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Interracial Relationships - The Common Problems

Updated on September 21, 2014
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The Rise Of Interracial Relationships

According to the 2008 United States Census, statistics on interracial relationships show that they make up nearly 4% of all marriages in that year compared to the minuscule 0.7% back in 1970*. As the world becomes smaller and people become less apprehensive in mixing with other races, interracial relationships will naturally increase.

However, although it is good to see that people are taking the initiative to blur the racial lines when it comes to choosing a mate, interracial relationships do come with their own set of problems. Personally, I have come across two people who got involved in problematic interracial relationships and let me relate their stories below. But first, let's talk about the increasing number of interracial relationships between black women and white men.

* Source: Wikipedia

Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions that Keep Black Women From Dating Out
Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions that Keep Black Women From Dating Out

Insights into this touchy subject written by a black woman with humor and understanding.

 

BW/WM Interracial Relationships

When Racism Rears Its Ugly Head

Interestingly, the of number of marriages between white women and black men are much higher than black women and white men (354,000 vs 196,000 in 2009)*. However, this disparity is gradually declining as it was much worse 3 decades ago.

While the increasing number of bw/wm couples does indicate wider acceptance of such pairings, negative perceptions and talk is still a problem. We have all heard of black females being labelled as gold diggers when they are with white men. We have also heard of close family and friends being shocked when told who would be coming to dinner.

In short, bm/wm interracial relationships do bring forth the issue of racism and discrimination. This is also true in many other interracial pairings with only the degree of severity being varied. Snide remarks from outsiders and the public may easily be ignored but when family pressure mounts and racism exists among our own family members, that is when real problems will creep into the relationship.

* Source: Wikipedia

Asian Interracial Relationship With Parental Objection

When Families Come Into The Picture

For many of us, we may think marrying outside our own race is not a big deal. But for the older generation, they may not be as accommodating.

I have a Chinese male friend who once dated an Indian woman. Because they were living in the city away from the man's parents, they were able to see each other without much problems. This went on for about two years or so when the woman began pestering him to tell his parents.

While the woman's parents were open-minded enough to accept their daughter's choice of partner, the man was hesitant to let his own parents know of the relationship because of their very conservative views. He was sure that they would strongly object to him marrying an Indian woman and being a filial son, he found it hard to disappoint his parents.

As for the woman, she felt insecure that her man is not prepared to let his family know of her existence. As she kept up the pressure on her man to let his parents know of their relationship, it became a constant source of arguments.

Knowing that he would be sandwiched between his partner and parents, my friend eventually broke off the relationship.

Intercultural Marriage: Promises and Pitfalls
Intercultural Marriage: Promises and Pitfalls

Are you up to the challenge? Let this book guide you through on how to handle the difficulties and complexities of an intercultural relationship.

 

Consequences Of Interracial Relationships

The Choice Between Family And Partner

When I asked my friend if he regretted his decision after he ended the relationship and was still hurting, he told me that he did not. He went on further to say that if parental objection exists in an interracial relationship, it can only work if you are prepared to sacrifice family ties to be with your beloved. This he was not prepared to do and that was why he preferred to let the relationship go.

While this may sound overly dramatic to some of us, I have also heard of cases of people being disowned by their parents for marrying outside their own race. No doubt, in many cases parents will eventually come to accept their child's choice of mate but this is normally after great upheavals and arguments that strain ties.

At the end of the day, whether you want to take the risk of strained relations with your own parents to be with someone of a different race basically rests on your own ability to live with the potential guilt of hurting them and the prospect of being estranged from them.

Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship
Your Intercultural Marriage: A Guide to a Healthy, Happy Relationship

Clear the misunderstandings for a happier life together.

 

Cultural Problem With Interracial Relationships

When Both Come From Different Backgrounds

Sometimes, we do like to think that love will conquer all. After all, people say that love is blind, so what is the big deal with skin color?

Let me tell you this story concerning a friend of mine. She is a Southeast Asian lady who dated a Caucasian man. They met through work when he came to her country for a project. Love blossomed and she took the big step to move to his home country and live with him.

A very romantic love story except that reality crept in not long after. They both found it hard to adapt to each other's culture and faith. He drinks but she doesn't for religious reasons. She can't stand the sight of alcohol in their home while he has to find his way to the bar to enjoy a couple of beers.

She lives with the guilt of co-habitating without marriage coming from a traditional Asian background, while he doesn't. He thinks it's trivial. Right now, they are still together after a couple of years but totally unsure of the future direction of the relationship.

From this story, it is clear that differences in culture, religion and norms make it doubly hard for interracial relationships to succeed. We might think that they are insignificant but each little difference adds up to make an interracial relationship struggles to find a common ground.

Can Interracial Relationships Work?

Some people will argue that interracial relationships do not work because there are many things going against you - prejudice, cultural and religious differences as well as family and societal pressure. But there are also many interracial couples who have managed to make things work.

So, do you think interracial relationships can work out in the long run?

Yes, definitely!

Yes, definitely!

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    • anonymous 2 years ago

      I am for interracial dating, I am a caucasian man who dates asian women, but honestly I feel hurt and angry when I am not in a relationship and see others with the kind of relationship that I want to have. For example I was communicating with a Chinese woman, I won't mention her name to keep the matter private since there could be others reading that have the same thing that I am about to mention happen to them regardless of man or woman. We were talking, we even met a couple times first time we each in opposite directions drove about 2 hours to meet, second time I drove almost 5 hours to her place. She just then stopped contacting me. I then checked her name on facebook. I was wanting to see how she was doing because of Chinese Valentine's Day, so I was thinking about her and was missing her. She had a pic of her with another white man and their two children. I honestly was hurt inside and verbally took it out on her. Yes I am in favor, but am against when not presently in a relationship. What upset me about the pic was the children in the pic. I am not against having children, although I understand if the statement sort of contradicts it, just want to be honest about the topic. And I would not have been upset if the pic was informal for example a few friends with her at picnic, football game, etc. But would have been upset if it was her and him in a photo shoot and you can tell by the pics that they are a couple, wedding pics where they are getting married or even if it's another person's wedding, you get the idea. I know some will agree and some will disagree with my thoughts, but also I think it can be emotionally healthy to vent in a positive manner. which is what I am doing by writing this post. I am ok with the relationship when I am presently in a relationship or at least in good communication with a woman that I am pursuing the relationship with, but when the lady hurts me, I feel that emotional pain is worse then physical. I can easily heal physically, but sometimes can't emotionally.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      I was in one and unfortunately it did not work, BUT it is not because my wife is black and i am white. It is - as it was mentioned before - a thing of different culture, different education and different conviction. And it is like in any other relationship a thing of respect and willing of understanding. If both are interested in other culture and everybody is ready to pay respect towards his/her partner it can work perfect like any other relationship could. I am a little confused that in the US there is still such a barrier in ppls mind about interracial relations. For me i hope to find a black woman again for a relationship that lasts 4 ever ;-)

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      Hi Charles, if all white women only want to date black men for sex then why am I (a white Christian woman) dating a black Christian man since we have chosen to remain abstinent until our marriage???

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      OSWALD & CHARLES, you both have a lot in common. As you are reading this know that you even your best accomplishments which are likely few, still you will face failure and defeat in all you do in this world. Not only are pathetic, ignorant, and self-conscious probably not just about the size of your manhood perhaps that too...What will haunt you for the remainder of your life any time you are alone and there is no one to distract you, in those quiet moments when you attempt not to think about it you cannot help but to think...they are right, I am nothing, and that deep dark secret that know one knows about...they will find out and the fact that you truly deep down are disgusted by yourself and wish nothing more than to simply be someone else...either you will cry or be too scared to. You will live in this lonely darkness and try to pretend that you will never again think about what you are reading, know that in those moments you are being watched and we are laughing at you, it may even get so bad that you consider ending your own life, pretend that you don't, good luck......

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      Yes as with anything if enter the relationship with as much knowledge as possible about the hurdles that may come. Also, keep an open line of communication with your partner, it is possible for a healthy loving relationship.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      Deffinatly, I'm in an interracial relationship and if anything its made us stronger on the long run because we've had to put up with abuse from both sides. I love my boyfriend and I wouldn't let something so trivial ruin that.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      OswalDDDDDDD, what you are missing is that people are people. If you lived in a totally white world, you would still have problems. If all the Blacks in America, were suddenly gone, your problems would still be with you. It's not what's outside that is the problem, it is what is inside of you. You may be suffering from self hatred, believe it or not.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      Charles you must have a small penis, you are very insecure

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      yes,oswalDDDDDDD(DUMBSHIT)glib remark notwithstanding.Any two people

      who truly are in love with one another can work out a relationship.Of course

      there has to be work, lots of work and a work in progress for a lifetime.The

      rewards are worth it

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      My husband (black) and I (white) have been married for 29 years. We encountered all of the obstacles stated above; however, we have stayed together in spite of it all. We have had problems that all married couples have. We have also enjoyed a unique perspective of each other's race, i.e. he has a perspective of whites that many blacks don't, and vice versa. Our children are successful and happy. We see ourselves as a normal, stable family.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      I'm all for interracial relationships. The couple should only stay together if they really love each other. The most difficult thing I believe is that an interracial couple has to work twice as hard to overcome public criticisms, family issues, and etc but as long as there's real love, communication, respect and compromise any relationship will last

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      I say definitely so! I am currently in an interracial relationship. I am a white female and my partner is a Korean man. We have problems, like every relationship, but meanwhile, this relationship has been the most loving, nurturing I have ever experienced. We get bashed publicly often, simply because of the color of our skin, but as a couple this happens to make us stronger. Do I think relationships between two people of different races can last? Absolutely. As long as with any other relationship, you work hard and pull your weight.

    • lipalot 3 years ago

      I say WHY NOT! When Cupid shoots his arrow deep into the hearts of two people, race is not his concern. And, why should it be? In the beginning when the relationship is new, then everything is all peachy keen.

      However, if there is a disagreement between the lovers and things get heated, then the racial slurs innuendos and the "N" word, if one partner is Black, gets thrown into the melee. Then, the entire relationship takes a southern direction with a possible break up as the outcome. That is why I favor relationship counseling.

      Please visit my lens and see what I do to mend my relationship woes.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      yes

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      I am in a very happy interracial relationship. I am a white woman and my significant other is a black man. We have been together for six years and been through it all.

    • Meganhere 3 years ago

      Like any relationship, it might work, it might not.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      wow, the people who are scared to disappoint their parents are a bunch of pussies. I live my life for me. I love my family they are everything to me and yes they may disapprove of a relationship but will that will not stop me. In a family there are always going to be arguments and disagreements. I honestly believe that challenging old ideas is how the family will change and grow. If no one challenged their parents or hurt their parents, (not intensionally) then this world would never change. And one more thing does it not also hurt the children when they are turned away for their decisions.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      Will they work out in the long run, Yes. Is it really hard, yes. I'm a African-American woman married to a White guy and while we love each other to no end, it's hard because culturally we are from two different planets.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      I believe they can...my girlfriend is the greatest most amazing woman I have ever met. She has made me happier than I have ever been before.

    • anonymous 3 years ago

      I definently think interracial relationships can work no matter if they are white women and black man or vice versa. A child being ignored by their biracial parents because the relationship is based on sex can happen to literally any dang kid on the planet no matter what color or race. So, Charles, you should really check your facts and no it's not "but it mostly happens to those kind of relationships" either. I believe all(!) relationships are based solely on their compatability, how much they love eachother, how much they are committed to that person, and their relationship with God (depending if you have a different relationship or none at all). And yes, I am a 15 year old, with suckish spelling, sharing my opinion even though most of you probably think I'm to young and don't know what I am talking about. But guess what I actually do. (And yeah I know that's probably bad grammer.)

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      It can work depending on that you love each other and willing to go the extra mile

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      For me it works almost 29 years. If everything will be OK we will celebrate our 30 anniversary of our wedding in 2014 Apr

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      Yes! I am married to a blk male.. I myself a italian/mexican . Hes from the big city.. An im from a town of a dirt road...talk about opposits!

    • ConvenientCalendar 4 years ago

      It depends on the people

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      I believe so.

    • Winston1 LM 4 years ago

      Of course as long as you are committed to each other and know the truth of your love. The world has been set up by those in power to divide and conquer so don't let them beat you we are humans not sheep so you do not need to follow the pack.

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      yes i believe if your determined to stay in the relationship regardless of others opinions

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      I agree with bonde. I'm a white woman married to a black man going on 4 years. We both come from Christian families, we serve the Lord and eachother. The Bible says "love covers a multitude of sins..." It doesnt say love covers everything. As bonde said, communication is ultra important, as is grace, forgiveness and a cheerful, benevolent heart. Never hold grudges, and always take the high road when you have fights. And remember the golden rule, do unto others as youd have them do to you. Be sensitive to your spouse's cultural/racial sensitivities. We've only been married less than 4 years, but that's my advice to others. :)

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      I am of African descent, male, and have been with my partner (a woman of European descent) for over a decade now. I agree that in most interracial relationships, a lot seems to be taken for granted because the couple believes love can conquer everything, but to my knowledge this is mainly only in the couple's dreams. There seems to be a latent pressure exerting from the outside on any interracial relationship, anywhere. Usually, this pressure may be from family, friends or simply the general environment (or the natural surroundings of one of the partners). The solution for that would seem to be either SOME friends or family ties are cut off (entirely) or the other partner sacrifices his/her identity / culture / interests etc for the sake of making the relationship/marriage blossom. This, in reality, however, is an obvious cause of stress. Sensitivity about crucial issues or issues that matter in an interracial relationship also matters a lot. It helps to listen, communicate and make priorities clear. In general, I'd say interracial relationships can work, but only on a very, very small scale. There seem to be so many harsh pressures unleashed by the outside world that can make many an interracial relationship buckle under that weight or snap.

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      i love john

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      Why not? Interracial relationship is just as same as other relationship.

      It may be hard at the beginning, but I think some interracial couples have stronger relationships than others.

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      I have been with a Ugandan man for 3years now and we absolutely adore each other. Like all relationships we do have our problems but communication is key to making it work. I truly hate the divisions that exist in today's society simply because of color!

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      Yes i do. i know some interracial couples and they are doing pretty good. Race is not important. It's a man and women in a committed relationship. God loves us all. God Bless

      .

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      As long as 2 people are dedicated to their relationship & doing what it takes to make it work then yes.

    • greenpharmacist 4 years ago

      Why not? No problemo as long as you don't make it as problem..

    • Niagara Ghosts 4 years ago

      I suppose it depends on the family. We have many IRs throughout our family with no tension on either side. I wish that to be everyone's experience.

    • anonymous 4 years ago

      Yes IRs can, will and is working out now. Love has a tendency to cross all barriers. If love for the other person dominates, IRs will serve as a great tool for us to come together as a "human race."

    • mariacarbonara 4 years ago

      Its only a problem if you make it a problem. The best way is to not see color or race. Once you do that it spreads. Of course it takes time if your family and friends are used to other races, or feel slightly unnerved when you bring home someone of a different race.

      But you have to hold your head up and just do it. Stop worrying about what other people think, and if it works for you, do it. The main problem with family and friends is ignorance. But once they see that your choice of partner is a good guy they will come around.

      Of course there are issues, but things wont change if we cower away because we worry about what others think. If people have a problem with it its their problem not yours, and they are the ones that have to change.

    No, I don't think they will!

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      • kaylaM 2 years ago

        I am a South African mixed race 19 year old girl, dating a Russian 24 year old guy. We met on university and despite the fact that people always stare at us wherever we go..we are crazy about each other.

      • anonymous 3 years ago

        Love is about sacrifice from both sides without it no it can't work same race or not

      • nuxa76 3 years ago

        I am in one and it's not easy at all

      • nuxa76 3 years ago

        I am in one and it's not easy at all

      • anonymous 3 years ago

        Hell No!Anyone who dates a nigger should be deported to Africa.

      • anonymous 3 years ago

        They will at least always be encouraged in the United States, because the media advocates anything that supports the reduction of a white majority. There is also an amount of research being conducted that illustrates a large degree of behavioral and health problems with mixed race children.

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        No I don't think these relationships work. I think white women that marry a black men are sex crazed sluts and don't care about their children. ?I feel sorry for the kids they bring into this world. They are ignored by their biracial parents. Because the foundation of their marriage was based purely on sex and not family.

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        No.... definitely not.

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        no

      • anonymous 4 years ago

        I'm of south East Asian descent dating a women from Dominican Republic. We have been in a relationship for over 4 years now. But till today she has yet to meet my parents and is always asking when she will get a chance to meet. My parents are very conservative and they would never ever accept this relationship. So I'm stuck with this big dilemma of what to do. Leave my gf of 4 yrs for my parents or leave my parents I've known for 23 yrs of my life. I believe a lot of a people from Asian background deal with this problem also.

      Kissing Outside the Lines: A True Story of Love and Race and Happily Ever After
      Kissing Outside the Lines: A True Story of Love and Race and Happily Ever After

      Tackling love, family and prejudice with humor - one woman's experience of loving outside her own race.

       

      Interracial Relationships Require The Right Attitude

      The Need To Be Open-Minded

      Of course, I have also seen interracial relationships that work quite well just like any other same-race couple. For those who can make it succeed, open-mindedness seems to be one contributing factor.

      Both partners make it a point not to force his or her beliefs and values onto the other, no matter the upbringing and culture. Instead there is acceptance and understanding of each other's cultural practices and eccentricities. This also gives room to both people to be who they are rather than forcing each other to change into something they are not.

      One interracial couple that I know have this say when I asked them about their marriage - focus on the similarities, not the differences. They too faced numerous problems early on in their marriage but they took the time to learn more about each other's cultures and blend them to create their unique mix.

      Obviously, one other consideration on interracial relationships is to learn and discuss potential differences early on so that an understanding can be reached. Otherwise, to find that you are not prepared to compromise on certain issues, such as religion, later on will only cause much heartbreak.

      Can YOUR Interracial Relationship Work?

      How To Tell...

      If you want your interracial relationship to work, you have to bridge the gap by communicating. You need to discuss the difficult topics closest to your heart and open up to each other to find out if you will be able to accept and overcome the differences.

      But what are the issues that matter? What specific questions should you ask to see if your interracial relationship could last? Below are examples of issues that must be addressed from the start to avoid conflicts down the road:

      • Morals, conviction and beliefs
      • Religion and spiritual matters
      • Friends and family

      Interracial Relationship Can Work But...

      You Need To Tackle The Issues That Matter To You Head On And Keep An Open Mind!

      Have Your Own Opinion On Interracial Relationships? - Share Them Here!

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          csw115 3 years ago

          Been with the love of my life for four years now she's black and I'm white we never had problems until her family started being racial. I'm thinking WOW!!! Really well then things got worse when, Her brother in his drunken state beats on my door at three in morning I answered the door told him to leave then honkeys and crackers were no longer welcome and if they come out side. well long story short. some how he managed to fall down the steps and bust his eye wide open. well by the time the i got home from work the next day I had jumped in him and then sicked my dog on him and the whole family was about to lynch the white guy. Well that's when the family started showing their true colors one thing after another after another then it wasn't too long before my lady fell right in there with them too disrespecting me every moment of the day not showing me any affection. In the matter of two months what had once been a match made in heaven has turned into what the hell was i thinking. Now its to the point to where i don't even like the woman and ive been looking for ways to fix our relationship while she plays farm heroes and bubble witch all day long and everything seems to be in the end my fault and yea that's right after im mad and pissed off yea i act a damn fool. So for those of you if she aint trying to fight for you with her family then before long she will get on the hate express along with them too

        • profile image

          clarkhouse123 3 years ago

          Yes racism rears it's ugly head when interracial relationships occur. I was friends with a caucasian female by the name of jo and attempted to reignite the relationship by stalking me with her caucasian male accomplice. He got angry at her when he realised I was not caucasian physically assaulting and intimidating her in front of me, I eventually caught up with her at her home and whilst she was glad to see me i could tell what this guy was doing. It was clear that she did like me but was wary of this guy. Eventually he got her to have me arrested on false charges all because he is racist and she couldn't stand up for me and tell him fuck off. Oh and he has been telling stories to random people implying that me and her are in a sexual relationship boasting "seen what I've done i'm clever " when in actual fact he hasn't.this message was sent by Tommy via sky sports. Which is known by authorities

        • ShortStuffsSecr profile image

          ShortStuffsSecr 3 years ago

          Great lens! You are very right, there are many complications of being in an interracial relationship but for those couples who do stick it through, it makes their bond very strong.

          When I was dating a Black man (I am White), it often times felt like it was him and I against society; which made me feel very protected, like we had our own little happy bubble. I never realized how strong racism still is in our society, and it really opened my eyes to a lot of things I had been oblivious to. We broke up for reasons unrelated to our skin color, and unlike "Charles" believes, I am not a horny slut, nor was the relationship based on sex... we didn't have children, so I cannot comment on whether I care about my children, but I can say that he was the greatest father I have ever met (besides my own, of course), and I miss his little girl every day. Him and I went through a lot together, and we remain good friends.

          Oh, and if "Charles" happens to read this, if sex-crazed women turn to Black men...what's that say about White men's abilities in bed? I will never understand the fear some White men have about a certain Black body part... and this is a fear that has stemmed from many many many generations ago. Funny to me.

          There has actually been a lot of scientific evidence suggesting that in order for the human race to survive, we must start reproducing outside our own race. Look it up, it's very interesting...

        • SimonJay profile image

          SimonJay 3 years ago

          Interesting lens it highlights most of the problems with interracial dating for me if you like someone from a different race then who cares what your family or friends think.

        • norma-holt profile image

          norma-holt 4 years ago

          Where I live it seems that almost every second couple are mixed races. It's the children who may have difficulty with it in the long run. Good idea for a lens.

        • profile image

          anonymous 4 years ago

          I can say unequivocally that Interracial Relationships DOES NOT work! Two (2) years is the limit for most of them. Why? Because of mostly Cultural differences and just the "way of life" that every is exposed to. It's not so much about race but more cultural. For example - Black people have a different way of life as opposed to Whites. one example of that is Black people love family get togethers where they break bread and reminisce about the old times - Most white folks would rather go awol from family and relatives until they hit a certain age which is usually in their 40's. that's when they begin to realize that "family" is important. Most successful marriages or relationships emanates with familiarity in culture and then race - they understand the needs of each other in most cases.

        • profile image

          anonymous 4 years ago

          @anonymous: Hi Sad girl- I can understand your position as well as your family's concerns. first of all, let me say I'm a black male and I have the "Black on White" relationship, so I speak from experience. I hope what I say to you here will be taken seriously and with a grain of salt.

          In my humble opinion Black/White or Interracial relationships do NOT work for the long term. For the black male in most cases it lasts'a while for 2 reasons:

          1. If you're a white female and suporting or lavishing your black male b/friend with gifts, paying his bills and other items that he wants to "look good".

          2.If and when you get pregnant.

          I've been researching this for 7yrs..since my white f/friend and I broke up...

          In our society today young people mostly live according to the trend...what's in style...Most young women who seek out black boyfriends do so cuz it's "cool"...

          But, a black boyfriend will keep you as a G/Friend but he will most likely NEVER take you home to mamma or around his family...If you're buying him expensive things, paying his phone bill and bying the "nike" and other name brands, he'll be happy to keep you in "secret"...

          If you were to get pregnant in most cases you'll see in him, someone you've never seen before and it will be brief...To find him after you announce you're pregnant will be lke pulling teeth. Phone# changes etc....

          The life span for an interracial relationship is approx. 2yrs some a little longer....but, to think of marriage and growing old - it's not in the stars....I'm yet to see one....

          Hope I provided some clarity.

        • renewedfaith2day profile image

          renewedfaith2day 4 years ago

          I am married to someone who is of a different race. One thing I have learned is to not make judgements based on my cultural norms. I have also learned that the ones who I thought would be most open to my decision were not necessarily so. And the ones that I thought would be closed minded were not at all.

        • profile image

          anonymous 4 years ago

          I am of African descent, male, and have been with my partner (a woman of European descent) for over a decade now. I agree that in most interracial relationships, a lot seems to be taken for granted because the couple believes love can conquer everything, but to my knowledge this is mainly only in the couple's dreams. There seems to be a latent pressure exerting from the outside on any interracial relationship, anywhere. Usually, this pressure may be from family, friends or simply the general environment (or the natural surroundings of one of the partners). The solution for that would seem to be either SOME friends or family ties are cut off (entirely) or the other partner sacrifices his/her identity / culture / interests etc for the sake of making the relationship/marriage blossom. This, in reality, however, is an obvious cause of stress. Sensitivity about crucial issues or issues that matter in an interracial relationship also matters a lot. It helps to listen, communicate and make priorities clear. In general, I'd say interracial relationships can work, but only on a very, very small scale. There seem to be so many harsh pressures unleashed by the outside world that can make many an interracial relationship buckle under that weight or snap.

        • takkhisa profile image

          Takkhis 4 years ago

          Interracial Relationships is OK, if there is a true love.

        • gaga6599 profile image

          gaga6599 4 years ago

          I have always been attracted with something which is opposite, or far away. My biggest love was from another continent. And i was happy.

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          nifwlseirff 4 years ago

          They can work, but it takes patience, communication, and empathy. Of course, it's harder when the native language is different too!

        • WriterJanis2 profile image

          WriterJanis2 4 years ago

          They can certainly work.

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          Really.. Is there really a huge difference between White and Black Cultures? I Really don't think so....

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          johnsja 4 years ago

          I have no issue with interracial relationships but I do think that cultural differences can make it difficult to succeed long term. There are always exceptions though and so there will never be a hard and fast rule.

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          It is not a question of colour, but a question of cultural differences. Similar to comments made by Anna and kaleidoscope people seem to change as they get older. My wife was very open-minded when she was young, mixing with many cultures and feeling very comfortable. However she now prefers to mix with people of her own or similar culture and no longer feels comfortable with other cultures as she once did. Skin colour makes no difference whatsoever, but the cultural divide is another thing altogether. Some may suggest that compromise is the best and possibly the only option, but asking or expecting someone to compromise on something they feel so fundamental to life is almost impossible. If these relationships are to work then the following needs to happen; one of the people in the relationship is happy to follow the culture of the other person, or cultural values in one or both of the people are not strong.

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          greenpharmacist 4 years ago

          Reading this lens, I remember Michael Jackson(RIP)'s song!

          Heal The World.. Make It A Better Place.. For You And For Me.. And The Entire Human Race

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          Yes IRs can, will and is working out now. Love has a tendency to cross all barriers. If love for the other person dominates, IRs will serve as a great tool for us to come together as a "human race."

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          If there are any issues, they seem to increase with the persons age and if children are involved. When people are young their minds are open, but whether due to experiences and/or age, the mind seems to close. This has certainly been my experience in a mixed marriage. if I knew the secret I would broadcast it, but it is very hard particularly with specific cultures such as south asian (hindu) to find a road that a family can smoothly travel.

        • sukkran trichy profile image

          sukkran trichy 4 years ago from Trichy/Tamil Nadu

          i hate these types of inequalities. what gain will it do? it will separate us all the more, weaken us all the more, lower in character all the more.

        • matthewcirino1 profile image

          matthewcirino1 4 years ago

          This is great topic you chose, because this happens everyday, and it happened to me before, Love isn't about color or race its about love. I believe if you love someone you make it work, no matter what your family or friends might think, again great article!

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          I came across to this page since I experienced the difficulty of mixed marriage myself. It was so sad though, and painful. My husband, is as kaleidoscope said. He is so attached to his culture and finally he decided to break our marriage off. He can not bear the tension from his people. Really the culture can be very mean to the couple. And he gets tired. Although he said he loves me too much and I am so precious to him.

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          I came across to this page since I experienced the difficulty of mixed marriage myself. It was so sad though, and painful. My husband, is as kaleidoscope said. He is so attached to his culture and finally he decided to break our marriage off. He can not bear the tension from his people. Really the culture can be very mean to the couple. And he gets tired. Although he said he loves me too much and I am so precious to him.

        • Camden1 profile image

          Camden1 4 years ago

          My husband is Chinese and I'm Caucasian. We've been happily married for 17 years. At this point, I don't really think very much about the fact that it's an interracial marriage or that my kids are biracial.

          Although I used to get very annoyed at any forms that I filled out for the kids that said "Check one" for race! I always checked two anyway! Most forms seem to have been updated to where you can choose two races.

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          I don't have problems with interracial marriages but I wouldn't choose to be in one. It has nothing to do with attraction but more to do with the fact that I'm very tied to my cultural roots. When I was younger I was much more mainstream but now that I am older I'm just more comfortable being around those who I can identify with. I believe this is why parents and the older generation frown upon interracial relationships because they've been around long enough to know that the excitement of being around something(one) different eventually wanes off. If you're a person who can easily fit into different groups, situations, scenarios, then an interracial relationship is probably easy-peasy for you. However, if you're the type who gets tired after awhile and just want to fit in without working so hard then being in a mixed relationship might not work out for you.

        • theallin1writer profile image

          theallin1writer 4 years ago

          Like your lens! I have never been in an interracial relationship but I don't see any problem with people begin in one. Everyone deserves to be happy with the partner of their choice. I know the saying is old, but we all look the same on the inside.

        • SusanRDavis profile image

          Susan R. Davis 4 years ago from Vancouver

          I think you're right that the lines are blurring, but older generations still hold closely to older traditions in many cases. I know when my husband and I discussed marriage initially, we found that covering a lot of ground about our personal beliefs and ways of dealing with life was very helpful.

        • Board-Game-Brooke profile image

          C A Chancellor 4 years ago from US/TN

          I'm glad to see that interracial relationships are becoming more accepted. I considered an interracial relationship once but decided not to pursue it because I felt like my family wouldn't approve and wouldn't accept my friend as a romantic partner for me.

        • Coffee-Break profile image

          Dorian Bodnariuc 4 years ago from Ottawa, Ontario Canada

          The interracial relationships resistance has a strong family related component. Family has still a word to say in many people's lives when it comes to marriage. This is slowly changing, but still we are not there yet...

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          oegukeen lm 4 years ago

          I am in a serious relationship with an Asian man. He was born and raised in Korea and I was born and raised in Europe. If we weren't open-minded about interracial relationship we would have missed something amazing and magical.

          http://www.squidoo.com/korean-boyfriend

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          I've had interracial relationships. They pose their own special issues. But, what relationship doesn't? In the end it is who you are and your character that makes the difference.

          www.getbackwithexes.com

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          anonymous 4 years ago

          i'am in an interracial relationship.my husband is white and i'am a black women.we have been married for 8 years now and have 2 two beautiful biracial sons James,Jr. and Liam age 6 and 2.we currently expecting our third child a girl.

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          HELLO, FIRST OF ALL I MUST SAY THAT I AM IN FAVOR OF BEING FRIENDS WITH ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE, COLORS AND RELIGIONS. BUT IF YOU MARRY AND DO NOT HAVE, OR NEVER HAVE CHILDREN, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHO OR WHAT BACKGROUND. THE PERSON IS THAT YOU MARRY. BUT, IF YOU PLAN ON HAVING CHILDREN, AND YOU COME FROM A CERTAIN ETHNIC HERITAGE , IF YOU ARE PROUD OF THE HERITAGE, AND YOU WANT TO PASS THE CULTURE THAT YOU WERE GIVEN TO YOUR CHILDREN, THEN YOU MUST MARRY A MAN OR WOMAN OF THE SAME CULTURE AND HERITAGE. OTHERWISE YOUR HERITAGE IS POLLUTED. I SEE IT IN MY OWN FAMILY, AS MY GRAND PARENTS CAME FROM ITALY, AND MY SISTERS MARRIED NON ITALIANS. MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS NOT ONLY DO NOT LOOK ITALIAN, BUT HAVE NO SENSE OF ITALIAN CULTURE THAT OUT ITALIAN GRAND PARENTS GAVE US. MARRYING OUTSIDE ONES CULTURE IS THROWING YOUR HERITAGE AND CULTURE AWAY. PEOPLE SAY, IT'S WHO YOU LOVE, WELL THAN , LOVE SOMEONE OF YOUR OWN CULTURE AND BACKGROUND. IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE "DINKS," DOUBLE INCOME NO KIDS, THEN IT DOES NOT MATTER,BUT AGAIN, IF Y0U WANT TO CARRY YOUR HERITAGE AND CULTURE ON, THEN SHAME ON YOU IF YOU MARRY/ OR NOT MARRY AND HAVE OFFSPRING WITH SOMEONE OF A DIFFERENT RACE, CULTURE, AND HERITAGE. IF GOD WANTED PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT RACES AND CULTURES TO MARRY, HE WOULD HAVE PUT THEM IN THE SAME PLACE. EVEN BRAINLESS ANIMALS KNOW ENOUGH TO MATE WITH THEIR OWN KIND. IF A ZEBRA MARRIED A DONKEY, THEY WOULD HAVE A ZONKEY, IF A HORSE MARRIED MARRIED A DONKEY THEY WOULD HAVE A HALF ASS KID, YOU DO NOT WANT A HALF KID, DO YOU??? THEN MARRY YOUR OWN RACE AND CULTURE. MY EMAIL, IF YOUR WISH TO REPLY, CIAO Bigloumontefan@yahoo.com

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          I think some of the things in this article are legitimately ignorant.Such as

          "Nearly 3 decades ago, statistics show that the number of marriages between black women and white men only totalled 27,000. At the turn of the century, this figure has shot up to 80,000. One reason given is that more and more black women are becoming highly educated and they tend to seek out partners with the same qualifications or higher. Unfortunately, it seems they have a hard time finding such prospective mates among black men."

          I am a black women who dates primarily white men and it has nothing to do with the "lack" of black men out there (because their isn't) I just prefer white men, and that has nothing to do with education level, it all has to do with attraction and the souk of that person. It's just ironic to me that you come to a sight seeking advice, and it's completely derogatory and if not more racist. Needless to say, I will no be purchasing a book.

        • inspirehislovef profile image

          inspirehislovef 5 years ago

          interesting lens. I had an interracial relationship and it wasn't an issue but I do remember a few stares our ways. It's a shame in this modern world. thanks for sharing!

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          relationship needs to be based on character rather than colour, the concept of black and white only came in around the 18th century

        • profile image

          anonymous 5 years ago

          relationship needs to be based on character rather than colour, the concept of black and white only came in around the 18th century

        • bluefire1020 profile image

          bluefire1020 5 years ago

          I myself is in interracial marriage, and indeed it requires open-mindedness and proper communication to make it work. Great lens! =)

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          treezy434 5 years ago

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          ouriloilo 5 years ago

          Wow, this truly is an eyeopener. I am thinking about a serious relationship with another person from a different culture.

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          anonymous 5 years ago

          @anonymous: my advice is stop putting shit in your genes. how do you look at yourself in the mirror filthy whore.

        • nuestraherencia profile image

          nuestraherencia 6 years ago

          Great lens. I have to say that until I went to the US, I never even noticed that someone was from a different race. It was a sad reality when I began to experience how some people truly felt. I have to say that I dated outside my race and nationality the majority of my life. At the end, I did marry someone of my nationality and race. I had great talks with wonderful friends about interracial relationships. I have no objection to them. I believe each of us has a right to determine what is best for us. I do have to say that one of the major issues I had in my first marriage was coming from different cultures. I believe some people can make it work, but it takes acceptance and love of the other person's culture. Not just love of the person. If children are part of the marriage, they must be taught to love and appreciate both cultures. It makes a huge difference when one spouse has the "upper hand" in wanting to raise the kids in their culture. I have seen how that has affected my nieces and nephews. My father, nor mother, were ever against my interracial relationships. My father did however tell me that society would make it difficult. I did learn on my own how difficult society makes it. I admire those who make it work, as there is no doubt that a good interracial relationship is probably stronger than many others for the fact that they no only have the general issues associated with relationships, but many in society against them as well. You have done a great job here! Congrats!

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          anonymous 6 years ago

          I never dated out of my race, actually I never date, I am planning to but in the Bahamas we do not have a huge problem with people looking and staring and saying rude comments. I know a few interracial couples and they don't get into much of the problems, but it is hard. Great job, on the lens!!

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          anonymous 6 years ago

          I met this GREAT BEAUTIFUL black woman & fell in love with her !!

          We both understand what comes with a interracial / marriage, we notice the looks, stares, and can almost read there thoughts, and we just sit back and laugh about it,

          Sometimes I feel like putting them on the spot and ask them why the look, lol, just to see there face, cause most people think no one would say anything most of the time, NOT ME, LOL

          I could say sooo much about this subject, but is it really worth it ? Yes & no, catch me on a bad day & find out, lol, cause the bottom line IS.... love is color blind & ignorant people make it an issue

          SOOOO I say to all the people out there, that do not approve " BITE ME & GROW UP

        • profile image

          anonymous 6 years ago

          I've been dating a black guy for almost a year and I am very happy with him. My family though has made my life impossible since the beginning. They have tortured me saying that if I don't break up with him they will not live to see it and multiple things... I love my family and I love him too... I really don't know what to do, since everybody is turning their backs at me... I believe in love, no matter what color, shape... How can I live happily, I don't wanna be without my family nor without him. What is your advice? I am suffering so much.

        • ramonabeckbritman profile image

          ramonabeckbritman 6 years ago

          Everyone is entitled to their preferences.We are all Equal people. If we were all the same color then the world would be boring. If we were all the same Nationalities, it would be boring. 2 Human beings loving each other is what matters. Not the shade of color they are. Nice Lens.

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          anonymous 6 years ago

          Ive been with my husband for 2 years now...hes a white man.

          His mother played matchmaker and introduced us.

          Both of his parents and the rest of his family accepted me from the very start, well with the exception of his grandfather who said privately to my father inlaw "I'm sorry but I DO NOT APPROVE"...

          My family is very accepting of my husband...

          In public out of all people its mostly White females that do a lot of unnecessary gawking and excessive whispering while gawking and are sometimes smug and rude at a store or particular resteraunt...but that's how America is and its no big deal. Its to be expected...so it doesn't bother me at all.

          In Scotland we don't have any trouble at all from any males or females White,Red,Purple,Green or any other shades...And in America a few stares doesn't faze my husband nor does it faze me. He and I have a very deep amazing connection that goes beyond explanation. Its quite wonderful!

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          anonymous 7 years ago

          I recently met an amazing female who's white and I'm black. We connected real quick and relized that our values systems were the same also. The main problems we faced were from whit men aand black women. The looks and comments from people didn't bother me but the affected her tremendously. The nail in the coffin was from her mother who said that she was settling if she dated a black man and that it would only bring her pain. Her mother also told her that she and the family would disowne her if she continued to date me. Well she was married to two white guys before me and they treated her like crap. I treated her like a Queen and she was happy. She broke up with me because of her mom, Now she's unhappy again which i don't think is fair for her. What does color matter when your happy? I treated her like the queen she is. It sucks because i really care about her.

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          anonymous 8 years ago

          continued ....I love my daughter and I do not want to hurt her and the last thing I want to do is lose her. I don't know what to do. I feel as though I am in a lose/lose situation. I feel that I can not win. I will either lose my husband or I will lose my daughter. I don't think that I should have to lose my relationship with either one of them because of how I feel. I need help, my life is falling apart. Please help.

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          anonymous 8 years ago

          My marriage is a 2nd for myself and a 3rd for my husband. My 22 year old daughter has been involved in an interacial relationship with a man for the past 5 years. My daughter has lived with my husband and I for the past 2 years. When she started dating this man she lived with her father, so I was not involved in her everyday life as her father kept our (mine & my childrens relationship) very limited. My daughter eventually came to live with my husband and I. My husband has been against the relationship from the beginning. I have tried to pretend I was acceptable of it just to make life easier for my daughter,however my husband and myself would fight behind closed doors. My husband recently left me and I know that this is a large reason for it as it feels as though I do not respect his opinion in our own home. I was acting like I was okay with it because I felt that if I showed my true feelings that I was just adding fuel to the fire. continued.....