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Sex And The Married Man…

Updated on February 8, 2013

Some of the reasons often sited for wives not wanting sex is because they are too tired and often do not feel sexy. I’ve seen other articles where some women were simply turned off by their husbands touching or grabbing them sexually throughout the day.

It has been written many times by various relationship experts that women need to be stimulated mentally prior to having sex.

It has also been stated that when men help out with chores around the household and pitch in with taking more responsibility in raising the children that these things help a woman to want to have sex.

Flirting and using sexual innuendo are viewed as annoying or immature instead of romantic and naughty fun.

Some women are hesitant to be affectionate for fear of things turning sexual.

For some women spending time with a man when there is no sex makes them feel more loved.

Ironically for a man spending time with a woman that doesn’t want to have sex with him makes him feel less loved or desired.

He may feel if his wife rarely wants to have sex with him then she is not “in love” with him.

When Sex Becomes Love….

There is a different mindset for most men when it comes to having sex while “playing the field” and having sex in a marriage.

Sex and love can be mutually exclusive while being single but in a marriage sex is an expression of love through physical intimacy.

A wife who makes candlelight dinners, wears sexy underwear to bed, spontaneously performs oral sex, joins him in the shower, or teases makes a husband feel irresistible.

A wife can cook meals, clean the house, do the laundry, and take care of the family budget (but if she is not having sex with her husband he is not feeling loved.)

After all the aforementioned things are all things he could do for himself.

Men crave the softness of woman’s body pressed against theirs, wet kisses, and yes, even snuggling while watching television.

When a husband feels sexually desired by his wife he feels loved.

Differences Among Us

We tend to do things for others, which we enjoy having done for us.

A clean house may be a turn on for a wife and being stroked may be a turn on for a husband.

There by you have a wife cleaning a house and a husband rubbing his wife’s behind.

Both are essentially doing what they wish the other person were doing.

In fact more than likely both the man and the woman are doing many of the same things they did in the beginning of the relationship however as time has gone on the end results are different. It’s as though the price has gone up or more is now required in order to get the same things which were offered freely initially. Another famous saying is,

Men marry women hoping they will never change and women marry men hoping they will change over time.”.

Various relationship experts have stated men tend to have higher sex drives then women.

Other factors such as hormones and menopause can play a part in a woman’s diminished sex drive. There are some women who have never had orgasms and don’t get much enjoyment out of sex. It has been said,

“Women give sex in order to get love and men give love in order to get sex.”

In other words they’re both doing things not so much because they enjoy doing it but because it leads to what they want in the end.

Some women have sex to win over the heart of the man they are dating only to stop after they are married. Men have also pulled a type of “bait and switch” to get what they want.

Other women have been known to have sex only for the sake of procreating.

Many people believe it’s only natural for married couples to have less sex.

Personally speaking I have never heard of couple waking up one morning and mutually deciding to have less sex. Generally speaking the person who wants more sex backs off after being rejected numerous times. He adopts a “go along to get along” mentality.

Rejection hurts more when it comes from someone you love and are committed to.

This changes the dynamics of the sexual relationship for the couple.

Instead of both parties feeling sex is something either person can initiate “spontaneously” now one person has “control” over when and if there will be sex.

Whenever a person feels forced to hold back their thoughts and desires for an extended amount of time they no longer feel they are being true to themselves.

They become resentful of being controlled.


Sex and affection are not tools to be used for reward or punishment.

When it comes to sex there should be no winners and losers.

A person takes a vow to be monogamous and forsake all others believing he or she is with someone who loves them and desires them physically.

No one is “doing favors” for the other. You either want him/her or you don’t.

It’s unrealistic to expect to not have sex with your spouse for an extended period of time without them considering other options.

If there has been a change of heart or one person is no longer attracted to the other it needs to be discussed. A plan of action needs to be enacted as soon as possible.

Each of us is entitled to be with someone who loves and adores us for who we are. Sex is not just sex for the married man. It's an expression of love.

The longer a couple goes without physical intimacy the more difficult it is to restore it.

It’s easier to maintain a fire than it is to reignite a spark.


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    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago

      LL Fugate, Thanks for you comment!

      You also have a keen insight on issues in relationships!

    • LL Fugate profile image

      LL Fugate 

      4 years ago from Central Virginia

      Awesome article!

      I really appreciate the way you look at things.

      Voted up.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago


      Thanks for stopping by and posting your comment.

      As long as both people are in agreement and still have desire for one another that is all that matters! Unfortunately too often there are couples where one person wants sex and the other has no interest in having sex. In my book "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany) I have chapter titled Unrealistic Romantic Myth which is about the combination of having a "natural romantic" paired up with someone who considers themself to be "practical". At any rate I believe (We choose our own reality). If we make romance/passion a (priority) we can find a way to keep the fire burning for eternity! :-)

    • Richawriter profile image

      Richard J ONeill 

      6 years ago from Bangkok, Thailand

      Hey, well written and presented!

      As soon as I arrived on your page my eyes were drawn to this article and I haven't been disappointed.

      I'm married and we have been together for about 7 years which means we often go through the "sexless" phases. However, we talk about it and don't take it too seriously. We'll never get overly worried because we both know that it is normal, especially when little ones come along.

      We are still attracted to each other, but we have more important things to do now, haha, usually, that is. The fire is still there and doesn't need to be relit.

      Nice article.

      Peace. :)

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      sameer.anand, Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my hub. My hope is you won't be need of this advice! :-)

    • sameer.anand profile image

      Sameer Anand 

      7 years ago from Pilani (India)

      One of the very good hubs I have ever read!

      Right now I am far from experiencing it, but if later things start going wrong, then this hub will solve the problem! ;-)

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      Sun-Girl, Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and leave a comment. So much of the problems between men and women stem from the fact we expect each other to think, feel, and behave the way we do. Understanding and accepting the differences between the sexes is a major step in having a successful marriage.

    • Sun-Girl profile image


      7 years ago from Nigeria

      Great article with a lot of good advice for couples especially for some ladies who thinks that whenever their husband misbehaves they punish him with sex denial. this is not cool and definitely not a good idea.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      sweetie1, Thanks for reading and voting my hub up!

      You are way ahead of most of us. The majority of people don't consider the (inner workings) of marriage until after they say, "I do". There is a major difference between imagining life in a hypothetical marriage and actually being married.

      One can never be too prepared! :-)

    • sweetie1 profile image


      7 years ago from India

      Very nice hub, beautifully written and marking it up. I am still not married but one day i would be then i would keep your hub in mind.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago

      Acaetnna I agree with you HONEST communication is one of the keys to happiness. However the main key is finding someone who "agrees" with you on the major things in life and wants the same things as you do. There really is no "wrong or right" there's just "agree and disagree".

      Thanks for stopping by and leaving your much appreciated comments!

    • acaetnna profile image


      7 years ago from Guildford

      Beautifully written and very informative. I believe that full communication is the key to complete understanding and happiness within marriage. Thanks for sharing your ideas.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      jrgheaven thanks for taking the time to read my hub and leave a comment. I agree with you 100%. Most couples expect their mate to be able to read their mind after they have been together for a while. It's unrealistic! :-)

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Very well written and extremely insightful article. You have a clear sense of what happens in marriage. Most women expect their mate to read her mind, instead of expressing her need to him. Most men thinks his wife is happy just because she hasn't expressed her need.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      As always thanks for your insightful comments dawnM!

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 

      8 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      Wow, great article, well spoken and to the point you have so many wonderful quotes in there I don't even know where to begin. The one quote that is so true is the one where we are doing things that we want our spouse to do to use, the cleaning and the grabbing of the butt..Classic..This is where we need to understand each other better as a man and as a woman. Communicate what our needs are instead of thinking that our partner is a mind reader.

      “Men marry women hoping they will never change and women marry men hoping they will change over time.”.

      Another very true quote that happen in many marriages as well. Woman as they do grow older in many cases will change even more than a man, and many women do try and change their husbands instead of accepting them or guiding them in a more mature direction.


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