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Easy Ways to See if He's in Love With You

Updated on November 3, 2009

Read on to find out if he's displaying the signs of being in love with you

So you like him.  A lot. But how do you know if your boyfriend or partner wants to get serious with you or if he’s looking at you as just a way to pass the time before he moves on to “the real thing”.? Well, we asked a few experts to give us their thoughts and this is their definition of how to tell when a brothers in love with you.

Dresses Differently

Dianne M. Daniels, certified member of the Association of Image Consultants international, says: “You’ll know because he dresses differently around you.  If you have heard from your guy’s friends and family that he was quite casual before you started dating and now dresses more formally, he could be showing signs of being in love. Guys don’t make significant changes like that without a good reason, and sex just isn’t a good enough reason.”

Tells You Damaging Information

Another way to know, according to Daniels is if he tells you potentially embarrassing or damaging information about himself.  “If he’s willing to display his faults for you, he trusts you and feels safe with you.  That’s a major component of being in love – that you can show your loved one all your faults and still be secure in their love.”

Really Listens

Listening to you is another sign that he’s in love, says Dr. Orbuch, host of Detroit’s popular Love Doctor television and radio programs.  “He asks you questions about yourself –and then really listens to the answer. This is a surefire sign that he wants to know you better, and finds you endlessly fascinating and worthy of attention and time.

Puts You First

In addition to him giving you this time and attention, what else is important? We asked a recent single who has now found the love of her life. Jean, an office manager, says: “When he does something for you just because you like it, even though he doesn’t like it, that’s a sign he’s in love.  He even gets extra brownie points if he does it without being asked!  For instance, if he takes you out to Chinese/Japanese/you-name-it kind of dinner because you like that type of food and he can take it or leave it, then he’s hooked. If he stays up with you because you love to do that even if he prefers to get an early night - sista the man’s fallen for you big time!

Dianne M. Daniels agrees: “He loves you if he puts your needs first and shows you that your happiness is a top priority for him. He wants to give you what you want because he’s smitten with you”.

Carolyn Kaufman, who teaches at Columbus State Community College in Ohio adds, “Men who are in love will make efforts to impress and “win” you over, so they’re more likely to pay attention to things that are important to you--what your favorite TV show is, which restaurants you like etc.

Lissa Coffey, author of “What’s Your Dosha, Baby?  Discover the Vedic Way for Compatibility in Life and Love”, says “If he lets you pick the movie, then he’s in love with you.

Talks About the Future

In addition to letting you choose, pay attention if your man talks about future events.  “If a guy starts talking with you about his future, that is a big sign he trusts you and is including you in his “inner circle”, says Karen Jones, author of The Heart Matters.  “That, to a man, is love”.

Lets You Meet the Family

And his “inner circle” could also mean he wants you introduced to his family.  “If he wants you to meet his mother, family or close friends”, says Terri Orbuch PhD, “Then he’s falling for you.”  The Love Doctor who specializes in marriage, dating, love, sex and modern relationships, adds “Studies show that men place more importance on their loved one being accepted by those he cares about, than women do.  That he’s ready to take that risk with you is quite significant.” 

Prefers You Over His Friends

“It’s also significant if he chooses time with you over time with his friends, says Lissa Coffey.  “And if he’s phoning/texting, e-mailing you while he’s at work – then that’s love too”, she adds. 

Let’s just hope the boss isn’t watching!

Shows Verbal and Non-verbal signs

But don’t forget that it’s both verbal and non-verbal signals that are important. “If he can’t help but smile when he looks at you and finds every opportunity to touch you, then it’s love”, says Lissa Coffey,

Carolyn Kaufman, Psy.D, says you should look out for pupil dilation.  “A man’s pupil will involuntarily expand when he’s looking at something he likes (you!).  A man who’s in love is going to consistently give himself away with this.  (Women’s pupils do the same thing; and what’s really interesting is that men are more attracted to women whose pupils are dilated…so if you’re really into him, he’s likely to find you more attractive too).”

Shows He Can Take Care of You

But being in love for a man can also bring out his practical side.  It doesn’t all need to be romantic gestures and candlelit dinners, even if he does let you choose the restaurant. 

“A man is likely to do things to show you he can take care of you”, says Lissa Coffey. “If he goes out of his way to help you do something relatively small – then that’s love.

Carolyn Kaufman Psy.D agrees.  “He might buy you something nice. Or cook you dinner or offer to fix things around the house for you.  Strong, independent women are sometimes a bit offended by what they see as an implication that they need to be taken care of, but men are genetically pre-wired to behave that way around women they want as partners. On the flipside, most women in the African American community know they deserve to have a man who goes out of his way for them, and they don’t necessarily realize that his efforts really show how in love he is.  But he is.”

Wants To Get Intimate

Finally, we asked a guy for his thoughts on how a woman can tell if a guy is in love with her.  Seemed like the right thing to do.  John, a travel photographer, responded instantly, with a smile on his face.  “That’s easy.  You can always tell when a guy is in love with you.  He wants to be intimate with you.  With the lights ON”.


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