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Stupid silly little girl-nothing that nobody ever wanted

Updated on April 18, 2012

Stupid Silly Little Girl

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Just see all that he is and all that you are not

Each day is a surprise.

Will you be able to breath, will you be able to do or want anything for yourself.

Most days are a fight. A fight against time, against wants, against dreams of being a better version of who is here now.

How do you know if you are being loved if you are not sure if anyone that has ever held you, touched you, has ever loved you?

You can’t blame your mind set on anyone else but you.

You have done so much wrong and so little right.

Your clarity on thinking what you deserve and want in life is a recent discovery that you have sprung onto the people that surround you.

You are told, communicate. Then you communicate and are told;

“Stupid, Silly little girl , you think you would be better without me?

You think you can survive and life would be easier if you were alone ?

You think that things would smell, taste and feel better?

No one else wants you. Where are you going to go?

I assure you, you don’t have it bad, there are thousands out there far worse than I, which would treat you far worse.

You don’t have it as bad as what you have made up in your little mind. If you would just stop complaining and enter reality from your fantasy world, things would be so much better all the way around. Then perhaps you would be happy.”

You walk away from the words feeling doubt, feeling lonely, feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

Are you a stupid, silly little girl? Maybe your dreams aren’t worth dreaming? Maybe your wants and desires for you are selfish and worthless, just as he says you are.

No one else seams to notice the sting of his bite.

No one else notices what you have thought to be cruel words and actions.

You know his buttons, yet you push them repeatedly, and all that is accomplished is anger.

You beg him to stop and to see what you are showing him.

You beg him to hear you.

You have sat and told him of the hurt you have felt when he has done or said something that took a fraction of your heart.

Stupid, silly, little girl. He must be right, he is happy. He smiles, when you are not around. He says that it is you that makes him stay so far away.

You should prove to him, how much you love him,

You should help him, and offer to help him more, when ever you can.

You are so selfish, worried about what you are giving up, not getting out of life, not having the opportunity to experience, yet he carries you.

You have nothing of to call your own, and if you do, it is because he has shown you how to steal it from the world.

Stupid, silly, little girl. Do not try, do not think, do what a stupid, silly little girl should do to make sure that he won’t leave.

Being happy shouldn’t be hard, why am make it so hard? Smile, and then, you will be happy.

Don’t think of yourself, and think more about him, and you will be happy.

It is your own stupid fault, you’re not happy.

You can’t leave; you have no place to go.

Can’t make dreams come true, you shouldn’t even be dreaming them in the first place.

Stupid, silly, little girl. Don’t cry yourself to sleep, you will wake him up.

Stupid, silly, little girl. Don’t breath without permission.

Stupid, silly, little girl. Don’t dream you don’t deserve to.

Stupid, silly, little girl. Don’t think, you’re thoughts are not important

Stupid, silly, little girl. Don’t try; you will never be anyone to anybody

Stupid, silly, little girl. Don’t fight, just give in-so you can be happy


Another Piece About Living a Life of Confusion and Abuse

Believing the lies you tell to the world

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    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR

      Holly 

      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      eiddwen,

      Thanks for your comment, and I am sorry to hear that you have been in a similar situation and have felt such loss and pain due to someone who doesn’t show the respect to others that each of us deserve. I would be honored to check out your hub-thanks for letting me know about it.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 

      8 years ago from Wales

      Very moving H.C Porter. This is a subject very close to my heart and I think you dealt with it with great sensitivity. If you have a few minutes to spare maybe you would like to read my hub; 'FROM THIS MOMENT ON' I am going to rate you up as well. I have only just found you on here and I'm looking forward to readin more of your work. Take care and God Bless.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR

      Holly 

      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      maggs224,

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and to comment, and thank you so very much for the compliment and the encouragement- it truly means a lot to me-to hear such nice and positive words.

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 

      8 years ago from Sunny Spain

      A very very powerful hub, well written and it draws us into the heart of your pain in an extremely powerful way.

      I am so glad that you are coming out from under the mountain of negative rubbish that has been dumped on you in the past.

      I think you can tell from the number and types of comments that you have on this hub that the 'He' in this hub was alone in his opinions. The rest of us think that your thoughts are important and that you are already a somebody who most of us would value as a friend. I have rated you up.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR

      Holly 

      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thank you Tom :) Yes I am now much better than I was then. How does that saying go? What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger...I guess that is how I choose to categorize certain experiences that were less than fun :) Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 

      8 years ago from home

      Ok HC being a little slow I admit I wasn't sure what was going on but these comments helped me realize what was happpened and I hope everything is better now. I was in an abusive relationship- I just did not know it. As fate has it, the end of that relationship co-incided pretty much with the end of a bad relationship for my wife too- it took us a while to get together but once we did I have never been happier- hopefully once that which you wrote about ended you found your way/worth and all is better now. although all "my shoes have been male footwear" it is hard when someone you care for abuses you and rejects/mocks you . I hope all is better for you now

      TH

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR

      Holly 

      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thank you Chaotic Chica-I too have worn those shoes, I guess that would be a pretty good reason why it is true thoughts...They were once my thoughts and doubts in myself. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and leave a comment, I appreciate it very much so :)

    • Chaotic Chica profile image

      Chaotic Chica 

      8 years ago

      Spoken from a woman who has worn those shoes! You did a great job expressing what thoughts go through a victim's head! Thank you!

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR

      Holly 

      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      Alison-thank you for the comment, I am glad that you stopped by to read this hub

    • Alison Graham profile image

      Alison Graham 

      8 years ago from UK

      I found this very powerful and moving. Thank you for sharing it here.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR

      Holly 

      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thanks for reading and commenting on this one. It is sad to think that so many women in this world have such a sad reality and life. It takes courage to stand up and demand better when you are not sure if you deserve any better. I am thankful I was given hope when I needed it the most, and although I felt as though I was going to break-I survived and found a tomorrow that was a much better future than I had been dealing with.

      hc porter

    • nadiaazhar profile image

      nadiaazhar 

      8 years ago from kuwait

      hey H.C.again a nice hub.such a true picture of a woman's emotions that has been hurt and has been told that she is weak or worthless.we women spend half of our lives in proving ourselves.i can relate to this hub,so my friend you are not alone:)thanks for sharing such a true feeling!

      Cheers,nadia

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR

      Holly 

      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thanks Ladies for all of your comments. I am doing much better now. I am a stronger person today than I was before I realized that love doesnt mean giving up on who you are to make someone happy. If someone loves you-they want you to be you and that includes continuing to dream and grow as an individual.

      I actually wondered at one point in time, why any woman would ever want to be in love, all that they do is lose themselves and commit their lives to being the perfect person for a man.

      I dont believe that anymore. I believe that when someone loves me, they will be able to see me, and will be okay with who I am. and love me for my thoughts-rather than try to silence them.

      Thanks for all your comments.

      hc porter

    • blaise25 profile image

      Fehl Dungo 

      8 years ago from close to you...

      this is pretty well expressed..exhaling all the silly stupid things..hope you're better now

      thumbs up! be well :)

    • christalluna1124 profile image

      christalluna1124 

      8 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Please don't fall for the you need to treat him better lines, or that no one will want you, or that your nothing. Please read a hub I wrote called "Why are all the self help books wrote for women" If it takes two to make a relationship, why is it us who need to be fixed? Why are we the ones who shoulder the blame and responsibility for whether the relationship fails or not? Scared to go, nowhere to go....I know the feeling.

      Hang in there...You're stronger than you think.

      HAPPY HOLIDAYS,

      Chris

    • LaVieja profile image

      LaVieja 

      9 years ago from London

      No one should EVER make you feel that way. You are just as important as anyone else, and however hard it is, don't believe anyone who tells you different. They must have severe problems if the only way they can make themselves feel better is by making someone else feel worse.

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