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Tips on How to Recover From a Breakup

Updated on November 6, 2016

She loved him very much. She had saved one of his pictures in her phone as a wallpaper (background picture) to always gaze at those eyes and the smile that always took her breath away. She couldn’t imagine how life would be without him. Would she ever survive if there was a breakup with him?

Sadly, after more than a year of knowing each other she receives the shock of her life, something she never knew would ever happen to her. Every time she tried to call him or send text, he never replied. She wondered why. She decided to wait. No response. Tears, bitterness, anger, hurt she felt all of them reigning on her.

She felt she could not live anymore. Why doesn’t he want to talk to me? What did I do to make him treat me like this? I was faithful to him. Did he see I was not beautiful? Not pretty? Was I not good to him? Was it because of my personal characteristics? One after another, the thoughts offered no answer, only questions and assumptions.


I want to die. I want to die, she kept telling herself as she thought of the easiest and painless way to die. I don’t deserve to be alive. Everybody hates me. Why was I created? Why me? She asked to no one in particular since she’s alone in the room.

Six weeks has passed but she has not received any response from him. She tried to call him but he wouldn’t pick up any of her call neither would he reply to her text. She was devastated. Everyday to her seemed like another day of torture. She couldn’t live like this anymore.

On the seventh week, two days before Sunday at ten in the evening, she had made her decision. She was found three days later by the police when an alarm was raised by her friend who spotted her in her room lying on the carpeted floor, her lifeless eyes staring at the door of the room. She had decided to commit suicide for she could not live any longer with the hurt she felt and the rejection she endured. It was the only way she knew that would ease the pain, actually wipe it away.

It’s a sad story. The short piece of the short story above is not real but there is no denial it has happened to some if not many.


People find it hard to live with the pain or hurt that results from a relationship breakup. Not marriage breakup but two opposite sexes who have fallen in love and want to live together till death separates them.

There is nothing beautiful than falling in love. When you give your whole heart to another person of opposite sex, it’s an indication you love that person very much which also signifies you trust that person with deep respect. You always think of him/her, always feel on top of the world whenever you talk, chat or when close to that person.

But, when one of the lovers decides to call a quit to the relationship for various reasons, it never goes well with the receiver of the bad news. In other cases if a man finds that his lady whom he loves very much has another boyfriend and she’s just ‘playing’ with him, it doesn’t feel good. You call it a quit but still the hurt, the pain is there.

Some of the people if not a lot of them decide the only way to erase the pain if not reduce it is to commit suicide. However, this is not a good option to take because breakup doesn’t determine your future happiness. Unless you decide to die for someone which is understandable, dying because someone said he/she doesn’t love you or you found him/her having an affair with another person is denying yourself the future that belongs to you.

Suicide is not the best decision. Below are tips which can help you recover from a breakup. I know it’s not easy because I have been there. Five breakups is something that can drive one to end his/her life. Whether the reason a person breaks up with you are justifiable or not, you don’t have to take the short cut of committing suicide to escape the pain.


1) Don’t Live In Denial

People who have undergone a breakup don’t want to believe it’s over. We don’t want to accept what we believed in, what we hoped is no longer the case. We want to live in a fantasy world translating it to reality because we don’t want to feel the pain, to experience it, to know it’s over. We want to hide in the closets of our minds having turned it to reality of always being together with the other sex.

As long as you live in denial is as long you will realize you are deceiving yourself and the pain keeps on increasing every day. Then, depression sets in, life becomes meaningless, you are helpless, find you have no mood for anything, and feel worthless.

Denial is the greatest enemy to the existence of you as a person.

2) Accept The Fact

You have to accept the fact you are no longer in relationship with the other sex anymore. The hopes and dreams and expectations and wishes and the pictures you had created in your mind are no longer there and won’t be fulfilled or come to pass.

You have to accept the fact you will feel pain, and it will not go away quickly. You have to accept reality if you want to move ahead and not live in a shell you have made yourself to deceive yourself it cannot be the case, it cannot be true. Experience the pain, it is good because it will make you stronger and determined to overcome it and enjoy your life.

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3) Disassociate Everything Concerning Your Ex

If you want to live free from the stress, from the hurt ensure you remove everything that will remind you about your ex. Remember the pain is not supposed to endure for long. Such kind of pain that goes well over a month or so isn’t healthy. You might end up in the hospital, turn crazy or live a hopeless life of depression and lack of interest in anything. it doesn't mean now and then you won't have thoughts about your ex. It is possible, and at times you will feel lonely. However, you should not be dwelling on the emotions of bitterness, hurt, anger and others for a long time. They will turn out destructive in your life.

Erase his number from your phone contact. Anything in the house that belongs to him even a photo of his ensure you get rid of them.

Are there songs (love songs) he liked and whenever the two of you were together you kept listening? Don’t listen to those songs anymore. If he sent you cards, store them away whereby it would take you a decade to remember them, or tear them. As long as they are there they will remind you of him and you would want to hold on to that thought despite the fact it’s not gonna happen.

After recovering, you can take the photos of his (if you want) you saved and put them in an album. They won’t affect you since you will remember him as your friend - the pain had subsided. You can listen to the songs he listened since they won’t affect you anymore.

4) Face The Fact

Face the fact there are millions of singles out there, and one of them is your future hubby or wife. Just because you thought you couldn’t survive without him is as much as you lied to yourself because you can live without him. There are people who are singles and have not been involved in relationship with a person of opposite sex and have not been involved in any sexual intercourse, and still they are living and are happy about it.

Face the fact that:

a) The relationship is over – no need of living in denial

b) You can bargain your way through to find if the relationship can be mended, but if not, don’t live in denial.

c) Accept the fact you will feel the pain that results from a broken relationship, and you have to experience it. Don’t run away from it.

d) Move on. Get stuck, you’re dead. If the earth stopped what would happen to all living things? That’s why it never stops because it means an end to humans, animals and plants. You have to move on. Hold your head high. It’s not the end of your world.

e) Learn from the lesson. I have learned a lesson in my last relationship: don’t fall easily in love. If you want to be loved, to be curdled, to hear that feminine or masculine voice and hold, hey, don’t fall in love that cheaply. You will always end up hurt. Next time you get to know the other sex and feel he/she is the one, take time to know him/her, then will you know he/she is the one meant for you. Don’t hurry to get married.

f) You have to stop visualizing. Stop running the motion picture over and over and over again in your mind. You are doing yourself injustice. You are only hurting yourself further. Find ways of eliminating those thoughts. It will take time but purpose to stop those thoughts. They are not helping you in any way, just making you more miserable, and sorry to say this, pathetic.

g) You have to love yourself, not hate yourself. Whatever the reason the other sex decided to call a quit, don’t be so hard on yourself. You can criticize yourself, rebuke yourself, blame yourself but in the long run you are doing yourself injustice. Learn your mistakes and purpose in the next relationship to become better. You should remember what one sex hates about you is not the case with the other sex. I am quiet-reserved guy and even though this personality trait can be changed (but possibly on a high rate NO), I still love it and I would want a lady who knows how to deal with such a man. Maybe the lady who called a quit found another man who was outgoing, talkative and charming. I make jokes, I tease; I can be funny but not outgoing, talkative and a social-type of a person. Therefore, the majority of relationships work on the basis you know the other sex’s personality traits and accepting them.


5 Steps to Recover From a Break-Up!

If you are feeling low, are depressed, find no meaning in life, are clueless what to do, feel your world has come to an end; think again. Think, think, think and think and come to the realization there is still tomorrow. There is still hope. There is a future. Don’t let a past relationship immobilize you that you cannot focus ahead, that you feel your world has come to and end. You deserve to live. Live your life and enjoy it.

I have found reading novels and books, listening to songs, writing does help in these times. It acts as a companion as it does help you towards recovery. Also, speaking to someone is also another way that can help you to recover from this shock of breakup.

Question: If your lover said the relationship is over and doesn’t want to be in relationship with you, and you happen to meet him/her often by chance somewhere (for example, while walking on a certain street on your way to work), what will you do?

What if he/she is a close friend to your sibling(s) or parents? What if you always see each other at workplace, in the class or at a particular meeting or place? What would you do to ensure you recover from the breakup?

Find the answers to the above questions by thinking up on them, and you will be on your way to recovery. You will know whenever you meet him; it would not remind you of the failed relationship and the hurt.


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    • Clair Waldorf profile image

      Clair W 3 months ago

      Great article! Acceptance is really the most important thing to do after a breakup. We have to accept that things happen for some reasons. If we have loved and lost someone, it's important that we remember all the lessons from the relationship and be better.