How to Make a Relationship Work
I'm sure you've heard this before, but communication is truly the biggest foundation in a good relationship. Having open communication about everything makes sure that both people in the relationship feel like their voice and concerns will be listened to no matter how big or small the issue. This promotes comfort, safety, and harmony. If you can't talk to the person you're in a relationship with then things are not going to go well. When you spend more time telling friends or family about relationship issues or concerns, you're really not helping the situation of your relationship at all and may actually be hurting it. Make sure you communicate with your partner clearly, take away any blaming or accusing and voice purely how you are feeling and what happened to make you feel that way. Whatever the concern is, having an open line of communication with your partner will make sure you are both on the same page about what you both want and will improve how you handle life's stressors together.
In any relationship there will be times where you have arguments and this is natural. It is the way that you handle and deal with an argument with your partner that determines what happens afterwards and in the future of your relationship. We all know that even when we are frustrated or upset with our partner we still love them and care about them, so the one thing you should not do in an argument is say something that you know is personally hurtful to your partner. Commenting about their shortcomings, things about themselves they cannot control, or past times they failed at something will only make the situation worse, will make the argument either of you have unsuccessful, and be hurtful for the both of you.
Think about what you are going to say to your partner, the tone you will say it in, and what you intend to relay to them with those words. Instead of saying something hurtful tell your partner you feel hurt and tell them why. If they only hear your anger and hear hurtful words, they will not care to try to understand what is underlying them and therefore will not care about your feelings when their own feelings are being hurt. It is reasonable that anyone who feels like they are being attacked would become defensive. To avoid a yelling match keep your voice calm, your tone even, and your words concise and meaningful. In this way, you will be able to communicate more effectively with your partner and know that if you do not at least end a disagreement agreeing on something, that you can at least end it with a better way to communicate.