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How to Recover From an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Updated on May 8, 2016

Relationships can be Hazardous to your Mental Health

Toxic relationships come in many forms and physical violence is just one of these. There are many relationships that involve extreme levels of emotional abuse and this emotional trauma can take years to recover from.

If you are told something often enough then unfortunately you begin to believe it and this is exactly what occurs within toxic relationships.

When you are repeatedly fed negative opinions about yourself it has a definite and long lasting affect on your self esteem that can last for years afterwards.

No relationship should make you feel bad about yourself.

Signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

If you are in a relationship where another person is asking you to do things which make you feel uncomfortable, subjecting you to negative comments, or name calling then these are signs that you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Insults and criticism are forms of emotional abuse. Hearing that you are fat, lazy, stupid, or any other negative trait attributed to yourself on a regular basis is disastrous for your mental health.

This emotional abuse is a form of brain washing and it can poison what you know you should believe about yourself. You will begin to believe what you are being told. The longer that you are in the toxic relationship than the more hazardous to your emotional health this abuse becomes.

You need to escape from under the weight of those negative messages so you can find the resolve to recover your self worth. Don't ever believe that emotional insults are not abuse because they are and it can take time to recover from their toxic effect.

Recovering from the abuse.

So how do you recover from a toxic relationship? You reverse the emotional damage from the abuse by applying opposite principles to your life.

You brainwash yourself with positive comments and surround yourself with positive people. You teach yourself to be a happy, assertive, and positive individual. You in effect remove the toxic elements that have been instilled in you by replacing them with positive affirmations.

It can be difficult to recover from abuse. It can take time, patience and a lot of dedication on your part. The first step is training yourself not to believe any negative comments that you are still hearing. You must trust that you deserve better.

You must believe in yourself, trust in yourself, and stand up for your rights. Whenever you hear negativity from others remove it from your mind and replace it with a positive statement instead. Just say a simple no to the abuse.

No, I am not wrong. I am right. I don't have to feel guilty. I am a good person. I am strong.

Begin to distance yourself from negative people and when you are near them do not let their negativity affect you. Believe in yourself. Trust in yourself.

Be dedicated to removing yourself from harm. People are highly adaptable. This change to your pattern of living can be made.

A good pep talk with yourself can sometimes be the best advice you can receive.

Participate in an assertiveness training course.

It only takes a few short minutes to change your life. Take an assertive training program. There is nothing more helpful in gaining a positive attitude than understanding your personal rights.

Assertive training videos are available free online, or information on assertiveness workshops can be found at your local college, or library.

These are not a lengthy program and nor is assertiveness training difficult to understand. Get the information and read it. The simple but effective teachings of an Assertiveness Training Program will remain with you for the remainder of your life.

Assertiveness training is one of the most valuable information tools your can use to help you become a stronger more positive person. Take advantage of these teachings.

Just type "assertiveness training" into the Google search bar. It is that easy.

Learning to be an assertive individual can change your life.

Assertiveness Workbook (Teach Yourself)
Assertiveness Workbook (Teach Yourself)

It begins by saying no. No, I do not want to be treated like that any longer. No, I will not be controlled.It begins with learning how to stand up for your rights and to have the ability to attain them when you so desire.

It is having the strength to say no and to have the will to walk away if the situation dictates it.

Assertiveness training focuses on the concepts of passive, assertive, and aggressive in human behavior. Learning to balance our wants and needs in social situations becomes much easier using and recognizing the assertiveness principles.


Assertiveness is simply learning your rights, the rights of others, and respecting both.

The principles are so easy to learn that even a kid can do it.

Cool, Calm, and Confident: A Workbook to Help Kids Learn Assertiveness Skills
Cool, Calm, and Confident: A Workbook to Help Kids Learn Assertiveness Skills

The principles are so simple that even children can easily grasp the concepts of passive, assertive, and aggressive. Solving social conflicts is easy when you learn to ask for your right without stepping on the rights of another.


Feed yourself positive messages and positive reinforcement.

Tell yourself that you are a good person, that you are beautiful, that you are kind, that you are considerate, and that you are strong.

Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself that you are attractive. Compliment yourself till you believe the words that you are hearing.

If you do it often enough you will find that these words and phrases will naturally come to you when ever you need them.

This process of positive reinforcement will become second nature to you. If you find it difficult at first then use humor as a method of helping to building your self esteem.

If it will help you feel more comfortable with complimenting yourself use lines from a favorite feel good song. ie: "I'm too sexy for my clothes, too sexy for my clothes!" is a good one. Just work at getting those positive messages through to your brain.

The more often that you hear positive messages the better. Brainwash yourself in a nice way. Create a new more confident you.

I'm too Sexy by Right Said Fred

It takes time so don't worry if you stumble a little on the way to recovery.

Allow yourself to relapse a little. You are human and this happens. Don't beat yourself up if you regress a little or happen to screw up out there. Just remember to get right back on the wagon again and try all the harder to have a positive attitude.

It is often very difficult to change behavior patterns. Ask anyone who has ever tried to quit smoking how difficult it is to change that bad habit. It takes a lot of work and a lot of practice, but like all things in life practice makes perfect.

Just keep working on your goal to become a more positive confident person and you will succeed. You can effectively remove the toxic effects of that past relationship from your heart and mind.

The more that you succeed in this task then the more that you will truly begin to believe in yourself and the more positive a person you will become.

Until you are assertive enough to remove all the negative elements from your life don't believe a word of that degrading crap you hear. Turn your mind to the positive side and simply believe in yourself.


When you smile you release endorphins which are the body's feel good chemical message. The message travels down your spine to disperse throughout your body.

It will make you feel good. Smile as often as you can.

Don't remain in another toxic relationship. Break the chain of abuse.

Often times individuals will come out of one abusive relationship and go straight into another. Don't let this happen to you. Walk away.

If you keep in mind the above teachings then you will have the strength to escape the cycle of toxic relationships. Just refuse to believe that you belong there and be strong enough to seek help when you need it.

You are a good person and you do not deserve to be in a relationship that degrades your self esteem. You are too good of a person to have to accept crap.You have only to convince yourself to make it a reality.

I know these things because I fell into an ever turning circle of emotional and physical abuse. Then came the sudden realization that it was not safe for me to remain and I walked away. I never went back.

How do you keep you keep your mood uplifted.

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    • profile image

      Ibidii 2 years ago

      Oh how well I know this. I am just glad I am not in it any more. Great lens!

    • ecogranny profile image

      Kathryn Grace 2 years ago from San Francisco

      Sing, laugh out loud, read something inspirational, take a walk in as much nature as I can find, if it's only a little dog park, and smile at everyone I see. It's amazing how just smiling at people makes a HUGE difference. First, it changes my mood. Second, when I smile at people and look them in the eye, they can't help but smile back. Well, some of the grumpiest people don't always smile back, but the next time they see me, they usually give me a good smile and a greeting.For anyone who feels they may be emotionally or psychologically abused, bullied or worse, I can attest that assertiveness training is highly effective in turning one's life around. Do whatever it takes to get yourself into a course and stick with it.Thanks for spreading this important message, Lorelei.

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