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How to flirt - eye contact vs. staring

Updated on October 31, 2013
Flirting with eye contact is a very subtle, yet effective move.
Flirting with eye contact is a very subtle, yet effective move. | Source

Flirting is a most effective way to get to know someone, especially if you are looking for a date. One of the first rules of flirting is: Never seem desperate. Even if you are desperate, don’t let anyone else know, especially the person you are interested in dating. This rule also applies to one of the first steps of flirting: Eye contact.

Step 1: Making a connection

Eye contact only counts when the eyes of two different people meet. If the other person doesn’t know you are looking at them, it doesn’t count. Therefore, your first step to making eye contact is letting the other person know you’re trying to make eye contact. How? Gaze at them several occasions until they notice. Don’t STARE! Staring is not eye contact and it can make your recipient very, very uncomfortable. Throw some glances here and there, until you catch his/her eye. When she finally notices you, hold your gaze a little longer. Three to four seconds, tops. Once again, don’t stare.

Step 2: Recognize the other person’s feelings

Okay, so eye contact can be a little scary, especially for women. A woman may not know whether you are looking at her because you have the best intentions of getting to know her better, or because you’re serial killer. On the other hand, he may not know if you’re looking at him flirtatiously, or because he has food in his teeth or a booger in his nose. The point is you have to recognize that eye contact is not an instant assurance of flirting. So make your intentions clear, which takes me to the third step.

Step 3: Make it clear

Be friendly. Smile a lot in a friendly manner, not as a psycho. Of course, by this time we are assuming you are well dressed and groomed.

Step 4: Notice the Body language

When trying to non-verbally flirt by making eye contact, it is important to notice whether the other person is enjoying your gaze or trying to avert it by all means possible. Is your target returning your gazes or avoiding them? Is she looking around the room desperately looking for an empty space away from you? Is she returning your gazes with a smile?Did she start playing with her hair and smiling more often?Did he start fixing his tie? All of these are signs that will let you know whether the other person is enjoying your flirting or just hating it. Be wise and observant.

Step 5: Make your move

If all the other steps went smoothly, and the person seems to return your flirtatious gestures, make your move. Walk over there and strike up a conversation on trivial matters. Never get too deep on the first conversation. If possible stay away from politics or taboo subjects which may kill the possibilities of a future date. Comment on whatever is around you, possibly making funny, inoffensive remarks about your surroundings.

Making eye contact with a stranger can be a hard task, especially if that stranger is exceptionally good looking. But as with all other things, practice makes perfect!


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    • Theresa Jonathan profile image

      Theresa Jonathan 

      5 years ago from Maseru, Lesotho

      Very interesting Hub Article! Why? Because youth has lost touch with acceptable active approach to finding a mate; in the context of mature people looking for long term relationship. Yes I mean actively looking for interesting person in an appropriate place. This would help both male and female to succeed.


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