong messages.


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