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How to be a better BF/GF/Fiance/Spouse/Partner

Updated on October 10, 2014

Don’t ‘schedule time’ for intimacy

Intimacy and affection should be spontaneous. Not all couples can find time to be intimate as often as they’d like, but a frequent and random show of affection can be just as good, and usually better. How often do you pass your partner in the kitchen, on the stairs, in the driveway in a day’s time? Do you ever just grab them? If you take just a few of these opportunities a day to grab your partner and give them a kiss, a hug, a pat on the butt, or just whisper something sweet in their ear, that seemingly small gesture could have a lasting effect that you may not be able to comprehend. So, instead of planning an intimate moment for Friday night, take those few seconds to grab them (and I mean grab them, sweep him/her off their feet!) and kiss them so passionately that they’ll feel satisfied until your schedules permit the adult time you crave. I guarantee, a well-placed kiss will say more AND take less time than talking about when you can pencil each other in for a roll in the hay!

Make a commitment, don't be wishy washy

If you can’t commit to future plans with your loved one, what does that say to them? Am I not important enough? Do they not want to spend time with me? Maybe they’re waiting in case something better comes along? None of these things should ever run through your partner’s mind. (Unless there’s an issue with your work schedule, you should ALWAYS be able to make a commitment to future plans with your partner). If you can’t commit to dinner and a movie next Friday night, how can you commit to anything more serious?

Don’t be secretive

Being secretive can only lead to problems. I’m not saying you should ever have to ask for permission from your partner, to do anything, but having a discussion with them goes a long way in gaining and keeping trust. If you wanna go out with your friends, SAY you’re gonna go out with your friends. Don’t make some half assed story about overtime at work or running some errands or going to see your family. Don’t make stuff up, me a man/woman and be straight.

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Be honest

Now I’m not saying, go up to your partner in the morning and say, “you sounded like a buzz saw last night and I didn’t get a wink of sleep!” You can be honest and still be tactful and keep your partner’s feelings in mind. If there’s something bothering you, if you have something on your mind that you want to talk about, do it. Sometimes the truth hurts people, even when that’s not your intention, but you have to give them the opportunity to help you mend problem areas. Don’t hold it in, those little things can really fester inside a person and “It really bothers me when you don’t lift the seat to pee” can turn into “I don’t know why we ever thought this would work!” It seems like a stretch, but those little things can really snowball, so just be honest.

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Don’t be distant

If you have something on your mind that’s making you quiet or withdrawn, talk to your partner. I know some people have an issue with sharing their woes or “burdening” someone with their problems, but HELLO? That’s what your partner is there for, we don’t just sign on for the good times. If you don’t talk to each other and discuss when something is on your mind, it WILL be misconstrued as a problem between you. So, why risk that kind of emotion, when all you have to do is say, “Sorry if I seem distant. I have a lot on my mind. There’s nothing wrong between us, I just don’t really want to talk about it right now.” So even if you don’t want to discuss it right away, just let them know your silence has nothing to do with them.

Help! With housework, the kids, errands, etc

Few things can cause dissention and frustration more than feeling like no one is helping. Why should it be up to one person in the relationship to do all of the housekeeping, laundry, meal prep, taking care of kids/pets, errands, grocery shopping? If you get crumbs on the counter while making a sandwich, clean it up. If you walk by the garbage and it looks full, take it out. If your partner is tired or has been working long hours, make dinner without being asked AND clean the kitchen when you’re done. If errands need run, just offer to help (taking the kids back and forth to practice/school, helping with homework, watering the houseplants). Now, keep in mind that some people can be territorial about certain tasks, this is where communication comes into play again.

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Learn to compromise

I’m not saying change who you are. Your partner loves you for you, but nothing is perfect. There will always be adjustments and compromise. Don’t take this as a personal attack, “Oh, so you think you can change me?!?” No! Compromise is not changing the core of who a person is, it’s just putting your best foot forward to help a relationship run smoothly. People say it’s always better to give, but if 1 person feels as though they’re always giving/bending/altering their wants, they soon feel used/unappreciated/unworthy of your time.

When you’re in a relationship, like it or not, you’re in a relationship with their family as well

Unless you’re one of those people who does not get along with their family, what your family thinks and how they feel matters to you. If you can’t commit time to your partners family, it makes them feel unsupported and awkward always trying to explain why you’re not there. I’m not saying you have to go to Sunday dinner every week (unless that is a MAJOR tradition for them and in that case, this is where compromise comes into play), but holidays and birthdays and important landmarks like weddings, graduations should be spent by your loved ones side, WITH your partner. If you truly love someone, being there for them in this respect should not be a difficult compromise to make.

My Point

I know men and women are different, PEOPLE are different. We may think
different, act different, deal with emotion different, BUT one thing that we
all MUST do in order to make a relationship work is care about how your partner
feels. You may not understand it, you may not be capable of feeling the
emotions they feel, but if you want a relationship to work, you MUST validate
them. You don’t have to fully understand the why or the how, but just
understand that it’s real for your partner and be there for them. Just let them
know you care, not by telling them but showing them.

“Actions speak louder than words"

That is a quote I've heard many times, and have no idea who originally said it, that means more in a relationship than saying “I love you” or buying a ring. Love each other and show them that you
care. No one wants to feel unappreciated, unwanted, and lonely or unloved when
they’re in a relationship. So go grab your man/woman and give them a big hug,
kiss them and let them know how much they mean to you. Yes, I mean NOW…………GO!

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      zeek rutledge 2 years ago

      Very true points that you made . I enjoyed reading it very much as they are very helpful to me and my partner, thanks for writing.