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Dealing with Divorce
Life after Hell
While the title of this paragraph may be misleading, that is exactly what it feels like to go through a divorce. Imagine all of the ones you thought loved you, suddenly turn against you because of accusations of things you didn't do. Divorce is by far the hardest thing one can learn to cope with because it usually includes one person that is still in love and willing to make it work no matter what the cost. In my case, that person was me. Reasons for divorce are far and in between, however I am a firm believer that anything that is broken can be mended. Sometimes it may not be meant to be, but not trying could be the worst thing anyone can do. You don't want to sit back and wonder what if you had made every effort you could have. Would it have changed anything at all? Before you let them go for good, make sure you have done everything in your power to show them how you cared. Doing this will relinquish you from any regrets that you could develop in the future.
Before signing those papers
I have seen so many couples that think they know what is best. Nobody can tell them what may be better to try or convince them that what they are doing may not be for the best. If you are the one who is asking for the divorce or the divorcee please listen to the advice I have. Seek counseling. Whether it is to discuss what can not be fixed or what can, it will give both parties confirmation of what the real problem is. It isn't fair to let the other wonder why or what they did wrong or could change. You could hold their livelihood in your hands and not know it. Be considerate for another human being, no matter what the other may have done to you or how they may have hurt you. Most of the time the one who is asking for the divorce will not want to go to a counselor and there really is no way you can make them, but it is your obligation to try. Even the Bible shows us that counsel is necessary in all things; Proverbs 12:15 - The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that listens to counsel is wise. Proverbs 19:20 - Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.
Grounds for Divorce
So what are valid grounds for divorce? That is the million dollar question. Many things to me are justifiable to result in divorce. I believe abuse in a marriage should easily be grounds for divorce. Adultery is also another thing that I see as grounds for divorce, but I do believe that mistakes are made. Please be careful when deciding to just up and divorce because of one's mistakes. You may make a similar one in the future, whether you intend to or not. While both of these are main grounds for divorce, it doesn't mean that they have to end in divorce.While I am a firm believer in forgiveness, I also realize that some will just keep taking and taking and never change. Please don't think I am saying to keep taking betrayal or abuse. There is a line where everything has to be drawn. It is up to you to find that line.
Remember we are all instructed to forgive another as God has forgiven us. Colossians 3:13 - Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Everyone is entitled to a second chance. I don't know how far I would push past that second chance, but you never know who may change their stripes. Is it really that hard for us to forgive others for such small deceptions. Look at what the Lord did for us. A nation corrupt and against God, yet He sacrificed His only Son so that we wouldn't perish. Nothing we ever could encounter on earth can ever match the forgiveness the Lord showed for us. So please remember to forgive others and remember that forgiveness also means you must forget. If you can't forget then you will have ire in your heart towards that person.
The Lord instructs us to forgive and forget Hebrews 10:16-17 - This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them; And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.
As for what the Bible says is permitted, it is reasonably clear. Religious beliefs, Adultery and abuse are all addressed. There are several scriptures on divorce, but the ones we are to follow are the ones found in the New Testament. Do once again remember that divorce is alway an option, not a requirement. It was never the Lord's intention for any married couple to divorce. The Lord hates divorce. He in fact didn't want to allow it at all, but because of the stubborness of man he let Moses give a writing of divorce.
Matthew 19:3-9 - "The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."
1 Corinthians 7:10-17 - "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches."
I am a divorcee and it crushed me for a while. I sought out many counselors and shared my concerns with them. I did everything in my power to try to save my marriage, but have now learned it wasn't meant to be. If you are going through a divorce, always remember, it may not be as bad of a thing as you think. It may be a door opening for you. Maybe the one you were with wasn't compatible for you. Can you think of all the things you truly had in common? I recently observed how much my ex-wife and I didn't have in common. I am now a happier man than I ever was while in that relationship. The one for me was around a corner that I was led to. I know it is hard to believe that someone better is out there, but there usually is.