- Gender and Relationships»
marry someone you love but don't love you or marry someone that love you but you don't love the person.
Is it better to marry someone you love but does not love you or to marry someone that is head over heels in love with you but you do not love the person?
I came across the above question on hub pages and I contributed to the answer. It is a difficult but an important question especially now that people do not really know why they get married in the first place. That is why many marriages so easily get unpleasant and some of the marriages end in divorce.
Some people that gave answers to the question said that they cannot accept any of the options so it is better they stay single. That is a good thinking but what about in a situation where we must make a choice?
Then it is a dilemma which means we can either get married to someone we do not love but who loves us so much or we get married to someone we love so much but who does not love us.
Marriages that started as a love shared by both partners can turn out to be a one side affair. That is to say, a partner fades up or stops loving while the other is still head over heels in love. In this situation, the partner that is still in love can tolerate the fallen partner with the hope that someday things will turn around for better or they can call it a quit but it may not be easy for the partner in love to quit so he or she will like to hang on no matter how bad it hurts. This is just for the sake of love.
Then we can ask does love has any meaning and what is the fun of love in a relationship if it is not appreciated?
So the question is it better to marry someone we love but who does not love us or to marry someone that is head over heels in love with us but we do not love the person can be likened to the situation mentioned above. The only difference is that we were aware of the hell before we stepped into it.
It is more heart breaking to know that someone you love so much does not love you than the other way round. This is because we will wish for the person to love us back but we cannot change things. It is not easy to change people so we can only pray that the person change and see reason to love us back. Most of those I asked, said if they must choose then it is better to marry someone they are sure truly loves them than to marry someone that does not love them. It may sound unfair because they are at advantage depending on how we choose to look at it and they can control the relationship because their partner will not want them to get annoyed. Such desperate partners may even apologize to them not minding who is right or wrong. That is, like someone made a joke, they can say “darling, I know that you are wrong but I am sorry.”
Finally, it is easier for us to learn to love someone we are sure truly loves us but we do not love back than for us to make someone to love us whom we love but does not love us back. This is because in the former it is in our hands and we know that if only we can love back then the relationship will be wonderful but in the later it is not our decision to make.