Moving on After a Spouse's Death
I have been a widow since June 2005. I was 42 then. Before this, I had enjoyed ten years of marital bliss.
In the first few years since my husband’s passing, I experienced what many women would normally go through – loneliness, financial unstableness, lack of focus at work, and all other negative feelings.
Today, however, I can say I am happy even if I continue to face life’s harsh realities. I have learned to move one, and I would like to share how I do it.
I aim to address this hub to other widows out there. But what I am about to say is merely my opinion and not something based on some book I’ve read or lecture I’ve attended. Call it my secret formula, but it’s simply something I constantly do which helps me get by.
Keep yourself busy.
If you have a job, focus harder and strive to perfect it. A salary increase or promotion may just come your way. If you’re unemployed, look for work. If you’re a housewife and opt to stay home, get into some hobby/interest which you think can help you earn some money. Start a small business; or if you already have one, get some people involved and make it grow.
There are a lot of things to do at home. Engage in online work or hold a garage sale.
Be humble to ask for help.
If despite working hard, you still can’t make ends meet – and your funds are fast depleting – don’t be ashamed to ask help from your family or kin. You’ll be surprised how supportive they can be.
But as soon as you can manage on your own, don’t forget to repay them with some token of gratitude. You owe them that!
It’s therapeutic. Be with family, relatives, and dear friends. (Reach out! Don’t wait for them to make the move.)
Call your parents and siblings to come over so your kids can be closer to them. Hold intimate family gatherings. And don’t forget your in-laws! They’re family, too.
At work, get to know your fellow workers better. Spend time with them after office hours or even on weekends. Engage in wholesome group activities.
For you younger ones, pretty yourselves up and go out again. (Why not? You still have a long life ahead!)
If a nice man comes along (and by this, I mean a single guy or a widower!) – and you’re interested in him – give him a chance.
It may not be easy for you, though, to tell your young kids about him, but you can be honest and simply tell them, “You know, I met this man recently, and he’s asking me out on a date. Mom wants to go out with him, but I’ll be fine. Is that okay?”
If they vehemently object, go on with the date. And if in time, things go well between you and the man - and your kids soon learn to accept him - go ahead – remarry!
Have faith in God.
Pray. In a moment of crisis, there’s nothing better than connecting with the Almighty. Having a prayer life can surely bring about tremendous positive results to conquer grief – or any trial for that matter.
No one can help you more than the Big Guy up there! You just have to trust Him and find out what His plans are for you. Believe in Him.
See a therapist.
If you’re still in mourning – and are not satisfied with the list above – it would be best to seek psychiatric help. But choose someone who is credible and good-natured. Research more on his credentials before seeing him.
Is there life after a spouse's death?
Of course, there is!
It’s just having the right outlook in life.