- Gender and Relationships
My Wife Wants A Divorce - Now What?
Does Your Wife Want A Divorce?
So you've come to the conclusion -- my wife wants a divorce, and now you're sitting here wondering 'now what do I do'? Whether you suspect your wife wants a divorce, or she's told you herself, I want to show you exactly what you can do to help ease the tension -- and show you what you ABSOLUTELY need to avoid.
Signs Your Wife Wants A Divorce
One of the most confounding questions you'll find yourself asking when faced with a potential divorce is whether or not your wife really wants a divorce. We sometimes will say things out of anger or fear that we don't really mean, and later wish we would have never said what we did.
But where does that leave your marriage when you both act as if that last fight never happened?
Whether or not your wife has told you, or you suspect she is ready to call it quits. There's two things you should be looking for -- behavior changes and body language.
Ask yourself if you've noticed any of these red flags:She takes her wedding ring off, or doesn't even wear it at all.She doesn't talk to you, she talks at you with little or no eye contact.She has little or no interesting in being intimate with you.She keeps distance between you sleeping in bed at night.She isn't receptive to affectionate gestures. (kissing, hugging, etc.)She spends much more time than usual going out or staying out late.
If you've noticed these changes, and they're more persistent in terms of lasting for days or even weeks at a time, then divorce has almost certainly crossed your wife's mind at least once. I don't want you to let this worry you too much, though. It's a long process and an incredibly difficult decision to make that takes months if not years to finally come to.
One of the things that will help calm your nerves is the understanding that no matter what has been said, or how you've acted towards each other, she still loves you as much as you love her.
It can be very difficult to accept that understanding at first given that all the external signs contradict that idea entirely. But take a step back and look it from a different perspective:
When you proposed with those four words "Will you marry me?", what did she say?
At that moment in time, she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, for better and for worse.
And the reason you want to take a step back and look at it differently is because when you take a step back and look at all the problems as a whole, you'll begin to realize a pattern:
When our judgement becomes so clouded by our emotional impulse to take action right now to try to make things better, we end up taking the wrong actions making things worse. And we keep doing it over, and over, and over, and over. It's a vicious cycle.
So that leads us to the absolute FIRST thing you need to do if the wife wants a divorce:Calm Your Heart And Mind
Lean back in your chair right now and take a long, deep breath in. Now breathe out. Understand that you still love each other, and that things have been difficult. Realize that what has happened is in the past, and tomorrow is another day to work towards what you BOTH really want -- a happy, loving marriage.
If Your Wife Wants A Divorce -- Don't Do This
It's really important to clear your head of all the emotions and confusion and to take a hard look at what it is that you've been doing that's creating tension. Your ego might be inclined to place the blame on your wife, thinking things such as 'why doesn't she do this?' or 'why does she act like that?'. And that's normal. Humans are prideful by nature. The issue with this kind of mindset is this:All relationships work both ways. While one person may choose to ACT in a certain way, the other chooses to REACT in a certain way as well.
So while it's easy to blame the other for certain issues within the marriage, we need to start with looking objectively at ourselves. Why?Changing the way you act, and react, is much more easy than trying to change the way your wife acts and reacts.
Here's some things that I'm sure you're probably doing, and it's hurting your marriage a LOT more than it's helping:Text Messaging
Stop doing this. Seriously, just stop. This always leads to disaster. You find yourself trying to work things out or express your feelings over a text message, and then she doesn't reply, and then you become upset. Over what? Most of the time -- nothing. People need space sometimes. The best thing you can do is give it to them.The Blame Game
Bet you've gotten sucked into this more than once. Tired of it yet? Blaming someone for ANYTHING will almost INSTANTLY put them on the defensive, and next thing you know, everything is spiraling out of control. And when your goal is to bring someone closer to you, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Approaching a conversation with a clear head is the easiest way to avoid the dreaded blame game.Saying What You Don't Mean
In the heat of the moment, when you're feeling many different emotions at once, it's easy to get carried away. This, above all else, has to stop. And you'll notice things will become a lot less tense very quickly. You wouldn't let anyone else say some of the things you have to your wife, would you? This is your wife. The one you want to spend the rest of your life with. There shouldn't be any exceptions. A calm mind will be your best friend.
If you've done any of these things, don't beat yourself up over it. We want to be looking towards the future, not dwelling on the past. Tomorrow will come and with it comes another day to improve oneself. This is something that we want to work through one day at a time.
The best thing you can do for yourself from here on is to do everything you can so you don't keep making the same mistakes over and over. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, and when you show your wife that you care and things are actually going to change, the chances of forgiving and moving on improve greatly.
Keep Calm -- It's Not Over Yet (Just Do This)
You've probably been asking yourself what it is exactly that you need to do to keep your wife around, and it's that question in itself which is actually your problem.
Let me elaborate:
We, as men, try to control everything around us as best we can. It is in our nature. However, the more we tighten our grip, the more things will slip through our fingers. The issue here is that, as I mentioned, we can only control ourselves. When it comes to relationships, the more we try to control the other, the more they will push away.
There's a time and a place for certain actions, and there's also a time and a place when you simply have to just roll with the punches.
This is why the option I'm about to share with you has never seriously occurred to you. Your judgement has been clouded this entire time by overwhelming emotion, and when men feel threatened, it's just a natural inclination to fight back. Logic and rationality goes right out the door.
If nothing else is working for you right now, this is your best bet:
Take Some Time Apart
This may not make much sense when you first think about it. You want to keep your wife around, not send her off, right?
By taking some time apart from each other, you're actually removing the force that is pushing her away in the first place.
Remember, there's a time and a place for everything.
Now, this isn't the only thing you do, this is just the first step. It's a long road to repairing your marriage and getting back to where you both are madly in love with each other and couldn't imagine your lives without each other.
Now this seemingly insane idea is out there, I want to share with you where it came from.
It's from a book call The Magic Of Making Up by T.W. Jackson.
If you're struggling to keep your marriage together, then you NEED to read this book. It doesn't matter where you are in your relationship or how hopeless it may seem, it walks you through everything you need to do (and not do) -- some of which I've already shared with you.
It breaks the course down over seven chapters:1) Understanding Why Your Relationship Ended - And Why It's Not Over Yet2) Don't Panic - Your Key to Winning Back Their Love (Getting Your Head On Straight)3) Removing the Splinter in Your Relationship4) Re-Igniting the Spark of Passion and Desire5) Dates and Lovers - How Other People Can Actually Bring You Back Together6) Easing Back Into Your Relationship to Solidify Your Love7) Maintaining the Fun and Love Without Dredging Up Old Wounds and Arguments
If You're Having These Problems Because Of The State Of Your Marriage:Feeling depressed, hopeless, and like it's overLosing focus at work, school, or any other part of your lifeNo motivation to go out and have funLosing sleep night after nightConstantly wondering what went wrong
Then you can't afford to pass on this book. Even though you've faced challenges in the past, you've worked through them, and your love for each other helped you endure the difficult times. This time is no different. Your love for each other will always help you endure.
The Magic of Making Up (Video)
Click the link below to watch this video from T.W. Jackson explaining more about The Magic of Making Up and how it could help save your marriage.