- Gender and Relationships
How To Tell a Friend You Like Her Without Ruining The Friendship
Wow! I honestly feel compelled to write this post and save you a lot of pain!
Why am I so compelled? While researching for the topic, I read so much misinformation on the web about how to let a friend know you are into her. The worst is, I have followed this dating advice in the past, crashed and burned! I will tell you exactly why there is so much misinformation. So read on!
Here is the situation: I know exactly what brought you here & why you are reading this! You have a friend or a best-friend, and at some point in your platonic relationship, you have suddenly developed feelings for her.
Now you feel in love, and that feels great but at the same time you are wondering what to do now?
Have you ever fallen in love with any of your friend?
If you believe 90% of what is written on the net, you should just sit down with her and tell her about your feelings. So should you do that? NO!!! DON'T DO THAT!!!
Here is the cardinal rule, the rule of all rules when it comes to letting a friend know you like her:
NEVER, EVER TELL HER YOUR FEELINGS FOR HER DIRECTLY!
This will immediately set you up for hearing the infamous line:
Hold on,. Wait a minute you might think now, if many blog posts, forums and wikihow pages say that you should just tell her, why should I believe you and not them?
Let me tell you why..
I have done this mistake about 3 times with girls that I was seriously into, wasting all my chances to be with them on the way. It took me a long time to realize that I was so close & just made a few tiny mistakes.
Tiny, but they made all the difference between dating them & spending at least 1.5y in misery because I was infatuated with girls that I was seeing every day and had feelings for., but they don't have feelings for me!
So why are so many websites giving poor advice?
They give terrible advice, because women write the content. And women will tell you what they would do, or what they think they want, but it's not truly what they want! Do a simple test, ask a girl what you think the best way to do it is, how to get a girl to like you? Then ask her if her current boyfriend did it that way. A light-bulb goes on!
But I got you covered; read on to know exactly what to do:
1.) Never tell her your real feelings directly
Do that and it is almost impossible to get the relationship from platonic to romantic. The only time that might work is when she feels the same way about you. Even in that case, it is extremely dangerous.
For some reason, women need a challenge. When you tell them directly, you take that away from them, and you suddenly feel dull. Never say it!
2.) Don't put her on a pedestal
When guys get feelings for a girl, they tend to say things like "You are so beautiful!" or "I am weak only for you!" with glassy, puppy eyes.
Women loathe that! Don't put her on some kind of pedestal.
Key is building solid attraction. One way to do that is to be playful with her. So instead putting her on a pedestal, let her know how much of a dork she is.
Tell her that with a sly smile and hug her after. Tell her things like:
"You know what, you really suck! Why do I put up with this? I think I only hang out with you, is because you give me chocolates sometimes."
Do it in a humorous way, then hug her. So she knows you don't truly mean it. Send her mixed signals. This will get her attracted, "You are such a lovely person" won't!"
Break the touch barrier. Get physical! If you are not used to it, do it slow at first. Touch her lower back to lead the way.
Touch her arm, her leg, hug her but do something to break that barrier! Too many guys make the mistake of making the one significant move.
They have never touched her, never made her feel anything but a friend and suddenly they go in for the awkward kiss or tell her "I love you!" out of the total blue.
Don't make that mistake. Always be touching her more and more, so it feels natural to her.
This is where 99% of guys plainly loose! They get so focused with that one girl; they will start to loose interest in the other 2.5 billion females on this planet. When you only hang out with that one girl, she will think that other women are not interested in you. But what for girls is one of the most attractive traits in a guy is when other women are attracted to him.
Therefore, hang out with girls. Talk about it openly with her. Say how much you enjoyed it or how much you didn't enjoy it (but don't tell her things like "I would have rather been with you.") She will see that other females are interested in you and wonder why. She will also feel competition, and healthy competition in any market, especially the market for your attention, is a marvelous thing!
6.) Don't be rattled by her
Another point were 99% of guys fail miserably. As soon as they have developed feelings, they get all emotional about the girl. She cancels on a date, they get angry and upset.
I made this stupid mistake back in the days many times. I can still recall a period when I took my best friend at the time, I was utterly in love with her, to a Japanese restaurant & she complained seriously the whole evening about the food. Instead of it not letting affect me, I totally snapped and get angry big time. That is not very sexy to a girl. The guys who are sexiest are the ones that just don't seem to care.
Getting angry about her behavior, be it her flaking or criticizing you, shows insecurities and weakness. She will feel you as weak, but girls want a strong man. When you are certainly not rattled by anything, especially by a girl you are into, that's when women start to fall for you like dominos.
Right now, a girl could complain to me all night long about how awful the food is and how miserable the place is I took her to. I would be smiling all the way and making jokes on the way.
It would be impossible now for her to upset me. It's something else though when somebody is clearly attacking you. Then defend yourself, but do it like a man, without seeming to be affected.
If you are not easily rattled, no matter what happens to you in life or what she throws at you, you are unbelievably sexy and attractive to women in general. Combine that with humor and a sly smile: you are irresistible!
Ever seen the TV show 24? Kiefer Sutherland here plays a special agent called Jack Bauer. The character he plays is ruthless, emotionally detached and socially a mess. Yet he is always calm under pressure, certainly not easily rattled. He has not much else going for him. Now listen to this:
I have discussed the show with 3 female friends some time ago and they uniformly agreed to the same thing - when they started to watch the show, they thought Kiefer Sutherland as totally unattractive. However, as the plot developed, they all thought of him as such a sexy and attractive man! They used words like masculine, strong, determined and sexy. I couldn't understand this at the time, now I do!
What I have just lain out for you are the basic "Rules of Engagement" when you seriously want to turn a friend into a lover. But hey! You will ask your self by now, how do I actually do it?
Here is the best practice for how to tell a friend you like her:
Use the first six steps to re-frame your relationship to her in a more masculine way.
Wait for a moment when the 2 of you are alone together, best romantic moment and the 2 of you are already close to each other. Then brush away the hair from her face and look at her. If she doesn't flinch, kiss her!
You really have to be patient and time the right moment here. Then, you have to read her. If it doesn't feel right for you, don't do it!
Go back to the first 6 step and repeat, until she is ready for it!
After you have kissed, and she brings up the "What is that supposed to mean for our friendship?", just say you felt like kissing her in that moment.
Don't go weak there and tell her about your feelings!
In case you are not used or experienced with kissing girls out of the blue, I highly recommend kissing her when you are both a bit tipsy.
This will make it a lot easier, and if it goes wrong, just blame it on the booze!
Now go and get her!
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