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How Can I Get A Girlfriend? - Do's And Don'ts To Get A Girlfriend.....

Updated on November 19, 2012

How Can I Get A Girlfriend? - Step By Step Guide

Finding it hard to Get A Girlfriend? You're not alone. Many guys have this problem and are asking themselves "why can't I get a girlfriend?" Some lucky guys attract girls easily, while others can't get a girlfriend no matter how hard they try. Why do these guys find it so easy to attract girls? There are many reasons why getting a girlfriend could be proving difficult for you - approaching girls the wrong way, giving a girl the impression of being desperate, your appearance, how you talk to a girl etc.... The good news is, you can improve on all of these things. This guide, will talk you through some of the things you should be doing (or not doing) when it comes to approaching and talking to girls. Follow these basic rules and hopefully you will be in a better place to go out and get a girlfriend of your own.

How Can I Get A Girlfriend? - Take Pride In Your Appearance!

Step 1

OK, first off - Regardless of how charming, witty and handsome you are, you won't get a girlfriend if you smell or don't keep yourself clean. So hygiene should be something that is well taken care of before you even get to the stage of approaching a girl. The better you look, the more confident and more relaxed you will be. So make sure that personal grooming is high on your agenda. Showering or bathing regularly with some men's toiletries will keep you feeling fresh and smelling gorgeous. Make sure that you brush your teeth and if necessary use a mouthwash to eliminate any bad breath. It's always handy to keep a breath freshener spray or some mints in your pocket, just in case. Many guys have a certain style that makes them look grungy or shabby but regardless of the style you want to portray, make sure your clothes are clean and fresh. If you feel you are overweight or could do with some toning up, it wouldn't hurt to join a gym. Apart from the health benefits, you may just find yourself a girlfriend in process!

How Can I Get A Girlfriend? - Don't Be Desperate - Be Yourself!

Step 2

Sometimes the pressure of not being able to get a girlfriend becomes overwhelming. The question of "how can I get a girlfriend" takes priority over everything else and before we know it, desperation is setting in. This is the last thing you want, as there is nothing more off putting to a girl than a desperate guy. Girls don't want a guy who 'tries' too hard or smothers them with requests to do things for them, especially when you've only just met. You see, girls need to be able to relax around you, feel comfortable, laugh, giggle and be themselves. How can they possibly be themselves when you are not being yourself? So the first thing to do, is take the pressure off yourself. Stop focussing on "HOW" to get a girlfriend and think more about YOU, Think about what you enjoy and what activities or hobbies you would like to share with a new girlfriend. What sort of conversations do YOU like to have? What sort of things do YOU know a lot about? What would YOU like to know more about? These are the sorts of things that will come up in conversation and will quickly determine not only if the girl thinks you're right for her.... but whether or not that girl is right for you! Once you are comfortable with yourself, you are more likely to make a girl feel comfortable around you, increasing your chances of getting a girlfriend.

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How Can I Get A Girlfriend? - The Approach - Pick Your Moments Wisely!

Step 3

Approaching a girl may sound easier said than done depending on who the girl in question is or where you are. What I mean is, if you see the same girl each day at the bus stop, then striking up a conversation is going to be far easier than say, in a club, with loud music and strobe lights. So depending on the environment you find yourself in, will depend on the approach that you use. You don't want to approach her if she is deep in conversation with someone else, is trying to concentrate on something or seems stressed. Try to find a time when she appears relaxed and you can easily gain her attention. In a club setting, asking to dance is a great way of introduction, eye contact and flirting may seem easier in this environment than any other. However, a club is probably where you will get her phone number or set a 'date' for another time. If you are approaching say "the girl at the bus stop" you will want to start a conversation and this can often seem scarier than the nightclub setting. Try to talk about something that she will find interesting.... for example, she may be holding a book, gadget, have a dog etc. Asking a question is a great way to get someone to engage with you. Be sure to use a question that won't warrant a one word answer. You might say "excuse me, is that the new iphone you have there? How are you finding it?".... "Or what a cute dog, what breed is it?"...Or even simpler "what do you think about this weather we're having eh?" There are many different questions to ask to begin a conversation - maintaining the conversation can be a bit trickier. Introduce yourself as an afterthought, like "oh sorry ... by the way I'm Martin!" If you feel confident you can offer a handshake. Hopefully she will respond by introducing herself to you. Whichever way the conversation goes, you should remain interested at all times, nod your head appropriately, keep eye contact and don't be afraid to say you've never heard of something, or to ask for clarification. People often love to talk about themselves or something they know a lot about and if you're nervous, then the more she talks, the less you have to. If things go well through the introductory stage, you may feel confident enough to ask her out or at least exchange phone numbers, so you can ask her out later. At this stage, you may not want it to appear like a "date" even if that is exactly what it will be. So its best to suggest something like, "do you want to grab a coffee?" or " Are you doing anything on Saturday? I'd love to talk some more - say lunch?" Whatever you suggest, make it casual at first, you don't want to scare her off with an intimate dinner for two at a fancy restaurant when she doesn't even know you yet. Suggest somewhere that you can both get to know each other and chat some more in a relaxed environment.

How Can I Get A Girlfriend? - The Date, Make Or Break Time!

Step 4

Assuming that you have succeeded in asking her out "casually" and she has accepted, then this 'first date' is usually the make or break as to whether she will become your girlfriend. Everything we have discussed up until now will be coming together in a much more intense way so make sure the first 3 steps are taken care of.

Step 1 - Hygiene and Appearance are impeccable

Step 2 - You are relaxed and willing to be yourself

Step 3 - You are prepared for conversation

When she arrives or you meet up, make sure you compliment her on either how she looks, how she's styled her hair or even her clothing "that dress looks lovely on you". Don't however, overdo it and compliment her on a list of things as that will appear rather creepy and you're heading back to desperate town. Just a casual compliment when you first meet is a great start to the date. Don't overdo the mannerly stuff either, ie. don't be clambering to take her coat, get her chair, take her bag etc all at once. Relax, use your manners but in a casual relaxed way, little things like gesturing for her to go first or holding the door are fine. If you realise you have been less than thoughtful, don't be afraid to say so e.g. "sorry, I should have got that for you" or " sheesh where are my manners?" Again, don't overdo it and be apologising every 2 mins, that's the road to desperation and we're avoiding that like the plague!

Make the effort to get to know her, ask her about herself, her job, her hobbies and interests. Remain focussed and interested at all times and make sure she knows you're not bored by saying things like "really, how does that work?" or "I've never heard of that ... what's involved?" Be prepared to talk about yourself, she's bound to be asking questions too so the key to this is HONESTY! Remember Step 2 and don't be afraid to be yourself. Don't try to impress her by lying, you'll be found out and its not a good grounding for a relationship. Telling her you have a high flying job or a flash car may even have the opposite effect (unless it's true of course) and scare her off so its best to stick to being you. Tell her about your hobbies and interests, they don't have to coincide with hers in fact it can often go in your favour if you're into something she's never entertained before. It's a great excuse to ask her out again perhaps on a date to introduce her to one of your hobbies and show her how you spend your time. Likewise you can suggest she introduces you to something she likes to do that you haven't tried before. It could be something simple like a trip to the museum, ten pin bowling, motorcycles, hill walking.... the list is endless. Don't be afraid to take the conversation in another direction if you stumble on a subject that isn't her cup of tea or worse still upsets her. Make light of it, change the subject and remember that humour is a great tonic in any situation. Hopefully by the end of this date, you will know whether or not there is any chemistry between you. Having spent some time together you should feel comfortable enough to either set another date or if things haven't gone very well, just agree to get in touch and leave it at that. If its gone really well, you may feel brave enough to kiss her goodbye and if she responds, then that's a great sign that a relationship is in the making and you just might have yourself a girlfriend!

How Can I Get A Girlfriend? - Impress Her And Be Romantic!

Step 5

Assuming all went well on your first meet up contrary to what you might think, there is probably even more pressure on date number two. The second date does not necessarily mean she's in love with you, it means she wants to get to know you better or hasn't quite made up her mind about you. Therefore your second date should be exciting! This is your chance to show her how charming and romantic you can be. Perhaps you could greet her with a small bunch of flowers (unless you think that's too cheesy for you). Many girls like to feel that little bit special so make an effort in some way. Even if you buy her a book you thought she might like or the CD of a group you discussed during your first date. Show her you have a thoughtful side and have gone out of your way to impress her. Take her somewhere interesting and new that you think she may enjoy but make sure that afterwards, you take her somewhere romantic for dinner and drinks. She may insist on going dutch but if you can afford it, its nice to offer to pay on the first "romantic" date, if she objects, you can always suggest she pays next time. This also leaves the assumption that there WILL be another date which is always good. Again, as before, make sure to compliment her and try to encourage intimacy by touching her hand or taking her arm. Hopefully you'll both have so much fun together that you'll be arranging your next date halfway through this one!

How Can I Get A Girlfriend? - Rinse and Repeat

If At First You Don't Succeed..........

Don't lose heart if things don't go according to plan first time around. The best advice is to make sure you are occupying your time doing the things you like to do and if the opportunity arises to strike up a conversation or approach a girl that takes your interest, do so. The more practice you get, the better you will become. Just don't keep focussing on "how can I get girlfriend", you'll only remind yourself you don't have one and bring yourself down. Instead, try to have fun, keep yourself occupied and be sociable, there is much more chance of finding a girlfriend if you're out and about. If you need more detailed advice on approaching girls, tips on secret body language or to learn how girls are constantly "testing" guys check out How Can I Get A Girfriend for info on how to pass these tests.

Further Reading.....

Thanks so much for visiting!



Share Your Stories, Offer Advice or Just Say Hello! - If you think this lens could be useful to someone, then please take the time to share it.

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    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I advice guys to frequent whores to get their urges serviced.To hell, with these women, they want perfect men but they do not get near this perfection they demand. I fear that even if I find a girl again, it will be tough to keep the relationship, I know that I do not allow her to hassle me and educate me fold me into the mold of her imagined perfect Ken.

      I think I go for Asia too. I don't need cheap sex, but I can get more of a family with women from there. White women suck more and more.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      with much more women being so very pathetic nowadays, it is very hard finding a good one now.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Online dating is not as simple as you think, any game has its rules, and if you want to win you have to master the rules. Good luck

      I think is the best dating site you can use

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      @anonymous: spot on, I feel the same way. Women in the west always play hard to get and I am tired of chasing them.I too go to Asia, much easier, they make the first move and always smile!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      well not exactly. When you get older they aren't interested when you are over 40.I am also balding but very athletic, always dress smartly and clean shaven.It doesn't make any difference.I have a good job, money, a house, been describes as a nice guy. Nothing is good enough for them.

      I am 52, and had a real hard time trying to find anyone.I have asked hundreds of girls for dates but they always tell me they are attached.There is nowhere to go for help or advice, believe me I have tried.It's very sad, but I know there are many men like me.These days people don't go out to meet, then stay in on their PC's and use social media, then you can't believe anyone on the internet.They don't tell the truth.

      I just save my money and go to Asia now where the women love me for who I am, it's so much easier.

    • zumbawjade profile image


      7 years ago

      This is a great lens with lots of helpful information. I especially think that it's important for people to feel confident. Another important thing is to love yourself and be in a good place. If you don't love yourself, how you can expect anyone else to?

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      thnx for this great post

      Step-by-step, instant download Attract, Approach and Talk to women program that includes 2 weeks of hands on coaching directly from a woman.

      Includes 12 hours of audio, visual and written materials.

      Rated one of the top Inner Game Programs in the seduction community.

      order now from here

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I think a conversation or approach for a girl that takes your interest. The more practice you get, the better you will become.

    • Howcanigetagirl profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      @zacrew7: My friends and I were discussing this subject not so long ago - I have 2 single friends who have had experiences with both desperate and also 'not so fresh' smelling guys - they agreed that the guys in question had potential but these traits turned them off instantly. So I thought I'd write this to let guys know that it may just take a little improvement in the right areas to vastly increase their chances of gettting a girlfriend.Thanks for all your comments everyone! :)

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I'm happy that it's not a problem I need to worry about anymore. However, I might send my teenage sons to check out your lens!

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      What inspired you to write this?

    • Coffee-Break profile image

      Dorian Bodnariuc 

      7 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario Canada

      Great job with this list, I have learned this the hard way. :) Girls do pay attention to what your shoes look like.

    • MarcStorm LM profile image

      MarcStorm LM 

      7 years ago

      These are definitely some great tips and sound advice! Great job putting it together. I don't even bother trying to get a girl, they always want my friends anyway or other guys in general and it wouldn't work out anyway so I choose not to play the games. Never-the-less you're tips are spot on, be yourself and go with the flow!

    • ViolaSuSi profile image


      7 years ago

      Interesting and useful tips, guys. Good job.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Good analysis! I liked the hygiene part, it's a must do task!

    • TheGoGlobalBabe profile image


      7 years ago

      Loved your lens - now how about one on getting and keeping a boyfriend for all ages!

    • floppypoppygift1 profile image


      7 years ago

      Also pay attention to your intuition! My husband said he "just knew it" when we met. Good luck fellas! Great tips here! Cheers~cb

    • favored profile image

      Fay Favored 

      7 years ago from USA

      Useful tips. Now only if the guys would follow them.

    • carolinarobin profile image


      7 years ago

      Love it, now do one on how to get a boyfriend! ;-)

    • Howcanigetagirl profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      @Ahdilarum: awww lol - many guys have tried their own tactics ...... when they don't work..... they search the web.

    • Ahdilarum profile image


      7 years ago

      final tips, is that the boys should use their own tactics rather searching in web about the tips. lol..


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