- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
How To Pick Up Weird Girls
It is easy to spot weird girls.
If you are in a bar and want to find a weird girl, just look for someone lapping beer from a knapsack or standing on a table and reciting Chaucer in pig-Latin.
If you are at a party and want to find a weird girl, just look for someone having a picture of an Eskimo pie tattooed onto her tongue or leading a cleavage growing race.
If you are walking the streets and want to find a weird girl, just look for someone with her clothes on backwards or trying to look into her mouth without a mirror. Like bad checks and doggie poop, weird girls are everywhere.
It is not especially difficult to meet a weird girl, unless you are not on her wavelength.
How To Determine If You Are On A Weird Girl's Wavelength
It is easy to determine if you are on a weird girl's wavelength. Just ask her one of the Four Standard Questions. You have a problem if she answers "Huh?" You are golden if she answers "Oh wow." Just ask her:
1. I am an alien. Would you like to see my space ship?
2. I know that you are an alien. Can I see your space ship?
3. Want to look for an alien and get into his space ship?
4. Would you like to smoke my Toyota?
Once you lock into a weird girl's wavelength, you've got to get her interested in you. You've got to make her want to come home with you. You can do this by:
1. Gently taking her head into your mouth.
2. Telling her, "I live inside a tuna fish."
3. Double-bagging her breasts.
4. Telling her, "I work as a hood ornament."
5. Pointing to her loins, then pointing to your loins, then making a motion like a fish flopping on a beach.
6. Telling her, "This is my last night ashore. Later, I'm leaving for Uranus. Come with me."