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Avoid cyber-romance at all costs, for your own good
If you're going to gamble, bet it all on black-- in Vegas!
If you want to know (in detail) why I'm writing this hub, click here. I'm still dealing with the swollen eyes and overall feeling of "bumminess" now that my heart has (once again) been driven through a meat grinder.
What I don't understand, is that I recognize that I'm a love addict, and making attempts to recover (and failing), and yet, once again, dastardly deed love tragedy hits me again. If being on a man diet wasn't enough, I avoided going out to social settings and said "no" to any men who were even trying to share time with me in effort to right what was wrong in my romantic life. I've been reading self-help books til I'm blue in the face, and going without for months like a conformed nun in a convent. It hasn't been fun, but shoot, it sure beats heartbreak hotel.
Which brings me back to where I am now.
Before I go more into details, I would like to clarify what love addiction really is. I used to think it was my greatest handicap, a weakness, a "flaw" that needed fixing. But I was wrong. If you aren't a love addict, well, then, I want nothing to do with you. At least, romantically speaking. It is a special gift to have the ability to love, but the amount of love that us "addicts" have is like love on drugs (ha, get it, addict? Oh, well). It is tenfold the passion, intensity and intimacy rolled into one. We wear our hearts on our sleeve and hold back nothing! If that's a flaw, so be it, but from now on, I want the same kind of flawed creature in a male version. More tell-tale signs of love addiction:
- jumping to your phone when you get a message alert, and becoming a giddy fool when you see the name of your love interest on your "inbox."
- dropping out of other interests in life as soon as the new love interest shows up. That includes delaying important deadlines for work, talking to your relatives about plans for holidays, or being a fully functioning independent person, basically.
- finding yourself fantasizing about your new love interest any time of day. All times of day. Even while you dream. Seeing him or her in your mind as soon as you wake up. Reaching out and touching a pillow or the sheet where your love interest should be, and whispering their name.
- feeling anxious and impatient when you haven't heard from your love interest, like a father-to-be in the waiting room. On drugs. And 40 cups of coffee.
Now, back to why it's so important to avoid falling for cyber-romance. First off, it's no different if you've never met the person or locked eyes in person, you still can get emotionally "ahead of yourself" by email, chat and phone calls. See above for the warning signs. Second, the internet is full of lunatics, but you knew that, right? Well, so did I, and my IQ is in the triple digits, so how did I become a statistic? Well, the whole concept of internet or "cyber" dating/relationships is anonymity. Do you really know who you're talking to? They might sound genuinely sincere, and can back up all that they say, but still.... they are complete strangers! Don't forget that even psychologist use eye contact to see if someone is lying or hiding something when they talk. Can you do that with Mr. or Ms. internet lover? No.
Next: I made the fatal flaw of ignoring my own set of "commandments" when it comes to dating men. To see the full list, click here. You see, if a person says they "plan to" leave their significant other, it means you are number "three" in a couple. That's more than two, so you are the odd man (or woman) out. Wait until a person is completely separated and over their ex before you waste your time with anyone. These individuals are called "emotionally unavailable" for a reason, and it's the emotional baggage that they bring with them into your relationship that makes it a deal-breaker. If you also get baby-mama-drama, then run for the hills. My favorite saying when dating: "if you have emotional baggage, keep it in the upper compartment, and out of your relationship." It's not over if the other person is still included in any form of communication with your new person.
Internet coo-koos are all over. Some people are looking for someone to bring pizazz into their boring marriage. They use lines like, "I've been in a love-less marriage for years. I want to have intimacy and closeness that I've never felt before. I'm living with my husband/wife like roommates and want to find the one true love that was intended to happen in life." Bah! I got divorced (or at least it was pending) before I dipped my toe into dating waters. Make sure your love interest is doing at least as much. There really is so much "me work" to do after separation, and the let down of having them "reconcile" once you've vested yourself into loving them is like a vision of Hell. Don't waste any time with committed individuals. Not even "freshly" broken up people. Move on. It's called "rebound" relationship for a reason. Their emotions keep going back to where they first aimed.
Don't take your chances with cyber-romance. If you love risks, leave your top down on the convertible when they predict rain overnight. But please, PLEASE don't trust complete strangers to be the knight in shining armour they claim to be. When you're online, you can make up any fantasy about who you are, what you want, what you plan to do with someone, and have ZERO accountability. That's not a good track record. If I had the time (and I got paid for writing these hubs), I would post the statistic of failed relationships that started with cyber-love. It's not real. Have the guy fix your toilet before you decide you "love him." Have a woman make you a "sammich" before you throw your heart into the grinder of blind faith. Geez, they should give courses on this in high school. Maybe I will start a new class: "how to avoid getting your heart broken by a complete stranger."
Anyone want to sign up for the class? I have a few tips I've learned in the "school of hard knocks." Heartbreak sucks, so protect it from cyber-vampires. If you have any questions, feel free to comment on my hub, and I'll graciously answer them. My best wishes to everyone in their romantic endeavors. Up and at `em. And without the mouse click in the background.