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Is it a Great Idea to Live Together with Your Partner before Marriage?

Updated on April 6, 2017
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Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing is a big part of her life. Online work has improved her lifestyle.

Living Together with Your Partner

Helping out
Helping out | Source
The sleep peacefully wondering.
The sleep peacefully wondering. | Source
Some disagreement in the kitchen
Some disagreement in the kitchen | Source
A moment together
A moment together | Source
A kiss to feel good about each other
A kiss to feel good about each other | Source
Happy to move in together
Happy to move in together | Source
A great example of moving in together
A great example of moving in together | Source

Relationships can be Complicated

I have lived with my partner for a year and a half before getting married. Surprisingly, my parents were fine with the idea.

Most cultures don't approve of that happening before marriage. In the Indian custom it is not allowed by many families.

At that time, I was twenty and my parents did not interfere with my decisions.

Being old enough to know what I was getting myself into it did not make them feel too concerned.

Growing up in a westernized lifestyle my life was different in comparison to the traditional lifestyle.

· I was not told ''not to,'' or ''do not!''

Living together with my partner before marriage allowed me to see him for who he really is, and we grew to accept each other’s habits.

We felt as one and happy. My observations each day had allowed us to know one another much deeper in thought.

The way we approached each day made us see our lives together as one.

I think living together before marriage does help many couples in the later married lives.

To live together in the same apartment, and to sleep in the same bed, you know what you are expecting in the relationship.

It helped me to not only know more about my partner, but also, to see our different moods at different times.

I knew of a couple who lived together for ten years before marriage. The couple turned out well together in their marriage of six years.

Another couple lived together four years together before marriage.

They too are still together after marriage.

The understanding between two people becomes clear each day, and they tend to trust each other easily.

It may not work out for every couple to live together before marriage and still succeed at a marriage.

For those who have been successful it shows they have a much better relationship.

· Some people feel it is a whole lot of nonsense living together with their partners before marriage what do you think?

· It is a great idea to live together with your partner before marriage?

· Look at it this way:

in living with your partner before marriage it does open your eyes to many aspects of the whole relationship.

You get to test yourself with your partner.

You have an opportunity to see how you can get along each day.

Arguing about the daily chores shows you what else is wanted of you in the relationship.

Your love here is put to the test and you get to see how you can make changes if needed.

I learned to be myself. I knew I had a long-term relationship in noticing our daily habits, and experiences it brought us closer together.

The little arguments allowed me to figure out other options. I found ways to deal with the small stuff.

I learned about my partner and about myself and of the important conversations, of our lives together each day.

We learned how to communicate and respect each-others needs.

There was no time to walk away from stupid fights, or arguments. We solved our issues then and there that left us with no apologies.

The importance of our relationship showed every day.

With both feet in the water we swam together, and doing exactly that swimming together back to back and front to front, also side by side.

If you are happy together you are good to be in the relationship.

Some couples feel the success of their relationship is not determined by. Whether or not they are still together it mostly depends on their happiness.

Happiness surely counts for many relationships.

Another issue with partners living together before marriage they feel the spark is blown out the window.

The actual spark of excitement is not in the marriage but once they spend their time living together prior to their marriage.

The idea of moving together is very eliciting but later in the marriage they feel the excitement no longer exists.

However, your choice of lifestyle and may not work out for every couple. Some couples while living together break up before they even get to the altar.

Some parents still don't accept the idea for their children to live together with their partners before marriage.

You make your own choices. The way you choose to deal with the consequences is entirely your choice.

Problems arise with some couples when they don't live together.

They don't know where their partner is spending time and what they getting up to.

In such cases, trust is not easily developed between couples.

Most couples who live together don't feel satisfied in their marriage. A fact indeed only if the reach the altar.

If you love your partner enough to live together then you are able to pass all obstacles.

Love him or her for what you see not for what you want to see.

People are not happy with living together the real excitement passes by quickly and it leaves their marriage less satisfied.

On the other side of things living together does show you to stay or to go.

You can always move out if you don't want to live with your partner. In this way you won't feel trapped in the relationship, and then tying the knot won't be so stressful.

When you marry your new life begins with your partner. You won't be living in the one bed-roomed apartment instead move into a home to plan a family.

You have a different perspective on the relationship when you live together before marriage.

Moving in together sounds the same as a marriage, and if the dating process does not work out you break up.

The same for the marriage when you want out you get a divorce.

People move in together for the wrong reasons also, they marry for the wrong reasons.

· If you found you are not compatible while living together won’t that be better to know before marriage?

The rush into marriage can make many couples feel excited and overwhelmed with themselves but when married they see their true self and then don’t want to go further.

Trouble begins in harmony and before you know it divorce is on their minds.

In real relationships you face all times together not only the good times whatever comes your way you have to take it.

Surviving the battles shows you are in a good marriage.

You discover your partner's values and true self when you live together before marriage.

The commitment deepens between two people and your disgust with your partner truly shows deeply and directly.

When you wait for marriage to see all of what concerns then you would want to leave that marriage.

Some couples can find this a complicated matter especially, when there is a lack of commitment to the other.

To leave your partner hanging and waiting for better days means you have doubts about the relationship..

Many dating relationships go on for years without a true commitment.

When not in a marriage they just live together hoping for the best or are too scared to give in.

Married lives change all the time with two people involved.

Whether you are in a relationship or still looking for one with careful thought you can make your decisions.

Your choices made can enlighten your plans.

· To sum up:

I think couples should live together before marriage there are certain personality traits and habits that become apparent.

When two people live together they get see it all.

One can gain a specific preview of what their lives would be together when married.

You understand your needs for each before entering the legal act.

Advice for moving in Together

Relationships

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Experience with Relatinships

Writing opens my mind to new experiences.
Writing opens my mind to new experiences. | Source

© 2014 Devika Primić

Comments

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Before or after marriage, it still takes commitment. Good thoughts as always.

    • Mary McShane profile image

      Mary McShane 3 years ago from Fort Lauderdale, Florida

      I am a firm believer in established couples living together before marriage.

      However, I don't think it should be entered lightly and should be only after a reasonable term of dating and getting to know one another first. I don't think it should be as casual as it is these days. Living together should not be the basis (or tool) for initially getting to know one another without the benefit of dating for some time.

      I also support couples who choose not to ever get married, for whatever their reasons may be. I have lived with my partner Rob since 1984 and this year we will be celebrating 30 years together. We have our reasons why we never married and I won't go into them here because they are deeply personal.

      I also have friends who have lived together for 5 or 10 years, then split to go their separate ways, usually because of an outside conflict that intruded on the relationship. These types of relationships are why I support cohabitation before marriage, because they would likely have ended in divorce, which can be devastating personally and financially.

      I think the main reason our relationship "works" is because we truly "like" each other, we deeply love each other and we support each other in all things. Voted up and interesting.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Just because it works for some, does not mean that it is the best thing to do. The people who wait do not suffer any disadvantage. Still happy for you, Devika, that you have a happy marriage. Congratulations!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      In college one summer, I lived with a fella who did NOT become Mr. FlourishAnyway. I was appalled at how lazy he was and unresourceful around the house. It was the best thing for both of us to discover this way that it would absolutely not work -- but with minimal investment made. I settled the question and moved on, and he did, too.

    • VictoriaSheffield profile image

      Author Victoria Sheffield 3 years ago from Georgia

      This is not something that we usually do here either. Its not something I would do but if it works I surely can not judge a person!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      According to an article published in the Huffington Post in 2012 it was reported that "Move-in Before Marriage No Longer Predicts Divorce". In fact it reported that in the U.S. "about 60 percent of couples live together before they first marry."

      I believe the percentage will go higher with future generations. People are also delaying getting married longer than previous generations. Some of it is attributed to better career opportunities for women as well as better birth control methods.

      In the past some people have blamed cohabitation before marriage as being the cause for the high divorce rate.

      The reality is most divorces occur not based upon whether a couple lived together but instead because someone commits a "deal breaker" or otherwise they chose the wrong mate for themselves to begin with.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      billybuc thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello Mary you staying together for that many years without marriage just explains how much you support each other and love each other that does not always work out with many couples. I do agree with couples who choose not to marry it is sometimes the best choice and for he different reasons thank you for he vote up and interesting I so appreciate you sharing your mind here

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi MsDora I try to make my marriage the best I can each day and it is working out well thank you very much for sharing your valuable comment.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi FlourishAnyway you are so right finding out before marriage works out better thank you for stopping by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Victoria thank you kindly for sharing your comments

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      dashingscorpio you certainly have your facts right and so true about choosing the wrong mate thank you for sharing such an informative comment.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Interesting topic DDE. I was brought up with the cultural belief that living together or having any intimate relationship before marriage was taboo. When I was a marriage counselor, I dealt with lots of couples who were in great trouble. Some were not ready for a divorce, but for others it was the best for both parties. Both my children lived with their partners before they married. My daughter lived with her first partner for 15 years and thank goodness she never married him. She would have never legally got her freedom back from that destructive relationship, but she learned a great deal and today she is happily married. I ended my marriage after 33 years. I vowed never to marry again and I never have. I found my true soulmate after I had been on my own for two years and today we are both the happiest compared to what we ever were during our marriages. We will be together until we leave this planet. We have a soul connection which is more bonding than a man made license agreement, but we would not have been ready for our kind of relationship before we both knew and learned what is important in a relationship.

      Not everybody is meant to stay with one partner for the rest of their lives. I was 19 when I got married and I was unhappy for at least 25 of the 33 years, but today we ( my ex )are the best of friends and he was my best teacher.

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 3 years ago from Taos, NM

      To each his own, but I see nothing wrong with living together before marrying for all the reasons you state here, especially in this day and age when women have the ability to support themselves if need be. I am so pleased your parents were open-minded enough ( and western enough) to let you make your own decisions regarding your own life. It does take a strong commitment to each other whether married or not.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 3 years ago from United States

      I believe friendship, love and certainly trust is the basis of any good relationship whether you live together before marriage or after. You made some good points and they have worked out well for you, and I'm glad. It may be the divorce rate is lower and couples to live together first, but I really don't know anything about those statistics. Very interesting hub.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Nadine I am so happy for you finally after all the lessons you have found someone to connect with and I must say you are courageous to leave after 33 years you experience says it all and your daughter made the right choice without a license agreement life can be so much simpler to deal with Thank you very much for sharing your experience here. I appreciate your kindness.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      suzettenaples I was also pleased with the thoughts of my parents thank you for stopping by

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Pamela99 thank you for sharing your valuable thoughts here and agree with your comment

    • DeborahNeyens profile image

      Deborah Neyens 3 years ago from Iowa

      My husband and I lived together for 2 years before we got married and were together for 2 years before that. In the end, it just made sense for us to live together. I owned a house and he had an apartment that essentially was a big expensive storage closet because he was always over at my house anyway. Strangely enough, my parents were okay with it and his parents were not. (You'd think it would have been the other way around.) But that was a long time ago. We've been married almost 16 years and will be celebrating 20 years together next week.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I think living together is beneficial for the relationship. I suggested it to my younger daughter, she opted out and is happily married. I suggested it to my older daughter, she agreed and is glad she did, she is also happily married. I did, I'm happily married. So it all depends on the couple :)

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      DeborahNeyens great it all worked out and well done to you for staying together so long all my best to you thank you for stopping by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Sunshine625 ''So it all depends on the couple,'' that is so true well-pointed out thank you

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 3 years ago from North Texas

      dashingscorpio is correct. There used to be a higher divorce rate for people who lived together before marriage, but that has leveled out considerably. Living together in the U.S. before marriage is very common. Anyone who says otherwise must have their head in the sand.

      I wouldn't want to come down on either side because I think everyone must decide for themselves. With the divorce rate so high here in the states people are trying all sorts of things in an effort to lower it. As I'm sure you know I've already written about how the latest thing here in the states is open marriage.

      I'm glad that your marriage is working and successful and I hope it continues to be so. Interesting article as I have learned to expect from you.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Au fait, I am glad you stopped it has been a while. Thank you for a well thought of comment and so much to think about here. I appreciate your time and effort. Take care and all my best to you.

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