- Gender and Relationships»
- Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender
Love is love
From the beginning
So I guess I knew from a young age that I was gay. When I was "7 years old" as I tell my friends, I don't know why I tell them this but I guess its so they don't say "how did you know your whole life" but I just did. So anyway I knew from a young age, I finally came out to myself when I was 14 (after watching many coming out videos on YouTube), I immediately panicked and didn't know what to do. "Your friends are homophobic", "How will they react" I thought to myself. I was scared, I didn't even know how my mum would react, I guess I was too young to bring up sexuality at the dinner table, but then again what is a suitable age to do that?
I came out at the same age as I was when I found out I was gay, so I first told my pansexual female friend that "I used to think I was bisexual", even though I lied this was a massive weight off my chest, she was shocked to say the least. So a few months went by and I finally told her that I'm "bisexual", now I don't actually know at what point it was when I changed from "I'm bi" to "I'm gay" but it happened some point not long after I came out as "bi". Anyway I keep getting distracted so I told my friend I was bisexual and she was very supportive of me. After this I told another one of my friends who just had to tell his girlfriend, I told him by saying I was going out with a random guy I was talking to online, then I told more of my closest friends and they were all supportive, however I did get the odd silence, sure I never had anyone mock me because of my sexuality, and I guess for that I'm lucky. I had one group of friends that weren't so keen on another member of the friendship group who was gay, however I quickly left this group, which brings me onto one point of advice, if they don't except you, ditch them. But I now know if they're silent and don't really respond when you tell them, sure there's the silence of shock, or they could kind of guessed, but if they aren't really that interested then they most likely aren't that happy about it. I then decided to start telling my family, this may need a whole segment so...
Coming out to my family
I first came out to my sister, who yet again I told I was bisexual, but she responded with "why are you telling me this". I waited over 7 years to tell her this and that's all she could come up with, I was annoyed but glad she didn't respond negatively. So the next step was telling my mum/mom (I was still 14 at the time). One day I got back from school and my mum was sat on the sofa, I walked up to her and said "mum I have to tell you something", she turned to me, and everyone talks about how when they tell their parents their sexuality there's that complete silence, that's exactly what happened and I said "I'm bi", and boy was I glad I finally told her, I was over the moon, she could finally stop awkwardly asking me if I had a girlfriend and then came her response. "no you're not". I was shocked I didn't know what to say, how do you even respond to that. She just stopped talking and looked back at the TV. I just said "yes I am", she looked back and said "well what do you expect me to say", I shouted "well you could at least tell me you except my sexuality" and ran off to my bedroom. After this I refused to talk to her for about a week, but the following day she still outed me to my aunt that I live with who was supportive. Since then I have only told one more family member, my cousin (my aunts^^ daughter) who was overjoyed by me finally telling her. However I told almost my whole year.
After telling my mum "I'm bi"
So after I told my mum that I was bisexual a week went by of her being angry at me for not talking to her so one day she sat me down, "so how do you know" she said, I said "I just know". She then responded "but its disgusting". At this point I tried to control my anger as I had a choice: get up and run away (again) or sit down and talk it through, so I did just that, then she said "do you even know how gay people have sex", I almost threw up in my mouth just listening to my mum talk about sex, but I stayed there, looked her in the eyes (not the best idea during a conversation like this) and said "yes". She then said "you know you can't join the army if you're gay", I couldn't cope with it anymore after this point, I just got up and went to my room. That's all I can remember of just after I told her. A few months went by and I was sat in a car with her, she hadn't brought up anything about my sexuality since, not even the awkward "do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend" at the table, but when I told her I said that I don't know if I'm gay or bisexual but I'm definitely not straight, so the few months later when she brought it up I was in a car with her and she just said "so do you yet know if you like girls at all" and I just shock my head and said "no I only like boys", then it was silence for the rest of the trip home.
My Coming out advice
Well my advice would have to be just be happy to be who you are, but we all know if you clicked onto this link that isn't what you're looking for so:
- Don't come out if you're not in a stable position and feel like your parents won't except it (If you cannot move out)
- It spreads like wildfire in your school, everyone will find out pretty quickly (or at least at school)
- Tell a friend you really trust to start with
- You won't come out only once, I've heard some people say this before I came out but now I understand, you tell any people throughout your life because society expects you to be straight which is fair enough as the vast majority are
- You may never find "the right time" to tell people you are gay/bi/other but as long as you feel comfortable that is when it is "the right time"
- Some people may not except your sexuality, don't worry it happens to everyone, I was lucky the community I lived in wasn't very homophobic, so if you are being bullied because of it make sure you tell someone
- It's harder to find "the one", you know what I mean, the love of your life. Being gay has a downside, you're a minority meaning there's less of you therefore it's harder to find your partner for life, take it from the 16 year old who's never been in a proper relationship
- Finally, there will be tears of happiness, fear and possibly sadness, but remember just be yourself
I hope you enjoyed this blog, If you have any questions write a comment and I will answer and tell me if you'd like me to write more blogs like this.