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How to Help Your Child Handle a Friendship Breakup

Updated on June 11, 2012
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Man and woman cannot live a solitary life. That’s why they make friends, and learn the art of making friends from the early time of their life, or to be precise, since their childhood. Like the adults, children too, suffer friendship breakup. So, as a parent you have to learn how to help your child handle a friendship breakup. When you learn the techniques to help your child handle a friendship breakup, you can channelize your child’s emotional response in a proper way.

School children in Nepal
School children in Nepal | Source
A mother in rural Nepal cracks walnut for her son
A mother in rural Nepal cracks walnut for her son | Source


Know your child’s friends

The best way to know what kinds of friends are in your child’s circle is to invite them over lunch or dinner. If you have good relationship with your child’s friends, your child will feel comfortable talking to you about his/her friends. If there is a problem, you will be in a position to help your child and strength your bond. To understand and help your child handle a friendship breakup better, you have to learn about his/her friends.


Realize your limitations

No matter how hard you try, you cannot fight all your child’s battles. At the same time, the child will need to stand upon on his/her own feet and take responsibilities for the actions. You may stand by his/her side and help your child handle a friendship breakup, but it is the child who has to win the battle. The best way to do this is to talk to your child and make him/her aware about the realities of the world. A child tends to talk more openly when he/she considers parents as friends. You have to build a strong foundation of principles, values, trust and friendship with your child.

Try to look into your child’s online activities


Recently, parents in my neighborhood accidentally accessed their daughter’s facebook account. The 13-years-old girl had forgotten to sign out. They were surprised to find their daughter, otherwise plaint and submissive, showing hatred to her parents, teachers and bothers.

Parents’ initial reaction to their daughter’s aggressive behavior was a disaster. They scolded her, they threatened her. When the daughter stopped talking, only then the parents understood the problem was getting bigger. Then they took her to the psychiatrist.

Rule No. 1: Don’t be harsh with your children, even though they are rude.

Rule No. 2: Try re-conciliatory approach.

Rule No. 3: Get into the root of the problem.

Don’t speak words that have adult ring



Children are a disparate group. A 4-years-old child will not understand what the 12-years-old kid will normally understand. So it is wrong to categorize the children. However, most of the parents treat them all alike. The problem with parents is they have certain expectations from children, they want their child to act like responsible adult. Most of them do not know that interest, skill, knowledge, and the level of children’s understanding differ according to their age.

To help your child handle a friendship breakup, you must have the ability to judge the age group. A child who is suffering from friendship breakup is not willing to listen to you or if he/she listens, he/she will not understand you. If they are crying, sit next to them, hug them and let them cry. Once they spill their pain by crying to their heart’s content, they will be ready to confide how they feel about the friendship breakup and all the feelings associated with this situation.

Source
School children in Nepal
School children in Nepal | Source


Compare your child’s situations with the people suffering more

When you compare your child with someone in a worse position, he/she often experiences negative emotions such as agitation, anxiety and irritation. If you make your child aware about the true stories, he/she will get involved in the stories and identify with the person in the story. These negative emotions are in fact an expression of empathy. It is good for your child to be empathetic because his/her own problem now becomes insignificant. Once a child believes how insignificant his/her problem is he/she will be able to handle a friendship breakup.

Tell them all they need to know about friendship

Friendship is a transitory feeling and it loses its strength in the course of time. Make your child realize if someone walks away, another person, perhaps even better, will arrive. Tell your child to welcome new friends and if he/she is good, good friends will come in his/her life.

You have to share your relevant experiences with your child, which he or she can relate to. Tell about the friend once you had in your life, who is no more with you, but you were blessed with another wonderful friend.

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Share your experiences



Your experiences will always be life’s lesson for your child. Share your stories and point of view and tell your child every time you left school, went to college, switched on jobs, moved in the new neighborhood, you left old friends and made new ones. You got married, moved to new places and went on making friends.

At first they may not understand your words, or relate to everything what you said. The child will take time to realize the truths of life. You have to constantly blend life’s lesson with real life stories and situations your child is in. Even folk tales, myths and legends will make a child understand his/her situations.

Teach your children open-mindedness



To become an able person, one must be open-minded, make your child aware that open-mindedness helps significantly in life. Don’t just tell your child to forget that friend but rather help him/her forget by taking him/her to family vacations. Help your child forget the complicated situations by taking out, and introducing with the children of your friends. Accompany your child to the places where he/she will find peers. When you spot children of your child’s age in Children Park, museums and zoos, encourage him/her to go and talk to them and strike a new friendship. When your child starts to make new friends, he/she will obviously forget the old ones, especially those who broke his/her heart.

A school girl in rural Nepal
A school girl in rural Nepal | Source
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Points to Remember


  1. It is true that no one can solve all of the problems a child faces in his/her life. However, if you take interest in your child’s daily activities, you may have an idea on how to assist him/her.
  2. Don’t ignore minor problems, they can be become a great problem later.
  3. A child is too young to handle his/her sufferings. When the pain of a child is not properly channelized, the troubled childhood will create a psychologically weak person.
  4. It is wrong to expect your child to understand you and impose your ideas.
  5. True stories of bravery and courage will help your child overcome the pain of friendship breakup. When you share such stories, it will help them understand things like this can happen in everyone’s life.
  6. As a parent, you must always be a supporter and always willing to help your child to make new friends.
  7. When you are with your children, you have to become children to understand their young minds. You have to take interest in their games and play games with them.
  8. Help your child to welcome new friends, and mold him/her to become a welcoming person, ready to accept challenges in life.


If you want to solve your children’s problems remember these tips. You must always ready to learn the ways to help your child. A child cannot overcome pain and handle friendship breakup by himself/herself. Parents must always be ready to help their child show a way in the life. The minds of children are so tender that they are easily carried away by the desire for revenge. A child cannot differentiate rights and wrongs. As a parent, you need to channelize your child’s anger and properly handle his/her emotions. You have to have a re-conciliatory approach. You must inculcate your child with ethics, morality and righteousness.

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    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
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      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Hello Kelly,

      I appreciate your comment. Thanks for being here.

      Cheers

    • profile image

      kelleyward 5 years ago

      You shared some great advice here. This can be a difficult situation to encounter for a child and as his or her parent they need your support, as you said. Great hub Vinaya. Voted up and shared. Kelley

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Hi midget,

      when it comes to friendship breakups, we adults too suffer emotional breakdowns. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Cheers

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      A fantastic way of helping your child and perhaps yourself as well! A great write, which I share.

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      @DDE, thanks for reading and leaving appreciative comments.

      @Onlooker, I'm glad that you are back on HP. Thanks for your in-depth comment.

      Regards

    • profile image

      onlooker 5 years ago

      Hi Vinaya, this is a very honest and helpful hub you've put up here. A child's level of understanding circumstances and coping mechanism can vary. Parents these days try to handle situations with more compassion and you've put more thought into it. This should be insightful to all on the long run. Thank you.

      P.S. you will read something from me soon = )

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Excellent Hub a learning point here for children and friends thanks for the well informed Hub you have done a great job

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Hi alipuckett,

      thanks for your valuable comment.

      Regards

    • alipuckett profile image

      alipuckett 5 years ago

      Dealing with these issues is hard enough as an adult. It's important to be open and sensitive when it comes to our little ones. And don't forget: LISTEN to them!

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Dear Peggy,

      thanks for always reading and complimenting my hubs.

      You are a wonderful community member.

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 5 years ago from Houston, Texas

      I voted this up, useful and beautiful for your kind and concerned parenting tips. It is wonderful having loving and caring parents when one is growing up. Loved your photos of children. Each and every one is a beauty! Sharing this hub with others. Thanks!

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
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      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Hi Lady_E,

      thanks for reading and appreciating my hub. I'm glad that you considered this practical.

      Regards

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      Such a beautiful and practical Hub. I think it's very important as it gives kids an idea of how to handle rejection/break ups. It will make them emotionally stronger too. "Friendship" means a lot to kids. Thanks.

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Dear Maria, thanks for reading closely and leaving in-depth comment.

      Regards

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Dear Vinaya,

      Your style seems centered in honesty, authenticity and a non-judgmental, open parental style.

      I always enjoy reading your comprehensive and meaningful essays on some very complicated issues.

      Voted UP & UABI. Hugs, Maria

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
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      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      @unknown spy, thanks for your comment.

      @Shuva, cheers!

    • profile image

      Shuva 5 years ago

      Vin, you will make a great father.

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 5 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      Excellent suggestion and advices Vinaya!

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      @rahul, thanks for reading and socially sharing. You are a wonderful community member.

      @Dr. Pooja, I'm glad that you found this hub useful.

      @Angela, thanks for reading closely and leaving valuable feedback.

      @Deborah, thanks for reading and leaving in-depth comment.

      Thank you my dear fellow writers for your support. https://hubpages.com/relationships/how-to-help-you...

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      this is a great HUB.. and so true.. it is hard enough as an adult to lose a good friend.. but when you are a child.. it is even worse.. You did a great job on this.

      Debbie

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      Really well written article! This subject does come up a lot! It breaks you heart to see them go through this! Great advice!

    • Dr Pooja profile image

      Dr Pooja 5 years ago

      As a parent of a child who faces difficulties making friends I learnt a lot from this hub.

    • rahul0324 profile image

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Excellent tips and advice.... One should keep track of their children's social interactions 'cause they affect their behavior to a great deal...

      Great Hub Vinaya...

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Hello Rosemary, thanks for reading and leaving appreciative feedback.

      Regards

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      An excellent hub Vinaya.

      Good advice for parents in understanding what their children need, and helping the child through it

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      @Cathleena, thanks for reading closely and leaving a valuable feed back. Thanks for your appreciation.

      @Gypsy Rose, I'm glad that you consider this hub useful. Thanks for your wonderful comment.

      Regards

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and useful. This is great information for parents. Thanks for sharing this informative hub. It can also give food for thought for grandparents. Passing this on.

    • Cathleena Beams profile image

      Cathleena Beams 5 years ago from Lascassas, Tennessee

      Very valid points and perspective on what a child needs to adjust to the loss of a friend with minimal pain and help them bounce back. It is good that children are resilient, more so I think than some of us adults. Loving parents will assure their little one that they are precious to them and explain that it is the other child's bad fortune to loose such a wonderful friend. Great hub - I shared it!

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      Hi lintertrans,

      Rock Star? Wow!

      Thanks for your compliments.

      Cheers

    • Iintertrans profile image

      Iintertrans 5 years ago from New Delhi

      Hey man you are a rock star ow, see those comments and see how great hubber you are .I am coming after a long time and would like to following your pattern to be famous and success full soon bro.But you are an exception writer also. I loved reading it.

      voted up and useful

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      @Jackie, thanks for your valuable feedback.

      @always exploring, young generation seem to be quite stubborn sometimes. Thanks for your comment.

      @picklesandrufus, neither do I, but I try to help my nephews, nieces and cousins. Thanks for reading.

      @Brian, thanks for your appreciative comment.

      @mckbirdbks, true indeed, raising children is very complex, we too were difficult for our parents. Thanks for your valuable feedback.

      @lovedoc, thanks for your comment.

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image
      Author

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      @Frank, I respect your views and feedback. Thanks for always being around.

      @Angel, perhaps I could use your points and make another hub. Thanks for your in depth comment.

      @billybuc, thanks for your generous comment.

      @WD, thanks for your valuable feedback. Thanks for appreciating my pictures.

      @radha, thanks for sharing your point of views. I'm blessed with a wonderful writer friend like you.

      Regards

      @Audrey, thanks for always being around.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 5 years ago

      This is very good information Vinaya. Great hub!

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      You take on such important issues. Raising children is very complex. You have outlined some very good intelligent information.

    • BRIAN SLATER profile image

      Brian Slater 5 years ago from England

      Very good hub my friend with sound advice.

    • picklesandrufus profile image

      picklesandrufus 5 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

      This is a very good hub. I don't have children, but do have nieces and nephews and will remember your sage advice.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is a great learning hub. I remember trying to solve my Son's friendship problems until one day he asked me to please stop interfering.LOL Thank's for the share...

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 5 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Very good. Children grow up to be who they are based on how things like this are handled. Very important hub!

    • profile image

      radhapriestess 5 years ago

      Good job, but some older children do know right from wrong more than younger children would. Teens do not always understand the consequences of their actions compared with an adult who has more life experience. Kids are going to feel the pain of their own situation first. Later then they might be open to the possibility that others suffer worse problems.

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 5 years ago from Space Coast

      By the way, the photos are great!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Very empathetic hub Vinaya! Well-done!!

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 5 years ago from Space Coast

      You are a wonderful human being. My Dad just gave us plenty of work to do. Now look.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      A beautiful hub my friend; your suggestions are excellent.

    • Angelme566 profile image

      Angelme566 5 years ago

      A child is so so fragile , she must be handled with utmost care. Have rememberered these beautiful lines..If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

      If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

      If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

      If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

      If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

      If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

      If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

      If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

      If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

      If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

      If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

      If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

      If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

      If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

      If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

      If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

      If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

      If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

      If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

      As always you serve us the best..a very comprehensive ,learning hub. Voted all except funny

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton

      You know VG a very good hub here truth be told-- I could argue and disagree with a lot of what you wrote but I see that you're offering food for thought.. a very good hub my friend