Marrying a Girl or Guy of Parents choice - Arranged Marriages in India
Should you marry the Guy or girl of your Parents choice?
Are Parents ruining the life of their children by forcing them into marriage?
Recently a chat friend of mine from England was dumped by her Indian Boyfriend because he wanted to marry a girl of his Parents choice. She was so shattered by the decision of this guy with whom she was in a serious relationship for 2 years. No amount of pleading and tears could change the guys mind. As an Indian, I feel shame over this act from a fellow Indian.
India is popular for the arranged marriage system where the Parents or elders in the family arrange the marriage for their children. Most of the time they may also take the help of matrimonial portals or marriage brokers to find a suitable bride or groom. They finalize the bride or groom after considering a lot of things like the family background, education, job, horoscopes, physical beauty etc. If the elders approve of the match, they get the acceptance from the boy and the girl for marriage. Many Guys and girls are forced to get married according to the wish of their parents. Some Parents even resort to emotional blackmail and threatening to get their children to marry the Guy or girl of their choice. Many times Parents turn a blind eye on whether the girl likes the guy or not. In Indian society, the girls are considered as the property of their married homes and the Parents try to get them married as earlier as possible. In fact, they end up sacrificing their life for the sake of keeping their parents happy.
It is said that Parents know what is best for their children. Often Parents ruin the lives of their children by forcing life decisions on them. A close friend of mine was madly in love with a Guy belonging to another religion for over 5 years. Her Parents forcefully got her married to a well settled boy of their choice from their own community. Before the marriage, she tried to get the Guy to reject her by telling him that she is in love with someone else. The Guy also did not take any steps to break the proposal thinking that she would forget her boyfriend after marriage. The girl denied intimacy to the guy as a punishment for marrying her despite telling the truth. Even after 15 years of marriage the girl has not accepted the guy or slept with him. This couple now leads a life of compromise. The Guy sleeps around, and my friend has no objection to it. They keep the pretense of a happy couple to the world. In short, my friend’s life was ruined by her own Parents.
I am not telling that parental consent or approval is not necessary for marriage. What I mean to say is that Parents should leave the choice of life partner to their children and not force them into a relationship they do not want.
Child Marriages and Domestic Violence in India
Sometimes Parents even get their children married before they reach the legal age of marriage. In India, child marriages still exist in parts of the country which is truly sad. Not only that, sometimes Parents force their daughters to go back to their married homes even after they complain of abuse by their husbands or family. For them, it is a shame to have a married daughter staying at her Parents house after marriage. So they forcefully send back their daughters to the in laws after giving some advice to adjust with them. Most of these Parents realize their mistakes only after their daughters dead bodies reach home. Every single day we see news about brides being burned when the demands for dowry is not met.
It is a shame that even in this modern age, there are Parents who consider their girls as a burden. Even when the law is against the system of dowry, majority of Parents show no hesitation in buying grooms for their daughters paying a high price without realizing that it can cause them to be more covetous. Who is to blame here? It’s time we take some serious action against these evils in the society.
Hubs on Parenting
Arranged vs Love Marriage – Which one is best?
If we start comparing love and arranged marriages,we will see that both has certain pros and cons.
In love marriages, the boy and girl fall in love and then get married. The couples get enough time to get to know and understand each other. Often these marriages are done without parental consent with the help of friends. Majority of times when problems arise in marriage, the couples do not get any parental support. Sometimes, Parents may accept the match either before or sometime after marriage.
Arranged marriages are normally arranged by the Parents or elders in the family of the bride and groom. They look into many things like financial security, horoscope, family background, culture, lifestyle etc before fixing the marriage. When problems arise in arranged marriages, the families of the bride and groom come together to solve the issues. Due to this, arranged marriages are often enduring than love marriages. It also offers more protection to the girl. The drawback of the system is that the bride and groom are often strangers who start a new life together. Many times couples end up living a life of compromise for fear of Parents and society. Nowadays even in arranged marriages, sufficient time is given to the couple before marriage to get to know each other. Some couples may fall in love after marriage.
What’s your opinion? Which one is better – Love marriage or Arranged?