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How to Kill your "Mother in Law"

Updated on October 5, 2008

Who is your Mother in Law?

You don't have to be married, divorced or widowed to have a mother in law... You don't even need to be dating or in an occasional relationship with someone... The Mother in law I am talking about is more common than a flu epidemic in winter, and you don't necessarily have to go to a family dinner to meet her...

You have just been promoted after years of hard work and you happily make the announcement at a family dinner, your mother butts in with "It is high time they realised how much you work, your cousin Martha had a promotion three months after she got hired, she is now the CEO of her company."

You are getting married in two days and a small zit appears on your forehead, Aunt Jane happens to be in the house and sees you - her comment is "I would do something about that, you don't want to look like a pepperoni pizza in the wedding photos."

You have worked hard on your kitchen and everything is spotless, You proudly survey your work until your sister decides to pay you an unexpected visit, " Oh God this place smells awful! Have you used Clorox on the kitchen counter?"

Every one has a Mother in law in his life... no matter how old he or she is, or his or her status in life.

Your "Mother in law" is that person who always manages to put you down no matter how hard you work, or what your achievements are.It is that person who seeks even the most minuscule imperfection and then makes it a point to highlight it in front of as many people as possible.

If it was a friend or an acquitance or someone who did not play an important role in your life, you would simply send them to Hell, but the other prerogative of the Mother in law is that she (or he) has an unsurmountable power over you and you are NOT in a position to fob her (or him) off. The end result is that the Mother in law's comments manage to spoil the joy of a new house, promotion, haircut or even your wedding day...

A dear friend of mine once confessed that her real mother in law had told her she should have chosen another style for her wedding dress, as she looked too thin in the one she was wearing. It would have already been bad in normal circumstances, but the dear lady decided to share her opinion at the wedding reception in front of a good number of guests.

What do you do when your Mother in Law attacks?

This is a tricky question and even the calmest person who has always taken in his stride, might rebel unexpectedly with an unheard of ferocity. It is difficult to predict how a person will react as there are a lot of things at stake here.

Let's say that your Mother in law is your boss. You feel like sending him to hell once every five minutes, he is hideous, arrogant and smells of cat piss but you still grin and bear his stupid comments because you are attached to your job.Same thing goes if your Mother in law is a close relative or a dear family friend, many times you have harboured the idea of stapling Aunt Jane's mouth shut, but you just smile back at her, because she is the only family you have left in the world.

But what happens when circumstances change, let's say you have been offered another job which pays you twice what you are getting now and you are harbouring the idea to leave. The minute your boss butts in with one of his stupid sexist remarks, you explode after years of repression and send him to do very naughty things to his mother... Same thing goes for your Aunt Jane who has overstayed her 3 day visit by twelve days, is complaining that your cornflakes are causing her constipation and that she just broke a tooth on the pit of the third olive in her Martini.

What are the repercussions of your actions?

This questions is simpler to answer - since many times the Mother in law is in a superior position, wheter you choose to grin and bear or rebel against the oppressor - you will always stand to lose.

If you do rebel - you have those sweet moments of victory when you see the Mother in law's face change colour and fade into the background, only to come back to haunt you after a few days with unrepressed cruelty.

Let's get back to the scenario when you exploded with your Mother in law.Your new boss called your old boss for references and he gave him a version of your performance which was horrifying - as a consequence of your actions, you lost your dream job... Your Aunt Jane has suddenly died of heart attack a few days after you showed her to the door, and she has left her million dollar fortune to her cat.

If you grin and bear - the situation will get worse. The Mother in law sees you as an easy target and you become the favourite punching bag when things go wrong. In addition your stress level and anxiety increase and this has serious repercussion on your hypertension and on the amount of twinkies you consume when you get away from her.

Why does she do it?

There can be several reasons why a person might become mean to you.

The first and most frequent reason is jealousy your real Mother in law is jealous of your beauty or the fact that her own son prefers spending more time with you than with her. Your sister might be mean to you. because she always felt overshadowed by your personality or Your Aunt Jane is already at her fifth unhappy marriage and you have tugged on happily with your husband for fifteen years.

Another common reason is that the Mother in law is an unhappy person and needs to make other people feel miserable. It might be the fifty year old maid who puts down the beautiful bouquet you received for valentine as cheap, or the millionare who heavily chastises his cleaner because she forgot to polish the ficus leaves.

The Mother in law could also derive a sadistic pleasure in seeing other people being hurt or angry and you happen to be a person who shows in his /her face what you are feeling inside.

Is there a way out of it?

Yes there is an easy way out of it and it is much simpler than you thought.

If you see a person getting perky by hurting you, don't let him do it. If your Mother in law happens to be someone of a much older generation. Be patient and ignore the comment. Most probably she is not a mean person, she might be worrying about something, or in pain, and you happen to be within her reach.

If it is a boss or colleague in a higher position, ignore the comment and try to limit your self to not more than a couple of catty quips to show that you will not be easily trampled on. If the boss or colleague insists, find an article about office mobbing and the results of the last lawsuit that reimbursed the victim of mobbing with a few hundred thousand dollars on your desk, so that the next time he decides to pass a stupid sexist comment he can accidentally see it.

You can also try to be assertive about it and tell your Mother in law that her comments are deeply hurting you, and that you will not take it any more. Explain to your Mother in Law what is hurting you in her attitude and give her concrete ways to stop. If you cousin Martha puts down your salary rise - speak to her privately and tell her that you have worked hard for this promotion and that consequently her remarks are not appropriate. Speak with conviction and look your enemy in the eye. I give you ten to one that your Mother in law will immediately change her disposition when she sees you mean business.

What type of relationship do you have with your "Mother in Law"?

See results

How do I prevent an other mother in law to start attacking?

Prevent the situation from degrading.

Do not single yourself out from the rest of the group and put your self in awkward positions. If all the twenty employees in the office are complaining about the air con and you petition your boss to do something about it, don't be the wise ass who also proposes to repaint the office as the present colour is no longer in fashion.

Take the 'What's your problem?" approach - If you see that someone is developing a tendency to shoot at you when he or she feels like it, Tell him or her you need to speak privately and then tell your mother in law that maybe she is not aware of it but her comments are causing you unnecessary pain, and ask her to stop with this behaviour immediately.

Remember that you will be a victim only if you let other people over power you.Don't let people tremple on you just because you happen to be meek. Stand your ground when you feel that someone is trespassing the border of the occasional joke, and let him or her know that you will be give as good as you get. It doesn't have to be a real conversation, sometimes even an ugly look will speak volumes...

Finally remember that a mean person will always be mean. If Aunt Jane has been the grouchy pain in the bottom for all your life, it is pointless to still feel hurt about her comments.

Take it as a fact of life - just like acne at teenage and grey hair when you reach your forties - people who know your mother in law, will take her comments for what they are worth and those who don't know her will soon realise what type of person she is... so don't give your mother in law the power to hurt you... The moment she realises that you no longer care for what she thinks, says or does, she will look for another victim to prey on... if you don't like this approach, try adding cayenne pepper to her soda the next time she happens to be around - I assure you she will get the message...


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    • profile image

      Kat 11 months ago

      Really great post! I identified so much with it as I too HATE my mother in law. since the day I got married she has made my life miserable and a complete and utter living hell

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      giftguru 2 years ago

      If you want to really get the job done without anyone catching on to you then try these gift ideas for your mother-in-law that appear to be genuine but might accidentally kill her:

    • profile image

      Khushi 4 years ago

      Ladies, let me tell you my story... I've been married almost 2 years and my husband is a dickless mummas boy. He was an alcholic when we got married, thanks to me he is now sober. He holds a steady job thanks to my parents. His parents didn't speak to us for about 8 months, and this is the time when his life improved for the better. Instead of being happy and proud that I brought all this luck into their sons life - his mother & dad both have him convinced that I should be treated like dirt and that since he is married, expressing love to his wife is unncessary. Back in the day, of MIL this is what it was like.... and this is how she raised him to believe that women are 2nd class citizens - well every women except his Mom & Sister. Im to the point where I want a divorce and hubby could care less as I've turned his life around for the better. I just want to roast my MIL & FIL on an open fire!! painful death for sure for these 2 morons!!!

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      roomi 5 years ago

      my mother in law is rakshashi she behaves very good in front of her sonse she will never never don't leave me a happy thoooooooooo please i want to kill her silently please any body sugest me how to kill

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      my mother in law, is the devil! I hate her so much! She said that she will never die! I think that was just to curse me, and make me think that she will haunt me forever!lol She will not let me be withmy husband, and tries to treat him like a little baby, and he is over 60 years old! I don't know what to do, and I try not to think of her, anymore, but Im still married to her son, and she tries to even steal away my only son! I hope that she really dies and goes straight to H---!!!!I mean it, and I will never regret it! I wished I had never met her son, and I wish he had not treiy to call me, and make me his wife! She ruined our love life, or sex life, and also our home, and marriage! I HATE her, and her whole family!!! She is already in the 90's, and I cant wait until she is ddead! I will be so happy! I will smile every day! thank you,

    • profile image

      Mia 6 years ago

      sitting beside me now, I really wish a poisoned sting bite her exactly on her dry shrink ass!

    • profile image

      Mia 6 years ago

      Wow! and my MIL looks like an ugly old witch like in snow white, only thing is missing is the poisoned apples for me, maybe she has the plans already! She eats like a monster, i guess even the monster has a limit..have you seen a goldigger at 64, she is! she wants my husband to pay for her hair colouring, straightening,everyday seafoods,make up items and tight cloths.I am the wife that even to buy a shirt,have to dig out from my pocket.

      Why this MIL cant accept they are old and settle for less.I really hate this bitch, please die quickly and leave my life alone or else I just look for another man!

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      Adam 6 years ago

      Just get a gun and shoot her when she is asleep.

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      Parul 6 years ago

      Wait ladies i can proove my MIL is the u guys know what she did she made her elder son to marry his brothers daughter and gave everything to them then searched me to marry her younger son as before she think she they all will dominate me ,but when she come to know that i not such do u guys imagine what she DID SHE made ,my husband to become saint leaving me .SHE IS NOT ONLY A MONSTER IN LAW SHE IS ALSO A MONSTER MOTHER .I PRAY WHEN SHE DIE DOGS AND BIRDS EAT HER FLESH ONe BY ONE AND NOT AFTER DEATH I WANT HER TO DIE LIKE THIS...

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      SMG 6 years ago

      I really belive there has to be a legal solution to MILs. Like how there are restraining orders against stalkers so there should be with MILs. sometimes i wonder if i kill my MIL and sit in jail is a better life or what?probably the sentence will be shorter rathre than if i just wait for her to die

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      diva 6 years ago

      my mother in law is like pesky little insect that just will not leave, i am married for two years and am contemplating divorce. she wants to be a wife to my husband, i cannot make my husband food because she says it is not good enough and she even has the audacity to comment on what underpants my husband should wear, i hate her , i feel evil

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      Kim 6 years ago

      MIL also serves up a huge portion of Meaty Food for herself and leaves what's left for me and hubby and 3 kids - we but the food - we pay for the house, water, elec, DSTV, petrol - but expects to be treated like a queen in my house - is a pensioner and hoards the only bedroom with a MES in the house - hubby and I share a small bedroom with my daughter - he shares closet space with the boys - I get home and see her just sitting - with the remote control - I culd commit murder - I want her gone - she asks for peace and quite - boys are teens and love load music - she shouts above to noise to turn it off...I cant understand her as she visits church-but gambles regularly - we have to drop her - we have no say about the house as she assumes its hers! - yet the house is registered on our name - not her's - an gonna cancel the dstv next month - will not keep her happy.....she threw her husband out and he sleeps on the ppty in a run-down garage at the back of the house - builder trashed the place - i want her gone- out my life - out my kids life -

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      ann 6 years ago

      i really hate my motherinlaw .i really wish she would die soon, infact am ready to poison her . she the most cunning person ive evr met unlike other inlaws , she irritates us with her over 'caring' and over 'love' . her main interest is adding oil to the fire. the moment i ring herup , i feel so down tht i feel like killing myself. i even think of divorcing , when i think of her face . she and her daughter are no good.both are beasts . only if god would take their lives. my gdness i feel mad even with their slight thot .

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      looking for a sharp shooter 6 years ago

      she is the most ugliest creature on this earth, ******, tries to impose her age old believes and ruins our life... the sadist....idiotic....****** person on earth...good for nothing.... a useless person who just sits at home and will not let people who works hard to have peace of mind... always thinks of her...cannot see me happy with my husband... a total waste of mass ....I can write entire book .....also I forgot to write the most greedy person and bitch and vixen......

    • profile image

      damsel in distress 6 years ago

      i was just going thrugh ur hub while sitting in my office, had a mean nasty conversation with my mum in law today so i reallly liked ur hub.keep it up.

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      eeemmaa 6 years ago

      my mil is a whore .i don't like her .she is a social climbing bitch/i hate her face full of make up trying to copycat what all i got shyt /

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      Alex 7 years ago

      Seriously, do you know a good marksman? I want to put an end to my mother-in-lawISM once in for all!!!

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 7 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Nice analogy. It's interesting how many associate mother in laws being the bad guy. I asked other hubbers about how they feel about their in-laws and most of them said they don't hate them. Probably hate is such a strong word.

      Nice hub.

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      myself 7 years ago

      all mils are alike...all great trash.. may God vanish them all and let us live.. i don't even ant to luk at her face,,,,i wish she burns in hell in this world and hereafter..ameeen

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      papu 7 years ago

      My MIL is a greedy bitch. She reserves most of the food for herself seperately and leaves a quarter of it for the three of us. She is highly selfish and does not care a damn about her husband or her daughter. When i was sick, she would not budge an inch to help . Instead she watches TV 24/7. I pray to God that she dies soon . Her husband and me shall be ridden of this miserable pest in our lives.

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      GG 7 years ago

      i too have a mother in law, who is the worldest worst mother in law. she cannot love anybody in this world other than her daughter, not even her son. she gets highly irritated if her son and i have anything to enjoy or be happy about that her daughter doesn't have. she wants everybody to treat her daughter like the princess of the world. her daughter, my sis in law, is a bitch in all senses

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      kath 7 years ago

      Hi - it has taken me 35 yearsto figure out that my mother in law is a a psycopath . there are a lot of them around.

      She has always put her son down and believe me he is not a wimp or a weak man. At 59 he has just had a stroke - his first serious illness and her first comment was - oh well it cant be serious as he would have still been in hospital

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      Me: 7 years ago

      Got married a month ago, husband is in abroad, still my MIL is the worst stinking bitch in the world who cant bare me and her son talking at late nights and say iam spoiling his health, She didn't allow us to sleep together on the day of marriage that is the most dirtiest part.. and she is gonna stay with us in u.s in the very beginning stage of our married life..

      She is a drama queen, talks like a cadburys when her son is around.. but like a shit to me, but little scared to talk in front of me.. i didn't give that space yet..

      guys please pray for her miserable death soon.. iam dying each day thinking about my life..

    • profile image

      Myself 7 years ago

      That's a good essay. Unfortuneatly it doesn't help.. my real mother is the devil and there's nothing i can do or say about it.

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      christy 7 years ago

      @Author Very nice writing. congratulations! really a guide for someone like me.

      @Irma i think the same way as u said... MY mil is a MIL of all Mils. i hope she die down real soon!

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      Irma 7 years ago

      All you girls on here saying your mother in laws are the worst...Pssht wait till you meet mine. She's the nastiest most annoying little bitch ever made mistakingly by God. She's obsessed with looking young & being pencil thin. She tells me I'm fat when the bitch is a size 9 and I'm a size 5. She copies anything I wear even my perfume that her son bought me for Valentine's Day. She is so obsessed with not being old that she tells my daughter that SHE is the mom & to call me by my name. This lady is such a waste of space & air I really wouldn't care if she dropped dead right after I type this. If I could get away with it I would definatley have put her out a long time ago!

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      Bri 7 years ago

      I hate my mother in law with a passion. Ive only known her for 4 years and Ive been trying to find a way to kill her since the beginning!

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      TROUBLED 7 years ago

      Mother-in-laws with daughterinlaws with mental illness can really cop it bad too. I am so troubled by the pain she is causing my son and our family. It is like he is in a cult and we have lost him. Everything is magnified x10. A simple hallo letter is misconstrued to a major problem. We need devine intervention. Troubled

    • profile image

      kds 8 years ago

      You missed one option on your vote. Better now that she is dead. My MIL was fine with me, but rotten to my husband. Her own son could do no good in her eyes

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      hatemymotherinlaw 8 years ago

      i wish i could kill my mum in law..or at least hope she dies earlier. mean bitch

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      DLK 8 years ago

      I've told my monster-in-law that I can't wait for her to drop dead, hopefully sooner rather than later.

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      celine 8 years ago

      My MIL is the most terrible woman on the earth. She is a great queen drama and likes to backstab and gossip about everyone who has a better live than her. I wish she will die miserably and or as soon. Pray for me.


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      witchmustdie 8 years ago

      Sniper for hire.

    • Sony G profile image

      Sony G 9 years ago from West New York

      What you said is so true Erika, thanks for sharing your opinion with us. I agree that when you are a real mother in law, your position is extremely difficult ,on the one hand you love your son or daughter and wish the best for them and their families, and many times this means trying to guide them away from bad decisions but on the other hand you know that now they are old enough to make their decisions and assume their responsibilities. Knowing at what time to help and how to help is very tricky and can be so easily misunderstood. This is a real pity because these ladies have so much love to offer to their family and a simple comment can be wrongly interpreted making a meanie out of a very nice and loving mother.

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      Erika 9 years ago

      Good one Sony! Pity that some ppl did not get the metaphorical or humorous aspect of it! Also, I think I understand why you chose the term "mother in law" and not simply "bully" or "meanie". I think it's because deep down, it's not always a matter of being mean, it's more about control, isn't it? A real life mother in law doesn't necessarily want to hurt you - she is usually just over-enthusiastic about voicing her opinion, and exerting her control (if subconsciously). Accordingly, "killing your mother in law" should be a simple matter of believing that your own opinion and your own version of doing things is just as valid! But I am the first to admit that it's easier said than done!

    • Sony G profile image

      Sony G 9 years ago from West New York

      I think you got the wrong message Venugopal,:) :) :) before the police comes knocking at my door.:) .. I hope you realised that I was talking metaforically...

      1) no weapons, poisons or murders of any kind are involved in my hub, read the hub again.. no one talked about "killing the adversary" 

      2) I used artisic license to describe the person who spoils your day as a 'mother in law".... 

      3) I am NOT a serial killer!!!! - I can assure that I am not thinking of murdering any in laws or spouses :)

      Peace be with you ;-)

    • VENUGOPAL SIVAGNA profile image

      VENUGOPAL SIVAGNA 9 years ago from India.

      Mother in law's status is unique. Without her, getting a spouse is not easy. Now she is mother in law; once she was a daughter in law. Settling domestic disputes is not killing the adversary. When mother in law disappears, it is easy to think "how to kill the spouse". Set aside horrible thinkings.

    • Sony G profile image

      Sony G 9 years ago from West New York

      Thanks Amy... I m glad you liked it!

    • amy jane profile image

      amy jane 9 years ago from Connecticut

      Great hub Sony! Made me smile...and think. :)

    • Sony G profile image

      Sony G 9 years ago from West New York

      M glad you liked it mistyhorizon :) It is the first time I have experimented with "murder" :-)

    • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

      Cindy Lawson 9 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

      Really hilarious hub, well done, had me giggling all the way through :)

    • Sony G profile image

      Sony G 9 years ago from West New York

      Bear with me but my imagination is very fertile - The term "mean girl" conjures the image of a bad girl in fish nets and a black leather mini skirt for me and to imagine my father in law in that guise is pretty hilarious - so thanks for the laugh

      Going back to your question- well if the father in law is a "meanie" ... I guess you can...

    • ajcor profile image

      ajcor 9 years ago from NSW. Australia

      thanks for your lovely answer sony g - off topic I know - but just one more question - where are the fathers-in-law in all this? in all honesty could they be termed "mean girls"?

    • Sony G profile image

      Sony G 9 years ago from West New York

      I am glad you liked the hub :) but don't get offended by the use of the terminology, I am sure that you have heard thousands of dumb jokes about mother in laws and innuendos to the funny image of the grouchy old lady who nags and makes her children in law's life a misery ... since you obviously form apart of the "generations of gorgeous women right across the world" this should not touch you :)

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      ajcor 9 years ago from NSW. Australia

      good hub - but I am taking exception to the name given to the bullies involved. I have just become a mother-in-law or should I say mother-in-love because if the newly weds were not in love we would not now be all related! a fact I really like. Why not label these meanies for exactly who they are - bullies/mobbers. It could be said that your words are denigrating whole generations of gorgeous women right across the world through the use of this terminology.