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marry someone you love but don't love you or marry someone that love you but you don't love the person.

Updated on December 15, 2013

Is it better to marry someone you love but does not love you or to marry someone that is head over heels in love with you but you do not love the person?

I came across the above question on hub pages and I contributed to the answer. It is a difficult but an important question especially now that people do not really know why they get married in the first place. That is why many marriages so easily get unpleasant and some of the marriages end in divorce.

Some people that gave answers to the question said that they cannot accept any of the options so it is better they stay single. That is a good thinking but what about in a situation where we must make a choice?

Then it is a dilemma which means we can either get married to someone we do not love but who loves us so much or we get married to someone we love so much but who does not love us.

Marriages that started as a love shared by both partners can turn out to be a one side affair. That is to say, a partner fades up or stops loving while the other is still head over heels in love. In this situation, the partner that is still in love can tolerate the fallen partner with the hope that someday things will turn around for better or they can call it a quit but it may not be easy for the partner in love to quit so he or she will like to hang on no matter how bad it hurts. This is just for the sake of love.

Then we can ask does love has any meaning and what is the fun of love in a relationship if it is not appreciated?

So the question is it better to marry someone we love but who does not love us or to marry someone that is head over heels in love with us but we do not love the person can be likened to the situation mentioned above. The only difference is that we were aware of the hell before we stepped into it.

It is more heart breaking to know that someone you love so much does not love you than the other way round. This is because we will wish for the person to love us back but we cannot change things. It is not easy to change people so we can only pray that the person change and see reason to love us back. Most of those I asked, said if they must choose then it is better to marry someone they are sure truly loves them than to marry someone that does not love them. It may sound unfair because they are at advantage depending on how we choose to look at it and they can control the relationship because their partner will not want them to get annoyed. Such desperate partners may even apologize to them not minding who is right or wrong. That is, like someone made a joke, they can say “darling, I know that you are wrong but I am sorry.”

Finally, it is easier for us to learn to love someone we are sure truly loves us but we do not love back than for us to make someone to love us whom we love but does not love us back. This is because in the former it is in our hands and we know that if only we can love back then the relationship will be wonderful but in the later it is not our decision to make.


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    • davidkaluge profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Iamsergell, you are right we can easily fall in love with those that do good things to us. Rachelsholiday, like you said " you will do all you can fall back in love with your husband" but you know at the point it becomes a similar situation like when you are in love with someone that does not love you. the only different may be " someone that no longer love you" so but if you can do all you can to turn things around maybe there is a chance we can make people we love to love us back though it can take time. Thanks for your contributions

    • rachelsholiday profile image


      8 years ago

      I think you touched on two different questions here. I would never marry someone if we weren't mutually in love with each other. However, if I fell out of love with my husband I would do everything I could to fall back into love with him. I don't think that love is a passive thing. You have to work to stay in love with your partner.

    • davidkaluge profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Thanks Joyette, like you said, "love with all your heart" if that is the case it becomes difficult to let long because you gave your heart to him/her. And if your heart is broken each piece will continue to love. We hope for the best in any relationship but this is like a point of one option. That is if we must choose. We know that marriages start good but many of them turn bad because of love lost by a partner. I think at that point we can liken it to this situation if one partner has to keep it going.

    • Joyette  Fabien profile image

      Joyette Fabien 

      8 years ago from Dominica

      It is totally up to the individual really, but I think that for anyone who believes in love, neither of the options would be acceptable. It is all well and good to love someone with all your heart,but I have heard it said that if someone does not love you nothing you do can make them turn around. In that case marrying someone because you love them is a sure route to heartbreak because you will just be exposing yourself to hurt from that person over and over again. On the otherhand, if the person loves you and you feel that their fire alone is not enough you should not marry . My advice is to wait; maybe God has the right partner for you somewhere down the road.

    • iamsergell profile image

      Lord Sergell of House Stark 

      8 years ago from Darwin, Australia

      Whoa! pretty confusing! But for me, I choose someone who loves me dearly and purely. I can learn to love her though in time. People who do good things to you isn't hard to fall inlove for, as for me. :D Voted up and beautiful. :D Following you now, follow me too. :D


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