- Gender and Relationships»
Being Married to a "Womanizer"
Personality of a womanizer
A Womanizer is...
Can a lion transform itself into an elephant? Can it survive as a vegetarian? Can it be domesticated completely and safely? Just a few of the questions that can "un-lion" a lion.
A womanizer is a man, single or married, who just loves to play games and explores possible intimacy with every woman that attracts him, and worse, with any woman, attractive or not, decent or loose, slut or nun, etc., that comes his way or within his reach. He is "blood-thirsty" for anything "woman" and would do anything to get what he wants. For this type of personality, each woman has a passion different from the rest of the women he had known and therefore each is worth venturing and experimenting for the thrill of it and in order to feed his natural hunger for attention, to control and many other kinky and selfish motives to feed his desires and fantasies.
He has no real and natural sense of values or respect for the feelings of one special woman for nobody fits his voracious lust for anything woman; but he enjoys the game of experiencing every woman's varied passion. It is natural to him; selfishness, greed and lies are his expertise and natural state of being. There is nothing else to learn for him regardless of lectures, heartaches, divorces, even imprisonment in extreme cases. Just like the lion who cannot transform himself into an elephant or anything "non-lion" and live like elephants or whatever, a womanizer cannot transform himself into a "wholesome and a one-woman-man husband". He is not a husband material for a wholesome lady but can be a "breeder" to spread his genetically defective "seed" to sire bastards to replenish the earth.
Outgrowing a meaningless marriage.
I value integrity, loyalty, honesty and sincerity of intention especially in marriage. My 18 years of marriage was not all bad. I had a "perfect" husband until I discovered the "skeleton in the closet". I forgave him for the nth time. Forgiving him even when I was spiritually, psychologically, socially and physically "damaged". Speaking of "unconditional love", haven't I practiced and lived it?
I stuck to that marriage despite all those evidences of his womanizing; who needs a broken home? I was still hoping with all hopes that my forgiving heart might change him and make him come back to the fold of natural joys for having a good family. Decent, professional, independent, high moral values, Godly, educated wife; not to mention the fulfilling sexual life. Didn't I get pregnant seven times more which almost killed me due to STD? What more can a husband ask for a wife. We have two beautiful children. The drama had been very painful and cutting to the soul and I gave him another chance and another and another.
But I am not a saint, much less an angel, I have limitations too especially when I had done everything and nothing works; ignoring my peer's advice to leave him even angered them to the point that my friends gradually left me, branding me as a weak personality. They would say I was an impossibly callous martyr. They will never know my strong principle, I wanted to save my marriage because I didn't want to be another man's wife; no, not any man who is not the father of my children; besides, promiscuity is not in my blood.
When I realized that he was instead trying his best to be more secretive and had mastered his secrecy sneaky activities more seriously instead of changing his ways, then I gave up and turned everything in the hands of God and the universe.
Instead of quarreling or confronting him angrily, I remained calm and maintained my sanity. It is not my fault if he has a voracious taste for cheap and loose women that he met in the street. The prostitutes, the unwed mothers, those having criminal records for theft and shop-lifting, the single mothers who had not even finished elementary education; these were his choices. He enjoyed their promiscuous, mundane and flirty ways.
What I did was I get myself preoccupied in educating myself; getting three Master's degrees in the university, doing my job well until I was promoted to the top position in the Department of Education in the region while I continued to pray for him and it's up to God what is best in my marriage.
There was a time when I still cared for him and longed for him to value what blessings he had in his family, but the time has come when I woke up and realized that I had nothing left for him, I didn't care anymore because I had better things to do for myself and my children; except for being the father of my children which I consider a blessing, for me he did not exist anymore.
I made the decision, "From now onward, I will take care of myself completely as well as take charge of my responsibility as the mother of my two beautiful children." I was made strong as the result of marrying a womanizer; and I come out a winner.
Lesson for women: If you love your children, love yourself first of all; don't allow any man to run you down, even if he is the father of your kids.